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#439
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saltyfries (08/24/2014) [-] 
You guys wanna know something? I'm 25 years old, yet i still feel like I'm fresh out of high school, I should be doing 25 year old things, but I don't want to, why? Because they're boring, I don't feel like or want to be an adult yet. Yet so many of my classmates are married, having kids, and doing adult things, yet here I am, stuck at home, on this website, or playing vidya. If I try to be social irl, I come off as an annoying 3rd wheel, I feel like I'm in the way of people's lives, rather than being a part of them. I feel behind
Mentally
Socially
technologically
but mostly the former.
What's worse is I lack not just social skills, but things I have in common with people. I'm on a social website that mine as well be the hipster website as opposed to Tumblr, Reddit, 4chan or others. I watch abridged cartoons, I watch anime (now sparingly), I hate most M rated games, I maybe a sports guy but that only goes so far, I love Pro Wrestling, and I know so much about it, but most other people whom I know are fans of it don't know as much, and I come off as a creepy nerd sharing my knowledge. I'm a person with Autism no less, meaning I"m already not normal to begin with, and I know this feel just like them, it's uncomforting to be around someone who isn't mentally normal. I work in a grocery store, and while I'm thankful for the job, most people my age have a 9-5 job now and get paid and have a home/apartment.
This is why I feel I can't make IRL friends, I'm in the wrong place, I feel out of place, I don't fit in. I'd rather be playing video games with people who have spare time, but I know no one like that, I'd rather find single people willing to have fun, but I know no one like that, i want to have friends, but I have 0 clue if they like me or not.
People complement me everyday that I maybe the sanest one of my family, that I may have the best chance of being successful, married, with kids, but they don't know how ****** up I am, how different I am, or how fearful I am that I may never be normal or independent. I feel like I still want to be special, I want to be good at something, I always wanted to be a pro wrestler, a baseball player, a roller coaster designer, something that I can become a legend in, support my mom, and be happy, however, that isn't the case anymore. I'm lucky to even have the job now that I have, because I'm so behind.
this may sound stupid to a lot of people reading this, but please hear me out. As much as I love this site, as many friends as I have here, if only I can be the same with people IRL, as I am with you. I want to feel free about myself, like I am here.
I hope everyone who reads this, understands how I feel.
stickied
Mentally
Socially
technologically
but mostly the former.
What's worse is I lack not just social skills, but things I have in common with people. I'm on a social website that mine as well be the hipster website as opposed to Tumblr, Reddit, 4chan or others. I watch abridged cartoons, I watch anime (now sparingly), I hate most M rated games, I maybe a sports guy but that only goes so far, I love Pro Wrestling, and I know so much about it, but most other people whom I know are fans of it don't know as much, and I come off as a creepy nerd sharing my knowledge. I'm a person with Autism no less, meaning I"m already not normal to begin with, and I know this feel just like them, it's uncomforting to be around someone who isn't mentally normal. I work in a grocery store, and while I'm thankful for the job, most people my age have a 9-5 job now and get paid and have a home/apartment.
This is why I feel I can't make IRL friends, I'm in the wrong place, I feel out of place, I don't fit in. I'd rather be playing video games with people who have spare time, but I know no one like that, I'd rather find single people willing to have fun, but I know no one like that, i want to have friends, but I have 0 clue if they like me or not.
People complement me everyday that I maybe the sanest one of my family, that I may have the best chance of being successful, married, with kids, but they don't know how ****** up I am, how different I am, or how fearful I am that I may never be normal or independent. I feel like I still want to be special, I want to be good at something, I always wanted to be a pro wrestler, a baseball player, a roller coaster designer, something that I can become a legend in, support my mom, and be happy, however, that isn't the case anymore. I'm lucky to even have the job now that I have, because I'm so behind.
this may sound stupid to a lot of people reading this, but please hear me out. As much as I love this site, as many friends as I have here, if only I can be the same with people IRL, as I am with you. I want to feel free about myself, like I am here.
I hope everyone who reads this, understands how I feel.
#541 to #439
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greedtheavaricious (01/21/2015) [-] As someone with assburgers, I know exactly what you're going through.
The trick is to try to overcome your fears, just be social. I know, "just be social". Not very easy to do. Yesterday, first driving ed lesson. Was nervous as fck, constantly afraid to say something stupid, constantly trying to supress coughing/snorting (I smoke and got issues with my sinuses, it's something that bothers me to no ends. Others, too.) So, what I did... was exactly that. Trying my best not to be annoying. Mostly keeping quiet, but engaging in social stuff. Like joking around, or after class just asking for a lighter, wishing the others a nice rest of the evening, stuff like that.
