wise words. . eitt! I. I kinda like the character of Satan, he is actually kinda admirable. He had the balls to challenge the creator of the universe. He was charismatic enough to get wise words eitt! I kinda like the character of Satan he is actually admirable He had balls to challenge creator universe was charismatic enough get
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> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
#1 - carcassofgorguts
Reply +36 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
Satan is less of a dick than God in the Old Testament too, that's the funny part. God is torturing Job, ordering deaths, and wholesale wiping out the ear with floods.

Satan is the good guy here.
User avatar #15 to #1 - angelious
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(02/14/2014) [-]
except in the old testament satan was originally just an idea of everything that is wrong with people.then turning into a servant of god who NEEDED GODS PERMISSION TO TORTURE JOBS


User avatar #154 to #1 - anonymoose
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Satan was barely mentioned in the Old Testament, when the Bible was at its most brutally honest and bloodsheddy. If he was mentioned there, he probably would have been breaking down Lots doors, taking names and raping angels.
#174 to #154 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Precisely, he didn't do **** while God ******* killed and tortured!
User avatar #179 to #174 - anonymoose
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Seeing as every time he's mentioned he's trying to destroy humanity or its saviour, I think it's safe to assume he was up to no good when he wasn't being mentioned.
User avatar #181 to #180 - anonymoose
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(02/14/2014) [-]
1. Not Satan
2. He did that to make Jesus fail his mission. He wasn't trying to help him.
3. Again, not Satan.
4. Can't take Johnny's violin, that would be too cruel
5. He actually despises humans entirely. He rose up against God because God loved humans more than angels.
6. Wait for the rapture. His goal there is to try and stop any human from being happy by marking them with the sign of the beast, thus refusing them entry to heaven.
7. Not Satan.
8. He was a character in the Bible and yes, one of the best
9. Satan doesn't punish evildoers.
10. Satan didn't make clothes
11. God wrote a book full of laws made to help humans at the time. Most of the ridiculous laws of the Old Testament are health tips made law to help people (don't eat shell fish, cut your hair, don't get tattoos, no gay sex, don't mix fabrics).
#182 to #181 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Yeah, I don't think you get the point and the snake was Satan according to many and passages in the bible themselves.

Ezekiel 28:13 says of Satan, “Thou hast been in Eden the Garden of God,”
User avatar #183 to #182 - anonymoose
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Um, God said that:
Ezekiel 18:11-13:
"11 Moreover the word of the Lord came unto me, saying,

12 Son of man, take up a lamentation upon the king of Tyrus, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord God; Thou sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty.

13 Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created."
#184 to #183 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Irrelevant. This a really pointless conversation because you missed the jokes present in that link, and I stopped going to church for a reason.   
   
God is a murderous dick. The end.
Irrelevant. This a really pointless conversation because you missed the jokes present in that link, and I stopped going to church for a reason.

God is a murderous dick. The end.
User avatar #185 to #184 - anonymoose
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(02/15/2014) [-]
I like how that quote instantly becomes irrelevant when it's not backing up what you want. When you're wrong it's irrelevant. You're no better than a Young Earth Creationist saying "Yeah, well carbon dating isn't evidence".
#186 to #185 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/15/2014) [-]
You missed what the quote said dude. You said "God said that", when what I quoted didn't say God didn't quote it. So you pointed out a pointless thing that had no bearing on it.


It says Ezekiel 28:13 SAYS OF SATAN, not "Ezekiel says".
User avatar #187 to #186 - anonymoose
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(02/15/2014) [-]
#188 to #187 - carcassofgorguts
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...wut?
User avatar #189 to #188 - anonymoose
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(02/15/2014) [-]
Satan isn't mentioned at all in that passage.
#190 to #189 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/15/2014) [-]
Okay one, you're arguing a point that at it's very base is up to interpretation, and this is directly an interpretation.

You need to login to view this link


I really don't give a **** anyway. So we're done, argue with the priest.
User avatar #191 to #190 - anonymoose
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(02/15/2014) [-]
Did you even glance at that link? It says in big bold letters "The Serpent Was Not the Devil ".

You're really bad at this.
#192 to #191 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/15/2014) [-]
I'm well aware it says that, once again, it's a ************* interpretation like you seem to completely miss that the Tyre passage is clearly about Satan and is interpreted as such quite widely.

I've had a really ******* **** day and I DON'T CARE ABOUT RELIGION, so are we done?
User avatar #193 to #192 - anonymoose
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(02/15/2014) [-]
Are we alone on Valentines day and taking our angst out on the Bible?

The King of Tyre refers to the King of Tyre. Some believe his fall shadows that of Satans, but that doesn't mean Satan is suddenly the Snake in Eden. If I'm no mistaken, Satan and the snake are both present during Revelations and they're pretty clearly different entities.
#194 to #193 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/15/2014) [-]
It clearly references Satan and Satan's fall, the whole thing is straightforward.

Some of us work on pointless greeting card holidays.

Is that cool? I really don't care, especially when you're taking this autistic view on passages meant open to interpretation. Satan as the Snake is ************* widespread whether or not it's 100% written that way. Most of the bible is open to interpretation, and it's been nearly 2 decades since I read it because **** Christianity.

