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krasnogvardiech

Last status update:
Made a full-retard bomber. "But At Least She Flies".comment
Personal Info
Gender: male
Consoles Owned: PC, PS2, Xbox 360.
Video Games Played: Too fucking many
X-box Gamertag: see profile name, capitalize fir
Interests: numerous
Date Signed Up:8/30/2012
Location:New Zealand
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#4500
Comment Ranking:#227
Highest Content Rank:#433
Highest Comment Rank:#111
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Content Level Progress: 28.39% (142/500)
Level 210 Content: Comedic Genius → Level 211 Content: Comedic Genius
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Level 344 Comments: Sold Soul → Level 345 Comments: Sold Soul
Subscribers:10
Content Views:832838
Times Content Favorited:1676 times
Total Comments Made:14045
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Favorite Tags: the (10) | warhammer (9) | of (7) | Not (6) | OC (6) | to (5) | 40k (4) | emperor (4) | for (4) | a (3) | gaming (3) | God (3) | in (3) | it (3) | Life (3) | man (3) | 4Chan (2) | bat (2) | creed (2) | Deviantart (2)
I agree, keeping with logic and common sense is normally a priority. The hills have eyes, y'know?
On the other hand, there is a point where reason is to be thrown to the curb. We have gone past that point and that is why I am here.

latest user's comments

#94 - Alright. Whaddya want to know?  [+] (11 new replies) 12/17/2014 on Random Warhammer 40k Comp 0
User avatar #95 - bateking (12/17/2014) [-]
everything, it seems pretty badass, also do you have any of these memes the more the merrier
#96 - krasnogvardiech (12/17/2014) [-]
They're just pictures in general. I'll give you a basic rundown, because I need to sleep and get up for work in the morning.

The Warhammer 40,000 setting, all in all, is possibly the most grim and dark setting ever conceived. The very motto and tagline of the official game (which is a tabletop wargame currently in its seventh edition) is "In the Grim Darkness of the Far Future, there is only War. "

The vast majority of humankind is arrayed in the gargantuan Imperium of Man, which spans several hundred thousand planets all throughout the galaxy. It is constantly under siege by generally every single threat the galaxy can throw at it, from uncaring alien life which is in a either-you-or-me free-for-all, to extradimensional incarnations of bloodshed and purgation which longs for naught more than to destroy all life. There are many, many more such threats, and it's only because of the Imperium's vast resources, cohesive and consistent successful tactics and inexhaustible faith in the God-Emperor of Mankind (and a fair degree of plot armour) that it has managed to survive.

Pictured are the Adeptus Astartes of the Ultramarines chapter (the ones in blue) fighting off a bunch of greenskins, or Orks (in red). A brief sum-up is that they are a group of bad-ass warrior monks undergone genetic surgery to render them beyond human, equipped in armour which can reliably shrug off modern day .50-caliber gunfire, and equipped with fully automatic armor-piercing high explosive gyrojet auto-hand cannons. Oh, and swords with energy fields which allow them to cut through theoretically everything in existence.
On the other side (the red ones) are a bunch of psychosensitive ambulatory barbarian-esque fungi which exude a reality-warping field that makes anything red go faster. This is not an exaggeration. Blue is also the luckiest colour, and yellow is the explodiest and the shootiest. Other such effects apply, as this is also known as the WAAAGH! field.

Would you like to know more?
User avatar #97 - bateking (12/17/2014) [-]
For the love of the Emperor yesss
#98 - krasnogvardiech (12/18/2014) [-]
Alright.

In this setting, also, exists a parallel dimension to ours where thoughts, emotions, sensations and feelings have more of an impact than the forces of natural gravity. This dimension has many names; the Empyrean, the Great Ocean, the Warp is the most colloquialized one but the most accurate is the Immaterium - non-material. In this dimension reside beings of pure emotion. Due to the huge amount of bloodshed and conflict and war going on in the setting (caused by the deaths and wars of countless powerful psyker races earlier on, but that's another story) the vast majority of these creatures are malevolent and bloodthirsty in nature. To put it simply, in this setting there is a very real hell, with very real daemons (the correct spelling, par this setting) waiting to devour your very real soul.

