I... I'm confused... Who's Pablov? And what did he do to my Lord? Should I shank a nigga? Tell me God.

This comment is old, but I have written my first chapter already, if you want to read it pabloch1406.deviantart.com/art/The-Endless-Journey-Chapter-1-A-new-Beginning-369803390?ga_submit_new=10%253A1368477881&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1

sweet i'll tackle it and send some feedback if you want

please do !

I think a few people know this, but I also want to be a writter! bests of lucks to you!

This comment is old, but I have written my first chapter already, if you want to read it pabloch1406.deviantart.com/art/The-Endless-Journey-Chapter-1-A-new-Beginning-369803390?ga_submit_new=10%253A1368477881&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1

Hahahaha, surely I'm not the smarterest, and I'm writting in english despite it being a learned language, though I lived in the state for 3 years and spoke english my entire life. So it's kind of like spanish for me

This comment is old, but I have written my first chapter already, if you want to read it pabloch1406.deviantart.com/art/The-Endless-Journey-Chapter-1-A-new-Beginning-369803390?ga_submit_new=10%253A1368477881&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1

When it's good and ready, of course.

Sure! I will probably send it to your mail. so when it's done, probably today or tomorrow, I'll ask you for your email. or you can tell it to me now.

Just attach @gmail.com to the end of my username ^^

I'm creative with names, I know.

Dude, you're better than me, my username is my real name.

This comment is old, but I have written my first chapter already, if you want to read it pabloch1406.deviantart.com/art/The-Endless-Journey-Chapter-1-A-new-Beginning-369803390?ga_submit_new=10%253A1368477881&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1

Ok, I'm reading it right now. Have you read all of mine yet?

funny story, I accidentally deleted my email with your stuff in it, I was too embarrassed to ask it again then forgot about it, send it back and I'll read it, I got to the half of the third chapter.

my inbox I mean, not the email, my email is pablo.chamorro1406@gmail.com

Ok its sent. What do you think of it so far from what you've read. I want the pros and cons as well as any tips you have to make it better.

Well you still haven't changed the first thing you are doing wrong, you are not using pronouns as much as you should.

"Gage was on a field trip to a wax museum in the city when it happened. Gage was a
larger man in width, about 5 ‘7’. He had brown hair that he would sweep back every morning.
Today he wore a plain white shirt with blue jeans, looking about as normal as someone can get.
Everybody had filed into the museum and scattered from one end of the building to the other.
Gage found an interesting pamphlet on ‘Murderer’s Row,’ a section of the museum that contains
wax figures representing killers executed for their crimes."

If it was me, I would only name Gage once, so that the readers can know his name, then keep on refering to Gage as he or him until another character is introduced. Everytime it's not clear who are you talking about you name the character, not once every sentence, it gets annoying reading Gage Gage Gage Gage, and that's a huge stepping stone once you try to get this published.

Like I said before, the story is very good, you don't use unnecesary commas like I do, but syntax is your problem, I frankly don't know how to help you in this regard, look on the internet for tips on how to help you. What I do is read out loud several times, that way I realize what I'm doing wrong and correct it.

By the way, did you like my story? what do you think of it?

Damnit. I forgot about that and I am just really lazy in editing with things like that. Anyway, your story is really good and has a so far awesome plot. I can't wait to see more about Voids and other such things in your story's universe.

Did you notice anything about the grammar though? And thanks! I worked really hard on that story.

I did realize a few small grammatical errors, but nothing too big. I'm not going to comb through it to find them but there were some. Once again though, nothing too big, and thats what editors are for anyway.

chapters*

You can't find it anywhere, I already said what the book is about, if you could refer to my original comment, it's there.

I also would love to read what you got, perhaps we could provide feedback for eachother? my mail is pablo.chamorro1406@gmail.com

The premise of you story seems interesting enough. My email is foromador@gmail.com. Do you want me to tell you the premise of the book now or would you rather just read it?

I'll just read it, thanks tho

OK I sent it

Looking forward to it! as soon as I have something I'll send it back to you, plus with some feedback

You never bothered me by the way, but hey, her's the first chapter if ya wanna read it pabloch1406.deviantart.com/art/The-Endless-Journey-Chapter-1-A-new-Beginning-369803390?ga_submit_new=10%253A1368477881&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1