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latest user's comments

#1006 - Yeah that's really ****** up. I didn't know she l…  [+] (4 new replies) 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend 0
User avatar #1009 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I'm glad we agree. I know I'll be a lot more cautious when it comes to girls in the future though, and a lot more critical. I only accepted all that shit because I had way too much self-doubt to stand up for myself.

Have you had any contact with the girl from your post, or you cut her off staright after she told you all that?
#1020 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
After I told her off, we haven't spoken since. All I know is she got married because I saw her best friend who is awesome, was tagged in the wedding photos and I saw she got big. I'm glad you've gotten more cautious, I know I needed to too. As for me, I actuallyhave a girl now who treats me amazing and thinks so highly of me. I treat her like a Goddess as well. So If nothing, I'm glad I learned from the experience. Plus it's a story to tell.
User avatar #1028 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I hate how some life lessons have to be so goddamn painful. I'm glad you've found someone who treats you like you deserve. I'm realising that there are decent people out there, just sometimes takes time and pain finding them.

There was a quote, went something along the lines of 'it doesn't matter how many times you are fooled for trusting someone, because eventually your efforts will be rewarded with honest friends, and having trusted the wrong person is always a better mistake to have made than not to trust at all."
#1043 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I really like that quote. I haven't heard it before but it's really good. Trust me, I have plenty of stories of terrible people and assholes I've had the misfortune of meeting, but I still have great friends and people who love me. And as long as I keep them, I know everything will be okay. You just need to find the right people who are kind, and like you for who you are, and keep them. I know you will find them. Sometimes you have to wade through the waters of jackassery to find them. I know I've been dick deep in those waters.
#998 - It's not really my place to say, because I don't know you that…  [+] (7 new replies) 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend 0
User avatar #1004 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that visit was like november sometime, but I realised that I oculdn't have her in my life at all. And I'd rather you gave your opinion than say what you think i want to hear. pisses me off when people do that because it's really unhelpful.
#1011 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I know what you mean. My friends hate it when I tell them what they don't want to hear haha I always prefer the truth even if it hurts though. Is she the main reason for you being unhappy? Or are there other reasons?
User avatar #1018 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
That's how you know it's the truth, that and I've found truth to be like occam's razor. Fuckin clear as day how it fits.

Y'know, i don't even know, I don't know if she just happened to be what uncapped the bottle so to speak. She may well have just done that, because I know before I got to know her all i remember was complete detachment and numbness. I remember getting concerned that I was a psyopath such was my apathy for just everything. A couple nights after worrying about that I had a dream where both my parents died, I was obviously mortified and when I woke up, as much as it was a nightmare, it had reassured me that I wasn't a psycopath haha

But yeah, hence why I want to see a proffessional, I feel like they'd know whatto ask to find out if it is just her or if there's smething underlying.
#1035 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Have you seen them yet? I think that's a good idea. At least you'll know if there is something off. Just know I'm rooting for you
User avatar #1040 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yknow I'd love to get out the house more (i'm in the bahamas, white middle class, decent looking (think swedish crack dealer crossed with capn murica) but my friend who is over is relatively reluctant. We went out last night but it was just drinks not really meeting people. It's frustrating, I thought he'd be more enthusiastic - he certainly gave that impression ebfore he came. How do you think I should talk to him about it? He uses the excuse that he isn't feeling it and i kepp telling him that that is a shit way to decide if he should go out an d meet people.
#1049 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Is he more introverted? Because I think I can understand how he feels. Tell me a little bit more about him and I'll see what you can do
User avatar #1063 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Well, he's less introverted than i am for sure, he tends to be much more comfortable with just starting convos and keeping them going with new people, but i don't know how secure he is. I used to think of him as a bit of a stalwart, I looked up to him I guess, but I had a fair few chats with his younger bro (only by a couple years, we're tight too) and i'm starting to think that he tends to be more talk less action. It even comes down to making plans for general going tothe beach chillig nothing big, like we'll say we need to do it, then he never brings it up again, and i'll say let's go in a few hours/now may as well, and he has some excuse or w/e. But I feel (I don't know if it's mistaken or not) that he's trying to be overly polite or smth, I'll ask him if he wants to do smth and he'll say he's appy with anything/doesn't mind etc etc and not actually give his opnion
#992 - It's fine dude I wanted to hear the story. I'm sorry you had t…  [+] (6 new replies) 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend 0
User avatar #1000 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
hahaha ahh man I would feel the same pleasure if she ballooned, esp since she told me she was anorexic. the last time would have been sometime between may 1 and 11th, she was back on a break, there was the opportunity to meet up I even offered to walk further because I didn't want her just refusing to answer my questions. She said she'd tell me when, never did, she went back to uni, i called her on it and she came up with some bull saying she didn't want to be called a cunt (I said she'd acted like a cunt and she should have just been honest that she didn't want to be friends). I took that as her just not caring about whatever friendship we had since she was happy enough to say yadda yadda she wants a fraction of what we had at least because we were such good friends even if things never go back to normal, yet she couldn't be fucked to walk 15 minutes and speak to me face to face.
#1006 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that's really fucked up. I didn't know she lived so close. It seems like she only talks to you or sees you when she wants something. You don't need that in your life.
User avatar #1009 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I'm glad we agree. I know I'll be a lot more cautious when it comes to girls in the future though, and a lot more critical. I only accepted all that shit because I had way too much self-doubt to stand up for myself.

