You're fucking late motherfucker, she knows already.
Dumb bitch.

Sorry for having a lifestyle of martial arts.

Do you even PM?
Well, I could have deleted that. But I have nothing to hide to anyone.

Ohwell.

She took it better than I thought.
So far.


and calmdown with the name calling.

There's a lot of things going on right now. I can't handle any of this. I've blocked most of my social media sites and other forum-based websites that I go to. I need to just get away. I'm finding myself falling further into depression and I'm just freaking the fuck out.

Cutie, what's going on. Talk to me.
You can count with me.

They're giving my mom a little over a month to live... They said it'd be a miracle if she makes it to August... But it's been a miracle already. When she left the hospital back in November last year, the doctors gave her 2 weeks. Two. Weeks. She's lasted almost 7 months. She's been hurting and slowly losing her grip with reality in those 7 months, but she still survived. But her body is finally shutting down. She hasn't ate anything or drank anything in a couple of days. Her breathing is worse and her heart has slowed down by a lot. She's on a respirator now I think... I can't see her like this. It hurts too damn much. I don't want to lose her but I'm going to have to face the fact that it's going to happen

Oh god that's horrible. I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now and I honestly can't find any words.
God fucking damn it, the impotence I'm feeling right now. What I would give for be there with you.

I might be asking something impossible, but stay as solid as you can. I'll be here for you. If that helps in something.

Staying solid. Heh. I've already been doing stupid things to myself that I promised I would never do again. But sometimes it's the only thing that can help... But I'll try...

You have to...

For yourself.
For your mom.
For the ones around you.

...for me...

The ones around me want nothing to do with what's going on. They don't care. I'm the last one in my family. No cousins, no siblings. There's only my mom, dad, granma and uncle. Dad abandoned me when I was 4. Just up and left us. Forcing my mother to struggle and fight for everything we have/had. I had to take care of her starting at the age of 10. Even then, she would be angry and kick me out on the streets up until I moved out when I was 18. But she couldn't help it. My granma and uncle fight constantly. Mainly because he's a drug addict and a thief, stealing the only drugs my mom has to fucking stay alive. I hate this. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to just run away and get as far away from this as I can.
For you.. I'm doing everything I can. I'm trying to put on that strong front. But eventually the strong fall.

Jesus...
I wish there could be a way to take part of that charge, help you to care all that weigh.
I'm not a man of religion, but I'm a man of god. I will keep you and your mom on my prays.

But Shea you have to know.
I don't care if this is just a stupid website and if there are a million miles away of distance between us. I don't care if is not so real as the outside, it's real enough for me. I can't see you suffer.

Thank you for being here for my Alex. It really means the world to me... There are very few people that I know that I'd feel comfortable talking to about anything and not get judged or hated or something silly like that. I really wish I could hug you for real right now..

**masterofmuffins hugs and kisses the laptop screen, and then puts his hand on it** I hope this can count...

Well it did make me smile. <3

*with Borat accent*
"GREAT SUCCESS"

Hehe ^_^

I'm feeling like I could drown in coffee right now. It tastes better than other times.

It's late though, whatchu wanna be up for?

I suppose it will be better if I do rest. I don't help anyone by staying awake all night and skipping class.
Please, give me any news about what's going on or I'll be worried. I'm still worried now.
Bye. Love you.

Ack. How did I miss the last one. I'm sorry hun. I'll keep you updated if anything changes. Love you too.

Well, the design of the logo needs modifications and my professor wants it for tomorrow. I can excuse myself, but I can use the time on that.
Other than that, just spend the time here. I'm always the one who go to bed first.
But class at 8 am... I would stay up all night.

U wot?
You come to tell me that you will dump her and you expect that I react as calm as a coma?

You can be fucking sure I'll be there for her.
And man, you surely have balls for come here and give me this warning.

At least I can change my plans for today now. I better take the bus early.