So are we done? Thanks. Goodbye.
User avatar #195 to #194 - anonymoose
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(02/15/2014) [-]
No, we're not done. I love feeding on the suffering of others.

The Bible is open to interpretation, but there are people who think Jesus was Satan because Jesus said he was the morning star and Lucifers name in Hebrew means "bringer of dawn". Some interpretations are ******* stupid.
#197 to #195 - carcassofgorguts
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Didn't read lol

All done, had a real bad ******* day and you're being an autistic troll. Bye! I'll just not respond from here on.
User avatar #24 to #1 - dalokan
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(02/14/2014) [-]
God did not torture Job.

The devil torture Job because he was taunting God about Job's faith.
User avatar #57 to #24 - trystanvierra
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God killed millions of people, and Satan only killed ten with God's permission.
User avatar #157 to #57 - anonymoose
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Your average soldier has killed more people than Hitler.
User avatar #159 to #157 - trystanvierra
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Hitler was okay.
User avatar #58 to #57 - dalokan
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Noah's ark, everyone was knee-deep into sin. This includes but is not limited to murder, necrophilia, rape, etc etc.

Sodom and that other city, he gave an opportunity to save both cities if at least 10 good people where found. None weren't.

Egypt, they tried to kill Moses and the others.. Moses didn't plan on the pharaoh mobilizing his whole army just to chase them, and it was either them or the Egyptians.
User avatar #59 to #58 - trystanvierra
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God still chose to kill all of those people. Instead of living out their full lives, possibly repenting their sins later on, he chose to abruptly end their lives. Seems pretty holy to me.

As for Noah's Ark, *insert any reference to Bill Nye vs. Ken Ham debate here*.
User avatar #60 to #59 - dalokan
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Except for the fact that they didn't want to repent. They were warned plenty to stop worshiping fake gods and to repent, but none of them wanted.

It's not like god went "**** it" and made the flood.
User avatar #61 to #60 - trystanvierra
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Then that is their business. They have the free will to do so. Killing them makes God a hypocrite in that he says he wants people to live the lives they want, but kills them if they don't do as he says.
User avatar #62 to #61 - dalokan
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Well, ok then.

I
#175 to #24 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Yes he did, he stood there and went "Go ahead, ******* torture him he'll never turn on me" which makes him 100% complicit in the torture.
User avatar #176 to #175 - dalokan
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(02/14/2014) [-]
He told him to test his faith.
#177 to #176 - carcassofgorguts
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(02/14/2014) [-]
God is a genocidal madman and all around evil, jealous, petty ********. Hail Satan!
User avatar #178 to #177 - dalokan
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(02/14/2014) [-]
lol k
#2 to #1 - hates
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
Plus, I'd like to point out the rules of Satanism
User avatar #7 to #2 - agrofenlas
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
So... Do unto others as you wish to be done, and if you are treated oppositely, then do unto them as they wish to do to you? I think this is much better.
User avatar #140 to #2 - thebrownydestroyer **User deleted account**
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Well **** those seem a lot better and specific than the ten commandments.
#85 to #2 - scandaldog
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User avatar #9 to #2 - manofparody
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Correction: LaVayen Satanism. (I probably spelled that wrong.)
User avatar #10 to #9 - hellomynameisbill
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
Correction: LaVeyan
User avatar #11 to #10 - manofparody
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
Thanks. I was too lazy to google it and find out the correct way.
#135 to #2 - theplogyr
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(02/14/2014) [-]
AKA the edgy manual of angsty eighth-graders.

"acknowledge the power of magic"
"mating signal"
"destroy them"

It's just as stupid as Christianity.
#143 to #2 - xxmemosxx
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(02/14/2014) [-]
#5 to #1 - captnpl
Reply +116 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
Yeah, well Satan tried to get Jesus to turn a rock into bread.

Look me in the eye and tell me that isn't ****** up.
User avatar #6 to #5 - agrofenlas
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
Rock to bread, feed people with said bread.
How is that ****** up?
User avatar #156 to #6 - anonymoose
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(02/14/2014) [-]
It wasn't to feed people, it was to get him to break his fast and fail his mission. Satan wanted Jesus to fail, he wasn't trying to help him.
#155 to #6 - anonymoose
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#22 to #6 - anon id: 0e0c8a66
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User avatar #23 to #22 - agrofenlas
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Then explain it?
User avatar #72 to #23 - watshisface
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(02/14/2014) [-]
sarcasm
#123 to #5 - captainwow
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"Hey Jesus, turn that rock into bread and feed the hungry!"

"Sure thing, let me just- oh, good one, Satan. You almost had me going there".
#17 - anaklusmos
Reply +46 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
I kinda like the character of Satan, he is actually kinda admirable. He had the balls to challenge the creator of the universe. He was charismatic enough to get an entire third of Heaven's angels to follow him. Even when he lost he didn't give up, one of my favorite lines in all of literature is " What matter where, if I be still the same, And what I should be, all but less than he Whom thunder hath made greater? Here at least We shall be free;....." He was the first revolutionary, he challenged the system even though he had everything to lose. Satan is an anti-hero. I am not all that sure he was out to get humanity either.

