Pshaw.
What is weird about talking to some guy that's obsessed with a purple unicorn sitting in a spa tub?

...Actually...you have a point...

she'd probably be fine with the brony thing..
but what would I say?
"hey Heather, this is some random guy I met online and happen to have a picture of in a file on my computer. I would do him because he's so awesome."

that'd probably turn out bad...

She'd probably think you were joking around.
But hey, at least you can't say a picture of me with a beard.

the second half of that disappeared?

it said

that was a hint scary :p

Wait...I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!

hinting that you should post one

or could I?

There isn't even a true pic of me with my chin strap existent.

then you should take one.
and post it.
:p

eh....
It's late. I couldn't really get on with good lighting, because my house looks depressing as hell and kinda orangey with any lights on at this hour.

tomorrow?

you dont have to if you dont want to..

Eehh I guess....

yay!

I spoil you it seems...

indeed you do :)

Geez Louise...
I make you the only person I have told that stuff to, and now I am going to take a picture of myself for you.

Sometimes, but I get over it.
I just suck it up, and go about my business as normal, ignoring the physical pain. If I show any sign of pain, I get angry with myself. Sometimes I'll purposely hit myself just to make sure I don't show any pain again.

your'e messing with me.
theres no way

Well I don't mean, hitting real hard to where I get significantly injured. That would be crazy

sorry it keeps taking me so long to reply,
one of my room mates is teaching me guitar funnily enough,
so we were practicing

yes. lol it would
i get what you mean though

Well that's good.
From that 1 hour time lapse, I was starting to worry.

sorry, I actaully just explained that :p

Ah ok. I understand.

I'm horrible..
I really just want to learn a few songs and then be done with it, nothing serious

you probably shouldnt hit yourself though.. theres probably better ways of handling it

Eh. It's fine. at most it's just a quick push to the stomach.

okay, just dont hurt yourself too bad..?
I dont want anything to happen to you man.

It's OK. I can tough it out.

Also, never think you're a horrible person.
We both know very well that is not true.

*horrible at guitar, which is why it was taking so long for me to reply :p

idk about that though, I do alot of not so good things..
especially by my parents/ religious standards

you on the other hand, are probably one of the best people I know.
you seem to genuinely care about pretty much everyone you talk to. thats rare and amazing

I try my best.

Thank you, I appreciate it. I don't know when I'll be able to get out of this funk, for it has been lasting much longer than it normally does, but this has been a nice break from it. It's been a while since I have legitimately smiled.

Well I hope for your sake that it's over soon, and I'm glad you smiled :)

you're an amazing guy scary. theres a reason you're on my 'would do' list.

I'm flattered, but I don't think your girlfriend would appreciate you having a "Would Do" list

she doesnt need to know

maybe you're right..

HEY CADENZA'S GIRLFRIEND!!
CHECK THIS OUT!!

shit.

You dun goofed now, son.

on second thought...
she might think thats wierd.........

I'm so fucked..


maybe i'll introduce you next time shes here

Oh I wouldn't say I'm mature. I usually am pretty goofy, saying the most bizarre stuff. I just see no point in getting sad or bummed out. It's pointless, and doesn't solve anything. And don't even get me started on crying.
The most negative feeling I'll ever get is being angry for a little bit, but that's it.

But like I said, I'm sure I won't succumb to any mental break down, no matter how long I'll keep it all in.

crying is pointless. I'll agree with you there.
I hope so.. it's not an easy thing to recover from.
I've never had one myself, but my grandma has had several

I see.

But if you really must know, the issue currently bugging me is just something to do with my brother, though he doesn't realize it.

the one thats in Korea?
or the other one?

The other one.
In fact, this issue is the main reason why I even took up guitar

whats been going on?

You're not going to stop asking, are you?

hahaha maybe eventually..
you've peaked my interest

I don't know if I want to risk that...
Fine.

