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Rank #6813 on Subscribers
nanashi Avatar Level 287 Comments: More Thumbs Than A Hiroshima Survivor
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Personal Info
Gender: male
Age: 20
Steam Profile: nanashishukumei
Consoles Owned: pc, ps3
Video Games Played: oh boy
PSN: appleblooom
Date Signed Up:12/20/2011
Last Login:12/18/2014
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#8900
Highest Content Rank:#437
Highest Comment Rank:#1014
Content Thumbs: 25689 total,  30067 ,  4378
Comment Thumbs: 9050 total,  11134 ,  2084
Content Level Progress: 18.2% (182/1000)
Level 225 Content: Mind Blower → Level 226 Content: Mind Blower
Comment Level Progress: 99% (99/100)
Level 287 Comments: More Thumbs Than A Hiroshima Survivor → Level 288 Comments: More Thumbs Than A Hiroshima Survivor
Content Views:1012433
Times Content Favorited:183 times
Total Comments Made:8824
FJ Points:4652

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funny pictures

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    Uploaded: 03/31/14
    fuck the creator fuck the creator
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    gay bars gay bars
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    Uploaded: 06/02/14
    just in case you are feeling down just in case you are feeling down

latest user's comments

#693 - **nanashi used "*roll 6, Martial Ranged Weapon*"** **nanash… 12/13/2014 on Roll Changes #2 0
#689 - Comment deleted 12/13/2014 on Roll Changes #2 0
#1502 - Comment deleted 12/13/2014 on New Roll Types 0
#1501 - **nanashi used "*Roll pokemon*"** **nanashi rolls Golurk** 12/13/2014 on New Roll Types 0
#1336 - i'll just take whatever MTG themed would be nice 12/12/2014 on Mods will suggest or draw... 0
#552 - Picture 12/10/2014 on [Untitled] 0
#1088264 - was kinda hoping i could get some hints or tips as to how…  [+] (6 new replies) 12/09/2014 on Anime & Manga - anime... 0
#1088318 - tanabata (12/09/2014) [-]
Pro Tip: More Sex
User avatar #1088437 - keltainenlumi (12/09/2014) [-]
Only sex*
User avatar #1088280 - sugoi (12/09/2014) [-]
#1088270 - guitarassassin (12/09/2014) [-]
Basically, use as little dialogue as possible. Dialogue is good, but you shouldn't rely on it.
#1088267 - jkaizoku (12/09/2014) [-]
Well a few things

The narrative is good. Lots of description and lovely words. The dialogue feels awkward, almost forced. Maybe it's because of the sarcastic tone, Dave/Ethan feels weird, Ethan/Julie doesn't feel that weird. Writing style is good, but don't be afraid of a period. Don't continue a sentence with commas if its idea has already been made clear. If you abuse a style, the reader will become tired of it.

Be mindful of cliches. If I could list top ten cliches, one of them is def "childhood friends becoming serious". You take a little differently by it already being an established relationship, albeit secret. Might be an interesting dynamic in the future.

The biggest gripe I have is Mr. MC going gung ho and grabbing a baseball bat like his Spidey Sense is tingling. You and I know that the zombies are coming, the readers will figure it out no doubt, but usually what happens, since you've seen enough movies to know, is that the beginning is highlighted by one thing: confusion. Zombies aren't real, nobody expects it to happen. Let's keep Action Jackson as a civilian before he becomes the wig-splitting hero we know he's gonna be.

The one thing I really like that you did is the description of the zombies. "skin like ceramic and eyes like plastic", calling them dolls. You don't outright call them zombies which is good and you give them a label, a very cool label because what are zombies but lifeless wax figures.

Their behavior is also erratic. They were first at the main gates, then in a matter of minutes bust through the third story window. One has blinding speed and the others are retarded. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the explanation will come.

gr8 draft m8, I r8 a 5/8. First draft shows potential, now you just gotta find it
User avatar #1088268 - jkaizoku (12/09/2014) [-]
Oh, I forgot to include the most important part of this review.

