First of, you want to do third person for this kind of work. Only codexs and rulebooks get third person. Also, try for a central character, a captain is a simple and easy choice, though a librarian is another one thats interesting. Start mid-combat, i love ones that just throw you into the thick of combat. Another good one is a veteran warrior recounting tales, as popular with the space wolves series, though you would need to make a note of some kind of heritage made rtiual from there planet.

this is my draft. hopefully you'll see my story when its done. well any way here is the rest

Necrons rose from the ground around them as they reached the top. the space marines had an idea. force the Necrons into the pit and finish them off before the create new units. they force the hundreds of Necrons into the pit. the dreadnought used the last of his missiles to bury the Necrons into the pit. those Necrons were crushed under all the falling debris. thus these ultramarine use the metal of Necrons flesh and used the colors of the Necrons to make their armor. the grave diggers were created.

I love it. Do you have any storytelling ability? Maybe write a short story and contact GW about publishing it, or maybe Forgeworld for Hammer and Bolter

i'll try
here's my draft.

A unit was dispatched on a world nearly eaten by tyranids. the body's of the bugs were all burned in some places. the imperial guardsmen here were also in the same condition. the marines had only one enemy that can do this cleanly. Necrons.
The 10 marines split up into groups of two. one group went to some nearby ruins. the second group went to investigate the body's and track down the Necrons. the third stayed in position. the fourth were going to call for some support. the fifth went into a deep ravine. group 1 was attacked. "Me and Dreig Are under fire! we have no ammo! these thinks blew up our heavy bolter! we only have our pistols! get That support quic--''. the radio chat ended and then restarted. a mono-toned robotic voice spoke. you have come too late and then the radio ended again. group four came back with a dreadnought equipped with a missile launcher and assault cannon. group 2 was under fire next. " Dreanen Is down! and you guys came right in time! We have crypt wraiths! just then a canoptek wraith burst from the desert ground with a dead space marine on one of its legs. the wraith then launched its self onto a marine. the marine luckily had a chain sword and shoved it through the wraiths body and killing it.
as the 3 marines recovered from the shock of the attack two more wraiths burst from the ground a marine equipped with a meltagun shot and obliterated its head and killed it. the second wraith killed another marine and knocked out the melta-marine.
the melta marine was dragged off to God-emperor-knows-were and wasn't seen until group 4, the dreadnought and 5 met at the ravine. one marine was in the trench talking through radio chat until he was cut off. the last of the marines found the mangled face of the marine in the pit and the one that disappeared was impaled and his guts were spread over the ground. they went back to the the top of ravine/trench and waited. ---> cont to part 2

First of, you want to do third person for this kind of work. Only codexs and rulebooks get third person. Also, try for a central character, a captain is a simple and easy choice, though a librarian is another one thats interesting. Start mid-combat, i love ones that just throw you into the thick of combat. Another good one is a veteran warrior recounting tales, as popular with the space wolves series, though you would need to make a note of some kind of heritage made rtiual from there planet.

this is my draft. hopefully you'll see my story when its done. well any way here is the rest

Necrons rose from the ground around them as they reached the top. the space marines had an idea. force the Necrons into the pit and finish them off before the create new units. they force the hundreds of Necrons into the pit. the dreadnought used the last of his missiles to bury the Necrons into the pit. those Necrons were crushed under all the falling debris. thus these ultramarine use the metal of Necrons flesh and used the colors of the Necrons to make their armor. the grave diggers were created.

*you're

I love it. Do you have any storytelling ability? Maybe write a short story and contact GW about publishing it, or maybe Forgeworld for Hammer and Bolter

i'll try
here's my draft.