I wish not to hurt her.
You've every right to be angry. I don't do it in cold blood.

I'm doing what I can to keep her happy. But this relationship isn't working.

And yes I have balls. I always have.

Fire.
"D'uh!"

Your vote has been tallied.

Makes me feel so important.

*
It could have been better.
Next time, don't save the thumbnail.

Yeah, sorry.
I don't know if kit told you, or you get the message on skype.
This internet doesn't like me that much.

k

Is that a k of I understand or a k of kay...

both

Come on, the inet went fucked up. I couldn't even load google. I was refreshing over and over.
Good luck skype worked. I tried to send you a message with kit but she said she was going to bed.
So I let a message on your skype with the explination. And was about to be 2 am and today is mom's birthday so I had to rest. That plus work in some graphic design.

I wish I could have explained in person.

I honestly don't know what you want me to say... By they way you're talking it seems that you would think I'm upset over this or something. I'm not. oO Anyway, I hope your mom had a good birthday ^^

No I'm not, I just wanted to explain.
And no, she is not having a good birthday.

Ah ok. And I'm sorry, why not?

She is just tired of the family drama. Is not cool when she tells you that she wish to wake up dead in the next morning.

I'm sorry hun...

It's all kay. She is better now because I got a call from my professor. My logo is a "go" and that made her feel better.

That's great ^_^ What's the logo for?

Risk Prevention carreer logo. What I'm studying.
I have a few modifications to do so I think I'll be doing this for the rest of the day.

The guy in the hard hat... Is that from TF2?

No, it's the international symbol used for safety sign for building work. "Always wear helmet"

Oh lol okie :3

I was being a prick yesterday.

What had you so upset?

Yesterday I got news about my graduation. I will get my title the next month.
Nothing bad with that, totally the against. But I was having a mix of emotions at that moment.

I come here and I see this guy who left a comment on my profile.
I know what he was looking, tell me about his problems and shit. We had a conflict time ago and he did something to me that I would probably never forgive.
So, the drama is, I've been there for him when he mostly need it and never asked a thing in return. One fight, and he goes to say shits at my backs. Then he return crying to tell me how miserable is his life and ask the same shits over and over.

I'm tired of the same thing. He had a bad life, I can't deny it, but I will not stop living because he is dying. Not anymore.

Oh Sugg. I wouldn't worry about him. He doesn't know what a real friend is then, no use wasting your time and energy on him. *hugs tight*

I used to love him like a brother. I still do, but I also hate him. It's a love/hate thing.
You want to help, and you want to send him to fuck off at the same time. So, you end up like how I was yesterday.

I could have let him die when he was really bad, but I didn't. And what did I get in change? Lots of horrible months of bad sleeping, being called an alcoholic and look like the worst friend on the planet.

Does he know/understand how his actions affected you?

He knows now because I spitted the truth on his face when we had the fight.
I told him I forgive him, but I realized that I actually never did. I just... made the peaces.

Well how are you feeling today...?

Today I'm good. As I said, I was being a dick withouth real reasons.
Some sleep and class helps me to put my shit together.

*nudges* I'm glad you're feeling better then. <3

*hugs gently and kisses you on the forehead* Thanks Shea. <3

It has been time indeed, Derrick.

Here I am. What about you?

Well hello there sir.

u liek da rose i maed?

Been awhile. How've you been?

Looks nice, but I'm not a really good friend with origami or any japan-related things.

And I'm average-good.

Well alright.

Average good?

I had an exam.
It went like shit.
So...

I got to exempt my exams..

Which did you take?

Well, not an "exam"
I forgot the word in english, it's an evaluation.
If I fail, I will go to exam.

Sounds confusing.

t's hard when you forget the words.
Entiendanme por favor.

It's alright. Anything you wanna talk about?

Eh, I'm going to bed in 20 minutes.

I can't sleep tonight.
Need me to let you go?

Better say goodbye now than leave withouth say goodbye.
Sorry.

