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thehandofgod    

Rank #4587 on Content
thehandofgod Avatar Level 243 Comments: Doinitrite
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Gender: male
Date Signed Up:11/29/2011
Last Login:8/01/2014
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#4587
Comment Ranking:#16218
Highest Content Rank:#183
Highest Comment Rank:#938
Content Thumbs: 30706 total,  34590 ,  3884
Comment Thumbs: 4399 total,  6240 ,  1841
Content Level Progress: 63.6% (636/1000)
Level 230 Content: Ambassador Of Lulz → Level 231 Content: Ambassador Of Lulz
Comment Level Progress: 81% (81/100)
Level 243 Comments: Doinitrite → Level 244 Comments: Doinitrite
Subscribers:9
Content Views:937567
Times Content Favorited:1565 times
Total Comments Made:1448
FJ Points:35041
Favorite Tags: too (3) | for (2) | fuck (2) | to (2)

latest user's comments

#81 - Hey FJ, i know this is not exactly the place to ask, but I hav…  [+] (25 new replies) 11/26/2012 on She'll squirt buckets. +4
User avatar #225 - sausageparty (11/26/2012) [-]
"I have no intentions of anything sexual" Why not?
User avatar #314 - thehandofgod (11/26/2012) [-]
Because I don't want to end up like a lot of retarded teenage couples. When you do stuff too early, you have nothing to look forward to and I feel like that causes relationships to end faster. I have morals as well, and kinda don't believe in too much stuff when you're too young.
User avatar #364 - sausageparty (11/26/2012) [-]
Well that's your choice and that's fine. Personally I see sex as a natural part of a healthy relationship, and 16 isn't too young to have sex at all. I don't know what your reasons for having this belief really is (religion, upbringing, culture) or whether there even is a certain reason for it other than just not wanting to. Of course you should do what you want. I just don't hope that you're "holding back" because of some moral belief system imposed on you through your upbringing.

Unfortunately popular western culture has grown a tendency of being overprotecting of young people when it comes to sexuality, often resulting only in more taboo and obscurity around the subject and actually creating a counter reaction increasing the problems that they were trying to protect against in the first place such as teenage pregnancy or STDs.
It amuses me how people in western society in general tends to let the social and cultural standards of the past approximately 100 years define their idea of what is natural for a species that has existed for a couple of 100 thousand years and have measurably had the same behavioural patterns and instincts for the past approximately 50 000 years. You don't even have to look very far back in history before seeing complete normality of marriage at the age of 13-14 for females. Of course I'm not trying to advocate that people should marry at the age of 14 in a modern society, but I do try to advocate that seeing sexuality among legal minors as sick or unnatural is absolutely ridiculous.

Sorry for the rant
#141 - huntergriff (11/26/2012) [-]
>Entice her with carrots
>once she's enticed by said carrots, ask her to hang out, perhaps go for a cup of coffee
>Sit outside at a table, and talk to her about her day
>have a couple of homeless people wearing ski masks (that you bought for them) come out of nowhere and have them attempt to mug her.
>Fight said homeless people off with your magical crotch lasers.
>???????
>Profit

Pic relevant because YFW.
User avatar #137 - littlepolski (11/26/2012) [-]
Try and engineer a tender/cute moment by doing something like giving her a bigger hug when cuddling or something along those lines and kissing her softly on the cheek, she'll probably look up all happy and stuff, at that point move in for the kiss.
#135 - Myfoot (11/26/2012) [-]
I know how you feel bro, I remember my first girlfriend. My problem was I always over thought everything, and then I'd get all awkward and freeze up because of it. Just do it, she clearly wants you to kiss her. I know it doesn't seem that simple, but it really is. Don't over think it. If you need to build yourself up to it, start by kissing her on the cheek, and then just go with it.
User avatar #118 - WootBoot (11/26/2012) [-]
I know how you feel man, i started dating my first gf around 2 months ago and it took me soo long to kiss her. Just lock eyes with her, tell her she's beautiful (if she has hair that gets in her eyes then brush it over her ear and lightly hold your hand on her face) and go for it. Or if you're giving her a hug then pull back a little near the end of it, move your hands to her waist, make eye contact, then lean in and kiss her. I hope that helped. The most important thing is to just man up and do it, chances are if you've been going out for a month then she won't reject you
User avatar #117 - kyrian (11/26/2012) [-]
I know how you feel. There's the nervousness and anxiety, that urging feeling to tell you to just do it, but you're scared to. Your heart will be pounding. That moment comes when she gives you that look that says she wants you, that shy, flirty look that makes her eyes sparkle and makes your stomach flutter. This is when you have to just clear your mind for that split second and just go for it. You will both love it. Goosebumps all over. It's time, you should do it before the opportunity slips away. You will regret it if you don't. I was always scared of things like that as a teenager. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. I kinda regretted not taking those opportunities that were laid out right in front of me.
User avatar #115 - irokk (11/26/2012) [-]
Put mouth on mouth