A unit was dispatched on a world nearly eaten by tyranids. the body's of the bugs were all burned in some places. the imperial guardsmen here were also in the same condition. the marines had only one enemy that can do this cleanly. Necrons.
The 10 marines split up into groups of two. one group went to some nearby ruins. the second group went to investigate the body's and track down the Necrons. the third stayed in position. the fourth were going to call for some support. the fifth went into a deep ravine. group 1 was attacked. "Me and Dreig Are under fire! we have no ammo! these thinks blew up our heavy bolter! we only have our pistols! get That support quic--''. the radio chat ended and then restarted. a mono-toned robotic voice spoke. you have come too late and then the radio ended again. group four came back with a dreadnought equipped with a missile launcher and assault cannon. group 2 was under fire next. " Dreanen Is down! and you guys came right in time! We have crypt wraiths! just then a canoptek wraith burst from the desert ground with a dead space marine on one of its legs. the wraith then launched its self onto a marine. the marine luckily had a chain sword and shoved it through the wraiths body and killing it.
as the 3 marines recovered from the shock of the attack two more wraiths burst from the ground a marine equipped with a meltagun shot and obliterated its head and killed it. the second wraith killed another marine and knocked out the melta-marine.
the melta marine was dragged off to God-emperor-knows-were and wasn't seen until group 4, the dreadnought and 5 met at the ravine. one marine was in the trench talking through radio chat until he was cut off. the last of the marines found the mangled face of the marine in the pit and the one that disappeared was impaled and his guts were spread over the ground. they went back to the the top of ravine/trench and waited. ---> cont to part 2

First of, you want to do third person for this kind of work. Only codexs and rulebooks get third person. Also, try for a central character, a captain is a simple and easy choice, though a librarian is another one thats interesting. Start mid-combat, i love ones that just throw you into the thick of combat. Another good one is a veteran warrior recounting tales, as popular with the space wolves series, though you would need to make a note of some kind of heritage made rtiual from there planet.

this is my draft. hopefully you'll see my story when its done. well any way here is the rest

Necrons rose from the ground around them as they reached the top. the space marines had an idea. force the Necrons into the pit and finish them off before the create new units. they force the hundreds of Necrons into the pit. the dreadnought used the last of his missiles to bury the Necrons into the pit. those Necrons were crushed under all the falling debris. thus these ultramarine use the metal of Necrons flesh and used the colors of the Necrons to make their armor. the grave diggers were created.

Still, a full squad of terminators in every company? Thats still a little overkill. if you want it to sound more canon make it that the captains of maybe all but the scout companies have a three man terminator retinue. And if they are deepstrike a lot of dreadnoughts would sound good. A possible strategy is deep striking around or in the center of their forces and then have flyers do a sweep at the side

exactly what i was thinking. except your right about the terminators

*you're

I love it. Do you have any storytelling ability? Maybe write a short story and contact GW about publishing it, or maybe Forgeworld for Hammer and Bolter

i'll try
here's my draft.

A unit was dispatched on a world nearly eaten by tyranids. the body's of the bugs were all burned in some places. the imperial guardsmen here were also in the same condition. the marines had only one enemy that can do this cleanly. Necrons.
The 10 marines split up into groups of two. one group went to some nearby ruins. the second group went to investigate the body's and track down the Necrons. the third stayed in position. the fourth were going to call for some support. the fifth went into a deep ravine. group 1 was attacked. "Me and Dreig Are under fire! we have no ammo! these thinks blew up our heavy bolter! we only have our pistols! get That support quic--''. the radio chat ended and then restarted. a mono-toned robotic voice spoke. you have come too late and then the radio ended again. group four came back with a dreadnought equipped with a missile launcher and assault cannon. group 2 was under fire next. " Dreanen Is down! and you guys came right in time! We have crypt wraiths! just then a canoptek wraith burst from the desert ground with a dead space marine on one of its legs. the wraith then launched its self onto a marine. the marine luckily had a chain sword and shoved it through the wraiths body and killing it.
as the 3 marines recovered from the shock of the attack two more wraiths burst from the ground a marine equipped with a meltagun shot and obliterated its head and killed it. the second wraith killed another marine and knocked out the melta-marine.
the melta marine was dragged off to God-emperor-knows-were and wasn't seen until group 4, the dreadnought and 5 met at the ravine. one marine was in the trench talking through radio chat until he was cut off. the last of the marines found the mangled face of the marine in the pit and the one that disappeared was impaled and his guts were spread over the ground. they went back to the the top of ravine/trench and waited. ---> cont to part 2