Pictured are the Adepta Sororitas (commonly known as the Sisters of Battle) with smaller versions of the Astartes' weapons, though these are only .75-caliber as opposed to .998-caliber. Their armor, too, is smaller scale if more easily kept. They are the heavily armored women in the image.

Pictured and off-image are the Dark Eldar, the more violent/dark/cruel and twisted half of the eldarin race. Their technology is in some cases indistinguishable from sorcery, they can raise up the nonliving if they haven't been dead for more than two or three days, and they reside in a place inside a dimension where geometry and conventional space, as well as brutal rape and murder, is seen as 'quaint past-times'.

Would you like to know more?
#99 - bateking (12/18/2014) [-]
You know damn well the answer is yes. what type of game is it, is it out for ps3, where can I start to play it, edition 6?
#100 - krasnogvardiech (12/18/2014) [-]
Pictured is the God-Emperor himself, at the height of the Horus Heresy.

This individual is all but the crux and the reason things still are the way they are, and haven't collapsed to shit yet. It is by faith in Him that humankind persevere to fight and die and work for him and the Imperium - the two are literally inseparable.
Games Workshop (the creator company) states that he arose sometime in 8000 BC, somewhere near modern-day Mongolia.

In the mists of the dark age of humankind, where daemons and darkness ruled the Immaterium and the void beyond, several hundred thousand psykers (individuals with comparably powerful souls capable of moving and manipulating the Immaterium) congregated to discuss what would be done about the Warp, and the daemons that kept on consuming the dead human souls. Each one of them being not only a skilled psyker able to reincarnate, were also generals, great leaders, artisans, savants, scientists, geniuses and the general very upper crust of humankind at the time. Thus, they committed ritual suicide as one, flooded the Immaterium (producing a light so blinding within the Warp that the infinite masses of daemons were unable to move, let alone act) and reincarnated as one singular, gargantuan and all-powerful soul. This is the being that was to be known as the Emperor.

The Emperor kept guiding and assisting humankind from the shadows for much of the time, through the Dark Age of Technology and then the Age of Strife which nearly destroyed humankind not once but twice.

His plan had been to raise both generals and armies via the Primarch Project - twenty genetically identical clones of himself, and the aforedescribed genetic surgery which can trasform one in a million human youths into superhuman killing machines. Unfortunately, the Chaos Gods interfered and scattered the Primarchs all throughout the galaxy whilst the Primarchs were still in infancy.

The Emperor then recouped his losses and launched the Great Crusade.

Continued.
#102 - krasnogvardiech (12/18/2014) [-]
The Great Crusade was something of an Age unto itself, where the Emperor captured, conquered, subjugated, integrated or flat-out annihilated countless worlds which formed the Imperium known today. It begun with the unification of Terra (Earth) and Mars, which formed the technical beginning of the Imperium.

Imperial expansion was slow after that point, for the Space Marine Legions (for back then they were indeed Legions, hundreds of thousands strong) were made as assault infantry, not occupational forces. That duty had been left to the newly-formed Imperial Army, which unlike the Legions, required vast numbers of Armymen which simply were not there. The conquest of the galaxy thus spread rather slowly, but picked up speed as more and more worlds conscripted more and more fighting men per annum.

All was going well, until the Emperor decided to head back to Holy Terra to attempt to crack the secrets of the Eldar Webway and render Warp Travel (yes, the only reliable method to travel at FTL thus far was to rip a hole in reality and enter a dimension where reality itself is a joke in bad taste) obsolete.

Then the Horus Heresy happened.

It began with various members of Lorgar's Word Bearer Legion being corrupted by Chaos. Ironically, the Word Bearers had been the most zealous Legion amongst them, their Primarch Lorgar even writing the Lexitio Divinatum, a text which venerated the Emperor as a deity. Ironically, Lorgar's religion actually rose from the banishment of the Chaos-worshipping old ways of their home world.