Welcome your
User avatar #105 - elenana (11/26/2012) [-]
It all works out, just kiss her. But if it seems like its a big step or scares you to just go for it, you can do some cute stuff like tickle her and tease her a bit, then as the moment seems right you stroke her cheek a little bit or her hair and just go for it. Cant really say much more its been so long since I was beta but best answer is to just go balls out and put yourself out there.
User avatar #96 - davidokuro (11/26/2012) [-]
It really doesn't matter how you do it. You can straight ask "Can I kiss you?" or you can just kiss her. If she's dating you, odds are she'll want to kiss you too and won't really reject you unless the situation is obviously wrong (like in a crowded subway or something).
User avatar #101 - thehandofgod (11/26/2012) [-]
Yeah, a couple weeks ago, we went to the movies (a nearly empty theater) and we joked around a lot and both laughed a lot, and, no joke, like 7 times, we locked eyes and I could tell she wanted to kiss, but each time I fucking beta'd out and just ate another piece of candy. I'm not going to let more opportunities slip like that again
User avatar #104 - davidokuro (11/26/2012) [-]
Really man, you gotta just ball up and do it. You can start by cuddling up to her and maybe kissing her on the cheek if that helps you, but you really don't need to think too hard about it. Like I said, she's probably expecting it.
User avatar #106 - thehandofgod (11/26/2012) [-]
Yeah, I think a lot of it's also preconceived ideas and traditions in our culture that guys always have to make the first move, and she's already shy as fucking balls, so it isn't a great boost to anything. And I have kissed her cheek before and I cuddle up with her whenever I can (while watching a movie or something).
User avatar #119 - dickcockpenisetc (11/26/2012) [-]
Is she well aware that you do, indeed, lift?
User avatar #108 - davidokuro (11/26/2012) [-]
So just kiss her then, it isn't hard. I know you think it is, but it isn't.
#92 - anonymous (11/26/2012) [-]
how is it even possible to be dating for a month at age 16 and not even fucking kiss? i mean, dude, what the fuck do you call dating? it looks like you two are just good friends.
it's time to alpha it up a bit nigger.
INB4: red thumbs to the anon who isn't entitled to an opinion and who can't inb4.
INB4: log in and say that like a man.
#120 - anonymous (11/26/2012) [-]
To anon -
You sir, need to repect that someone else prefers to move at a slower pace, and not rush things. A relationship can be succesful whether it goes fast or slow.
User avatar #98 - thehandofgod (11/26/2012) [-]
Well, anon, the real reason we haven't kissed is because we go to different schools and we don't see each other as much as other couples, or as much as i would like to. We see each other every weekend or two and text everyday. I know it doesn't sound like a strong relationship, but it's good and I love what I have with her.
User avatar #85 - beepboopbingslam (11/26/2012) [-]
Kissing's not a big deal mate, just go for it!
User avatar #87 - thehandofgod (11/26/2012) [-]
what I was honestly thinking, and what my dad said was a good idea, was just asking her if I could kiss her. We've been dating a while, so I don't think it's be that bad if I do that. Any thoughts?
#157 - anonymous (11/26/2012) [-]
Yeah like most of the people said just go in for it, when i do it i dont even think, just make sure its a somewhat right moment and look into her eyes and then at her lips, if she has any sense in her she will know its about to happen, chances are she wants to kiss you but as the man you're always expected to make the first move, once you kiss her it will be alot easier to kiss her whenever you like from on out!
#93 - anonymous (11/26/2012) [-]
Whatever you do, please for the love of god don't do that! Just go for it man, be confident, like beepboopbingslam said it's not a big deal.
#91 - pewpewmagic (11/26/2012) [-]
Just do it, take her by suprise, with my ex when I got my first feel of the goodies coz I just did it, she laughed and encouraged me. With kissing as you lean in, you'll be able to tell if she is interested or not by if she leans forward (towards you) or backwards.
User avatar #90 - beepboopbingslam (11/26/2012) [-]
Yeah man whatever you feel is right! I personally have never even put this much thought into kissing a girl, I kind of just did it. Talk to her man, tell her how you feel, and yeah, ask her if you feel it would work!
#119 - Here lies a bunch of retards' accounts who tried this... 11/24/2012 on title +1
#218 - Don't deny it, you all pulled back your middle finger and look… 11/24/2012 on How fingers work 0
#242 - I completely agree with you, but the only problem with that is… 11/24/2012 on Read Description 0
#25 - Is that an online game or website. If so, do you or anyone kno… 11/20/2012 on How to remove a bra +2
#94 - Oh...... I guess I just can't put 2 and 2 together fucking well. 11/19/2012 on Dont worry, i got it !! -1
#91 - The guy vaccuming his shirt out the window, 2 things. …  [+] (5 new replies) 11/19/2012 on Dont worry, i got it !! -2
#108 - anonymous (11/19/2012) [-]
Must be tough going through life as a stupid person.
User avatar #103 - Chizypuff (11/19/2012) [-]
I think his shirt fell and he is picking it up with the suction from the vacuum
in which case it would be much more clever
#93 - VKTR (11/19/2012) [-]
2 questions 1 answer
laziness
#92 - ecion (11/19/2012) [-]
He's picking it up..
User avatar #94 - thehandofgod (11/19/2012) [-]
Oh...... I guess I just can't put 2 and 2 together fucking well.
#54 - Imagine how long you have to be on the internet to be able to …  [+] (1 new reply) 11/13/2012 on Silly feminist +78
User avatar #87 - googleoverlords (11/13/2012) [-]
errrm i can ive been here long enough in fact stay away from my browsing history
#57 - Hahaha...Against your..... Will get it? Because Fresh Prince… 11/13/2012 on Ultra gay +8
#2 - I was going to put it, but i wasn't sure if it was correct. I … 11/07/2012 on 420 Blaze it phag, is gud 4 u -1
#54 - Nigga, don't even try to compare Michigan to Ohio. We are top … 11/07/2012 on Oh Fuck Yes +3
#13 - Favorited for description 11/05/2012 on r0ng +2
#279 - Sorry, i was very sleepy and cranky and trying to read that an… 10/24/2012 on ugly people problems 0
#59 - That is the most annoying picture. For some reason, it's a gif…  [+] (1 new reply) 10/24/2012 on ugly people problems -4
#155 - waffies (10/24/2012) [-]
oh look, what do we have here: A REVERSE IMAGE SEARCH ENGINE!