Have you had any contact with the girl from your post, or you cut her off staright after she told you all that?
#1020 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
After I told her off, we haven't spoken since. All I know is she got married because I saw her best friend who is awesome, was tagged in the wedding photos and I saw she got big. I'm glad you've gotten more cautious, I know I needed to too. As for me, I actuallyhave a girl now who treats me amazing and thinks so highly of me. I treat her like a Goddess as well. So If nothing, I'm glad I learned from the experience. Plus it's a story to tell.
User avatar #1028 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I hate how some life lessons have to be so goddamn painful. I'm glad you've found someone who treats you like you deserve. I'm realising that there are decent people out there, just sometimes takes time and pain finding them.

There was a quote, went something along the lines of 'it doesn't matter how many times you are fooled for trusting someone, because eventually your efforts will be rewarded with honest friends, and having trusted the wrong person is always a better mistake to have made than not to trust at all."
#1043 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I really like that quote. I haven't heard it before but it's really good. Trust me, I have plenty of stories of terrible people and assholes I've had the misfortune of meeting, but I still have great friends and people who love me. And as long as I keep them, I know everything will be okay. You just need to find the right people who are kind, and like you for who you are, and keep them. I know you will find them. Sometimes you have to wade through the waters of jackassery to find them. I know I've been dick deep in those waters.
#981 - Holy Hell that's messed up of her. Honestly she was kinda the …  [+] (10 new replies) 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend 0
User avatar #982 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
This past year, I've been on holiday since end of may and things are sort of relaxing, but I'm worried that it's just getting repressed :/
User avatar #988 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
To top it off tho she visits me, we get drunk and she makes out with me and we dry rub (dont even know if that's the term) each other and I ask her about it later, turns out she just wondered what it would be like. Fucking cunt.
#998 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
It's not really my place to say, because I don't know you that well and don't know your situation, but I think you would be better off not seeing or taking to her anymore. It seems like she is sucking the happiness out of you.
User avatar #1004 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that visit was like november sometime, but I realised that I oculdn't have her in my life at all. And I'd rather you gave your opinion than say what you think i want to hear. pisses me off when people do that because it's really unhelpful.
#1011 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I know what you mean. My friends hate it when I tell them what they don't want to hear haha I always prefer the truth even if it hurts though. Is she the main reason for you being unhappy? Or are there other reasons?
User avatar #1018 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
That's how you know it's the truth, that and I've found truth to be like occam's razor. Fuckin clear as day how it fits.

Y'know, i don't even know, I don't know if she just happened to be what uncapped the bottle so to speak. She may well have just done that, because I know before I got to know her all i remember was complete detachment and numbness. I remember getting concerned that I was a psyopath such was my apathy for just everything. A couple nights after worrying about that I had a dream where both my parents died, I was obviously mortified and when I woke up, as much as it was a nightmare, it had reassured me that I wasn't a psycopath haha