Tl;dr Eh Satan was a pretty cool guy fights God and doesn't afraid of anything.
User avatar #84 to #17 - wishingwell
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(02/14/2014) [-]
hes a pretty standup guy in the Lucifer comic from Vertigo
#70 to #17 - adolfsatan
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Hail old Satan.
User avatar #112 to #17 - mcrut
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Really the point of Satan is fear, show the people that if I ask questions and defy something (which is every human's right to do) that I will burn in hell for all eternity. If you don't like the leadership and he or she is doing corruptible things, **** yeah get your ass out of there.
User avatar #145 to #17 - derksuls
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(02/14/2014) [-]
He tortures and burns his own guys in hell, quit trying to make fan-fiction of Lucifer seem good
#201 to #145 - anon id: 3774b6a9
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(02/15/2014) [-]
Yeah, Satan has never been to hell according to the scriptures.
#199 to #145 - anaklusmos
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Bro, its all fiction.
#200 to #17 - anon id: 3774b6a9
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Stan, as I like to call him, would be seen as progressive at the time of the fall, as he abandoned the status quo and thought himself equal with God. However, to be progressive in an otherwise perfect universe is to quarantine "Good" from "Evil", thereby separating God (who is perfect) from his creation (Lucifer and his followers, who are now less than perfect). The serpent then challenged us to challenge God as he did, which ended badly (by definition).

Some people would think he spawned "critical thinking". But actually it's an intellectual regression. You see, the first humans had free conversation with God. If gaining wisdom was their game then they would have just asked the knower of all things. They chose instead to directly disobey Him by doing the one thing they should not do. They COVETED his knowledge and did not SEEK it. Stan knew we shared a common weakness and convinced us to fall so that we would become more like him and less like God.

TL;DR Cannon Satan is a dick.
User avatar #78 to #17 - snakephallus
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Yeah, and Satan is the only Person I have that has all five third-tier spells.
#21 to #17 - erikstadt
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(02/14/2014) [-]
It sounds like a good plot for a movie actually.
#31 to #21 - BloodyTurds
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(02/14/2014) [-]
it sounds like the plot to monster girl quest...
User avatar #132 to #21 - thedrgonzo
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I don't know how good an adaptation of Paradise Lost could actually be though
#28 to #21 - paranoidzoid
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Bradley cooper is playing Lucifer
in the theatrical version of the story
#34 - kombee
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Well, I don't know if anyone's interested but I guess I'll write this anyway:   
In Islam, the devil wasn't an angel but was still in the ranks of the angels. He was a Jinn, a being of fire who like humans and unlike angels has agency over his actions. Albeit his fortunate status he declined God's direct order to bow to Adam, because he insisted that he was better. Because of his jealousy he bore an extreme malice towards humans, and that malice became stronger once God took away his privilage and damned because of his disobediance, his ignorance and his pride. What the devil sought out to do after that, was to try damn, hurt and otherwise lead Adam and his people astray, despite his ignorance not being Adam's fault. Basically he wanted to **** people up and make them as miserable as he is because of his own faults, and he uses every stretch of his manipulative powers to do so by speaking directly to the human heart. The devil don't care about your prayers, your pity or your sympathies because he hates you more than you've ever hated anything in your life just because you are who you are, human. Prayers don't amount to anything, his pride won't allow him to change.   
   
Think of it this way: Every ****** up person and action taken by a person in this world is partially but decisively because of the devil. Things like rape, genocide, slavery and whatever heinous crime a person can do are all something set forth from the devil. He swells in seeing people suffer like him, wether it be men, women or children. He wants to see them all die and burn in hell. When a Person is being a dick towards you, cheats on you, lie to you or in anyway hurt you for no reason, it's partially because of the devil. So while one (understandably) judges and hates rapists, pedophiles, murderers and the likes, why wouldn't one empathise with them instead of the guy who made them become the ****** up people they were, just because of his unreasonable hate?   
   
Atleast this's how muslims look at it  : )
Well, I don't know if anyone's interested but I guess I'll write this anyway:
In Islam, the devil wasn't an angel but was still in the ranks of the angels. He was a Jinn, a being of fire who like humans and unlike angels has agency over his actions. Albeit his fortunate status he declined God's direct order to bow to Adam, because he insisted that he was better. Because of his jealousy he bore an extreme malice towards humans, and that malice became stronger once God took away his privilage and damned because of his disobediance, his ignorance and his pride. What the devil sought out to do after that, was to try damn, hurt and otherwise lead Adam and his people astray, despite his ignorance not being Adam's fault. Basically he wanted to **** people up and make them as miserable as he is because of his own faults, and he uses every stretch of his manipulative powers to do so by speaking directly to the human heart. The devil don't care about your prayers, your pity or your sympathies because he hates you more than you've ever hated anything in your life just because you are who you are, human. Prayers don't amount to anything, his pride won't allow him to change.

