Ill be 28 years old in August this year, and I'm still a virgin. I've struggled with losing weight my whole life. I'm 6'1 and 250 pounds. The one time I starved myself for a few months and got down to 220 from 270, no one even noticed. The girl who said she loved me turned out to be lying because she has emotional disorders and was afraid that if I didn't think she was interested then I wouldn't be her friend. 2 years later and now we're not friends anymore. I'm poor. I suffer from depression and I think about suicide every day. I'm cold. It's been over -20 for past few days and I have to live in an old wood stove heated home that's more like a cabin. Been living here for almost 3 years because I can't afford regular rent. I keep finding work then losing it by forces beyond my control. I was at Zellers and Target and both companies closed in Canada. Our landlord is senile and keeps asking for moe money to cover our electricity, and keeps claiming we use over a thousand dollars every month for electricity when we don't even have heat, just 2 computers and a toaster oven. My current job leaves me self empolyed and it's so slow that I made less then 200 last month, and my half of the rent is 325, plus bills, credit card debt, car insurance, and car payments that I've been doing for 6 years and still haven't paid off yet. I can't get a line of credit because I'm self employed and I have too much debt. I was raised in a strict christian household that condemned dating or even hanging out with friends from school, so I don't fit in with crowds and have no skills with girls. The same upbringing discouraged post secondary education in exchange for volunteering in religious activities, so I never even tried to get a scholarship. Now I can't afford school, can't hold a decent job, can't afford to live somewhere nice or be warm. We'll run out of wood by tomorrow and it costs too much to buy more. We might not be able to find another place to live because no one will let us sign a lease in our current condition. My roommate is a shut in who spends his life on his computer and only works enough to pay rent , and is living off his savings. He can't even talk to people so I have to do literally everything. He won't do work outside so I'm stuck cutting grass or shoveling snow alone. He doesn't have credit cards, a cell phone, or a car, or even a drivers license, but since we're friends I let him live me, also cuz I needed help with rent. Now I'm stuck with looking after him and I can't leave without throwing him under a bus. I'm considered a complete failure in both the real world and in the religious one my parents wanted me to be in. I'm already starting to bald and I have a bad back from bad jobs from the past. I keep contemplating how I'm gonna hook a hose up to my car exhaust and kill myself by carbon monoxide poisoning, or just hang myself in the tree outside. I've never celebrated any holiday or even my own birthday or the birthdays of anyone I know because it was against my religion. My parents seem to think I'm doing it to myself and claim all I have to do is lose my roommate, my cats, and all my possessions, move in with them, and suddenly everything will be ok, but I have to live by their rules and standards. My whole life I've tried to be independent but I just can't. It's not in my nature to ask for help but I'm always giving it. I would rather kill myself then have to rely on financial assistance. I used to be considered talented in a few different ways but now that I'm older, those talents are meaningless. I used to enjoy writing music and songs but now I just can't. I'm sleeping in more and more and I've suffered from severe migraines my whole life, which always happen randomly and cost me a lot of days off work for which I never get compensated.
That's most of it. I've already come to terms that if I can't find somewhere else to live by the end of this month I am ending it. I even have a song in mind to listen to as I die.

Air on the G Strong by Bach

Hang in there.

I've been dealing with major depression and anxiety since I was a teen. I've dealt with the delightful side effects of sleep disorders, random bouts of weird mental and physical health issues, getting my weight stuck at about 300 pounds after I wrecked my knee, and of course losing multiple jobs and dropping out of college.

I'm in my 30s now, and I found someone a few years ago who loves me, "warts and all" as the saying goes.

I've been there, on that psychological precepice, ready to check out, but hope won out in the critical moments and I gave it another day. I'm glad I did, or I never would have met that one person who makes me feel good about myself, who makes me feel like I am worth a damn.

