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Date Signed Up:11/05/2009
Last Login:12/07/2016
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latest user's comments

#10 - Also, to anyone on this site suffering with a genuine problem …  [+] (1 reply) 01/17/2014 on "Bravery" +32
#303 - stokkeprygl (01/17/2014) [-]
'wee Scottish guy'
#9 - Right, now my girlfriend used to self harm (as in she had a ge…  [+] (37 replies) 01/17/2014 on "Bravery" +135
#393 - banditowolf (01/17/2014) [-]
you are a good man and i wish you all the best with your girlfriend.
#408 - paulm (01/17/2014) [-]
I don't like to think of myself as simply a good or bad man. I prefer to just say I do my best But thanks, man. All the best to you in everything you do as well!

I honestly thought a rant like that would get at least some complaints off of scene kids than all of this... HAha
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#220 - theshadowed (01/17/2014) [-]
#219 - passwordismine (01/17/2014) [-]
You're Scottish eh? I think ye meant:

Reit, noo mah burd used tae self harm (as in she hud a genuine problem kin' ay hin', therapy, psychiatry, th' lot, nae loch thes wee cunt) an' frankly, thes pic jist makes me sae radge! Ah pure techt, ashleigh (my female, sex month) stopped self harmin' abit thee months ago, sae e'en durin' th' relationship, eh'd gang see 'er an' there'd be loch 20, 30 mair scars an' it was jist awfy. but thes... thes jobby is offensife tae buck knows hoo mony fowk! fowk fa self harm an' fowk fa dornt! th' fowk fa hink it's "strong" an' "brave" tae shaw yer scars aff loch some kin' ay badge ay honur an' it's jist fucked! noo, Ah bide in Glasgee, scootlund, an' haur, thaur ur quite puckle gangs sae scars can be considered somethin' tae respect in some circles but that's a chib in th' chest, nae some pussyshit scratchin' oan yer wrist! th' kin' ay jobbie 'at Ah coods make an exact copy ay by gettin' ashleigh's moggie an' lettin' it donner doon mah arm! thes is th' warst kin' ay attention-seekin', idiotic bullshit Ah see in mah life, an' Ah ken quite a lot ay scene kids (no offence tae brain new ones but scene kids ur th' main perps ay thes here) sae Ah see it a lot! "oh, swatch at mah scars, these ur frae when mah cheil dumped me an' these frae when mah goldfish died!" buck aff! self harm is serioos mince. noo, Ah dornt kin peoples' reasons fur it ur whit dri'es fowk tae it (ashleigh woods ne'er teel me when she did it, she'd jist gonnae-no messagin' fur abit 20 minutes (she li'es in kilmarnock sae Ah cannae gie tae 'er tae gonnae-no her)) but aam bonnie sure showin' them aff an' shootin' abit bein' aw "strong" an' "amazing" an' "beautiful" jist cause yoo're usin' some fud version ay somethin' 'at mony fowk hae a genuine problem wi' jist tae garner some f'rm ay attention frae whatever dyed hair, stretched lug, 18 facial piercin', botdf listenin', "depressed", "ocd", "bipolar" (note th' quote marks) tossel yoo're efter thes week! cannae stain it!
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#422 - myfunnyfile (01/17/2014) [-]
So how long did it take you to do this?
#429 - passwordismine (01/17/2014) [-]
Went to google
typed in "scottish translator"
hit enter
clicked on the first result
pasted his rant into the box
clicked translate
pasted the translated version in the FJ comment box
hit reply
i know im getting red thumbs for this, but oh well. Better that than to lie
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#431 - myfunnyfile (01/17/2014) [-]
oh wait, i thought it was just a scottish dialect thing but still in the english language. i guess ill read something before commenting, sorry
#433 - passwordismine (01/17/2014) [-]
Don't be sorry, eh.
#407 - neokun (01/17/2014) [-]
Glorious Gleswegian pride swells with joy
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#471 - chevah (04/17/2014) [-]
This is the best comment section I've ever seen to describe glasgow...aye.
#295 - shittyrone (01/17/2014) [-]
this makes so much more sense i'm from Clydebank
#227 - paulm (01/17/2014) [-]
This... this is my favourite reply ever...
#231 - passwordismine (01/17/2014) [-]
You're welcome my friend
#207 - thelastelephant (01/17/2014) [-]
Line breaks would help.
#151 - anon (01/17/2014) [-]
To be honest my girl has self harmed before too. Her parents are fucking monsters and she constantly gets called a slut, even thou she's only gone out with three guys in her life (Me included). And she thinks of herself as a fucking coward. It saddens me to see this fucking stupid shit, where just because you were broken up with by your boyfriend of two weeks, who you were dumb enough to fuck, you go straight to cutting like you have a real problem. And the way that it's so fucking sensationalized, is just a way for these attention seeking sluts to find another guy to fuck and leave, and then go and cry over a facebook status, and then cut one small fucking line. If you ever see somebody who talks about their life being horrible, and they self harm, check the scars. If they are scars that range in upwards of 30 and are almost completely circling the arm, leg or stomach, then you know they are real. If the scars are fucking cat scratches, you're just a attention seeking whore.
#139 - anon (01/17/2014) [-]
You're so mean, Paulie. This brightened my day
#144 - paulm (01/17/2014) [-]
Nae bother, Ashy. Anytime <3
#143 - paulm has deleted their comment.
#129 - homosexuals (01/17/2014) [-]
Good to hear that she stopped man, but I don't think I'll ever understand how you can be depressed in a country as beautiful as Scotland.
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#420 - believingsnail (01/17/2014) [-]
Not in bloody glasgow and Kilmarnock its no, i can gurantee you that.
#133 - paulm (01/17/2014) [-]
Well, she does live in Kilmarnock... And I'm in Govan so... Haha. I kid though, it really is a great place.
#122 - anticitezenone (01/17/2014) [-]
next time consider the enter key
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#107 - Lloydles (01/17/2014) [-]
Haw mate bites
#71 - aibu (01/17/2014) [-]
My girlfriend used to self harm as well. We've been together for 2 and a half years now. She stopped after a year of us being together.
She started cutting because of various reasons. Like being overlooked by her parents, only getting together with shit boyfriends she thought was great, until they demanded her body(which she, obviously, refused).
I've been taking her everywhere I've been able to, give her some positive experiences and tell her not to think of her past, because it can't be changed. But if she keeps thinking of her past, how will she have a bright future?
She's told me countless times at night how I've given her back hope of life, how much I mean to her and that I'm the only one that has genuinely given her any interest other than her mom.
But this adventure has stressed me a lot.
My stepfather is her uncle, which is a hated man in my world.
He has literally made my life a living hell since I was 6.
My oldest brother died in a car accident when I was 7(cont)
#463 - aibu has deleted their comment.
#75 - aibu (01/17/2014) [-]
And from then on, everything just got worse.
I got scolded for everything that I did.
I could literally swap the whole house down(2 story villa house(mom was a the boss of a cleaning company)), and he'd tell me how shit I did it, rather than just appreciate that I tried to do it, so he didn't have to. My mom even expected the cleaning and had no problems with it, so god knows how the fuck he was able to complain.