The Chaos-tainted chaplain Erebus eventually managed to corrupt Horus, the Warmaster left in charge of the mop-up of the Galaxy. The Arch-Traitor (as he became known) gathered exactly half the Space Marine Legions to his side (to say nothing of a full third of the Imperial Army, which by then was gargantuan) and set about besieging the Imperium they helped forge.

Continued. Pictured is Imperator and Son, before all's well that went to hell.
#103 - krasnogvardiech (12/18/2014) [-]
The Emperor himself made a near-fatal delay in ordering his armies to do anything whilst Horus wrecked the Imperium, primarily because he found it difficult to believe that Horus would do such a thing. Just before the situation turned absolutely inevitably for the defeat, the Emperor snapped out of it and ordered a full-scale holdout of the Sol system. It culminated in the Siege of Terra, which lasted for such a long time that the modern inhabitants of Terra are still terrified of Space Marines, for the unholy things the Traitor Legions had done.

The Siege culminated in an assault upon Horus's flagship, within which the Arch-Traitor had killed Sanguinius (the Primarch of the Blood Angels Legion) and mortally wounded the Emperor himself. At that moment a single Imperial Armyman by name of Ollanius Pius walked in and stood between the Emperor and the Arch-Traitor, to die fighting. He did so, and as Horus killed the Armyman (by comparison to the god-upon-earth that both the Emperor and the Arch-Heretic were comparable to at the time) the Emperor realized just how far his most successful son had fallen, and past that point had simply wiped the Arch-Traitor out of existence with pure psychic power, in both the Immaterium and the physical realm.

The God-Emperor, mortally wounded, was set upon the Golden Throne of Terra, which while originally was a portal to the Webway had been converted into a monumental life-sustaining machine.

From then onward the Imperium has gotten progressively darker and more brutal into a regime near indistinguishable from the Emperor's direct rule. More and more enemies had been cropping up, not the least of which are the Tyranids which had arrived from another galaxy.

In between the end of the Horus Heresy and what is set as the approximate modern day has been ten thousand years of insurrection, bloodshed, treason, dissidence with the occasional advancement or expansion/crusade.

Pictured is the Emperor upon the Throne. Continued again.
User avatar #101 - bateking (12/18/2014) [-]
I could probably masturbate to this
#104 - krasnogvardiech (12/18/2014) [-]
To answer your question, there have been many, many, many developments onto the series.

The original tabletop wargame is in its seventh edition, with all sorts of new functions and rules. The best addition is that of flying units, such as troopships and gunships and such things.

There have been quite a few videogames based around the setting, the latest and most noticeable of which being Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine. It's available on PC, PS3 and Xbox 360, and thus far has been the single best depiction of the setting.
User avatar #105 - bateking (12/18/2014) [-]
Thank you so much for your time, I'll look into it
#89 - The melta is a chemical weapon. Plasma Gun fuel, Flamer fuel a… 12/17/2014 on He's in a better place now. 0
#4 - Plastic Surgery. If it matters that much, just … 12/17/2014 on everyone on FJ 0
#12 - Picture  [+] (1 new reply) 12/17/2014 on King of the Hill comp +6
User avatar #24 - Zaxplab (12/17/2014) [-]
How to ruin an FJ dance thread
#11 - Impolite dialogue is the worst. Going to kill that man and des… 12/17/2014 on King of the Hill comp +1
#16 - Picture  [+] (3 new replies) 12/17/2014 on Urban Lee +13
User avatar #44 - thepotatosack (12/17/2014) [-]
some one make me a gif of her shaking voilently, with a * infinites* text
#93 - krasnogvardiech (12/18/2014) [-]
#94 - thepotatosack (12/19/2014) [-]
thanks.
#10 - yfw 12/17/2014 on Forged in the fires of Auswitz +3
#13 - Did she say the same? 12/17/2014 on When We Die 0
#338 - A Monk with a Ninja, Thief and a Squire. Oh, we're go… 12/17/2014 on im a thief with 2 summoners... 0
#51 - All the time spent helping others is time spent wondering how … 12/17/2014 on Good guys. 0
#185 - I did the last part once when I was five. First momen… 12/17/2014 on Spoopy fears comp part 3 0
#25 - Nope. 2poor 12/17/2014 on (untitled) 0
#23 - Picture  [+] (2 new replies) 12/17/2014 on (untitled) +6
User avatar #24 - dndxplain (12/17/2014) [-]
do you have terraria, man?
User avatar #25 - krasnogvardiech (12/17/2014) [-]
Nope. 2poor
#21 - **** birds. All Dexterity and no Strength. Devoti…  [+] (5 new replies) 12/17/2014 on (untitled) +4
User avatar #65 - aurumleo (12/17/2014) [-]
Ah-ha! That's the bear in the manga of Biomega by Nihei Tsutomu! Good read.
User avatar #22 - dndxplain (12/17/2014) [-]
shhhh shhh. game kras is based off of who you are, not who you want to be.
#23 - krasnogvardiech (12/17/2014) [-]
User avatar #24 - dndxplain (12/17/2014) [-]
do you have terraria, man?
User avatar #25 - krasnogvardiech (12/17/2014) [-]
Nope. 2poor
#18 - >lame-ass trader/questgiver >not companion >n…  [+] (9 new replies) 12/17/2014 on (untitled) +16
#59 - cluelesscvnt (12/17/2014) [-]
If I may ask, what game are you guys talking about?
User avatar #74 - krasnogvardiech (12/18/2014) [-]
I have no idea myself. Seems like we're inadvertently laying out the groundworks for a new game of some sort, but I'm not bloody satisfied with my depiction and function.
User avatar #19 - dndxplain (12/17/2014) [-]
that's obviously the two headed eagle, the symbol of the motherland, and he's obviously a spec ops gun trader that sells high-level weapons. you need maximum devotion to the emperor and at least lord general rank to recruit him as your companion.