But yeah, hence why I want to see a proffessional, I feel like they'd know whatto ask to find out if it is just her or if there's smething underlying.
#1035 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Have you seen them yet? I think that's a good idea. At least you'll know if there is something off. Just know I'm rooting for you
User avatar #1040 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yknow I'd love to get out the house more (i'm in the bahamas, white middle class, decent looking (think swedish crack dealer crossed with capn murica) but my friend who is over is relatively reluctant. We went out last night but it was just drinks not really meeting people. It's frustrating, I thought he'd be more enthusiastic - he certainly gave that impression ebfore he came. How do you think I should talk to him about it? He uses the excuse that he isn't feeling it and i kepp telling him that that is a shit way to decide if he should go out an d meet people.
#1049 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Is he more introverted? Because I think I can understand how he feels. Tell me a little bit more about him and I'll see what you can do
User avatar #1063 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Well, he's less introverted than i am for sure, he tends to be much more comfortable with just starting convos and keeping them going with new people, but i don't know how secure he is. I used to think of him as a bit of a stalwart, I looked up to him I guess, but I had a fair few chats with his younger bro (only by a couple years, we're tight too) and i'm starting to think that he tends to be more talk less action. It even comes down to making plans for general going tothe beach chillig nothing big, like we'll say we need to do it, then he never brings it up again, and i'll say let's go in a few hours/now may as well, and he has some excuse or w/e. But I feel (I don't know if it's mistaken or not) that he's trying to be overly polite or smth, I'll ask him if he wants to do smth and he'll say he's appy with anything/doesn't mind etc etc and not actually give his opnion
#971 - She wasn't the most selfless person, but we were great friends… 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend 0
#956 - What happened in your situation?  [+] (21 new replies) 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend 0
User avatar #973 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
So uni starts, and she starts being a lot more distant and I appreciated she was on a more work intense course than I, and gave her a lot of 'understanding' except she started never really replying to my texts like she used to, rarely explaining herself or putting efforts into convos, and after about a month of this I finally have enough and start treating her how she was treating me. She didn't like that, and after some more manipulation on her part I was back to being her fucking plaything. Everytime I thought of her I would just feel miserable, like a sort of nauseau, real grief as I started realising the girl who was my friend didn't exist anymore. It still took another 5 months for me to cut things entirely, and the way I let myself be used, the way i didn't stand up for myself, the way I was so fucking passive makes me hate myself so much, and she is the only person who when I imagine I can imagine hurting her physically and enjoying it, but I also know that that would make m worse than her.


I have done everything I can to forget her, yet still not a day goes by without her coming into my mind, I've just become better at ignoring it, because I know i can wind myself up so easily. I hate how she's able to do that to me, that I don't know how to stop that. Fuck it makes me want to cry but I won't because I shouldn't have to.

I lost so much, and I also lost the only person I felt like I would never have to worry about judging me, but reading over old convos, i realised she was so judgmental and she was so passively aggressive and fit so close the profile of a manipulator, hell i only wondered if i was being manipulated on a offchance but learning how they operate i couldn't keep my eyes shut.
#981 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Holy Hell that's messed up of her. Honestly she was kinda the same with me. How long ago was this?
User avatar #982 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
This past year, I've been on holiday since end of may and things are sort of relaxing, but I'm worried that it's just getting repressed :/
User avatar #988 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
To top it off tho she visits me, we get drunk and she makes out with me and we dry rub (dont even know if that's the term) each other and I ask her about it later, turns out she just wondered what it would be like. Fucking cunt.
#998 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
It's not really my place to say, because I don't know you that well and don't know your situation, but I think you would be better off not seeing or taking to her anymore. It seems like she is sucking the happiness out of you.
User avatar #1004 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that visit was like november sometime, but I realised that I oculdn't have her in my life at all. And I'd rather you gave your opinion than say what you think i want to hear. pisses me off when people do that because it's really unhelpful.
#1011 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I know what you mean. My friends hate it when I tell them what they don't want to hear haha I always prefer the truth even if it hurts though. Is she the main reason for you being unhappy? Or are there other reasons?
User avatar #1018 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
That's how you know it's the truth, that and I've found truth to be like occam's razor. Fuckin clear as day how it fits.

Y'know, i don't even know, I don't know if she just happened to be what uncapped the bottle so to speak. She may well have just done that, because I know before I got to know her all i remember was complete detachment and numbness. I remember getting concerned that I was a psyopath such was my apathy for just everything. A couple nights after worrying about that I had a dream where both my parents died, I was obviously mortified and when I woke up, as much as it was a nightmare, it had reassured me that I wasn't a psycopath haha