First of, you want to do third person for this kind of work. Only codexs and rulebooks get third person. Also, try for a central character, a captain is a simple and easy choice, though a librarian is another one thats interesting. Start mid-combat, i love ones that just throw you into the thick of combat. Another good one is a veteran warrior recounting tales, as popular with the space wolves series, though you would need to make a note of some kind of heritage made rtiual from there planet.

this is my draft. hopefully you'll see my story when its done. well any way here is the rest

Necrons rose from the ground around them as they reached the top. the space marines had an idea. force the Necrons into the pit and finish them off before the create new units. they force the hundreds of Necrons into the pit. the dreadnought used the last of his missiles to bury the Necrons into the pit. those Necrons were crushed under all the falling debris. thus these ultramarine use the metal of Necrons flesh and used the colors of the Necrons to make their armor. the grave diggers were created.

Well the land raider full of termies is overkill bro, even ultramarines can't do that. Remember that terminator armour in not 1st founding chapters is rare. I recommend a high number of light flyers, and primarily tactical marines fielded

yes but the number of terminators is always five or below. they do use flyers but i would probably put them on the front line since they are fast attack. deep strikes are also used alot

Still, a full squad of terminators in every company? Thats still a little overkill. if you want it to sound more canon make it that the captains of maybe all but the scout companies have a three man terminator retinue. And if they are deepstrike a lot of dreadnoughts would sound good. A possible strategy is deep striking around or in the center of their forces and then have flyers do a sweep at the side

exactly what i was thinking. except your right about the terminators

*you're

I love it. Do you have any storytelling ability? Maybe write a short story and contact GW about publishing it, or maybe Forgeworld for Hammer and Bolter

i'll try
here's my draft.

A unit was dispatched on a world nearly eaten by tyranids. the body's of the bugs were all burned in some places. the imperial guardsmen here were also in the same condition. the marines had only one enemy that can do this cleanly. Necrons.
The 10 marines split up into groups of two. one group went to some nearby ruins. the second group went to investigate the body's and track down the Necrons. the third stayed in position. the fourth were going to call for some support. the fifth went into a deep ravine. group 1 was attacked. "Me and Dreig Are under fire! we have no ammo! these thinks blew up our heavy bolter! we only have our pistols! get That support quic--''. the radio chat ended and then restarted. a mono-toned robotic voice spoke. you have come too late and then the radio ended again. group four came back with a dreadnought equipped with a missile launcher and assault cannon. group 2 was under fire next. " Dreanen Is down! and you guys came right in time! We have crypt wraiths! just then a canoptek wraith burst from the desert ground with a dead space marine on one of its legs. the wraith then launched its self onto a marine. the marine luckily had a chain sword and shoved it through the wraiths body and killing it.
as the 3 marines recovered from the shock of the attack two more wraiths burst from the ground a marine equipped with a meltagun shot and obliterated its head and killed it. the second wraith killed another marine and knocked out the melta-marine.
the melta marine was dragged off to God-emperor-knows-were and wasn't seen until group 4, the dreadnought and 5 met at the ravine. one marine was in the trench talking through radio chat until he was cut off. the last of the marines found the mangled face of the marine in the pit and the one that disappeared was impaled and his guts were spread over the ground. they went back to the the top of ravine/trench and waited. ---> cont to part 2

First of, you want to do third person for this kind of work. Only codexs and rulebooks get third person. Also, try for a central character, a captain is a simple and easy choice, though a librarian is another one thats interesting. Start mid-combat, i love ones that just throw you into the thick of combat. Another good one is a veteran warrior recounting tales, as popular with the space wolves series, though you would need to make a note of some kind of heritage made rtiual from there planet.

this is my draft. hopefully you'll see my story when its done. well any way here is the rest

Necrons rose from the ground around them as they reached the top. the space marines had an idea. force the Necrons into the pit and finish them off before the create new units. they force the hundreds of Necrons into the pit. the dreadnought used the last of his missiles to bury the Necrons into the pit. those Necrons were crushed under all the falling debris. thus these ultramarine use the metal of Necrons flesh and used the colors of the Necrons to make their armor. the grave diggers were created.