jeezus kras, not even knowing your own stats
#21 - krasnogvardiech (12/17/2014) [-]
Fuck birds. All Dexterity and no Strength. Devotion is optional, I'm not an Emperor-botherer like the rest of you.

Stealth to max, Guns to max, Strength to max, natural armor gives AC 7. You might be able to catch me, but just try to fuckin' stop me.
User avatar #65 - aurumleo (12/17/2014) [-]
Ah-ha! That's the bear in the manga of Biomega by Nihei Tsutomu! Good read.
User avatar #22 - dndxplain (12/17/2014) [-]
shhhh shhh. game kras is based off of who you are, not who you want to be.
#23 - krasnogvardiech (12/17/2014) [-]
User avatar #24 - dndxplain (12/17/2014) [-]
do you have terraria, man?
User avatar #25 - krasnogvardiech (12/17/2014) [-]
Nope. 2poor
#151 - A ******* rollercoaster. I just need to balance t… 12/16/2014 on Poll: Is your life hard? 0
#24 - Picture 12/15/2014 on The Media +22
#10 - Picture  [+] (1 new reply) 12/15/2014 on 4chan compilation +35
#28 - anonexplains (12/15/2014) [-]
12-gauge shells? What kind of monstrous squirrels he was hunting?
#128 - Picture 12/15/2014 on Random Wallpaper Comp 0
#127 - Picture  [+] (1 new reply) 12/15/2014 on Random Wallpaper Comp 0
#128 - krasnogvardiech (12/15/2014) [-]
#126 - Picture  [+] (2 new replies) 12/15/2014 on Random Wallpaper Comp 0
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#125 - Picture  [+] (3 new replies) 12/15/2014 on Random Wallpaper Comp +1
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#124 - Picture  [+] (4 new replies) 12/15/2014 on Random Wallpaper Comp +1
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#123 - Picture  [+] (5 new replies) 12/15/2014 on Random Wallpaper Comp +1
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#122 - Picture  [+] (6 new replies) 12/15/2014 on Random Wallpaper Comp 0
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#128 - krasnogvardiech (12/15/2014) [-]

items

Total unique items point value: 170 / Total items point value: 790

Comments(2039):

krasnogvardiech has disabled anonymous comments.
[ 2039 comments ]
Latest users (1): krasnogvardiech, anonymous(2).
User avatar #2058 - arena (03/03/2015) [-]
WOW calm down,.
User avatar #2059 to #2058 - krasnogvardiech (03/03/2015) [-]
w0t m8?
User avatar #2060 to #2059 - arena (03/03/2015) [-]
AH HELL NAW
User avatar #2061 to #2060 - krasnogvardiech (03/03/2015) [-]
Wrong person?