But yeah, hence why I want to see a proffessional, I feel like they'd know whatto ask to find out if it is just her or if there's smething underlying.
#1035 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Have you seen them yet? I think that's a good idea. At least you'll know if there is something off. Just know I'm rooting for you
User avatar #1040 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yknow I'd love to get out the house more (i'm in the bahamas, white middle class, decent looking (think swedish crack dealer crossed with capn murica) but my friend who is over is relatively reluctant. We went out last night but it was just drinks not really meeting people. It's frustrating, I thought he'd be more enthusiastic - he certainly gave that impression ebfore he came. How do you think I should talk to him about it? He uses the excuse that he isn't feeling it and i kepp telling him that that is a shit way to decide if he should go out an d meet people.
#1049 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Is he more introverted? Because I think I can understand how he feels. Tell me a little bit more about him and I'll see what you can do
User avatar #1063 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Well, he's less introverted than i am for sure, he tends to be much more comfortable with just starting convos and keeping them going with new people, but i don't know how secure he is. I used to think of him as a bit of a stalwart, I looked up to him I guess, but I had a fair few chats with his younger bro (only by a couple years, we're tight too) and i'm starting to think that he tends to be more talk less action. It even comes down to making plans for general going tothe beach chillig nothing big, like we'll say we need to do it, then he never brings it up again, and i'll say let's go in a few hours/now may as well, and he has some excuse or w/e. But I feel (I don't know if it's mistaken or not) that he's trying to be overly polite or smth, I'll ask him if he wants to do smth and he'll say he's appy with anything/doesn't mind etc etc and not actually give his opnion
User avatar #976 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
So I started taking control of my life, working on my confidence and self-esteem especially. Fuck, I even found myself enjoying Stoic philosophy ( I highly recommend letters from a stoic by seneca - free on kindle/kindle app) and that's helped immeasurably, as well as learning about vulnerabilty and connection (Brene Brown).
I want to see a therapist quite frankly because I know my mind still isn't healthy, I get suicidal fantasies far more often than i think anyone ought. But I don't want my mum to know I'm seeing one so i'm stuck til uni again this september where hopefully NHS or the uni can provide some confidential counselling or summin idk I jus tknow I want to be happier than I am.

Fin.

Hopefully you didn't find this to grudging a read but it was nice to talk about it.
#992 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
It's fine dude I wanted to hear the story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. When was the last time you talked to her? For me I haven't talked to her like 2 or 3 years ago. I snapped and called her out on it and told her everything I felt. She got married last month haha Not to sound like a total chick, but it made me feel good to know she put on a ton of weight.
User avatar #1000 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
hahaha ahh man I would feel the same pleasure if she ballooned, esp since she told me she was anorexic. the last time would have been sometime between may 1 and 11th, she was back on a break, there was the opportunity to meet up I even offered to walk further because I didn't want her just refusing to answer my questions. She said she'd tell me when, never did, she went back to uni, i called her on it and she came up with some bull saying she didn't want to be called a cunt (I said she'd acted like a cunt and she should have just been honest that she didn't want to be friends). I took that as her just not caring about whatever friendship we had since she was happy enough to say yadda yadda she wants a fraction of what we had at least because we were such good friends even if things never go back to normal, yet she couldn't be fucked to walk 15 minutes and speak to me face to face.
#1006 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that's really fucked up. I didn't know she lived so close. It seems like she only talks to you or sees you when she wants something. You don't need that in your life.
User avatar #1009 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I'm glad we agree. I know I'll be a lot more cautious when it comes to girls in the future though, and a lot more critical. I only accepted all that shit because I had way too much self-doubt to stand up for myself.

Have you had any contact with the girl from your post, or you cut her off staright after she told you all that?
#1020 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
After I told her off, we haven't spoken since. All I know is she got married because I saw her best friend who is awesome, was tagged in the wedding photos and I saw she got big. I'm glad you've gotten more cautious, I know I needed to too. As for me, I actuallyhave a girl now who treats me amazing and thinks so highly of me. I treat her like a Goddess as well. So If nothing, I'm glad I learned from the experience. Plus it's a story to tell.
User avatar #1028 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I hate how some life lessons have to be so goddamn painful. I'm glad you've found someone who treats you like you deserve. I'm realising that there are decent people out there, just sometimes takes time and pain finding them.

There was a quote, went something along the lines of 'it doesn't matter how many times you are fooled for trusting someone, because eventually your efforts will be rewarded with honest friends, and having trusted the wrong person is always a better mistake to have made than not to trust at all."
#1043 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I really like that quote. I haven't heard it before but it's really good. Trust me, I have plenty of stories of terrible people and assholes I've had the misfortune of meeting, but I still have great friends and people who love me. And as long as I keep them, I know everything will be okay. You just need to find the right people who are kind, and like you for who you are, and keep them. I know you will find them. Sometimes you have to wade through the waters of jackassery to find them. I know I've been dick deep in those waters.
User avatar #966 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I liked this girl, and so did my friend. He asked me to not pursue her etc at all so that he could date her, agreeing to this is the largest regret in my entire life so far, but I understand why I did that at the time, considering who I was. She wanted me to ask her out for 4 months while my friend was pursuing her etc to boot. Finding that out was a real kick to the gut. I found that out about a year later, after she and I became incredibly close and she mentioned how it was funny that she had fancied me (that she phrased it like that pisses me off so much too). She was the first person I'd ever had any real feelings for, who I actually would miss if she disappeared, and who told me she loved me. When she did I so badly wanted to tell her not that I loved her, but that I was *in* love with her. But I didn't because I was too busy being a 'good friend' when in reality it was my friend who had treated me like shit since he never should have asked, it should have been her to choose. But was really bites is I know I could have said no, fuck you I fancy her too.

