Ministry?
No es esa la banda de Mike Patton?

Bueno, acabo de escuchar "No W"
Tiene un aire Metal y Nu-Metal
Not bad, pero el trabajo vocal no me llama la atencion.

Eh, wasn't that good anyway.
It could have been way much better.

Suena bien.
Suena bastante bien.

Sin embargo, me quedo con el trabajo de Sonic Mayhem.

www.funnyjunk.com/user/masterofmuffins/1623#1623
ahuehuahuehua un infiltrado en la conversacion

Bueno, ya expuse mi punto.
Un excelente juego, un excelente compositor, un soundtrack mediocre.
Lo digo siendo un fan de Quake y de Trent.

Eh, un tanto como siempre, pero no tan entretenido como solia ser.
Skyefags invaden mas consectivo que antes. superderpy es uno de ellos ahora.
Tinychat se esta volviendo mas cul para un grupo de gente. Por sobre todo droh y dinx. Yo me he integrado igual.
LBH esta usando otra cuenta. li-mit

Creo que eso.

No problemo. Que te vaya bien.

hey

How are you.

Stressed as always. How about you?

I'm fine, just working in some reports. And also a little bit worried.
How's your mom.

Same as yesterday. And to top off the curse our family seems to have. Someone stole my mom's medicine as it was being delivered to us. So We're getting things checked out and we may just sue. I don't know

*hugs* How are you hun?

*hugs back with care*
Not so well as I wish I could. Really worried about you.
Was hard to concentrate in class today.
And also thinking about kit. Spens broke with her and she is now smashed.
My head is really far away from my place right now.

Oh no. I hope she will be okay soon..

Eh, she will be like a mess for many days.

The fucker had enough balls for give me a warning before dump her.
www.funnyjunk.com/user/masterofmuffins/1491#1491
Westerday was totally a bad night.

Oh yeah, I saw that. She'll be okay. Someone will come along and sweep her off her feet again ^_^

I'm on that right now.
*kisses you on the forehead* Keeping an eye on my profile? No one has ever done that before. By what I know.

In the process of us talking yesterday, I saw it.

I see...

At least you will have vacations.
Fuck yeah not worry about school?

Not for awhile. I have like a month of school left.

Hm. I'm at the half of the first semester.
Incoming stress. Last weeks are a hell.

Yeah... I've got finals soon.

Have success on it.

I don't know. I hope I can get myself together before them...

I trust in you. You are Kit.

I don't trust myself.

I'm impulsive and pessimistic and argumentative and I'm in love and I'm hopeless.

Not good attitude kit.

And that's why I'm going to change. For myself and for him...

*Better attitude kit.

I guess...

Ugh, I wish there was just a way to start over from scratch....

Realization is already a start.
So you have started already.

But not start over.

I just wanna have a clean slate. "Hi, I'm Kit. How are you today?"
Just start small again...
We don't have to be in love for a relationship to be decent...

Well, I do see the point there.

It's just painful...

And the pain won't go away until I get over it and fall in love again..

Is that something bad?

*fall in love again

I can't focus anymore. I've been trying to work and study for math and I just can't do it..

I need sleep. Goodnight, muffins. I'll see you tomorrow.

Alright.

Rest well brother.

Yes.

I'm scared of getting myself hurt again. Each time someone hurts me, be it a friend or a lover, I recoil more and more within myself...

Isn't that what I said?
Well, it's actually irrelevant.
God damn, I have no idea either.

Same here...

Can I change the orientation of the conversation a little bit?

Go ahead.

Lil faggot Derrick boy tried to contact with me after almost forever.
I don't think that because he wanted to know about my life, and I don't feel like carrying with another problem at the distance.
This was my reaction: www.funnyjunk.com/user/masterofmuffins/1519#1519

Does this make me bad?

No, not at all.
He kinda deserves to know how he makes you feel....

This gives me headaches.

Better than heartaches, for sure.

I would say it's a little bit of both.
I used to love him. As in friendship.
Not anymore and it makes me feel like a bad guy.

Love can leave as easily as it comes, as I'm sure we well know...
But it doesn't make you a bad person when it leaves.

Seems about right.

I wish it wasn't so.