Not every day is perfect, but I'm still glad I didn't check out early. Stay with us, phantompaladin. Things might not get better today or tomorrow, but don't give up.

string*

are you prepared for a really long post

Lay it on me fam

Ill be 28 years old in August this year, and I'm still a virgin. I've struggled with losing weight my whole life. I'm 6'1 and 250 pounds. The one time I starved myself for a few months and got down to 220 from 270, no one even noticed. The girl who said she loved me turned out to be lying because she has emotional disorders and was afraid that if I didn't think she was interested then I wouldn't be her friend. 2 years later and now we're not friends anymore. I'm poor. I suffer from depression and I think about suicide every day. I'm cold. It's been over -20 for past few days and I have to live in an old wood stove heated home that's more like a cabin. Been living here for almost 3 years because I can't afford regular rent. I keep finding work then losing it by forces beyond my control. I was at Zellers and Target and both companies closed in Canada. Our landlord is senile and keeps asking for moe money to cover our electricity, and keeps claiming we use over a thousand dollars every month for electricity when we don't even have heat, just 2 computers and a toaster oven. My current job leaves me self empolyed and it's so slow that I made less then 200 last month, and my half of the rent is 325, plus bills, credit card debt, car insurance, and car payments that I've been doing for 6 years and still haven't paid off yet. I can't get a line of credit because I'm self employed and I have too much debt. I was raised in a strict christian household that condemned dating or even hanging out with friends from school, so I don't fit in with crowds and have no skills with girls. The same upbringing discouraged post secondary education in exchange for volunteering in religious activities, so I never even tried to get a scholarship. Now I can't afford school, can't hold a decent job, can't afford to live somewhere nice or be warm. We'll run out of wood by tomorrow and it costs too much to buy more. We might not be able to find another place to live because no one will let us sign a lease in our current condition. My roommate is a shut in who spends his life on his computer and only works enough to pay rent , and is living off his savings. He can't even talk to people so I have to do literally everything. He won't do work outside so I'm stuck cutting grass or shoveling snow alone. He doesn't have credit cards, a cell phone, or a car, or even a drivers license, but since we're friends I let him live me, also cuz I needed help with rent. Now I'm stuck with looking after him and I can't leave without throwing him under a bus. I'm considered a complete failure in both the real world and in the religious one my parents wanted me to be in. I'm already starting to bald and I have a bad back from bad jobs from the past. I keep contemplating how I'm gonna hook a hose up to my car exhaust and kill myself by carbon monoxide poisoning, or just hang myself in the tree outside. I've never celebrated any holiday or even my own birthday or the birthdays of anyone I know because it was against my religion. My parents seem to think I'm doing it to myself and claim all I have to do is lose my roommate, my cats, and all my possessions, move in with them, and suddenly everything will be ok, but I have to live by their rules and standards. My whole life I've tried to be independent but I just can't. It's not in my nature to ask for help but I'm always giving it. I would rather kill myself then have to rely on financial assistance. I used to be considered talented in a few different ways but now that I'm older, those talents are meaningless. I used to enjoy writing music and songs but now I just can't. I'm sleeping in more and more and I've suffered from severe migraines my whole life, which always happen randomly and cost me a lot of days off work for which I never get compensated.
That's most of it. I've already come to terms that if I can't find somewhere else to live by the end of this month I am ending it. I even have a song in mind to listen to as I die.

Air on the G Strong by Bach

Hang in there.

I've been dealing with major depression and anxiety since I was a teen. I've dealt with the delightful side effects of sleep disorders, random bouts of weird mental and physical health issues, getting my weight stuck at about 300 pounds after I wrecked my knee, and of course losing multiple jobs and dropping out of college.

I'm in my 30s now, and I found someone a few years ago who loves me, "warts and all" as the saying goes.

I've been there, on that psychological precepice, ready to check out, but hope won out in the critical moments and I gave it another day. I'm glad I did, or I never would have met that one person who makes me feel good about myself, who makes me feel like I am worth a damn.