Nice text color, by the way.
#2056 - matexius (03/02/2015) [-]
Krasno, get over here! You need to check this out...    
This is bigger than that Russian Lake Monster I sent a while ago...    
   
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipe6CMvW0Dg   
 It's 8 minutes long...
Krasno, get over here! You need to check this out...
This is bigger than that Russian Lake Monster I sent a while ago...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipe6CMvW0Dg
It's 8 minutes long...
User avatar #2057 to #2056 - krasnogvardiech (03/03/2015) [-]
Cool. I'm leaving a comment on it.
User avatar #2046 - murrlogic ONLINE (03/02/2015) [-]
boop
User avatar #2048 to #2047 - murrlogic ONLINE (03/02/2015) [-]
In 13 minutes it'll be midnight so good morning

cool profile. nice shade of red.
User avatar #2049 to #2048 - krasnogvardiech (03/02/2015) [-]
In thirteen minutes I'll be lifting.

All is well.
User avatar #2050 to #2049 - murrlogic ONLINE (03/02/2015) [-]
**** did I come at a bad time
User avatar #2051 to #2050 - krasnogvardiech (03/02/2015) [-]
I said in thirteen minutes. Does the internet have a stutter function?

Eleven minutes, now. No time is bad.
User avatar #2052 to #2051 - murrlogic ONLINE (03/02/2015) [-]
I dunno I was hoping deep enriching thought provoking commentary but nah

Getting swole tho.
User avatar #2053 to #2052 - krasnogvardiech (03/02/2015) [-]
Did you really think feelings weigh greater than weights?

Stupid. Feelings are what you burn to fuel the lifting.

Ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.
User avatar #2054 to #2053 - murrlogic ONLINE (03/02/2015) [-]
>Men don't have emotions. Women have them...in their ovaries- Stan Smith American Dad
#2055 to #2054 - krasnogvardiech (03/02/2015) [-]
Oh, men have emotions alright. Just conserve and let them fuel your actions.
#2042 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
The Fix

starting off fixing yourself the Kras way.....then using the turtletroll helper
#2044 to #2043 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
did you watch it
User avatar #2045 to #2044 - krasnogvardiech (03/01/2015) [-]
Yes.

What a pussy that guy was.
#2038 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
**vorasharaptor used "*roll 1, 15-99*"**
**vorasharaptor rolls 85**
what year wil Kras' soviet army conquer europe
#2039 to #2038 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
2085 confirmed
User avatar #2040 to #2039 - krasnogvardiech (03/01/2015) [-]
Blood Red and Soviet Steel will conquer the world.
#2041 to #2040 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
World in Conflict - Seattle Invasion Cinematic

'85 attack europe
'89 attack usa
User avatar #2036 to #2035 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
That's a telling trait of sociopathy, friend.
#2037 to #2036 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
not really
can also be a case of seeing too much and being dead inside

#2021 to #2020 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
ill bring her right to your house

Breaking Up with Overly Attached Girlfriend
#2022 to #2021 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
**krasnogvardiech used "*roll 1, 1-20*"**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 20**
#2024 to #2022 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
*krasnogvardiech becomes omnipotent....knowing the outcome of everything before it happens*
User avatar #2025 to #2024 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
That would be Omniscient.
User avatar #2023 to #2022 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
**krasnogvardiech used "*roll 1, 1-20*"**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 13**

I kick her in the face hard enough to shatter the front of her skull.
#2026 to #2023 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
implying you could beat a russian woman

ive met a few.....get a mouth guard so you dont lose teeth
User avatar #2027 to #2026 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
**krasnogvardiech used "*roll 4, 1-20*"**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 14**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 08**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 06**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 03**