Maybe we can blame DJ 4DM1N for all of our problems. Will that help?
mafns, stahp. You have reached that point when you are so confuse that you say bad jokes.

Not at all. The only person to blame here is myself and him.
And in your situation, you have to blame yourself and Derrick.

Sounds like time to bleed.

Only if it is from the nose, Mr. Mafns.

Needs more elevated temperature.
Another reason for love the winter.

It's becoming summer here, though
And the warm humidity is icky.

Spring.
Allergies season.
Noez.

Yus.

Closing your eyes and giving a step forward?

I don't know where forward is. I don't even know if what I want will make everyone else happy. I'm doing it mainly for him...

Fuck everyone else.
Do what your heart wants.

My heart wants him more than anything...

That's something I suppose.

It's not a good thing.

I wish my heart understand that if he still wanted to be with me, he would be...

Kit, define fog...

Fog?

It's like... a veil of water vapor that makes a sort of white cloud on the ground... it impairs seeing into the distance and even into the near areas...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXACTLY!
An external element that obstructs the vision.

We don't really know what causes the fog, and we don't even know from where it starts.
But we do know that it will not be there forever. And once that this one goes away, shit looks better than any high resolution screen.

But... what if he's the fog...

What if he has fog.

I don't know. The possibilities are endless.

And I can honestly say, they all scare me just as equally.

Now you know why the fog is always a reference on the horror movies.

But there will not be fog forever. This is not Silent Hill.

But I want everything to be clear for both of us...

I want everything to be the way it was. Is that really so much to ask?

It's dick mafns time.
Yes. You are asking too much.
You think that Derrick will bring his brother back to life just by wishing it?
On a way, past will always write something on your future.

The past fucking sucks and I can't see anywhere I am going with this fucking fog and I'm scared and alone.
And the one person I want finds me annoying.

And I can't stop complaining and just doing what I should be doing...

I should have finished the prototype of my carreer's logo yesterday and showed to my professor today, but I had to excuse.
Now, why? Because I'm not a motherfucking superhero and I totally can't save the world. Same goes for you.
Yeah, you should probably do lots of things. But you will not do them right if you are not feeling fine.

I don't know how to feel fine right now.

Just... thinking about it hurts too much. I don't regret anything, but I can't help but think of how I could've been more considerate of his feelings. How I could've kept us together...

I miss him more than I thought I would.

I'm missing you now, but yet here we are talking.
Nothing will never make sense if there are feelings in the middle.

Don't blame yourself for not know how to feel.

I know how I feel.

Just not how to feel...

Brother had to take a nap so he could be awake tonight.
Brother is awake now.

Excellent :3

Did you slept well yesterday?

Kinda. Last night wasn't very bad... it was a time for getting shit sorted out.
The next day is always the day for the real tears and the sad songs.

So, is it something stupid if I ask how are you doing today?

Yes.
It is something extremely stupid, brother.

But I'm bi polar today. I went from being happy and upbeat to crying in the middle of school in the span of less than an hour. My emotions can't decide whether to be happy for his sake, or whether to grieve and ache and wish for him to come back.

Yeah I supposed that... how idiot... I guess I'm not thinking well either.
I've been with the head divided in three. One slice goes for you, another for dinx, and another for all this things I have to do at the institute.

You need to focus more on the institute.
I need to learn to depend on myself, y'know?

Ye, I kno... but I can't just not worry either. Yesterday the two more important persons for me in funnyjunk we're really bad and that trully smashed me. I was full of impotence yesterday.

That's no good, though...
I'll find a way to cope with myself and find peace of mind. I'm sure dink will, too.
But only you can institute.

Just live my life, focus only on me...
I've been like that for 21 years, thinking that is the only thing I can do right. Just you Alex, forget the others. They're just in the middle and they will slow you down.

For first time in my life, I feel like I want to be there for the others. I used to think I could live the life of an isolated person, be a Salander with a penis. I think I could be strong enough. But I'm not, in the end I'm so human as everyone, and humans need another humans.

That's more true than I ever want to admit and it's the cause of my deep misery...

