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Rank #129 on CommentsLevel 340 Comments: Sold Soul
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I'm fucked in the head. That's about all there is to say.
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|#12 - Britons for best faction. Longbowmen + Champion, line… [+] (11 new replies)||11/30/2014 on Arbeit macht frei||+6|
#49 - averagelel (12/03/2014) [-]
11. Mayans rape britons. Siege ram + maybe champs or eagles + plumes would take on any Briton Army any time of day. Longbows are costlier and take longer to create. So the britons would not be able to take on any mayan rush. Even in late game, with decent micro and a couple of siege rams, I can take out any briton army with the mayans. I wouldn't even need trebs.
#14 - andrakian (11/30/2014) [-]
Spanish for second.
Elite Conquistador + Missionary + Knight, two groups, defensive
When attacking: IT'S MIDDLE AGES BLITZKRIEG BITCHES
When defending: YOU CAN'T HIT WHAT YOU CAN'T CATCH BITCHES
Target infraestructure and smaller production buildings, harass and separate enemy armies in more manageable units, get back later with some infantry and siege weapons to finish the job.
#18 - krasnogvardiech (11/30/2014) [-]
Bitch you better not be dissing my Teutons.
Archer fire, what archer fire? I'm busy clubbing you over the head with my giant heavy metal cock of a sword. Oh, those! Thought they were bee stings.
Paladins out of the ass here. Y'all niggas need Plate Barding Armor. Light cavalry - fuck, Light ANYTHING is for pussies. If you're not moving your entire body weight in armor, you're a busta poser buttslut of a bitch. And may God have mercy on you if you fucking DARE pick Heavy Cavalry Archers, for I will not.
Monks, mothafucka, do you know them? I sure hope you do! Because they're converting your infantry from within my own fukken base nigga. What's that? You NEEDED those siege weapons? Fuck you, they're mine now.
Trying to starve me out? LOL, not when your farms are more expensive than mine. My Chinese brotha Ho-Chan-Chun from anotha motha hook me up, +45 food apiece.
I haven't played expansion packs, spare me
#19 - andrakian (11/30/2014) [-]
Janissaries have cool guns but can't run. Light cavalry has cute little speedy horsies but the only thing in the whole game smaller than their dicks is that glorified needle of a sword.
Now what happens when you take the kebab shoota boyz guns and put them over the horses of those worthless bronies?
ABSOLUTE MASSACRE. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
The Conquistador only has two modes. Sleep and DRIVE-BY EXTERMINATUS. That beautifully crafted renaissance arquebus? That shit pierces through armor like it was no thing. That dashing spanish stallion under him? That's Speedy Fucking Gonzales in horse form. If Speedy Gonzales was a complete psycho sexually aroused by the smell of blood. The Conquistador will completely obliterate any armor-wearing skroob and speed back to base before you can even pan your fucking screen.
But oh no, you surrounded the conquistador with some pleb massed pikemen. But what the fuck is that? How are your own champions attacking your own base? That's the conquistador trusty sidekick, the Missionary. It's a monk. On steroids. RIDING A GLORIOUS DONKEY. The missionary's Jesus power turns a cavalry force in a completely self-sufficient galloping war machine that will steamroll through the map faster than an ADD-stricken Mangudai. You can't run from glorious spanish conquest.
But srysly, the expansions are awesome. The Forgotten was kinda meh in its campaigns and some very unecessary rebalancing, but The Conquerors is fucking flawless.
#20 - krasnogvardiech (11/30/2014) [-]
This here the Man. Capitalization necessary. This Man is your liegelord. He owns you, your farm, your family and all your friends. Kind of like a Samurai, but less gay.
That helmet alone is worth more than your life. And you can spend your life trying to mark it, fuck you he'll just slice your stomach open. That shield in the lower left is worth more than your house, primarily because it gives a better degree of protection than the walls of your house.