Anyhow months pass and it's near uni, beginning of september I had lots of free time with her, we would literally hang out in silence cuddling the whole day 4+ hrs would go so quick, but we did so much, she would let me kiss her in so many places just not her lips. As if that made it any less like cheating, she and I had pretty much every emotional part of the relationship just none of the physical. It broke my heart to see her with my friend. And because of my reliance on her I didn't work on my relationships with my guy friends at all. I realise now that I also have abandonment issue (pretty much every single indicator) which led to me being so attached to her, indeed i realise it was that attachment that blinded/withheld me from breaking off the relationship.

I'm running out of characters so I'll just reply continuing
#951 - Because I didn't have the guts to stop her and because I think…  [+] (2 new replies) 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend 0
User avatar #953 - collateraldamageco (07/07/2014) [-]
even if you didn't love her that sounds like it would be really obnoxious to hear. i also don't understand how anyone would think it's totally cool to talk about that stuff to the guy they just broke up with
#971 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
She wasn't the most selfless person, but we were great friends and everything was perfect relationship wise before the actual relationship. Once we started dating, she got super jealous and would get mad at ME when another girl added me on Facebook.
#942 - Because I was a complete beta fag back then. She was also my f…  [+] (23 new replies) 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend 0
User avatar #955 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I completely sympathise; I'm still working on getting rid of the betafag I used to be. This is why I will never trust a girl more than I trust my bros. I made that mistake and it just was shit.
#956 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
What happened in your situation?
User avatar #973 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
So uni starts, and she starts being a lot more distant and I appreciated she was on a more work intense course than I, and gave her a lot of 'understanding' except she started never really replying to my texts like she used to, rarely explaining herself or putting efforts into convos, and after about a month of this I finally have enough and start treating her how she was treating me. She didn't like that, and after some more manipulation on her part I was back to being her fucking plaything. Everytime I thought of her I would just feel miserable, like a sort of nauseau, real grief as I started realising the girl who was my friend didn't exist anymore. It still took another 5 months for me to cut things entirely, and the way I let myself be used, the way i didn't stand up for myself, the way I was so fucking passive makes me hate myself so much, and she is the only person who when I imagine I can imagine hurting her physically and enjoying it, but I also know that that would make m worse than her.


I have done everything I can to forget her, yet still not a day goes by without her coming into my mind, I've just become better at ignoring it, because I know i can wind myself up so easily. I hate how she's able to do that to me, that I don't know how to stop that. Fuck it makes me want to cry but I won't because I shouldn't have to.

I lost so much, and I also lost the only person I felt like I would never have to worry about judging me, but reading over old convos, i realised she was so judgmental and she was so passively aggressive and fit so close the profile of a manipulator, hell i only wondered if i was being manipulated on a offchance but learning how they operate i couldn't keep my eyes shut.
#981 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Holy Hell that's messed up of her. Honestly she was kinda the same with me. How long ago was this?
User avatar #982 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
This past year, I've been on holiday since end of may and things are sort of relaxing, but I'm worried that it's just getting repressed :/
User avatar #988 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
To top it off tho she visits me, we get drunk and she makes out with me and we dry rub (dont even know if that's the term) each other and I ask her about it later, turns out she just wondered what it would be like. Fucking cunt.
#998 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
It's not really my place to say, because I don't know you that well and don't know your situation, but I think you would be better off not seeing or taking to her anymore. It seems like she is sucking the happiness out of you.
User avatar #1004 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that visit was like november sometime, but I realised that I oculdn't have her in my life at all. And I'd rather you gave your opinion than say what you think i want to hear. pisses me off when people do that because it's really unhelpful.
#1011 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I know what you mean. My friends hate it when I tell them what they don't want to hear haha I always prefer the truth even if it hurts though. Is she the main reason for you being unhappy? Or are there other reasons?
User avatar #1018 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
That's how you know it's the truth, that and I've found truth to be like occam's razor. Fuckin clear as day how it fits.