Human nature is just so easy to become bonded with someone. When someone shows you kindness or care, you're inclined to show it back. I just wish it wasn't so easy to get connected to others... I wish I really could do it all on my own.
I just have a tendency to hurt the ones I love and care about... and I don't know what to do.

I need to get myself together and I need to accept who I am and I need to work to change it. I just need people there for me... and I hate it.

But kit. Don't be dumb.
You never hurted me in any single moment. Totally the against, you have helped me to put my shit together so many times.
When I had problems with Derrick, when kaffe left funnyjunk, and I can keep naming.

But I've hurt others... even intentionally.
I'm scared of what I'll end up doing to you if I push away the people I don't really know.

I have done the same, counted of times. I treat most of the people like lab hamsters, little rats that I can manipulate and experiment with them for my own benefict.
Just let the past there, watch some photos from it in eventual ocations, but don't let it take control of your present.

I just wish my present was happier...

I can't help but feel selfishly depressed right now. And it's driving me crazy because it's not what he would have wanted...

There is when you have to find the way by your own.

I know where I want to go, but I don't know what route I want to take...

I feel like I'll mess up and end up worse off than before. That maybe I will lose him entirely...

Hold still doesn't sound like the best idea either.

I just wish I knew where to start...

I'll be busy and troubled for the rest of the week, this will surely be a bad moment.
So, yeah...

Okay, I understand man.

We should talk another time.

You're fucking late motherfucker, she knows already.
Dumb bitch.

Sorry for having a lifestyle of martial arts.

Do you even PM?
Well, I could have deleted that. But I have nothing to hide to anyone.

Ohwell.

She took it better than I thought.
So far.


and calmdown with the name calling.

There's a lot of things going on right now. I can't handle any of this. I've blocked most of my social media sites and other forum-based websites that I go to. I need to just get away. I'm finding myself falling further into depression and I'm just freaking the fuck out.

Cutie, what's going on. Talk to me.
You can count with me.

They're giving my mom a little over a month to live... They said it'd be a miracle if she makes it to August... But it's been a miracle already. When she left the hospital back in November last year, the doctors gave her 2 weeks. Two. Weeks. She's lasted almost 7 months. She's been hurting and slowly losing her grip with reality in those 7 months, but she still survived. But her body is finally shutting down. She hasn't ate anything or drank anything in a couple of days. Her breathing is worse and her heart has slowed down by a lot. She's on a respirator now I think... I can't see her like this. It hurts too damn much. I don't want to lose her but I'm going to have to face the fact that it's going to happen

Oh god that's horrible. I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now and I honestly can't find any words.
God fucking damn it, the impotence I'm feeling right now. What I would give for be there with you.

I might be asking something impossible, but stay as solid as you can. I'll be here for you. If that helps in something.

Staying solid. Heh. I've already been doing stupid things to myself that I promised I would never do again. But sometimes it's the only thing that can help... But I'll try...

You have to...

For yourself.
For your mom.
For the ones around you.

...for me...

The ones around me want nothing to do with what's going on. They don't care. I'm the last one in my family. No cousins, no siblings. There's only my mom, dad, granma and uncle. Dad abandoned me when I was 4. Just up and left us. Forcing my mother to struggle and fight for everything we have/had. I had to take care of her starting at the age of 10. Even then, she would be angry and kick me out on the streets up until I moved out when I was 18. But she couldn't help it. My granma and uncle fight constantly. Mainly because he's a drug addict and a thief, stealing the only drugs my mom has to fucking stay alive. I hate this. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to just run away and get as far away from this as I can.
For you.. I'm doing everything I can. I'm trying to put on that strong front. But eventually the strong fall.

Jesus...
I wish there could be a way to take part of that charge, help you to care all that weigh.
I'm not a man of religion, but I'm a man of god. I will keep you and your mom on my prays.

But Shea you have to know.
I don't care if this is just a stupid website and if there are a million miles away of distance between us. I don't care if is not so real as the outside, it's real enough for me. I can't see you suffer.

Thank you for being here for my Alex. It really means the world to me... There are very few people that I know that I'd feel comfortable talking to about anything and not get judged or hated or something silly like that. I really wish I could hug you for real right now..