Anything else special? Tactics favored? Weapons favored? So far its sound cool, and for weapons Ithink meltaguns may look good, as a melta is the ultimate weapon against necron, especially in a small confined space like a trench

they always have a land raider full of terminators with them. the terminators have either multi-meltas or missile launchers. they rest is just tactical squads with rhino transports. their heavy support choice is predators. they're not good against poison.

Well the land raider full of termies is overkill bro, even ultramarines can't do that. Remember that terminator armour in not 1st founding chapters is rare. I recommend a high number of light flyers, and primarily tactical marines fielded

yes but the number of terminators is always five or below. they do use flyers but i would probably put them on the front line since they are fast attack. deep strikes are also used alot

Still, a full squad of terminators in every company? Thats still a little overkill. if you want it to sound more canon make it that the captains of maybe all but the scout companies have a three man terminator retinue. And if they are deepstrike a lot of dreadnoughts would sound good. A possible strategy is deep striking around or in the center of their forces and then have flyers do a sweep at the side

exactly what i was thinking. except your right about the terminators

*you're

I love it. Do you have any storytelling ability? Maybe write a short story and contact GW about publishing it, or maybe Forgeworld for Hammer and Bolter

i'll try
here's my draft.

A unit was dispatched on a world nearly eaten by tyranids. the body's of the bugs were all burned in some places. the imperial guardsmen here were also in the same condition. the marines had only one enemy that can do this cleanly. Necrons.
The 10 marines split up into groups of two. one group went to some nearby ruins. the second group went to investigate the body's and track down the Necrons. the third stayed in position. the fourth were going to call for some support. the fifth went into a deep ravine. group 1 was attacked. "Me and Dreig Are under fire! we have no ammo! these thinks blew up our heavy bolter! we only have our pistols! get That support quic--''. the radio chat ended and then restarted. a mono-toned robotic voice spoke. you have come too late and then the radio ended again. group four came back with a dreadnought equipped with a missile launcher and assault cannon. group 2 was under fire next. " Dreanen Is down! and you guys came right in time! We have crypt wraiths! just then a canoptek wraith burst from the desert ground with a dead space marine on one of its legs. the wraith then launched its self onto a marine. the marine luckily had a chain sword and shoved it through the wraiths body and killing it.
as the 3 marines recovered from the shock of the attack two more wraiths burst from the ground a marine equipped with a meltagun shot and obliterated its head and killed it. the second wraith killed another marine and knocked out the melta-marine.
the melta marine was dragged off to God-emperor-knows-were and wasn't seen until group 4, the dreadnought and 5 met at the ravine. one marine was in the trench talking through radio chat until he was cut off. the last of the marines found the mangled face of the marine in the pit and the one that disappeared was impaled and his guts were spread over the ground. they went back to the the top of ravine/trench and waited. ---> cont to part 2

First of, you want to do third person for this kind of work. Only codexs and rulebooks get third person. Also, try for a central character, a captain is a simple and easy choice, though a librarian is another one thats interesting. Start mid-combat, i love ones that just throw you into the thick of combat. Another good one is a veteran warrior recounting tales, as popular with the space wolves series, though you would need to make a note of some kind of heritage made rtiual from there planet.

this is my draft. hopefully you'll see my story when its done. well any way here is the rest

Necrons rose from the ground around them as they reached the top. the space marines had an idea. force the Necrons into the pit and finish them off before the create new units. they force the hundreds of Necrons into the pit. the dreadnought used the last of his missiles to bury the Necrons into the pit. those Necrons were crushed under all the falling debris. thus these ultramarine use the metal of Necrons flesh and used the colors of the Necrons to make their armor. the grave diggers were created.