Y'know, i don't even know, I don't know if she just happened to be what uncapped the bottle so to speak. She may well have just done that, because I know before I got to know her all i remember was complete detachment and numbness. I remember getting concerned that I was a psyopath such was my apathy for just everything. A couple nights after worrying about that I had a dream where both my parents died, I was obviously mortified and when I woke up, as much as it was a nightmare, it had reassured me that I wasn't a psycopath haha

But yeah, hence why I want to see a proffessional, I feel like they'd know whatto ask to find out if it is just her or if there's smething underlying.
#1035 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Have you seen them yet? I think that's a good idea. At least you'll know if there is something off. Just know I'm rooting for you
User avatar #1040 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yknow I'd love to get out the house more (i'm in the bahamas, white middle class, decent looking (think swedish crack dealer crossed with capn murica) but my friend who is over is relatively reluctant. We went out last night but it was just drinks not really meeting people. It's frustrating, I thought he'd be more enthusiastic - he certainly gave that impression ebfore he came. How do you think I should talk to him about it? He uses the excuse that he isn't feeling it and i kepp telling him that that is a shit way to decide if he should go out an d meet people.
#1049 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Is he more introverted? Because I think I can understand how he feels. Tell me a little bit more about him and I'll see what you can do
User avatar #1063 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Well, he's less introverted than i am for sure, he tends to be much more comfortable with just starting convos and keeping them going with new people, but i don't know how secure he is. I used to think of him as a bit of a stalwart, I looked up to him I guess, but I had a fair few chats with his younger bro (only by a couple years, we're tight too) and i'm starting to think that he tends to be more talk less action. It even comes down to making plans for general going tothe beach chillig nothing big, like we'll say we need to do it, then he never brings it up again, and i'll say let's go in a few hours/now may as well, and he has some excuse or w/e. But I feel (I don't know if it's mistaken or not) that he's trying to be overly polite or smth, I'll ask him if he wants to do smth and he'll say he's appy with anything/doesn't mind etc etc and not actually give his opnion
User avatar #976 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
So I started taking control of my life, working on my confidence and self-esteem especially. Fuck, I even found myself enjoying Stoic philosophy ( I highly recommend letters from a stoic by seneca - free on kindle/kindle app) and that's helped immeasurably, as well as learning about vulnerabilty and connection (Brene Brown).
I want to see a therapist quite frankly because I know my mind still isn't healthy, I get suicidal fantasies far more often than i think anyone ought. But I don't want my mum to know I'm seeing one so i'm stuck til uni again this september where hopefully NHS or the uni can provide some confidential counselling or summin idk I jus tknow I want to be happier than I am.

Fin.

Hopefully you didn't find this to grudging a read but it was nice to talk about it.
#992 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
It's fine dude I wanted to hear the story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. When was the last time you talked to her? For me I haven't talked to her like 2 or 3 years ago. I snapped and called her out on it and told her everything I felt. She got married last month haha Not to sound like a total chick, but it made me feel good to know she put on a ton of weight.
User avatar #1000 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
hahaha ahh man I would feel the same pleasure if she ballooned, esp since she told me she was anorexic. the last time would have been sometime between may 1 and 11th, she was back on a break, there was the opportunity to meet up I even offered to walk further because I didn't want her just refusing to answer my questions. She said she'd tell me when, never did, she went back to uni, i called her on it and she came up with some bull saying she didn't want to be called a cunt (I said she'd acted like a cunt and she should have just been honest that she didn't want to be friends). I took that as her just not caring about whatever friendship we had since she was happy enough to say yadda yadda she wants a fraction of what we had at least because we were such good friends even if things never go back to normal, yet she couldn't be fucked to walk 15 minutes and speak to me face to face.
#1006 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that's really fucked up. I didn't know she lived so close. It seems like she only talks to you or sees you when she wants something. You don't need that in your life.
User avatar #1009 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I'm glad we agree. I know I'll be a lot more cautious when it comes to girls in the future though, and a lot more critical. I only accepted all that shit because I had way too much self-doubt to stand up for myself.

Have you had any contact with the girl from your post, or you cut her off staright after she told you all that?
#1020 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
After I told her off, we haven't spoken since. All I know is she got married because I saw her best friend who is awesome, was tagged in the wedding photos and I saw she got big. I'm glad you've gotten more cautious, I know I needed to too. As for me, I actuallyhave a girl now who treats me amazing and thinks so highly of me. I treat her like a Goddess as well. So If nothing, I'm glad I learned from the experience. Plus it's a story to tell.
User avatar #1028 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I hate how some life lessons have to be so goddamn painful. I'm glad you've found someone who treats you like you deserve. I'm realising that there are decent people out there, just sometimes takes time and pain finding them.