I was under his tyranny for years. His constant nagging me has made me develop anxiety issues, which forces me to leave cramped rooms with a lot of people.

I've had suicidal thoughts, but never cut myself.
I was at the end of my rope when I got together with my girlfriend, which is my stepdad's niece(mentioned in earlier post).

I never gave up. I stood strong against my inner demons and the daily terror for my mom's sake. I couldn't let her be alone with that monster of a man.
My oldest brother moved away because of him before he died.
My 2nd brother also moved away from home when I was 12, because he couldnt take it.
And since my brother's death, I've never really been "me" in my mom's eyes. I'm the spitting image of my oldest brother.
Doing great in school, look perfectly like him(except shorter because of malnourishment and passive smoke) and I had an outwardly cheerful attitude. But I knew. She didn't see "me", but only my brother. She tried cutting ties with her past using me. And I was fine with it. I took the abuse, daily, and was ignored for most of my life.
When I think back on it, and on what other people are able to take. They'd have murdered the man in cold blood.
I've even contemplated the thought myself.
But I was broken. I dared not do it, because of fear of my mother being alone in the same way that I'd have been.

So I lived through it all.
I didn't eat properly, which halted my growth. Everyone in the family was a heavy smoker. Me and my own uncle are the only out of like 50 to never touch a cigarette.(cont)
#79 - aibu (01/17/2014) [-]
I didn't drink. I didn't do drugs. I only managed to get one single friend throughout my childhood.
I'd spend most of my freetime at his place, playing gameboy(which my dad bought me. Pokemon yellow. I fucking miss him. Died of cancer last year. Also the only one except for my friend to acknowledge me in my entire life.)
I never had a relief. I controlled my anger. Shut down my emotions. Never really had a phobia, except for strangers, because of my "sleep-state" brain.
I could, and still can, touch spiders. I don't fear snakes. I've stood face to face with cars coming towards me with 70 miles per hour, only for them to brake and barely hit me. I didn't care. If it had hit me, I'd have atleast gotten a little attention at my funeral or at the hospital anyway.

My life was going along slowly. Every day was agony. Hungry, thirsty, every single day I would hide at my friends house(whose mom didn't like me either).

After a couple of years, I got out of 9th grade. I didn't know what I'd want to do. I had 2 A's, 4 B's and a couple of C's. I did great in school, despite the circumstances.
I shifted through education after education. IT, extra classes. College.
I did everything I could to take my mind away from life.