Think of it this way: Every ****** up person and action taken by a person in this world is partially but decisively because of the devil. Things like rape, genocide, slavery and whatever heinous crime a person can do are all something set forth from the devil. He swells in seeing people suffer like him, wether it be men, women or children. He wants to see them all die and burn in hell. When a Person is being a dick towards you, cheats on you, lie to you or in anyway hurt you for no reason, it's partially because of the devil. So while one (understandably) judges and hates rapists, pedophiles, murderers and the likes, why wouldn't one empathise with them instead of the guy who made them become the ****** up people they were, just because of his unreasonable hate?

Atleast this's how muslims look at it : )
#49 to #34 - xbyronx
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#117 to #49 - forett
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Really?...
#96 to #34 - kez
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(02/14/2014) [-]
Not like its real though.

Forget about it. Be kind and be happy
#92 to #34 - ohgodmysides
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Just one question remains.   
   
Why the **** doesn't God just remove Devil?   
 Does he like it the way it is?    
 Or is he unable?
Just one question remains.

Why the **** doesn't God just remove Devil?
Does he like it the way it is?
Or is he unable?
#95 to #92 - anon id: f819a1c1
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The same reason he doesn't just "remove" us.
Satan, like us, is still God's creation. Maybe there is hope for Satan's salvation, or maybe He wants to keep him around so that we can know what evil brings.

God's perfectly capable of doing what He wants. But you shouldn't always do things just because you can.
User avatar #202 to #95 - ohgodmysides
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(02/15/2014) [-]
No seriously:
The Devil is responsible for ALL THE EVIL since the BEGINNING of TIME
and God is like "well, maybe he is getting good, someday, probably, maybe?"
What was it with that allknowing-thingy?

Why does God just let thousands and thousands of generations of people suffer just for the Devil's sake? Or just so "we know what evil brings"?
If I understood that text correctly, then there wouldn't be evil to begin with, without satan, and all would just be happy.

That's like going up to a healthy person and giving her aids, just so he/she can now how much it sucks.
Doesn't sound all too loving either...
User avatar #122 to #34 - thereoncewasaman
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That's an interesting way of looking at it, but I think it is really ****** up to have a religion that says "If anything bad happens the devil has something to do with it." Totally absolves people of responsibility for their actions. "It wasn't my fault the devil influenced me and made me do it. I hate that ****.
User avatar #134 to #122 - applesdontpee
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i think there's more to it than that, or at least that second paragraph was kombee's interpretation. My parents are Muslim, but I am not. I'm not educated in the story of it, but the first paragraph is definitely familiar.

Muslims obviously believe that a person is responsible for the bad things he/she does. I think there's just more in the story/belief system than what kombee wrote.
User avatar #172 to #122 - kombee
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Yeah, I see what you mean but I think you've misunderstood it a bit. Like applesdontpee says, no one is really absolved from responsibility in Islam. If one decides to follow the devil it's his/her fault, meaning that the actions would also be his or her fault. It's just also the devils fault, so the two would be at fault here; the devil leading him, and the human who let's himself be lead. What the devil does is make it harder for a person to do good and avoid bad, but muslims believe it's like that for everyone so there's really no reason to treat people as incapable of doing bad, when others can do good perfectly fine.

Muslims believe that everything is on you, so every thing you willingly do, wether good or bad, is someting you'll be accounted for yourself once you die, seperately from the devil and anyone else. You'll of course be excused from everything you don't do willingly, as long as you're sorry about it. Like e.g. if you kick a puppy-dog in your sleep, it won't count as a cruel act since you didn't do it on purpose. If you willingly kicked the puppy-dog while being aware of it because you got the idea to it from the devil perhaps , it would count as a cruel act, from a muslim perspective.
#124 to #34 - captainwow
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(02/14/2014) [-]
He also looks like this.
#128 to #34 - anon id: 85716e7e
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
let me hit you with some knowledge: islam is fake and that is all a made up story made by your ********** ancestors
#151 to #34 - anon id: b49cc782
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Except that is the Islamic belief and not the Judeo-Christian belief. Aside from the fact that it is not the belief of just about any other religion. I , personally, am a practicing Catholic simply because that is what my family practices. I also observe the Cherokee beliefs because I am 1/4 Cherokee.

The Cherokees had a strong belief that there were certain beings who came down from the skies formed the world, the moon and the stars. It was believed that the world was created at the time of the new moon of autumn, when the fruits of the earth were ripe. In the Cherokee religion the sun appears to have been the principal object of worship. The Cherokee's would pray to the sun to bring abundant crops and good health. The Cherokee Indians held a festival called the new Moon Festival in which they paid honor to the moon.



User avatar #171 to #151 - kombee
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Yeah, it's the muslim belief that's why I wrote "In Islam...", but I see how Mark Twain would probably talk about the judeo-christian view of satan. Just thought I'd share the muslim view as well since I'm somewhat knowledgable about it.