Always, I'm always open to talking 40k

grave diggers. these are called this because they fought a brutal battle with the necrons and finished them by pushing them in to a trench and blowing up the top of the trench thus this is why they are grave diggers.
the color of the chapter is a necron compound base edged with baharroth blue and iron breaker on the shoulder pads. the eyes are emerald green.

Anything else special? Tactics favored? Weapons favored? So far its sound cool, and for weapons Ithink meltaguns may look good, as a melta is the ultimate weapon against necron, especially in a small confined space like a trench

they always have a land raider full of terminators with them. the terminators have either multi-meltas or missile launchers. they rest is just tactical squads with rhino transports. their heavy support choice is predators. they're not good against poison.

Well the land raider full of termies is overkill bro, even ultramarines can't do that. Remember that terminator armour in not 1st founding chapters is rare. I recommend a high number of light flyers, and primarily tactical marines fielded

yes but the number of terminators is always five or below. they do use flyers but i would probably put them on the front line since they are fast attack. deep strikes are also used alot

Still, a full squad of terminators in every company? Thats still a little overkill. if you want it to sound more canon make it that the captains of maybe all but the scout companies have a three man terminator retinue. And if they are deepstrike a lot of dreadnoughts would sound good. A possible strategy is deep striking around or in the center of their forces and then have flyers do a sweep at the side

exactly what i was thinking. except your right about the terminators

*you're

I love it. Do you have any storytelling ability? Maybe write a short story and contact GW about publishing it, or maybe Forgeworld for Hammer and Bolter

i'll try
here's my draft.

A unit was dispatched on a world nearly eaten by tyranids. the body's of the bugs were all burned in some places. the imperial guardsmen here were also in the same condition. the marines had only one enemy that can do this cleanly. Necrons.
The 10 marines split up into groups of two. one group went to some nearby ruins. the second group went to investigate the body's and track down the Necrons. the third stayed in position. the fourth were going to call for some support. the fifth went into a deep ravine. group 1 was attacked. "Me and Dreig Are under fire! we have no ammo! these thinks blew up our heavy bolter! we only have our pistols! get That support quic--''. the radio chat ended and then restarted. a mono-toned robotic voice spoke. you have come too late and then the radio ended again. group four came back with a dreadnought equipped with a missile launcher and assault cannon. group 2 was under fire next. " Dreanen Is down! and you guys came right in time! We have crypt wraiths! just then a canoptek wraith burst from the desert ground with a dead space marine on one of its legs. the wraith then launched its self onto a marine. the marine luckily had a chain sword and shoved it through the wraiths body and killing it.
as the 3 marines recovered from the shock of the attack two more wraiths burst from the ground a marine equipped with a meltagun shot and obliterated its head and killed it. the second wraith killed another marine and knocked out the melta-marine.
the melta marine was dragged off to God-emperor-knows-were and wasn't seen until group 4, the dreadnought and 5 met at the ravine. one marine was in the trench talking through radio chat until he was cut off. the last of the marines found the mangled face of the marine in the pit and the one that disappeared was impaled and his guts were spread over the ground. they went back to the the top of ravine/trench and waited. ---> cont to part 2

First of, you want to do third person for this kind of work. Only codexs and rulebooks get third person. Also, try for a central character, a captain is a simple and easy choice, though a librarian is another one thats interesting. Start mid-combat, i love ones that just throw you into the thick of combat. Another good one is a veteran warrior recounting tales, as popular with the space wolves series, though you would need to make a note of some kind of heritage made rtiual from there planet.

this is my draft. hopefully you'll see my story when its done. well any way here is the rest

Necrons rose from the ground around them as they reached the top. the space marines had an idea. force the Necrons into the pit and finish them off before the create new units. they force the hundreds of Necrons into the pit. the dreadnought used the last of his missiles to bury the Necrons into the pit. those Necrons were crushed under all the falling debris. thus these ultramarine use the metal of Necrons flesh and used the colors of the Necrons to make their armor. the grave diggers were created.