But it wasn't really until I met my girlfriend that I really started thinking about my own life, instead of living the life of a shadow, pretending to be my oldest brother for my mother's sake.

We met in spain. My mom had invited me with her on vacation, since she wanted me to relax a bit. I agreed, after not having traveled since I was young, before my parents divorced.

She's a pain in the ass sometimes, but I really like her. She has the same kind of attitude as my stepdad has, but not so much that she can't see reason and be calmed down.

Because of my childhood, it's been hard for me to express my feelings towards her, and because of her own childhood, she's often thought I'd been behind her back with another girl.(cont)
#83 - aibu (01/17/2014) [-]
But as most of you, that are actually reading my story, probably figured out, I'm not able to do that because of anxiety.
It's been heaven and hell in one go.
But I started getting better. Only for it to get worse.
As I started thinking for myself again, I started letting my emotions return for the first time in years.
As my mind became apparent to myself once again, I discovered that I wasn't alone in my head.
I don't hear voices, per se, but my minds often drifts off to psycotic thoughts.
Murder, rape, destruction. Everything bad. Like my mind is the embodiment of evil.
It's giving me a constant headache, even now. Just spilling the beans anonymously on the internet is making it hard on me. Hell, I'm not even expecting anyone to read this, but I finally feel it's time to come out with it. I haven't even been able to tell my friend, girlfriend or mom at all.
Every waking second I think bad thoughts. If I see a random girl on the street, I think about how it would be to murder her silently, and wait for the authorities to find her body.
I looked it up on the internet, and apparently I'm a sociopath with heavy tendencies for a skitzoid personality disorder.
So basically, I'm in deep shit in my mind. And I'm battling it alone, because I can't make myself tell others. I don't want others to have the burden of helping someone who doesn't even know who themself is.

But it's been worth it. 3 months ago, my mom finally left my stepdad. My girlfriend's moved in with me and my mom, and we're doing better than we expected. There are still the marriage issues between my mom and now ex-stepdad that needs to be resolved.
But everything's looking fine for once in my life.
Half my family's died along the way of cancer, suicide or accidents.
My ex-stepdad has even threatened me on several occasions.
But today, seeing my girlfriend smile and laugh, and my mom relaxing and smiling..
It's all been worth it. All this pain and suffering.(cont in last part)
#86 - aibu (01/17/2014) [-]
I legitimately think that it has all been worth it. Seeing my mom genuinely smile. See my girlfriend coming out of her own problems.
I still miss my brother, my dad and everyone else. But I don't feel lonely anymore.

For anyone that's bothered reading this, thank you. It's taken a lot of courage for me to even THINK about writing this. But being anonymous helps.(even though I'm logged in, but fuck that.)

Also, seeing Paul's post gave me the push I needed to tell SOMEONE of my life.

I hope I haven't bored any of you, and I didn't expect to give you all a feel story at all.
But I hope that you will learn from my story and never let yourself, in the rest of your life, become the slave of a tyran.
It kills you inside and breaks your soul.
#93 - swizzll (01/17/2014) [-]
Some of those feels, I can relate
#25 - anon (01/17/2014) [-]
Paul, is that really you? It's me, Ashleigh!
#27 - anon (01/17/2014) [-]
That's a real dick move, anon.
#155 - anon (01/17/2014) [-]
Says an anon
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#11 - zergiel (01/17/2014) [-]
Escape The Fate -  Ashley With Lyrics The name of your gf reminded me of this song.
#120 - paulm has deleted their comment.
#10 - paulm (01/17/2014) [-]
Also, to anyone on this site suffering with a genuine problem with self harm, I know just words form some wee Scottish guy might not do much but you're gonna be all right. I promise Have a great one, guys.
#303 - stokkeprygl (01/17/2014) [-]
'wee Scottish guy'
#2963 - I'm Govan born and bred. You?  [+] (1 reply) 06/15/2013 on Let's try an experiment... 0
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#3616 - jellyfishsteph (06/16/2013) [-]
Born and raised in Alexandria, Dunbartonshire but live in Clydebank now.
#54 - Glasgow, Scotland  [+] (4 replies) 06/15/2013 on Let's try an experiment... +2
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#1097 - lazypaul (06/15/2013) [-]
I live in wemyss bay, about half an hour away from glasgow.
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#610 - jellyfishsteph (06/15/2013) [-]
Which area of Glasgow?
#2963 - paulm (06/15/2013) [-]
I'm Govan born and bred. You?
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#3616 - jellyfishsteph (06/16/2013) [-]
Born and raised in Alexandria, Dunbartonshire but live in Clydebank now.
#9 - ARMOFF!  [+] (1 reply) 06/07/2013 on SnK +14
#11 - tormain (06/07/2013) [-]