You don't have to listen to me. One thing I learned as a writer is that I do things my way and if other people don't like it, then that just means they don't appreciate my good taste........or I'm a bad writer.
#5339 - would really appreciate it if you guys could read this an…  [+] (2 new replies) 12/09/2014 on /books/ board +1
User avatar #5389 - Anonymi (12/15/2014) [-]
I like it. I feel like more description of the doll people would be good, and using other senses pretty much always makes writing better. Maybe talk about how they smell, or perhaps when he enters the classroom he's assaulted by the cloying scent of blood. Also saying how the headache felt: a spike driven through his eyes, or a constant dull pressure at his temples? Again using Touch, maybe say how the scream was piercing or grating to his ears. If it's hard to look at the ceramics, maybe say that looking at them was like trying to grasp a handful of water, or if it hurts a fairly visceral description could be that looking at them is like copping an eyeful of sandpaper.

A few more technical things (and bear in mind that I haven't used wattpad and I don't know how the formatting works): If a new person is speaking, always have the speech on a new line. Just makes it easier to read and follow. I got lost a few times in the first couple of paragraphs may also be due to lack of sleep and had to go back and reread to find who was talking.
At one point you said "blood was dripping down the falls", and I assume you mean walls, although a waterfall in a classroom would be pretty bitchin.

Lastly, perhaps have him grab the bat after he hears the scream? The two events are close enough that it doesn't make a whole lot of difference plot-wise but it makes more sense to me that way around.

Overall, I liked it. It's not the best thing I've ever read, but it's a hell of a lot better than a few books I've seen actually published. Plus I want to know what happens next, which is always good. I look forward to reading more.
User avatar #5343 - funnyjunkelite (12/09/2014) [-]
looks good so far, to be honest I thought you just going to write about cooking and how you were going to pull it off, I was thoroughly proven wrong. keep it up
#777 - perfect 12/07/2014 on mods draw you a Christmas hat 0
#714 - i am in dire need  [+] (2 new replies) 12/07/2014 on mods draw you a Christmas hat 0
#774 - diddledot (12/07/2014) [-]
User avatar #777 - nanashi (12/07/2014) [-]

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #283 - nomora (08/03/2014) [-]
You need to login to view this link

And here you can see even more of the Eternal Heart CG
User avatar #284 to #283 - nanashi (08/03/2014) [-]
time to look through 33 pages of CG, you will not see me for a while.
on a different not. **** yeah kosame/komomo threeway
User avatar #285 to #284 - nomora (08/03/2014) [-]
Not all 33 are from eternal heart, and there's some fanart and official art thrown in.
User avatar #286 to #285 - nanashi (08/03/2014) [-]
oh well, i guess one page was enough
User avatar #287 to #286 - nomora (08/03/2014) [-]

Seriously ******* want it though. I don't care about Meikyuu anymore (since the translator for that is doing another translation for money), I want more ******* Yume.
User avatar #288 to #287 - nanashi (08/03/2014) [-]
is it too much to ask for both?
has the translation for the fandisk even begun?
User avatar #290 to #289 - nanashi (08/03/2014) [-]
i guess i'll have to kill myself and hope that heaven is real
not that im expecting to end up there once im dead
#282 - datgrass ONLINE (06/25/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#281 - evilhomer ONLINE (06/21/2014) [-]
User avatar #279 - twi (07/30/2013) [-]
goddamn it
#278 - xxangelisxx (06/12/2013) [-]
User avatar #277 - mikelan (06/10/2013) [-]
Rip peace
User avatar #268 - garymotherfingoak ONLINE (06/10/2013) [-]
y u wanna get banned
User avatar #266 - tehbestever (06/10/2013) [-]
y r u doin dis
User avatar #262 - warzon (04/07/2013) [-]
**warzon offers hugs to nana**
#260 - stargazerlily (03/07/2013) [-]
I stopped by to say hi but HOLY **** you have a lot of rare items.
#254 - dubslao (03/03/2013) [-]
for the first 200 pages of my comments
#197 - trollmobile ONLINE (12/24/2012) [-]
whom areth thou?
#189 - melkevegen ONLINE (10/31/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#185 - lonesomeshadow **User deleted account** (10/10/2012) [-]
Dis user.
#176 - anonymous (08/30/2012) [-]
Thanks, now I'm sure I'll spend less time on here.
#172 - santanicaus (08/20/2012) [-]
Here it is.

Happy early/late birthday, you cheeky sonuvabitch.

Forgive the partially-sketched drawing, I was getting my balls busted by my mother.

I'll work on or re-draw it entirely tomorrow-ish, if you want.
#171 - anonymous (08/05/2012) [-]
Ur eh cont stoop sphaaming threed
User avatar #159 - fluxz (07/31/2012) [-]
I've actually been there once. Pretty cool people I guess. I like the music and anime board more tho x].
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