I go for a four-hit combo.
#2028 to #2027 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
the 14 was a fair hit....then the other three just got weaker each time....aka she counterattacks and you get raped
User avatar #2029 to #2028 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
That is the opposite of a problem. I get pusi b0ss
#2030 to #2029 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
right......
new zealand style
User avatar #2031 to #2030 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
Russian women aren't sheep, m8
#2032 to #2031 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
soviet she-bear?
#2034 to #2033 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
USA: big boobs are silicone
Russia: big boobs are natural

checkmate
#2017 - vorasharaptor (02/26/2015) [-]
**vorasharaptor used "*roll cah answer*"**
**vorasharaptor rolls Hello Kitty vibrator.**
if i hunt down Kras' psycho ex and fly her here to new zealand...what will Kras do
#2014 - arena (02/24/2015) [-]
King Fedora.
User avatar #2015 to #2014 - arena (02/24/2015) [-]
This is legit everything he is.
User avatar #2016 to #2015 - krasnogvardiech (02/24/2015) [-]
By the Emperor, how horrifying.

Seriously, I didn't think people came as retarded as you described him. Thought they must've just drawn the bad card in looks.

Exactly why is he still alive, again? Any idea?
#2000 - vorasharaptor (02/20/2015) [-]
**vorasharaptor used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"****vorasharaptor rolls Signs point to yes**   
should i hook Krassle up with a psycho girl
**vorasharaptor used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"**
**vorasharaptor rolls Signs point to yes**
should i hook Krassle up with a psycho girl
#2001 to #2000 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Who the hell are you?

Depends on her looks, though. And whether or not she takes meds.
#2002 to #2001 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
you forgot me that easily?

well **** you too kras
#2003 to #2002 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Fairly certain no pinknames are in my friends list.

This you, Kurze?
#2004 to #2003 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
yes its me you damned commie
#2005 to #2004 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Pinknames. Pinknames.

How was I supposed to know, in all fairness? Nothing to indicate but writing style.
#2006 to #2005 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
well who else posted a pic of that crazy girl and said you hook up with her

ill make sure you stick your dick in crazy again
User avatar #2007 to #2006 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Point. Still, when you assume you make an ass out of 'u' and 'me'.
#2008 to #2007 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
ill put you to sleep wit ha tranquilizer and feed you viagra so the psycho girls can do you while youre out
User avatar #2012 to #2008 - tranquilizer (02/21/2015) [-]
Well if it's kurze I'm not surprised
You mention me a lot
#2013 to #2012 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
what can i do

i cant always kill people...sometimes i need to use you to put people to sleep
User avatar #2009 to #2008 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Sounds like something that would happen at a party.

I'm in.
User avatar #2011 to #2010 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Everybody gets some.
User avatar #1998 - arena (02/18/2015) [-]
Russian BEAR!
User avatar #1995 - arena (02/18/2015) [-]
48 Divided by 2(9+3)=

Answer that **** /Give you a reward init. The profile picture of the bear made me laugh so.
User avatar #1996 to #1995 - krasnogvardiech (02/18/2015) [-]
Following BEDMAS, that would result in:

48 x (2(9+3))
> 48 x (18+6)
-> 48 x 24
--> 1152

Unless I am mistaken. I haven't done math in a too-bloody-long time.
User avatar #1997 to #1996 - krasnogvardiech (02/18/2015) [-]
... **** .

Divided by.

48 / 2(9+3) = 2.
#1993 - matexius (01/18/2015) [-]
Krasno, we may have a problem...   
   
Ivan broke physics... Any ideas?    
I'd tie an anchor to his legs...
Krasno, we may have a problem...