Alright, see ya mate.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

Did it came with more accessories?

nah just the cat tails <3

It has been used?

nope brand new for my birthday :3

Looking for volunteers?

lol sure

**masterofmuffins hugs and cuddles** My day was good, me and my family went to celebrate mother's day with a big part of the family.
Awwww, you've been feeling bad today?

Oooh did you have fun? <3 I wish I had a big family. The parties would be so much fun!!
I've been feeling blech for the past two weeks... But I drank a bit with the family today. So add slightly inebriated onto being blech... just a total K.O. for me. x_X

Eh, it was fun. It could have been better if there was not so much drama and cancer in the middle :/
But wasn't bad at all, still good times.

Damn, it's starting to be too long already. You should have drinked beer with lemon juice, that can help sometimes. The perfect drink for when you are sick.

That's good! ^_^ (minus the drama of course)


I've had this on again off again illness for the past 3 years actually. Just something I go through. And yuccckkkk Beer is so gross to me xD Vodka drinks and Rum drinks are so much better to me. But they probably didn't help at all. ><

Hell yeah, Rum is one of the best things eva. But is not so good for when you are sick, it can intensify the punch.
And well, I might don't get "sick" really frequently, but I do know about illness. You just deal with it and try to not complain :(

**dinkie rolls around her bed full of pillows** This feels fan-fucking-tastic...

That surely looks comfortable. I suppose you don't mind if I... *jumps and falls next to you, bouncing on the bed*

*cuddles into you again* Much more comfy <3

*wraps you with my arms and kisses you on the lips*

It seems like you only have two choices.

One, it's wait for them to talk to you. If you don't want to interrupt then you better be patient.

Two, the one that I wold choose, is go ahead and talk first withouth fear to interrupt. And if you do, what whit that? And if they ignore because it's not the moment, option one is still able.

The rest will be said after the choice you made.

I tried starting a conversation a few times...
I'm just too damn shy to interrupt and keep trying.

I'll just wait until they finish...

If you see that is the best move, the one that makes you feel more comfortble, wait.
If the wait is too long you might wanna give the first step no matter what.

I'm just not comfortable with conversing with someone who doesn't want to..

A feel that I know very well...

I also just hate interrupting people...
It kinda reinforces the idea that they just don't want to talk to me and I'm being a bother.

I am like that too, but with the difference that I recognize the fact that if I back down for try to not bother I can also be making the wrong choice just for let my fears take the control of my desitions. Probaly the right desitions.
And this is actually funny because right now I'm studying, but not because of that I will not take the time for talk with you too.

Ha, yeah.

I'm just really not good with hurting the feelings of people I trust, even accidentally..

Well now I'll be abscent for some minutes. I must read this last piece of law, write some notes down, and I'll be done with that for tonight.
Eyes will burn, but...
<<<<<<<<<<<<

Okay!

Well I'm starting to loose the concentration.
Fuck it for the rest of the night, I've made a lot of progress today and my wais hurts.

So, how did it go. Or you have nothing yet.

Nothing yet...

Damn...

Yeah.

Heyyyyyyyyyy percious. <3
Watcha doeen?

barbequing with the neighbors ^_^ How about you?

Head down, studying.
Lots of laws for read, notes to write, and more relatives.
I might be like this for a couple of hours.
So like talking with mom and sis about stuffs.

Sounds like you're having a good time.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND right now I'm BRB

Oh, I never got to say thank you. *nuzzles against* I really like this hehe ^_^ Thank you .<3

**masterofmuffins hugs back** Tomorrow at night, cutie. <3

Mmk ^_^ Sweet Dreams! :3

*the burger hits me on the face* ". . ."

Eat up mister!! :3

Looks delicious. *picks it up and takes a bite* Hmmmmmmmmmmm...

It's late...

go to bed then lol

I will in a couple of minutes.
NIN on tinychat.

I see ^_^