The thing is, I have been trying for the longest time just to impress him. I don't know why, but I just have to, but no matter what I try, I fail. Every time.
It's either 2 outcomes. Either I mess up and look like a fool, or I succeed, and he isn't even impressed, and tells me I did it wrong. This has been going on for years, and is the main source of my hard exterior. He's a very tough guy, so I try to be just as tough, by not letting anything out.

ahhh, makes sense.
speaking as an older brother here,
he probably is at least somewhat impressed when you do do something right.
my little brother has been doing the same thing for a while now, and when he succeeds at stuff, I am happy for him.. on the inside.
but on the outside I just shoot him down.
I'm not sure why, instinct maybe..
I know I'm a dick for doing it.

unless, you are trying to impress him by doing exactly what he does.. that can get a little annoying..
mainly because I see it as "I am my own person, I'm not a copy of someone else, I am who I am because of my life and my experiences. so why would I be impressed by him trying to be like me? He didnt have my life, he has his own, and he should embrace it and find out who he really is. I'll be impressed when he becaomes his own person" kind of thing.
does that make sense?
or am I way off here?

Well, I can get what you are saying...
But I am doing completely different things. I have no hope of being as good as him at the things he does, so I try my own things.
The only thing that we are both doing is the guitar, but I got the idea from his friend, who was in a few bands, and he is very good.

I just want some sort of sign that he is proud of me. That is all I have been asking for all these years. It's been like this ever since our mother and grandfather died a year apart 8 years ago(which is what caused me to find no point in being sad).

When it first started, I did more trivial things, like saying how I beat a video game like Legend of Zelda all by myself without any help or something, but as I have grown older, the attempts I have made have become more significant.

What sucks even more, is this has spread to my over all lifestyle. I refuse to ask for help, I have to do things on my own, if I fail enough, I start to lose it... all that jazz.

oh, I'm sorry to hear that..

have you tried talking to him about it?

No, I could never do that.
If I did, he would just feel sorry for me, that is, if he took me seriously.

That's another thing, no one takes me seriously in real life, and it sucks. I always have to be that goofy random guy in the family, as to hide any fact that I may be down about something.

The only time I am truly happy when acting goofy, is when I am doing it for my little nephews and nieces.

I can see why you're down about this.
it's quite the conundrum..

Well, at least there is some benefit out of it.

Because of it, I've made sure not to be a stupid teenager, and acting like a douche all the time.
Plus, for the most part, I refuse not to give up on my tasks, like when I am playing a video game. I don't care what I need to be doing, I have to beat that boss, or if a project isn't going well, I have to make sure it can be improved and fixed.

well thats good at least,
its a great work-ethic to have

Well...until it gets too far, at least.

too far?

I can...get pretty angry at my video games...

And if it isn't video games, I just hold all my rage in, which usually gives me some sort of stomach ache.

which leads to mental breakdowns

it makes you physically sick?

Cadenza!
Man it has been a while, how has it been?

fantastic thanks :)
bugs now? nice

And Daffy.

But anyways, what's new, man? I've missed ya

I missed you too man!

I met a girl :D
but other than that, pretty much the same. just working all the time.

hows things with you?
how was your fj-free weekend?

I am glad to hear that, bud!
As for me, well, I have been better, but I'll be fine. The weekend was alright.

But enough of me, what's she like?

whats going on? can I help?

She's amazing :)
she's 22, around 5'6", funny, smart, hard working, sweet, and TOTALLY fine with me being a brony. she actually wants to watch a few episodes with me

>pic related, it's her

(sorry that took a minute I was eating din din)

Wow dude that is great! I'm happy for you! She seems like quite the keeper

din din? hahaha
that was awesome :)

thanks man!
but seriously, whats going on?
I want to help, after all you've done for me

Bah, I'm alright, no need to worry about me. I have just had a few thing bugging me for a bit, but it's ok. This normally happens about twice a month or so.

**cadenzabrony pokes scary playfully**
tell me

It's not important.
It's just this issue I have had for a few years, but it's fine.
Besides, I'm really not the kind of guy to talk about "feelings" or anything like that.

pwease let me help?

I don't know...I've already denied the help of about 5 other people in the course of this bad mood.

Actually...2 of them, yah.

.....

who cares. let me help :P

please man.

I'm just not sure.
Talking about it would kinda conflict with the issue.
I have a huge sense of pride. My issue has brought me to the point where I refuse to admit any feeling I have, which reminds me of the fact that I refuse to even have any negative feeling, and it's been like that for about 8 years now.

no feeling?
scary, thats not healthy..
you need to let your feelings out other wise you have mental breakdowns.

Mental breakdown?
Pshaw. It's fine. I've been going 8 years since a particular event, with out so much of a sense of being bummed out.

I was depressed at one point, but that was only because I was being a whiny kid who thought my life was terrible even though it wasn't, so I decided to slim down, get a hair cut, and grow the hell up.