Ivan broke physics... Any ideas?
I'd tie an anchor to his legs...
User avatar #1994 to #1993 - krasnogvardiech (01/22/2015) [-]
Let him swim. He is killing submarine tank for the motherland.
User avatar #1991 - konradkurze (01/17/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"**
**konradkurze rolls Yes**
is Kras a weeaboo
User avatar #1992 to #1991 - krasnogvardiech (01/17/2015) [-]
kawaii sugoi pocky desu ne~
User avatar #1969 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll 1, 0-9*"**
**konradkurze rolls 4**
what do i buy for Kras

1-2 a T34
3-4 a T90
5-6 a KV1
7-8 an IS2
9-0 a T13
User avatar #1971 to #1969 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
Hold me tight and never let go, you wonderful scholar.
User avatar #1972 to #1971 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
no homo tovarisch
User avatar #1973 to #1972 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
Homo? What's that?
User avatar #1974 to #1973 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
you gay
#1975 to #1974 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
Gay? What's gay?
User avatar #1976 to #1975 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
you have sex with men
#1977 to #1976 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
But they have no vaginas. Where are you supposed to put the cock?
User avatar #1978 to #1977 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
men put cock in your russian ass
#1979 to #1978 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
But poop comes from there.
#1982 to #1981 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
its only gay for the one taking the D

aka you
#1983 to #1982 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
**krasnogvardiech used "*roll 1, 1-20*"**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 20**

You failed to tell the difference between me and this thing, and instead are *********** it. Roll for damage, no saves.
User avatar #1988 to #1987 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
you talk alot about ghey stuff

makes me wonder did you leave motherland because putin is anti-gay
User avatar #1989 to #1988 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
I ********** a dude to prove a point once. Does that count?
User avatar #1990 to #1989 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
yes
you gay
#1970 to #1969 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
ahhh motherland
User avatar #1966 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll 1, 0-9*"**
**konradkurze rolls 5**

what do i buy for Kras

1-2 german beer
3-4 russian vodka
5-6 japanese sake
7-8 the bottled piss americans call beer
9-0 french wine
User avatar #1968 to #1967 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
FJ decided...you must accept that decision
User avatar #1959 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
time for evil plan

i shall go onto russian social media sites...spam Kras face and addess...and let psycho girl know where Kras is to find him
#1960 to #1959 - krasnogvardiech (01/15/2015) [-]
That is the exact opposite of a good plan. Do not do that.
#1961 to #1960 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
come on Kras   
you took the risk of sticking your dick in crazy....you gotta follow it through
come on Kras
you took the risk of sticking your dick in crazy....you gotta follow it through
#1962 to #1961 - krasnogvardiech (01/15/2015) [-]
I stuck dick in crazy, and I am prepared to remove crazy.
User avatar #1963 to #1962 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
new plan

joshlol wants a russian girl...maybe your ex's aura of psycho cling will break joshlols forever alone forcefield and he will have a girl for once
#1964 to #1963 - krasnogvardiech (01/15/2015) [-]
This can't fail. Do it.
User avatar #1965 to #1964 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
josh already made it clear he doesnt care is shes dominating....

al in all he'll be a limey married to a ruski, and living in norway
User avatar #1937 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
Brokranian! You seeing what I think I'm seeing?

www.funnyjunk.com/channel/animemanga/Ultimate+transformation/YaLXLLn/
User avatar #1938 to #1937 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
A techpriest got creative with a servitor. Big deal.
User avatar #1940 to #1938 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
Oh, I almost forgot... How've you been lately?
It's been a little while...
User avatar #1941 to #1940 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
Alright for the most part. Money troubles are the same as always, while I've fallen into the routine of week with money, week with no money.
User avatar #1942 to #1941 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
Cool. Also I've been meaning to ask, does NZ have the animals that the Aussies have? Like all the venomous **** that makes you want to take a flammenwerfer to the entire island?
User avatar #1943 to #1942 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
The exact opposite. ******* sheep and birds everywhere, and deer and some other nice crap.

Think of it as the Britain of the southern hemisphere, without bogans instead of chavs and maori instead of blacks/asians, and tourists ******* everywhere.
User avatar #1944 to #1943 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
Well, that's awesome... I was just asking since, they're not very far apart, but there's a decent chance that it's completely different....

