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#317 - inkie ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
I ran out of anti depressants and I've been waiting for nearly a week and I've been isolating myself
User avatar #318 to #317 - scootabot (12/14/2015) [-]
Are you still feeling as horrible as you were? .. Or worse?
User avatar #319 to #318 - inkie ONLINE (12/14/2015) [-]
Yeah.. still pretty crummy..
User avatar #320 to #319 - scootabot (12/14/2015) [-]
Did you at least get to feel a little better about who you are, so that you aren't playing into everyone's preconceived notions about you? You aren't having to live up to anyone's standards... Isn't that something of a relief?
User avatar #321 to #320 - inkie ONLINE (12/14/2015) [-]
I don't know how I would rectify that when I always feel like ****
User avatar #322 to #321 - scootabot (12/14/2015) [-]
You always feel like **** ? Just. Always. No matter what. There's no happiness in your life. You don't wake up in one of your favorite positions or something or go look outside and see the sunrise, or something.

Instead of looking at all the beauty around you, you want to focus on the negatives that's bringing you down? I know that I'm a piece of **** . I feel like garbage all the time. I hate my life. I hate myself. I want to die, 80% of the time. I don't feel like I'll ever amount to anything. I feel like I'll be in a lower income bracket for the rest of my life and I'll struggle because I can't get into college.

My friends don't visit anymore. The only real people I talk to are family and my single friend who comes over to visit every now and again. I've only got one friend. I'm not dating anyone, though God knows I've tried. I'm lonely, all the time, and I'm about to turn 22. At my age, people are making families and have a career set out.

I don't. I'm worried. I'm scared. I have to live through every single day as if I'm just marching to my death bed in this horrible existence that I don't want to be apart of. I'd kill myself, but I'm just too damn scared to do it. All I want to do is just live happily, but I know that because of the decisions I've made, I can't do that. I'm going to be struggling for the rest of my life and there is no other way out than death.

I'm ****** every which way. I hate my life. I hate everything. I want to die. I'm in the same boat you are, Inkie. I don't have medication. I don't have someone who actually LOVES me the way that Quill does you, I'm an absolute wreck.

I keep myself steady, I keep myself happy. More like, I distract myself from the crippling depression and the social/economical struggles I have daily.

You know what I do instead of focusing on myself and my problems? I help people with theirs. Or, sometimes I fail at that, I'm not perfect. In your case, I believe I can't do anything to help you, at all. I've been trying and trying, but I don't know what to do. Do you know why, Inkie?

BECAUSE I'M IN THE SAME BOAT THAT YOU ARE.

How can I possibly help you when I can't even help myself? I'm just living until I die.

I won't be happy throughout most of it, but I do try and find the small things that keep me happy.

The sunrise. A cup of coffee. A game. A friend. A hug. Puppies. Kittens. That TV show I like.

It's not some grand gesture that'll save you from this depression, Inkie. It's always the small things. It's kept me alive this long and I haven't tried cutting myself, because that's just another negative in the sea of sorrow that I'm drowning in. I'm tired, Inkie. I'm really tired and I just want to go home.
#323 to #322 - inkie ONLINE (12/14/2015) [-]
What happens when those small things that used to make you.. content or happy run dry? What if you belittle yourself to the point where you feel that your lover is just gonna find someone better because you think you're nothing? I want to help others but I can't help myself so I just dig myself in deeper too..

what are we to do?
User avatar #324 to #323 - scootabot (12/14/2015) [-]
If those things that make me happy eventually stop making me happy, then I think that's it for me. There's nothing left. The optimist inside of me would say "Go look for something different to do, find something that you love and try and stick with it. Give yourself a reason to be happy."

Though, she's not home right now. If those things go away, well.. I don't have a reason to live anymore.

Count your blessings. Your lover is still with you. Make the most of it. If she goes to someone else later on, who cares. Don't worry about that now. Enjoy her while you have her. It's what I learned. Don't take things for granted. You'll miss them the most when they're gone.

At the moment, I have very little reasons to live. I know where my step-dad keeps his gun stored. If I ever reach that point where not even the sunrise gives me a happy thought, then it's game over for me.

Everyone has their limits. I'm very close to mine, but you still have a reason to live. I've been living on optimism alone. Don't make Quill sad.
User avatar #325 to #324 - inkie ONLINE (12/14/2015) [-]
i hope you aren't going to do anything bad..
User avatar #326 to #325 - scootabot (12/14/2015) [-]
I will eventually, but that's not your problem.

I plan on burning all my bridges before that.
User avatar #327 to #326 - inkie ONLINE (12/14/2015) [-]
i hope.. he is doing well, at least
User avatar #328 to #327 - scootabot (12/14/2015) [-]
Shadow? Yeah, he's alright. Doing decently.

He lost his job and his computer is on the fritz, but once he gets his computer back from the shop, I think he'll be okay.
#329 to #328 - inkie ONLINE (12/14/2015) [-]
how did he lose his job..?
User avatar #330 to #329 - scootabot (12/14/2015) [-]
Something about performance.
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