Very interesting belief the cherokees had. It kinda reminds me of the Aboriginal world-view and to a degree the hindu son worshippers. Funnily enough, that idea wouldn't necassarily collide with the muslim worldview either, since (to my knowledge atleast) it isn't specified in too much detail how everything was created, just that it was created from God. Those beings could've been God's agents in a hypothetical muslim-cherokee's perspective lol.
#162 to #34 - anon id: b7994655
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You're last sentence don't please me.
The story is great, whether it's true or false. But I'm sorry to tell you that muslims don't think the way you tell toward people who worship other god/gods/nothing.

And I think it's too easy to pass the error one someone else, devil or not.

Also I could as much as you write some paragraphs about islam being an "art of war", don't forget that the early writings was just a diplomatic form to slaughter countries around. Always the same mistake, pass the sins on a book, a fictional character.

Actually, I think this is kind of smart. But not deserving of respect.
I know, my english is not perfect.
User avatar #169 to #162 - kombee
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Well, I'm a muslim and I can confirm that I atleast think that way. Also, I didn't pass the error wholly on the devil, that's why I said "partialy but decisively" his fault. As in, it's also the humans fault for following the devils misleading (to varying degrees depending on circumstances and other variables).

I respect your opinion though, I wasn't trying to force this on anyone. I was merely enlightining people about how most muslims see the devil comparatively.
That's fine, as long as you try it's good enough
User avatar #126 to #34 - thebrownydestroyer **User deleted account**
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It's kind of understandable that he's so pissed. It's like my dad making me bow down to an ant or something, then slapping me in the face because I think it's weird and stupid to bow down to something like said ant.
User avatar #170 to #126 - kombee
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I get what you mean but... I mean God did create the devil and the humans. He'd know who had to bow to who more than anyone else, and what worth they were respectively I'd presume. In fact, the reason why he had to bow to Adam wasn't because he was human (although he was) but because he was the fore-father and of all humans and therefore the beginning of everything to come (although no one but God knew this at the time). Adam represented every single human being, and the devil wouldn't recognize this. He'd rather assume that God was wrong in asserting him to bow to Adam, than eat his pride and do it.

Also, in Islam the devil isn't worth much. The best he can muster is mislead and hide, otherwise he's one of the weakest beings in this world if not the weakest, although he might've been otherwise before he was damned by God. A human is not at all like an ant to a Jinn, they're equal and even if they weren't every life is sacred in Islam. Reason why the devil had to bow to Adam, is the same reason why a noble man would bow to a king; because of the responsibility, power, fortune etc. he has, and this is especially so with Adam since his privilage was granted from God himself, not a fabrication like kings in middle-earth.
User avatar #63 to #34 - blackscales
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I've heard that before too, but I swore it was from another religion...Research time.

Also, this sounds very similar to the story of Lilith
User avatar #97 to #63 - ariplayer
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this is islam. i can confirm, since i am a desert dweller as well
#36 - eternalvoid
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#37 to #36 - eternalvoid
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#40 to #39 - eternalvoid
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#41 to #40 - eternalvoid
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User avatar #43 to #41 - Proximity
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Lucifer/Satan does not punish sinning.
Hell is as much his punishment as it is any other person's

I see that post a lot, thought I should mention that.
User avatar #77 to #43 - ScottP
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But in that way doesn't he bring down every other sinner with him?
User avatar #79 to #77 - Proximity
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He doesn't bring down sinners, he brings down the good people who would have otherwise never sinned. He is the creator of "temptation", or so the scripture says if I recall correctly.
User avatar #80 to #79 - ScottP
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But if those people were "good" and the have free will, then it is entirely their responsibility to bear.
User avatar #81 to #80 - Proximity
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Don't blame me, I'm atheist. My mother's the Christian scholar.

Although there is a lot to be said about the part temptation plays.
You can easily have a "good" student. Studious, moral, and easy-going.
And if no other influences come into play, that won't change. But let's say you're a popular guy and you like the student. This student is a decent fellow. You? You're... less than decent.
You drink, you smoke, and you get bad grades. You are friends with the good student and you push drinking and smoking on them, becuase it's something you enjoy and you like sharing with your buddy. Peer pressure, that's temptation.

And wouldn't you say that the person who pushes drugs on others is "bad"?

Not the best example, but you can apply it in plenty of ways. You can make "good" people do "bad" things. Most would say that doing so would make you bad, often more bad than the person you influenced.
User avatar #82 to #81 - ScottP
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I suppose it's a matter on how detailed and on the perspective of the given situation
#86 to #80 - anon id: 4aed95e4
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And that's where Jesus comes into play, he bore the punishment so we shouldn't have too. John 3:16-17
User avatar #74 to #43 - eternalvoid
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true, reposted this without thinking about it, thanks for pointing it out!
User avatar #73 to #43 - captainfuckitall
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That's only in Catholicism. In Protestant faith (I think), he actually rules hell.
User avatar #168 to #41 - anonymoose
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I'm bored and I love playing Devils Advocate in religious things so, I'll respond to these:
1. There is no reason to believe the snake in the garden was Satan.
2. Satan offered Jesus food to make him fail his mission as a suffering servant of humanity. He wanted Jesus to fail his mission on earth, he couldn't have care less about Jesus's suffering.
3. Satan despises humans. His final act on earth is to make as much people turn away from God and be denied eternal happiness. He would probably gladly kill every human.
4. See #1. He didn't gove us sentience
5. I agree with that one. He is pretty interesting
6. That's not Satan punishing evildoers.
User avatar #71 to #39 - ratking
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Well, seeing as evil is a human concept, if we didn't have sentience, there would not be any evil in the world, just nature.
User avatar #25 - dalokan
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Everyone seems to think that Satan is or was another sinner.