There was a quote, went something along the lines of 'it doesn't matter how many times you are fooled for trusting someone, because eventually your efforts will be rewarded with honest friends, and having trusted the wrong person is always a better mistake to have made than not to trust at all."
#1043 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I really like that quote. I haven't heard it before but it's really good. Trust me, I have plenty of stories of terrible people and assholes I've had the misfortune of meeting, but I still have great friends and people who love me. And as long as I keep them, I know everything will be okay. You just need to find the right people who are kind, and like you for who you are, and keep them. I know you will find them. Sometimes you have to wade through the waters of jackassery to find them. I know I've been dick deep in those waters.
User avatar #966 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I liked this girl, and so did my friend. He asked me to not pursue her etc at all so that he could date her, agreeing to this is the largest regret in my entire life so far, but I understand why I did that at the time, considering who I was. She wanted me to ask her out for 4 months while my friend was pursuing her etc to boot. Finding that out was a real kick to the gut. I found that out about a year later, after she and I became incredibly close and she mentioned how it was funny that she had fancied me (that she phrased it like that pisses me off so much too). She was the first person I'd ever had any real feelings for, who I actually would miss if she disappeared, and who told me she loved me. When she did I so badly wanted to tell her not that I loved her, but that I was *in* love with her. But I didn't because I was too busy being a 'good friend' when in reality it was my friend who had treated me like shit since he never should have asked, it should have been her to choose. But was really bites is I know I could have said no, fuck you I fancy her too.

Anyhow months pass and it's near uni, beginning of september I had lots of free time with her, we would literally hang out in silence cuddling the whole day 4+ hrs would go so quick, but we did so much, she would let me kiss her in so many places just not her lips. As if that made it any less like cheating, she and I had pretty much every emotional part of the relationship just none of the physical. It broke my heart to see her with my friend. And because of my reliance on her I didn't work on my relationships with my guy friends at all. I realise now that I also have abandonment issue (pretty much every single indicator) which led to me being so attached to her, indeed i realise it was that attachment that blinded/withheld me from breaking off the relationship.

I'm running out of characters so I'll just reply continuing
#903 - Four years ago when I was in summer school right before I was …  [+] (31 new replies) 07/07/2014 on Horrible Girlfriend +3
User avatar #1184 - spceinvdr (07/07/2014) [-]
I couldn't deal bro. I would've blown my brains out on her doorstep with a shotgun
User avatar #934 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah dude, why didn't you ask her wtf she was telling you all that for? She sounds like a complete fuck. I hate people like that.
#942 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Because I was a complete beta fag back then. She was also my first girlfriend and wanted to touch my wiener. I wouldn't let something like that fly today though.
User avatar #955 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I completely sympathise; I'm still working on getting rid of the betafag I used to be. This is why I will never trust a girl more than I trust my bros. I made that mistake and it just was shit.
#956 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
What happened in your situation?
User avatar #973 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
So uni starts, and she starts being a lot more distant and I appreciated she was on a more work intense course than I, and gave her a lot of 'understanding' except she started never really replying to my texts like she used to, rarely explaining herself or putting efforts into convos, and after about a month of this I finally have enough and start treating her how she was treating me. She didn't like that, and after some more manipulation on her part I was back to being her fucking plaything. Everytime I thought of her I would just feel miserable, like a sort of nauseau, real grief as I started realising the girl who was my friend didn't exist anymore. It still took another 5 months for me to cut things entirely, and the way I let myself be used, the way i didn't stand up for myself, the way I was so fucking passive makes me hate myself so much, and she is the only person who when I imagine I can imagine hurting her physically and enjoying it, but I also know that that would make m worse than her.


I have done everything I can to forget her, yet still not a day goes by without her coming into my mind, I've just become better at ignoring it, because I know i can wind myself up so easily. I hate how she's able to do that to me, that I don't know how to stop that. Fuck it makes me want to cry but I won't because I shouldn't have to.

I lost so much, and I also lost the only person I felt like I would never have to worry about judging me, but reading over old convos, i realised she was so judgmental and she was so passively aggressive and fit so close the profile of a manipulator, hell i only wondered if i was being manipulated on a offchance but learning how they operate i couldn't keep my eyes shut.
#981 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Holy Hell that's messed up of her. Honestly she was kinda the same with me. How long ago was this?
User avatar #982 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
This past year, I've been on holiday since end of may and things are sort of relaxing, but I'm worried that it's just getting repressed :/
User avatar #988 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
To top it off tho she visits me, we get drunk and she makes out with me and we dry rub (dont even know if that's the term) each other and I ask her about it later, turns out she just wondered what it would be like. Fucking cunt.
#998 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
It's not really my place to say, because I don't know you that well and don't know your situation, but I think you would be better off not seeing or taking to her anymore. It seems like she is sucking the happiness out of you.
User avatar #1004 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that visit was like november sometime, but I realised that I oculdn't have her in my life at all. And I'd rather you gave your opinion than say what you think i want to hear. pisses me off when people do that because it's really unhelpful.
#1011 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I know what you mean. My friends hate it when I tell them what they don't want to hear haha I always prefer the truth even if it hurts though. Is she the main reason for you being unhappy? Or are there other reasons?
User avatar #1018 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
That's how you know it's the truth, that and I've found truth to be like occam's razor. Fuckin clear as day how it fits.