anti-heresy is fine but maybe not with a to heretical background like im working on makeing a anti nurgle army steming from the salamanders called the Komodo but im confident given time you will figure it out (the reson why im not replying to your new post is because it wont let me).

nvm

it wont let you reply?

sorry ment involving anything chaosy to the point of being a member or in the warp

yea but i like to make my chapters anti-heresy

Black. Enchanted Blue, or something close to that.

you may want to stray a bit farther away from the warp because the only chapter cannon chapter that i can think that would take a person hostage is the salamanders let allown someone who was a part of chaos it seams slim and you cant rilly tell that there is taint in someone your getting better but 3rd times the charm?

it was not in the warp at all. it was on a battlefield in which some berserkers got restlss and went crazy

anti-heresy is fine but maybe not with a to heretical background like im working on makeing a anti nurgle army steming from the salamanders called the Komodo but im confident given time you will figure it out (the reson why im not replying to your new post is because it wont let me).

nvm

it wont let you reply?

sorry ment involving anything chaosy to the point of being a member or in the warp

yea but i like to make my chapters anti-heresy

*sword of the emperor on their armor

you may want to stray a bit farther away from the warp because the only chapter cannon chapter that i can think that would take a person hostage is the salamanders let allown someone who was a part of chaos it seams slim and you cant rilly tell that there is taint in someone your getting better but 3rd times the charm?

it was not in the warp at all. it was on a battlefield in which some berserkers got restlss and went crazy

anti-heresy is fine but maybe not with a to heretical background like im working on makeing a anti nurgle army steming from the salamanders called the Komodo but im confident given time you will figure it out (the reson why im not replying to your new post is because it wont let me).

nvm

it wont let you reply?

sorry ment involving anything chaosy to the point of being a member or in the warp

yea but i like to make my chapters anti-heresy

im gona agree with Thadin on this one even if they were undyingly loyal which all non-chaos chapters are the warp and space marines don’t mix well especially with the inquisition around and theres that loss of humanity which makes the backstory more wronged

I'm really sorry to say this, but the story doesn't make any sense.
It's reaching Matt Ward, Grey Knights slaughtering the SoB level of not-making-sense.
The Inquisition would never allow tainted humans to survive. The way you put it, makes it seem like they're husks who follow the emperor, similar to Rubric Marines of Chaos.

a new story then

Again, just work on it. Think it through more, and take your time. You can't expect yourself to write amazing fluff for a chapter in a short while. GW has a bunch of professional writers to do that, and even they need time.

During a duel between 2 alpha legion marines and some rival khorne berserkers, one alpha marine ran from the crazed duel between the two rivaling chaos servants. this alpha marine did not have any chaos spirit within him. he ran from the battle and found himself in the cross fire of chaos marines and space marines. the alpha marine soon saw that the chaos marines were using each other as meat shields. the chaos marine finally hating his own chaos brethren for being so destructive he shot at the chaos marines. the space marines being confused stopped firing. the lone chaos marine -have killing all of those of his own brethren- was not killed. Instead he was captured by the space marines. the inquisition found that he was never tainted and the only thing mutant about him was his hate towards his fellow chaos. the inquisition let him free. the lone chaos marines was named vortrence the converted. his legion was soon known as the blank-converters. there armor being a metallic gold trimmed white with a gold skull on there banner and the sword of the emperor on there banner.

this is the best i can think of

*sword of the emperor on their armor

you may want to stray a bit farther away from the warp because the only chapter cannon chapter that i can think that would take a person hostage is the salamanders let allown someone who was a part of chaos it seams slim and you cant rilly tell that there is taint in someone your getting better but 3rd times the charm?

it was not in the warp at all. it was on a battlefield in which some berserkers got restlss and went crazy

anti-heresy is fine but maybe not with a to heretical background like im working on makeing a anti nurgle army steming from the salamanders called the Komodo but im confident given time you will figure it out (the reson why im not replying to your new post is because it wont let me).

nvm

it wont let you reply?

sorry ment involving anything chaosy to the point of being a member or in the warp

yea but i like to make my chapters anti-heresy

Here's the thing, I'm fine with them being from the Ultrasmurfs, but I assume their armor was tainted by the warp? How did the inquisition let them get away with that?
I'd give it some more thought, and work on smoothing things out. The name doesn't strike me as a Loyalist Chapter either.