Merry christmas, no candy for you
#4 - Sleep Jesus's taint that could not have looped better. 10/24/2012 on Ace Ventura meets Skyrim 0
#5 - I repsect bronies and their choices of liking ponies, but real…  [+] (3 new replies) 10/23/2012 on Marketing... 0
User avatar #7 - daniboi (10/23/2012) [-]
Agreed, darkjustifier, STOP.
#8 - darkjustifier (10/23/2012) [-]
Here take this, it's a gift.
#6 - darkjustifier (10/23/2012) [-]
#125 - You fucker, I see what you did thar mah nigga. 10/19/2012 on In most cases. +3
#34 - As soon as I saw the spaghetti one, I knew some jackass would … 10/16/2012 on life hacks 0
#169 - Then again, for what fucking reason would he NOT BE EXCITED AS BALLS 10/15/2012 on Unboxing Bethesda loot +6
#165 - I think it's funny because he knew that Bethesda would be watc…  [+] (1 new reply) 10/15/2012 on Unboxing Bethesda loot +5
User avatar #169 - thehandofgod (10/15/2012) [-]
Then again, for what fucking reason would he NOT BE EXCITED AS BALLS
#2 - It's adorable. 10/03/2012 on Self-shot. +5
#77 - Andrew W.K. He makes rock music and is the host for Destroy Bu… 09/29/2012 on White People +1
#49 - Dude, I'm a Cincy fan, and, despite my not exactly loving the … 09/26/2012 on Brace Yourselves 0
#137 - I made this the last time the content was posted 09/24/2012 on Drugs 0
#19 - Anything you want. 09/17/2012 on Wifi search +23
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #82 - thehandofgod (01/20/2014) [-]
adasd