This is the grandaddy of heavy infantry. Screw the Imperial Guard, screw the Adepta Sororitas, screw even Astartes Terminators. This guy was wading through fire before guns were even a thing. And you know what? It fucking worked.
See, him and his brethren live by a code. You live by God, and die serving God. You think Monks get such great bonuses for nothing? You think Monks and Knights are different in their worship of the Lord?! Du densk das ist ein mutterficken spiel??!
Oh, no. We don't need no Pikemen. We don't need Paladins, fuck, Paladins are just these dudes on their horses. You fuck with these guys, you fuck wit GOD.
For just 70ish gold and food you can have the most heavily armored man in the game, built to laugh at whatever you can sling at it. Fuck, the elites of these men can shrug off Bombard Cannon and Cannon Galleon shots. They take Onager loads to the head just to practice, the fuck you doing trying to lob rocks at us for?
Go lube that pea-shooter up and slide it carefully up your ass, I hear they break easy. We'll be marching, with dignity, straight into your base to knock your houses down. Because really, if you have to move at any speed higher than a dignified walk, then you're just improperly timed. Peasant scum.
#47 - andrakian (11/30/2014) [-]
Just look at this sly sonofabitch. See all that bling? All those frills? See those badass plumes? That shit is worthy more than your whole family. "Now where did all this pimping came from?" - you ask behind your throbbing erection - "How can someone keep that much gold just for his bling?"
That's because superior spanish blacksmithing requires no gold. That's fucking right. Those niggas literally turn sheep and lettuce to heavy plate armor.
And you know those trade carts? The ones that you filthy teutonics need to send to the other side of the map to get decent gold? Well, Spanish trade gives not only 1, not only 2, BUT A TOTAL OF 33% PERCENT BONUS GOLD. And what happens when you get all that gold just laying around and a fully unlocked priest tech tree? You invest all that shit in church bling until your priests can show those heathen scroobs the true faith from the other side of the map.
And all those pitiful style-less armor of yours will not save you in imperial age. I hope you get far from the coast, because superior spanish cannon galleons are the only in the whole game that is affected by ballistics. And I hope you are far from land as well, because with Supremacy workers get huge combat bonuses and Sappers, even my peasants can knock down your flimsy walls. Your fucking dead, kiddo.
|#51 - Picture||11/30/2014 on Mirai Nikki in 30 seconds||0|
|#14 - Picture||11/30/2014 on Gunpoint||0|
|#25 - Picture [+] (1 new reply)||11/30/2014 on Drongo||+10|
|#43 - **krasnogvardiech rolls 965,365**||11/30/2014 on what a time to be alive||0|
|#24 - /k/ found ammo in stock, I see. That, or /o/ found a …||11/30/2014 on The General Lee||+1|
|#235 - Picture||11/30/2014 on PC master race||-1|
|#157 - Because I keep **** moving.||11/29/2014 on Who's greatest?||0|
|#47 - Or Frank Sinatra. The old world's just about gone, ay?||11/29/2014 on (untitled)||0|
|#45 - Not unless you pull it off well. [+] (2 new replies)||11/29/2014 on (untitled)||+1|
|#381 - HA!||11/29/2014 on Help me prove him wrong||0|
|#65 - Picture||11/29/2014 on no ragrets||+2|
|#376 - Only once per day? [+] (2 new replies)||11/29/2014 on Help me prove him wrong||0|
|#92 - Super-science. Because with magic, sure you can do fa…||11/29/2014 on Choose #3||0|
|#22 - After the yellow sun's evil twith hath scorched the world, Man…||11/29/2014 on FO3 Enclave Things you...||+1|
|#4 - Picture||11/29/2014 on When I hear a feminist...||0|
|#14 - The Chinese Stealth Suits are working well, I see.||11/29/2014 on Ladies and Gentlemen...Liu...||+3|
|#87 - Picture||11/29/2014 on Mass Effect content 6/whatever||+4|
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