Also, remember this song? www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7hHlh2IusY
User avatar #1945 to #1944 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
Very well.
User avatar #1946 to #1945 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
I'm trying to learn the lyrics, already know Katyusha in my sleep, but this one's giving me serious trouble, mainly the fact that the letters I find are...how shall I put this... off like a Storm Troopers aim, for me atleast. I know that the Cousins of Russia have their own letters, but when they're translated, their sounds don't match up with the song...
User avatar #1947 to #1946 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
This is why you treat each letter and each word as its own isolated thing. Just like a symphony; make sure every note is good, the whole will carry itself.
User avatar #1948 to #1947 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
I should take learning Russian a bit more seriously... Already speak fluent English and German, since I was like 8, now at 17, learn Russian. Brilliant... Also, my Bela-Russian girl space friend is pretty Q3.14.

Also, does cheeki breeki actually mean anything?
User avatar #1949 to #1948 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
You speak German. My inadequacy intensifies.
User avatar #1950 to #1949 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
Too bad I can't stand them... Always having the best ***** , assholes. They've been trying to take our clay ever since the 6. century AD.
I actually learned it uncounsiously, there were no good channels with cartoons, other than the German ones... I have no idea how, but by 7 I spoke it fluently. I guess living 30 minutes from the border with them has that effect...
If you're implying that I'm somehow better than you, because I speak German, dude... come on now...
User avatar #1951 to #1950 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
Yes you are. I don't imply, I outright state.

That's sort of like how I learned English, too. One day when I was 8 or so I just stopped speaking Russian and started speaking English. Like the flick of a fukken switch.
User avatar #1952 to #1951 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
Well, German is all well and good, till you get to Switzerland or Austrian Styria. Even if you speak perfect German, you still need subtitles. They just accent everything off... I've got a small part of my relatives in Switzerland, I know what I'm talking about.

I'm guessing that's how long you've been in NZ, too?
User avatar #1953 to #1952 - krasnogvardiech (01/11/2015) [-]
Since '02.
User avatar #1954 to #1953 - matexius (01/11/2015) [-]
Damn dude... 12 years.
How do you remember Ukraine?
User avatar #1955 to #1954 - krasnogvardiech (01/12/2015) [-]
It's one-half slums, one-half farms. Really, I'm not missing much.

Except for cool underground/under-building places. That **** was dope.
User avatar #1956 to #1955 - matexius (01/12/2015) [-]
Like bunkers and **** ?
User avatar #1957 to #1956 - krasnogvardiech (01/12/2015) [-]
Sort of. There are such things as basements, and street entrances for them. My school was one such place. Miss that **** hardcore.
User avatar #1958 to #1957 - matexius (01/12/2015) [-]
Oh, like the ones the 'Muricans have in the movies, the ones with the doors on the outside as well...? Atleast a bit similar. Through which they normally GTFO in horror movies...
Why do you miss them so much?
User avatar #1939 to #1938 - matexius (01/10/2015) [-]
What? Oh....nah, well that too...
I meant that chick that so wanted that artilerr-D afterwards... To fire it, I mean...

and yes, I did just make this comment to use that atrocious pun... I'm ashamed of myself
User avatar #1928 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"**
**konradkurze rolls Yes**
has Kras ever stuck his dick in crazy and regretted it
User avatar #1929 to #1928 - krasnogvardiech (01/08/2015) [-]
Magic 8-ball is correct.
User avatar #1930 to #1929 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"**
**konradkurze rolls Signs point to yes**
is Kras scared to go back to motherland in case crazy bitch finds him
User avatar #1931 to #1930 - krasnogvardiech (01/08/2015) [-]
I will neither confirm or deny.

Your text color is lovely, by the way.
User avatar #1932 to #1931 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
yeah since so many kids cried over my night lords color i went for blood color
User avatar #1933 to #1932 - krasnogvardiech (01/08/2015) [-]
The **** you do that for? Let 'em cry, their tears can lubricate your power armor.
User avatar #1934 to #1933 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll cah answer*"**
**konradkurze rolls Flash flooding.**
what should i do to Kras
User avatar #1936 to #1934 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
ahhhhh time for Rasputitsa on Krasnogvardiech
User avatar #1935 to #1934 - krasnogvardiech (01/08/2015) [-]
I've got a rebreather. Bring it, bitch.
User avatar #1927 - konradkurze (01/07/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll cah answer*"**
**konradkurze rolls Shedding skin like a snake.**
what should Kras do this weekend
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