Not every day is perfect, but I'm still glad I didn't check out early. Stay with us, phantompaladin. Things might not get better today or tomorrow, but don't give up.

string*

das fuyqin gansta

no

so what's the matter then?

are you prepared for a really long post

Lay it on me fam

Ill be 28 years old in August this year, and I'm still a virgin. I've struggled with losing weight my whole life. I'm 6'1 and 250 pounds. The one time I starved myself for a few months and got down to 220 from 270, no one even noticed. The girl who said she loved me turned out to be lying because she has emotional disorders and was afraid that if I didn't think she was interested then I wouldn't be her friend. 2 years later and now we're not friends anymore. I'm poor. I suffer from depression and I think about suicide every day. I'm cold. It's been over -20 for past few days and I have to live in an old wood stove heated home that's more like a cabin. Been living here for almost 3 years because I can't afford regular rent. I keep finding work then losing it by forces beyond my control. I was at Zellers and Target and both companies closed in Canada. Our landlord is senile and keeps asking for moe money to cover our electricity, and keeps claiming we use over a thousand dollars every month for electricity when we don't even have heat, just 2 computers and a toaster oven. My current job leaves me self empolyed and it's so slow that I made less then 200 last month, and my half of the rent is 325, plus bills, credit card debt, car insurance, and car payments that I've been doing for 6 years and still haven't paid off yet. I can't get a line of credit because I'm self employed and I have too much debt. I was raised in a strict christian household that condemned dating or even hanging out with friends from school, so I don't fit in with crowds and have no skills with girls. The same upbringing discouraged post secondary education in exchange for volunteering in religious activities, so I never even tried to get a scholarship. Now I can't afford school, can't hold a decent job, can't afford to live somewhere nice or be warm. We'll run out of wood by tomorrow and it costs too much to buy more. We might not be able to find another place to live because no one will let us sign a lease in our current condition. My roommate is a shut in who spends his life on his computer and only works enough to pay rent , and is living off his savings. He can't even talk to people so I have to do literally everything. He won't do work outside so I'm stuck cutting grass or shoveling snow alone. He doesn't have credit cards, a cell phone, or a car, or even a drivers license, but since we're friends I let him live me, also cuz I needed help with rent. Now I'm stuck with looking after him and I can't leave without throwing him under a bus. I'm considered a complete failure in both the real world and in the religious one my parents wanted me to be in. I'm already starting to bald and I have a bad back from bad jobs from the past. I keep contemplating how I'm gonna hook a hose up to my car exhaust and kill myself by carbon monoxide poisoning, or just hang myself in the tree outside. I've never celebrated any holiday or even my own birthday or the birthdays of anyone I know because it was against my religion. My parents seem to think I'm doing it to myself and claim all I have to do is lose my roommate, my cats, and all my possessions, move in with them, and suddenly everything will be ok, but I have to live by their rules and standards. My whole life I've tried to be independent but I just can't. It's not in my nature to ask for help but I'm always giving it. I would rather kill myself then have to rely on financial assistance. I used to be considered talented in a few different ways but now that I'm older, those talents are meaningless. I used to enjoy writing music and songs but now I just can't. I'm sleeping in more and more and I've suffered from severe migraines my whole life, which always happen randomly and cost me a lot of days off work for which I never get compensated.
That's most of it. I've already come to terms that if I can't find somewhere else to live by the end of this month I am ending it. I even have a song in mind to listen to as I die.

Air on the G Strong by Bach

Hang in there.

I've been dealing with major depression and anxiety since I was a teen. I've dealt with the delightful side effects of sleep disorders, random bouts of weird mental and physical health issues, getting my weight stuck at about 300 pounds after I wrecked my knee, and of course losing multiple jobs and dropping out of college.

I'm in my 30s now, and I found someone a few years ago who loves me, "warts and all" as the saying goes.

I've been there, on that psychological precepice, ready to check out, but hope won out in the critical moments and I gave it another day. I'm glad I did, or I never would have met that one person who makes me feel good about myself, who makes me feel like I am worth a damn.

Not every day is perfect, but I'm still glad I didn't check out early. Stay with us, phantompaladin. Things might not get better today or tomorrow, but don't give up.

string*