Just a little comment - All Spess chapters have undying loyalty [except for the weak bretheren who give in to chaos.]

a back story on the armor.

the purple came from what humanity was left from the marines. with no humanity left they almost fell into chaos. but the armor blocked their mind from the warp and madness. the inquisiton detected no warp energy when they inspected them.

extra fluff:

they even dueled some marine from alpha legion

im gona agree with Thadin on this one even if they were undyingly loyal which all non-chaos chapters are the warp and space marines don’t mix well especially with the inquisition around and theres that loss of humanity which makes the backstory more wronged

I'm really sorry to say this, but the story doesn't make any sense.
It's reaching Matt Ward, Grey Knights slaughtering the SoB level of not-making-sense.
The Inquisition would never allow tainted humans to survive. The way you put it, makes it seem like they're husks who follow the emperor, similar to Rubric Marines of Chaos.

a new story then

Again, just work on it. Think it through more, and take your time. You can't expect yourself to write amazing fluff for a chapter in a short while. GW has a bunch of professional writers to do that, and even they need time.

During a duel between 2 alpha legion marines and some rival khorne berserkers, one alpha marine ran from the crazed duel between the two rivaling chaos servants. this alpha marine did not have any chaos spirit within him. he ran from the battle and found himself in the cross fire of chaos marines and space marines. the alpha marine soon saw that the chaos marines were using each other as meat shields. the chaos marine finally hating his own chaos brethren for being so destructive he shot at the chaos marines. the space marines being confused stopped firing. the lone chaos marine -have killing all of those of his own brethren- was not killed. Instead he was captured by the space marines. the inquisition found that he was never tainted and the only thing mutant about him was his hate towards his fellow chaos. the inquisition let him free. the lone chaos marines was named vortrence the converted. his legion was soon known as the blank-converters. there armor being a metallic gold trimmed white with a gold skull on there banner and the sword of the emperor on there banner.

this is the best i can think of

*sword of the emperor on their armor

you may want to stray a bit farther away from the warp because the only chapter cannon chapter that i can think that would take a person hostage is the salamanders let allown someone who was a part of chaos it seams slim and you cant rilly tell that there is taint in someone your getting better but 3rd times the charm?

it was not in the warp at all. it was on a battlefield in which some berserkers got restlss and went crazy

anti-heresy is fine but maybe not with a to heretical background like im working on makeing a anti nurgle army steming from the salamanders called the Komodo but im confident given time you will figure it out (the reson why im not replying to your new post is because it wont let me).

nvm

it wont let you reply?

sorry ment involving anything chaosy to the point of being a member or in the warp

yea but i like to make my chapters anti-heresy

the Komodo have come to purge the unclean and burn the bronzeguard

in the fires of Vulcan they were forged but through pestalice and acid they march for they are the vanguard to the forces of death and decay they are the imperiums sword and shield against the forces of Nurgle

We're trying to have a somewhat serious conversation here ya' dingus.

lol yea ok now with that off my chest i will be serious

We need to make some fluff, where the Komodos and Bronzeguard are total bros and train together.

im cool with that

Probably not. Like, the main force of my Bronzeguard Angels, are linked back to the Dark Angel gene seed. They have a company of Imperial Guards working with them, painted up in the BGA colours. Same thing for the GK's.

Using GK's as your predecessor is probably the hardest to go off of. If plan to make a Smurfdex Astartes compliant chapter, base them off the Ultrasmurfs, or another C.A Compliant chapter.

what i was thinking was a chapter that was based on un-dying loyalty for the emperor.
here is the story.