The trick is to try to overcome your fears, just be social. I know, "just be social". Not very easy to do. Yesterday, first driving ed lesson. Was nervous as fck, constantly afraid to say something stupid, constantly trying to supress coughing/snorting (I smoke and got issues with my sinuses, it's something that bothers me to no ends. Others, too.) So, what I did... was exactly that. Trying my best not to be annoying. Mostly keeping quiet, but engaging in social stuff. Like joking around, or after class just asking for a lighter, wishing the others a nice rest of the evening, stuff like that.
#542 to #541
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saltyfries (01/21/2015) [-] bruh I do that every day, i love being social, but I still can't pick up on cues that people would like to hang out and **** . When I'm done with work, I just go straight home, when I'm done with school, straight home, because if someone doesn't ask me to hang, I have 0 excuse to leave my house. Seriously, unless it's something important (like today my dentist appointment) I have no reason to leave my house, and waste gas.
#540 to #439
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redbannerman (01/21/2015) [-] I have a similar problem, but to a lesser degree. I was told I have aspergers. I've been given literally everything I need to become great at whatever the blasted **** I want. I used to have to be told to do things that are beyond basic function and video games. I'm 20 now, and I fear I'm going down the very same path as you. Yet here I am, in my Dad's basement, the only jobs I've ever had were stupid service jobs like working in a deli or being a restaurant greeter. I know the feeling of your classmates going off and being adults while wallowing as a child at heart. It's frustrating, and yet I've come to a realization. I have no will of my own. I lack that drive that makes other people go to great lengths to succeed. The saddest part about that is, I have everything I could ever need to get to wherever I want. Let's do something about it, eh? I'm tired of not doing anything useful. The social aspect is something I've had to work on my whole life. Rigorously. Nothing changes overnight, it seems.
#478 to #439
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atma (11/26/2014) [-] Damn man. That hits pretty hard. I think a lot of people feel out of place in their twenties, out of school and being force-fed new responsibilities, not having a chance to hang out with the people who once were in their same classes everyday, things like that. It can be a long time, but I think that gradually people become more open about their interests, and you can feel yourself creating deep, rich relationships as time goes on.
I was in retail (it's just awful) and thanks to a therapist I'm back in school, studying computer science... I don't know if you have a chance to put time into something that you're passionate about, but maybe there are cheaper night classes that you can take, where you can learn a marketable skill that will help roll the ball forward. Just, like, anything besides continuing a job that isn't helping your confidence at all.
I'm obviously not a professional on the matter myself, but I've gone through a lot of the same **** ; feel free to add me on Steam or talk to me about vidya anytime, I'm always happy to converse with folks when I'm around.
I was in retail (it's just awful) and thanks to a therapist I'm back in school, studying computer science... I don't know if you have a chance to put time into something that you're passionate about, but maybe there are cheaper night classes that you can take, where you can learn a marketable skill that will help roll the ball forward. Just, like, anything besides continuing a job that isn't helping your confidence at all.
I'm obviously not a professional on the matter myself, but I've gone through a lot of the same **** ; feel free to add me on Steam or talk to me about vidya anytime, I'm always happy to converse with folks when I'm around.
#465 to #439
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cliffordlover (11/10/2014) [-] **cliffordlover rolled image** Asperger syndrome and autism run in my family. I don't have it myself, but I feel like I might as well have had it. My brother's got Asperger's, and I feel like I was kind of raised like I had it because that's what my parents knew. I've never really had any friends. If I try to hang out with people, it's like I'm burdening them because they have to "fit me into their schedule".
People in my class in high school did that a lot to me, and my first year of college was better for the first couple of weeks. I almost constantly had people to talk to, and it eventually fell through. The people that didn't act like it was a problem at first dropped me, and the other ones I met never gave me a chance. I transferred to a new college and have no trouble getting people to talk to me, but I don't actually go out with these people. I hang outside the building with them, and they do like 90% of the talking, but it's the fact that I'm still socializing that makes me feel better.
The thing that bothers me the most is starting conversations and group conversations. I can talk one on one with almost anybody as long as they initiate the conversation, but other than that I'm pretty much completely silent, which also makes it harder to meet people, especially in a college setting. ****** rough, man. I understand exactly how you feel.
People in my class in high school did that a lot to me, and my first year of college was better for the first couple of weeks. I almost constantly had people to talk to, and it eventually fell through. The people that didn't act like it was a problem at first dropped me, and the other ones I met never gave me a chance. I transferred to a new college and have no trouble getting people to talk to me, but I don't actually go out with these people. I hang outside the building with them, and they do like 90% of the talking, but it's the fact that I'm still socializing that makes me feel better.
The thing that bothers me the most is starting conversations and group conversations. I can talk one on one with almost anybody as long as they initiate the conversation, but other than that I'm pretty much completely silent, which also makes it harder to meet people, especially in a college setting. ****** rough, man. I understand exactly how you feel.