Hell naws.

He was an archangel, Lucifer, to be exact. He was the most powerful angel God had created. The reason he was the most powerful angel was because God gave him free will. Sometime, Somehow, Satan got fed up with God, and led a revolt with 1/3 of the angels in heaven. God and the other angels fought them, and he casted them into hell (The eternal burning pit).

As it goes, we were created after that. However, Satan was still a little pissy at God (A lot actually) and so he set out to corrupt us, humans. Since he was condemned to burn forever, he figured we might as well.
User avatar #29 to #25 - yunoavailable
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so he had free will and sinned against God by revolting against him
User avatar #52 to #25 - trystanvierra
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What if Satan realized that God was a malevolent dictator and wanted to help people? We really have no way of really knowing. As they say, "history is written by the victor."
#76 to #52 - anon id: 4aed95e4
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"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" - Jesus Christ (Son of God/God made flesh)

Sorta seems like the opposite of malevolent....
User avatar #133 to #76 - trystanvierra
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>Implying everything written in the Bible is true.
User avatar #53 to #52 - dalokan
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Bwahaha, okay kid, whatever you say.
User avatar #56 to #53 - trystanvierra
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You do know your entire source is a 2,000 year old book that has gone through at least a hundred translations from several different dead languages. Not only that but early on, Constantine decided to pull out the books he didn't like out because it didn't follow what he wanted the people to believe.
User avatar #64 to #56 - tkfourtwoone
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Actually the source is closer to a 5000 year book. AFAIK there is no actual story about Lucifer's downfall in the christian Bible.
The original "bible" story is Jewish. "Satan" itself is a Jewish word for "adversary" or "nemesis". So you're welcome to take a wild guess just how many times their Torah (or "sacred scrolls" or whatever) has been translated.
User avatar #65 to #64 - trystanvierra
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2,000 years old if you're talking about the Christian Bible (which includes the Torah) because of the compiling (and editing) of books by Constantine. And I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that the Hebrew language has changed over 5,000 years. The English language has only been around for 500 years and has already gone through dramatic changes.
User avatar #66 to #65 - tkfourtwoone
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On a side note, it always amuses me how some Christian right-winged extremists are, obviously, very anti-semite... even though without Jewish faith/religion, there would be no Christianity or Islam (that's also why I really wish deep inside of me Judaism never happened... I'm 99% convinced the world would have been a better place, overall).

What is more interesting, however, that SOME manuscripts/tales/religions/call them whatever have survived without being altered much over a similar timespan. Think about China and India. AFAIK the Hindi religion hasn't changed much, if at all.
User avatar #67 to #66 - trystanvierra
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With Ancient Chinese stories, it is very difficult to translate because the characters lacked plural meaning. When someone wrote "tree" it could either mean "one tree", "many trees", or "there's a ******* of trees". And so begins the trouble of translations.
User avatar #68 to #67 - trystanvierra
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And I agree. Judaism shouldn't have happened.
User avatar #54 to #25 - trystanvierra
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Wait... Hold the goddamned phone. So he gave Lucifer free will. Then he turned around and gave humanity free will after experiencing how successful he was the first time? Then creates religion so it would limit our free will?
User avatar #55 to #54 - dalokan
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No, he didn't "gave" us free will per se. What he made Eve and Adam win was the perception of right and wrong. They had free will, as in they were free to do whatever the hell they wished on Eden.

He knew if Adam and Eve knew the difference, they would be thrown out. Only beings that don't have free will are angels and arch-angels.
User avatar #88 to #25 - thedarksanta
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"He was an archangel, Lucifer, to be exact. He was the most powerful angel God had created. The reason he was the most powerful angel was because God gave him free will"

So, by implication, none of the other angels had free will? Again, by implication, this means that they were completely under God's control, and wouldn't say boo to a goose if He told them it would offend Him?

So, Satan/Lucifer/Flaming Nippes was powerful enough to actually break this lack of free will that God had placed ona third of the angels.

This Almighty Creator, this Omnipotent being who is aware of everything, can do anything...actually had his magic spell broken on a 1/3rd of his creations by the act of 1 being with his own free will?

And people say God loves us? ********, God is scared of us, if he does exist. One being with free will corrupted his first, incorruptible (in theory) beings. How is he going to stand up against 7 billion of us?
User avatar #94 to #88 - dalokan
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He can just do another flood, silly.

He did it with Noah, and made him do an ark.

You must be really delusional if you think he can't level this planet, this universe, to the ground.
User avatar #100 to #94 - thedarksanta
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Well, as I'm pretty sure he doesn't exist (or, at least, the Judeo-Christian-Islamic...or any other known way) anyway, what he allegedly can and can't do means nothing. I just look at what is spouted to us - "He's omnipotent! He loves you! Do what he says or be punished!" - and then use the so called "evidence" that is used to prove to people that he can do so much, to prove he can't.