#81 - padorak (03/15/2013) [-]
gif dump
gif dump
#79 - phanact (12/16/2012) [-]
This image has expired
User avatar #78 - padorak (10/18/2012) [-]
GOD DOMMOT PHWOP WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!
#77 - padorak (09/11/2012) [-]
my new fav gif
my new fav gif
User avatar #76 - drewpy (08/27/2012) [-]
PHIL ANSWER YOUR SHIT
User avatar #75 - thadin ONLINE (08/24/2012) [-]
Could you atleast ask the people in the comments before you make it in to a content?
It rustled my jimmies that you didn't.
#74 - padorak (08/19/2012) [-]
fuckinh lol
#73 - padorak (08/19/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#72 - padorak (08/19/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #71 - padorak (08/18/2012) [-]
wanna trade items fagot
User avatar #61 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
Phil
User avatar #59 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
Phil
User avatar #58 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
Phil
User avatar #57 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
Phil
User avatar #62 to #60 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
hi
User avatar #64 to #63 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
Soup?
User avatar #65 to #64 - thehandofgod (08/11/2012) [-]
Chicken Noddle plox.
User avatar #66 to #65 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
NU.

CHICKEN DUMPLING MASTER RACE
User avatar #67 to #66 - thehandofgod (08/11/2012) [-]
CHERKERN DERMPRING MRSTER RRCE.

No, but seriously, hows vacations?
User avatar #68 to #67 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
I just got home today, and it was fun. :3
User avatar #69 to #68 - thehandofgod (08/11/2012) [-]
Great Hey, i hate to cut you off, but My dad just got up, so i'm going to sleep. I'll talk to you soon :)
User avatar #70 to #69 - drewpy (08/11/2012) [-]
lol alright, dude we have school in like, 9 days.
User avatar #56 - drewpy (08/02/2012) [-]
HEY NIGBOT.
I haven't talked to you in FOREVER.
Why you no talk to me? YOU HATE ME?!
THEHANDOFGOD, WHY DO YOU HATE ME PHIL? WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE?!?
User avatar #49 - haaaxderp (07/30/2012) [-]
I'll take it as a compliment that you found my comment funny enough to be content, but really, next time you screencap some comments, post a link so they can get thumbs.
User avatar #50 to #49 - thehandofgod (07/30/2012) [-]
I'm sorry. I did the last time i did a comment, i just forgot to this time. My bad bro :(
User avatar #51 to #50 - haaaxderp (07/30/2012) [-]
It's alright, 104 thumbs for that comment is more than enough.
User avatar #52 to #51 - thehandofgod (07/30/2012) [-]
By the way, pay no attention to the rest of the shit on my profile.
User avatar #53 to #52 - haaaxderp (07/30/2012) [-]
that just made me look
User avatar #54 to #53 - thehandofgod (07/30/2012) [-]
You've been warned
User avatar #55 to #54 - haaaxderp (07/30/2012) [-]
nothing too bad here
#48 - seanlafool (07/12/2012) [-]
Ganaga Spongegar.
#47 - padorak (07/12/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#46 - padorak (07/12/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
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