When some ultramarines were sucked into the warp they almost went insane from the raw-power of the warp. when they were pulled out of the warp one day by an invasion of daemons. the daemons were surprised that instead of a daemon prince they got a bunch of angry ultramarines. the ultramarines armor was a deep purple trimmed with gold and glowing green eyes. Since they had undying loyalty to the emperor they slayed the daemons. They were soon picked up off the planet were they had came out of the warp and became a new legion.

with the back story covered i am thinking of naming them the blank doom-knights.

what do you think so far?

Here's the thing, I'm fine with them being from the Ultrasmurfs, but I assume their armor was tainted by the warp? How did the inquisition let them get away with that?
I'd give it some more thought, and work on smoothing things out. The name doesn't strike me as a Loyalist Chapter either.

Just a little comment - All Spess chapters have undying loyalty [except for the weak bretheren who give in to chaos.]

a back story on the armor.

the purple came from what humanity was left from the marines. with no humanity left they almost fell into chaos. but the armor blocked their mind from the warp and madness. the inquisiton detected no warp energy when they inspected them.

extra fluff:

they even dueled some marine from alpha legion

im gona agree with Thadin on this one even if they were undyingly loyal which all non-chaos chapters are the warp and space marines don’t mix well especially with the inquisition around and theres that loss of humanity which makes the backstory more wronged

I'm really sorry to say this, but the story doesn't make any sense.
It's reaching Matt Ward, Grey Knights slaughtering the SoB level of not-making-sense.
The Inquisition would never allow tainted humans to survive. The way you put it, makes it seem like they're husks who follow the emperor, similar to Rubric Marines of Chaos.

a new story then

Again, just work on it. Think it through more, and take your time. You can't expect yourself to write amazing fluff for a chapter in a short while. GW has a bunch of professional writers to do that, and even they need time.

During a duel between 2 alpha legion marines and some rival khorne berserkers, one alpha marine ran from the crazed duel between the two rivaling chaos servants. this alpha marine did not have any chaos spirit within him. he ran from the battle and found himself in the cross fire of chaos marines and space marines. the alpha marine soon saw that the chaos marines were using each other as meat shields. the chaos marine finally hating his own chaos brethren for being so destructive he shot at the chaos marines. the space marines being confused stopped firing. the lone chaos marine -have killing all of those of his own brethren- was not killed. Instead he was captured by the space marines. the inquisition found that he was never tainted and the only thing mutant about him was his hate towards his fellow chaos. the inquisition let him free. the lone chaos marines was named vortrence the converted. his legion was soon known as the blank-converters. there armor being a metallic gold trimmed white with a gold skull on there banner and the sword of the emperor on there banner.

this is the best i can think of

*sword of the emperor on their armor

you may want to stray a bit farther away from the warp because the only chapter cannon chapter that i can think that would take a person hostage is the salamanders let allown someone who was a part of chaos it seams slim and you cant rilly tell that there is taint in someone your getting better but 3rd times the charm?

it was not in the warp at all. it was on a battlefield in which some berserkers got restlss and went crazy

anti-heresy is fine but maybe not with a to heretical background like im working on makeing a anti nurgle army steming from the salamanders called the Komodo but im confident given time you will figure it out (the reson why im not replying to your new post is because it wont let me).

nvm

it wont let you reply?

sorry ment involving anything chaosy to the point of being a member or in the warp

yea but i like to make my chapters anti-heresy

the Komodo have come to purge the unclean and burn the bronzeguard

in the fires of Vulcan they were forged but through pestalice and acid they march for they are the vanguard to the forces of death and decay they are the imperiums sword and shield against the forces of Nurgle

We're trying to have a somewhat serious conversation here ya' dingus.

lol yea ok now with that off my chest i will be serious

We need to make some fluff, where the Komodos and Bronzeguard are total bros and train together.

im cool with that