**masterofmuffins hugs and kisses the laptop screen, and then puts his hand on it** I hope this can count...

Well it did make me smile. <3

*with Borat accent*
"GREAT SUCCESS"

Hehe ^_^

I'm feeling like I could drown in coffee right now. It tastes better than other times.

It's late though, whatchu wanna be up for?

I suppose it will be better if I do rest. I don't help anyone by staying awake all night and skipping class.
Please, give me any news about what's going on or I'll be worried. I'm still worried now.
Bye. Love you.

Ack. How did I miss the last one. I'm sorry hun. I'll keep you updated if anything changes. Love you too.

Well, the design of the logo needs modifications and my professor wants it for tomorrow. I can excuse myself, but I can use the time on that.
Other than that, just spend the time here. I'm always the one who go to bed first.
But class at 8 am... I would stay up all night.

U wot?
You come to tell me that you will dump her and you expect that I react as calm as a coma?

You can be fucking sure I'll be there for her.
And man, you surely have balls for come here and give me this warning.

At least I can change my plans for today now. I better take the bus early.

I wish not to hurt her.
You've every right to be angry. I don't do it in cold blood.

I'm doing what I can to keep her happy. But this relationship isn't working.

And yes I have balls. I always have.

Fire.
"D'uh!"

Your vote has been tallied.

Makes me feel so important.

*
It could have been better.
Next time, don't save the thumbnail.

Yeah, sorry.
I don't know if kit told you, or you get the message on skype.
This internet doesn't like me that much.

k

Is that a k of I understand or a k of kay...

both

Come on, the inet went fucked up. I couldn't even load google. I was refreshing over and over.
Good luck skype worked. I tried to send you a message with kit but she said she was going to bed.
So I let a message on your skype with the explination. And was about to be 2 am and today is mom's birthday so I had to rest. That plus work in some graphic design.

I wish I could have explained in person.

I honestly don't know what you want me to say... By they way you're talking it seems that you would think I'm upset over this or something. I'm not. oO Anyway, I hope your mom had a good birthday ^^

No I'm not, I just wanted to explain.
And no, she is not having a good birthday.

Ah ok. And I'm sorry, why not?

She is just tired of the family drama. Is not cool when she tells you that she wish to wake up dead in the next morning.

I'm sorry hun...

It's all kay. She is better now because I got a call from my professor. My logo is a "go" and that made her feel better.

That's great ^_^ What's the logo for?

Risk Prevention carreer logo. What I'm studying.
I have a few modifications to do so I think I'll be doing this for the rest of the day.

The guy in the hard hat... Is that from TF2?

No, it's the international symbol used for safety sign for building work. "Always wear helmet"

Oh lol okie :3

I was being a prick yesterday.

What had you so upset?

Yesterday I got news about my graduation. I will get my title the next month.
Nothing bad with that, totally the against. But I was having a mix of emotions at that moment.

I come here and I see this guy who left a comment on my profile.
I know what he was looking, tell me about his problems and shit. We had a conflict time ago and he did something to me that I would probably never forgive.
So, the drama is, I've been there for him when he mostly need it and never asked a thing in return. One fight, and he goes to say shits at my backs. Then he return crying to tell me how miserable is his life and ask the same shits over and over.

I'm tired of the same thing. He had a bad life, I can't deny it, but I will not stop living because he is dying. Not anymore.

Oh Sugg. I wouldn't worry about him. He doesn't know what a real friend is then, no use wasting your time and energy on him. *hugs tight*

I used to love him like a brother. I still do, but I also hate him. It's a love/hate thing.
You want to help, and you want to send him to fuck off at the same time. So, you end up like how I was yesterday.

I could have let him die when he was really bad, but I didn't. And what did I get in change? Lots of horrible months of bad sleeping, being called an alcoholic and look like the worst friend on the planet.

Does he know/understand how his actions affected you?

He knows now because I spitted the truth on his face when we had the fight.
I told him I forgive him, but I realized that I actually never did. I just... made the peaces.

Well how are you feeling today...?

Today I'm good. As I said, I was being a dick withouth real reasons.
Some sleep and class helps me to put my shit together.

*nudges* I'm glad you're feeling better then. <3

*hugs gently and kisses you on the forehead* Thanks Shea. <3

It has been time indeed, Derrick.

