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User avatar #36 - thatoldguy (05/09/2013) [-]
Hello new friend. My name is Fred.
The words you hear are in my head.
I say I said my name is Fred.
And I've been...
Very ******* .

The story I'm about to tell
I tell you I will tell it well
Is of my dear aunt Muriel
And just how I've been...
******* .

VoilĂ ! the farm. My aunt lives here.
With precious pup and husband dear.
My heart beat fast as I drew near.
I felt so nice...
and ******* .

I thought just how excited they
Must be that I would come today.
They'd shout, "Come Fred! Huzzah! Hoo-ray!
My dear boy, you look so...
******* ."

That's when my tired eyes beheld
A doggy dog! Like dog he smelled.
D-O-G is what he spelled.
And that's how I spell...
******* .

Alone was I, with tender Courage.
And all his fur, his furry furrage.
Which, I say, did encourage
Me, to be quite...
******* .

It was a day I'll not forget;
The day I first met my pet.
Oh, what a lovely gift to get.
I'd never felt so...
******* .

My fuzzy friend is what he was.
This darling little ball of fuzz.
And, oh, such fuzz, such fuzz, it does
Demand that I be...
******* .

He looked at me, his fetching eyes,
And fetching fur did hypnotize,
I filled with joy, I filled with sighs;
And that was when I got...
******* .

His dripping hair, this droopy curl,
Unfolds sweet memories of a girl.
With tresses oh, they twist and twirl.
And tempt me to be...
******* .

Barbara, my love was named;
And her fair hair, a mane untamed;
Until one evening, I'm ashamed,
I got a little...
******* .

The look upon my loved one's face
Was sweet as lace!
But in this case, I realized she
Needed space.
I never more was ******* .
Well... maybe not never.

Dear Courage, your fur and fleece remind
Of nothing found in humankind.
But for one fellow, who did find
Me, to be in a certain mood.

Into my shop he walked one day,
With bush above, and beard bouquet.
"That's no toupee," I prayed, "No way."
I could help but be... You know...
I'd never seen such hair before!
His bangs, they sang! His neck, it beckoned!
Eyebrows, armpits, all were reckoned!
Soon, I figured, what the heck!
And that's how I was...
******* .

Then my landlords did presume
To free me from that porcelain tomb,
And ferry to a private room,
Your hero, ever dotty.

Goodbye, dear aunt. I'll miss your farm.
And Eustace's ebullient charm.
And farewell Courage; what's the harm,
If I was slightly...
******* .
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