For instance, we've been taught, from the teaching of this Jesus dude, that God loves everyone, and he is the one true God. And yet, in the Old Testament, we're told not to "worship any other God, for I am a jealous god". Again, this implies that there is a possibility of other gods (if so, then why is he the only omnipotent one?). And if he is so insecure about what his creations are doing, why is he trying to hard to convince he is a ncie, caring God and should do what he says, otherwise there will be consequences?

I could list some more facts (allegedly), observations and contradictions within a really old book that disprove the legitimacy of this so called God's claim. As I said in the previous post, this particular Western God fears what he has created, because we have the ability to do so much more than we are led to believe this so called omnipotent God. This in my mind, despite being on FunnyJunk, makes humans that much better and ******* brilliant beings.

*tips fedora with that euphoric feel*
User avatar #111 to #100 - dalokan
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It is a waste of time for me, to discuss something you don't believe in.
User avatar #136 to #25 - holywarstpd
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He was actually pissed at God because God wanted to give humanity free will, and Lucifer was jelly, because he wouldn't be special anymore.
User avatar #27 to #25 - dalokan
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And so, he made Eve commit the original sin, to eat the forbidden fruit. As soon as she did this, she condemned both Adam and herself to live in earth ( Gen 3: 14 - 20) where the fruits had to be worked for, and blar blar blar.

Can't do a TL: DR of this, sorry. If you want to skip it, go ahead, I made it as short as I could.
User avatar #42 to #27 - Gandalfthewhite
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how'd he do that in hell though? that bit always confused me
User avatar #44 to #42 - Proximity
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As far as I know, he isn't condemned to the lake of fire until after the rise and fall of the antichrist, which Biblically has yet to happen.
User avatar #47 to #44 - Gandalfthewhite
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wait hang on so does that mean he can roam about earth as he likes?
User avatar #48 to #47 - Proximity
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If my memory serves, Satan exists to influence humanity to turn from God and until the End, Satan will continue to do so.

Satan does not "physically" exist. He is an influence.
That said, the antichrist almost always exists, physically. As Bible details that Satan will try and fail to use the antichrist to take over throughout time. It is not until the end, after the rapture, that an antichrist will finally rise up and take over. Following this will be some years of peace and prosperity, before the apocalypse.

That's the extent of Satan's "existence" to my knowledge of Christianity.
User avatar #46 to #44 - Gandalfthewhite
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Dante lied to me then
#30 to #27 - keroberios
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Now, they say he's such a bad person, but you have to look at it from his perspective. Lucifer didn't want us to have free will, so we would automatically get back into heaven, but God believed we would be able to do it on our own.
Lucifer, after being cast out, convinced Eve to eat the apple so humanity would know all, not just the window God wanted us to look through. (Regardless of the fact that God, being omnipotent would have known before he even started to create the universe exactly hew the "Tree of Knowledge" situation would turn out.)
Not only did he pull it off, but being the second most powerful entity in the universe he also created a religion. He laid out the rules in clear, definite lines to strip away our free will. We MUST do these things, or else we too will not get to return to the domain of God. Instead we will be cast down to hell with Lucifer to envy those that returned to the homeland.
He dutifully plays the roll of the bad guy because everyone can always rally against a common enemy. It's simple; if he is a good guy, who will be there to crush mans head like sparrows egg between thighs?
He might be "bad guy", but that doesn't mean he's a bad guy.

Alright, now lets close out with the bad guy affirmation.

"I am bad, and that's good.
I will never be good, and that's not bad.
There is no one I'd rather be than me."

Good meeting everyone, same time next week.
User avatar #45 to #30 - dalokan
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Not really.

He simply hated humans to the point he didn't want them to live in Eden (Paradise).

He's not doing it for betterment of humanking nor because he's looking for us. He simply did it because he knew humans would be cursed to suffer because of the original sin.

He's also not playing the good guy. Thing is, God still controls him.
#141 to #30 - lotro
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I'm a little conflicted as to why you didn't use this image instead of Zangief
#87 to #30 - anon id: f819a1c1
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Satan, being the opposite to God, hates God's creation as well. He made Eve sin because he wants us to suffer and be separated from our creator. Now that we are corrupt with sin, we are incapable of living a mortal life with God.