Here I am. What about you?

Well hello there sir.

u liek da rose i maed?

Been awhile. How've you been?

Looks nice, but I'm not a really good friend with origami or any japan-related things.

And I'm average-good.

Well alright.

Average good?

I had an exam.
It went like shit.
So...

I got to exempt my exams..

Which did you take?

Well, not an "exam"
I forgot the word in english, it's an evaluation.
If I fail, I will go to exam.

Sounds confusing.

t's hard when you forget the words.
Entiendanme por favor.

It's alright. Anything you wanna talk about?

Eh, I'm going to bed in 20 minutes.

I can't sleep tonight.
Need me to let you go?

Better say goodbye now than leave withouth say goodbye.
Sorry.

Alright, see ya mate.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

Did it came with more accessories?

nah just the cat tails <3

It has been used?

nope brand new for my birthday :3

Looking for volunteers?

lol sure

**masterofmuffins hugs and cuddles** My day was good, me and my family went to celebrate mother's day with a big part of the family.
Awwww, you've been feeling bad today?

Oooh did you have fun? <3 I wish I had a big family. The parties would be so much fun!!
I've been feeling blech for the past two weeks... But I drank a bit with the family today. So add slightly inebriated onto being blech... just a total K.O. for me. x_X

Eh, it was fun. It could have been better if there was not so much drama and cancer in the middle :/
But wasn't bad at all, still good times.

Damn, it's starting to be too long already. You should have drinked beer with lemon juice, that can help sometimes. The perfect drink for when you are sick.

That's good! ^_^ (minus the drama of course)


I've had this on again off again illness for the past 3 years actually. Just something I go through. And yuccckkkk Beer is so gross to me xD Vodka drinks and Rum drinks are so much better to me. But they probably didn't help at all. ><

Hell yeah, Rum is one of the best things eva. But is not so good for when you are sick, it can intensify the punch.
And well, I might don't get "sick" really frequently, but I do know about illness. You just deal with it and try to not complain :(

**dinkie rolls around her bed full of pillows** This feels fan-fucking-tastic...

That surely looks comfortable. I suppose you don't mind if I... *jumps and falls next to you, bouncing on the bed*

*cuddles into you again* Much more comfy <3

*wraps you with my arms and kisses you on the lips*

It seems like you only have two choices.

One, it's wait for them to talk to you. If you don't want to interrupt then you better be patient.

Two, the one that I wold choose, is go ahead and talk first withouth fear to interrupt. And if you do, what whit that? And if they ignore because it's not the moment, option one is still able.

The rest will be said after the choice you made.

I tried starting a conversation a few times...
I'm just too damn shy to interrupt and keep trying.

I'll just wait until they finish...

If you see that is the best move, the one that makes you feel more comfortble, wait.
If the wait is too long you might wanna give the first step no matter what.

I'm just not comfortable with conversing with someone who doesn't want to..

A feel that I know very well...

I also just hate interrupting people...
It kinda reinforces the idea that they just don't want to talk to me and I'm being a bother.

I am like that too, but with the difference that I recognize the fact that if I back down for try to not bother I can also be making the wrong choice just for let my fears take the control of my desitions. Probaly the right desitions.
And this is actually funny because right now I'm studying, but not because of that I will not take the time for talk with you too.

Ha, yeah.

I'm just really not good with hurting the feelings of people I trust, even accidentally..

Well now I'll be abscent for some minutes. I must read this last piece of law, write some notes down, and I'll be done with that for tonight.
Eyes will burn, but...
<<<<<<<<<<<<

Okay!

Well I'm starting to loose the concentration.
Fuck it for the rest of the night, I've made a lot of progress today and my wais hurts.

So, how did it go. Or you have nothing yet.

Nothing yet...

Damn...

Yeah.

Heyyyyyyyyyy percious. <3
Watcha doeen?

barbequing with the neighbors ^_^ How about you?

Head down, studying.
Lots of laws for read, notes to write, and more relatives.
I might be like this for a couple of hours.
So like talking with mom and sis about stuffs.

Sounds like you're having a good time.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND right now I'm BRB