He's not trying to help humanity at all. In fact, he hates us, and that's why he constantly tempts us all so that we will burn in his inferno for eternity. Meanwhile, God is allowing us to reconcile our sins so that we may be with Him in Paradise. But, He does not force you to love Him because we have free will.
God created the forbidden tree for a reason. Our existence now is a result of the wrong choice.
User avatar #14 - xXCorpitoXx
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Satan is damned
It is pointless to pray for the damned since it is no longer possible for them to make it to heaven
To become damned you have to commit an unforgivable sin.
I was told damned people lose protection from God. I've heard you can literally feel it the moment you become damned, like something just left your body.
Damned souls usually lose their minds and end up in asylums or die only weeks after.
I've heard some priests have attempted to pray for damned souls and heard a voice in their head telling them "Don't pray for them, leave them be." or something along those lines
All damned will burn in the Lake of Fire.
Unlike in hell where demons torture humans. The Lake of Fire is much worse and demons and humans will burn together along with Lucifer.
Lucifer's main purpose is to take as many humans as he can along with him.
His hatred for mankind is beyond comprehension
So uhhh yeah if Lucifer found out you prayed for him he would probably laugh his ass off
#16 to #14 - anaklusmos
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I feel like you're taking this all a bit too seriously.
#20 to #16 - xXCorpitoXx
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Well the post itself is about Mark Twain wondering why no one prays for Satan.   
And i just had to give a very detailed reason as to why.
Well the post itself is about Mark Twain wondering why no one prays for Satan.
And i just had to give a very detailed reason as to why.
User avatar #107 - whiplasher
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God created an army of slaves. Angels, which were mindless beings which could do nothing but worship God. Satan just wanted that "free will" christians talk so much about and share the free will with other angels. For that, he was damned to hell.

Then God created humans. Again, mindless drones which could do nothing but worship God all day erry'day. And then Lucifer came and gave humans free will.

Hell, I don't even believe in God or Lucifer. But the Bible is a collection of symbols.
#108 to #107 - anon id: f819a1c1
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Uhm, no. If God created humans as worship drones, we would be incapable of being tempted by Satan. God told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit. They had the choice to obey or disobey, and therefore they had free will.
Satan merely tempted that free will so that they would gain the knowledge of disobedience and be separated from God.
User avatar #109 to #108 - whiplasher
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Just a question. Why did God create us? He made us just to worship him. We had no purpose but to thrive and worship him. Lucifer planted the seed of free will in us by showing us that we can actually do something that is against God's will.
User avatar #118 to #109 - grampian
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maybe its the other way round. we created god, a metaphor for the structured peace and simplicity that the garden society provided. Lucifer on the other hand represents our innate desire to branch out and evolve through knowledge. we worship simple mindedness/god (like how easy babies have it) and curse our knowledge/lucifer, knowing we'll never have the good ol' days back. Like you said; symbols, man.
User avatar #127 to #118 - whiplasher
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I think our theories can work together. While, indeed, man made God, the Bible has been constantly altered throughout history. The initial Genesis changed drastically from the present-day Genesis. It might have been altered in order to say certain messages which might not bode well with the traditional christian beliefs.
#114 to #107 - thebrownydestroyer **User deleted account**
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User avatar #116 to #114 - whiplasher
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Lucifer was God's greatest angel, an Archangel. He was the second most powerful being ever. Must mean something, I guess.

Although I don't know when did he escape any prison.
User avatar #137 to #116 - wellimnotsure
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It actually refers to him as the "most beautiful angel" his name means I believe "morning star" Most powerful? no. Michael is depicted as the right hand of god, and commanding his armies, as such he is seen as the most powerful being next to god.
User avatar #139 to #137 - whiplasher
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I might be wrong, of course. I have read the Bible, but a long time ago. But I do not recall the Bible mentioning Michael in the Genesis. And I'm pretty sure it mentioned Lucifer being second to God. My guess is that, during the Genesis, Lucifer was the most powerful angel. After the fall, God made Michael the most powerful. Just a theory, though. I'll probably check an actual Bible though.
User avatar #138 to #137 - wellimnotsure
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He's also the one who actually does the smiting of lucifer
User avatar #120 to #116 - thebrownydestroyer **User deleted account**
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By prison I mean Hell, somehow he was able to jump out and start talking to people. Still even though he was the highest of all the angels, i'm not sure why God would make one capable enough to be a threat.
User avatar #125 to #120 - whiplasher
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I don't know. The Bible didn't tell the whole story, a lot of it has changed (remember Lilith and Samael?). Maybe Satan uses ways God is afraid to use, or cannot use.
User avatar #115 to #107 - thebrownydestroyer **User deleted account**
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You know i'm starting to get the feeling that Satan is a God aswell. He escaped from a prison made by God without him knowing a ******* thing, nor can he do anything about him constantly tempting us. Plus the fact that he started a whole war against God and didn't lose instantly. I'm not sure what to feel about religion myself but if was a believer I would be certain that Lucifer is a God too.
User avatar #13 - ROFL
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eight graders
#90 - windsong
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I honestly did do that as a kid. Mostly I talked to Satan about asking for forgiveness and changing his ways. That he knew he'd lose, so why not just stop now? I talked a good bit while pacing around the room. Ah, kid things...
I honestly did do that as a kid. Mostly I talked to Satan about asking for forgiveness and changing his ways. That he knew he'd lose, so why not just stop now? I talked a good bit while pacing around the room. Ah, kid things...
User avatar #121 to #90 - thebrownydestroyer **User deleted account**
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I always used to think that if he said sorry to God or something it would be all good, i'd probably forgive him after a few thousand years.
#83 - tastycupcakes
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mark twain. what a ******* boss of thought.