Y'know, i don't even know, I don't know if she just happened to be what uncapped the bottle so to speak. She may well have just done that, because I know before I got to know her all i remember was complete detachment and numbness. I remember getting concerned that I was a psyopath such was my apathy for just everything. A couple nights after worrying about that I had a dream where both my parents died, I was obviously mortified and when I woke up, as much as it was a nightmare, it had reassured me that I wasn't a psycopath haha

But yeah, hence why I want to see a proffessional, I feel like they'd know whatto ask to find out if it is just her or if there's smething underlying.
#1035 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Have you seen them yet? I think that's a good idea. At least you'll know if there is something off. Just know I'm rooting for you
User avatar #1040 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Yknow I'd love to get out the house more (i'm in the bahamas, white middle class, decent looking (think swedish crack dealer crossed with capn murica) but my friend who is over is relatively reluctant. We went out last night but it was just drinks not really meeting people. It's frustrating, I thought he'd be more enthusiastic - he certainly gave that impression ebfore he came. How do you think I should talk to him about it? He uses the excuse that he isn't feeling it and i kepp telling him that that is a shit way to decide if he should go out an d meet people.
#1049 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Is he more introverted? Because I think I can understand how he feels. Tell me a little bit more about him and I'll see what you can do
User avatar #1063 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
Well, he's less introverted than i am for sure, he tends to be much more comfortable with just starting convos and keeping them going with new people, but i don't know how secure he is. I used to think of him as a bit of a stalwart, I looked up to him I guess, but I had a fair few chats with his younger bro (only by a couple years, we're tight too) and i'm starting to think that he tends to be more talk less action. It even comes down to making plans for general going tothe beach chillig nothing big, like we'll say we need to do it, then he never brings it up again, and i'll say let's go in a few hours/now may as well, and he has some excuse or w/e. But I feel (I don't know if it's mistaken or not) that he's trying to be overly polite or smth, I'll ask him if he wants to do smth and he'll say he's appy with anything/doesn't mind etc etc and not actually give his opnion
User avatar #976 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
So I started taking control of my life, working on my confidence and self-esteem especially. Fuck, I even found myself enjoying Stoic philosophy ( I highly recommend letters from a stoic by seneca - free on kindle/kindle app) and that's helped immeasurably, as well as learning about vulnerabilty and connection (Brene Brown).
I want to see a therapist quite frankly because I know my mind still isn't healthy, I get suicidal fantasies far more often than i think anyone ought. But I don't want my mum to know I'm seeing one so i'm stuck til uni again this september where hopefully NHS or the uni can provide some confidential counselling or summin idk I jus tknow I want to be happier than I am.

Fin.

Hopefully you didn't find this to grudging a read but it was nice to talk about it.
#992 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
It's fine dude I wanted to hear the story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. When was the last time you talked to her? For me I haven't talked to her like 2 or 3 years ago. I snapped and called her out on it and told her everything I felt. She got married last month haha Not to sound like a total chick, but it made me feel good to know she put on a ton of weight.
User avatar #1000 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
hahaha ahh man I would feel the same pleasure if she ballooned, esp since she told me she was anorexic. the last time would have been sometime between may 1 and 11th, she was back on a break, there was the opportunity to meet up I even offered to walk further because I didn't want her just refusing to answer my questions. She said she'd tell me when, never did, she went back to uni, i called her on it and she came up with some bull saying she didn't want to be called a cunt (I said she'd acted like a cunt and she should have just been honest that she didn't want to be friends). I took that as her just not caring about whatever friendship we had since she was happy enough to say yadda yadda she wants a fraction of what we had at least because we were such good friends even if things never go back to normal, yet she couldn't be fucked to walk 15 minutes and speak to me face to face.
#1006 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Yeah that's really fucked up. I didn't know she lived so close. It seems like she only talks to you or sees you when she wants something. You don't need that in your life.
User avatar #1009 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I'm glad we agree. I know I'll be a lot more cautious when it comes to girls in the future though, and a lot more critical. I only accepted all that shit because I had way too much self-doubt to stand up for myself.

Have you had any contact with the girl from your post, or you cut her off staright after she told you all that?
#1020 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
After I told her off, we haven't spoken since. All I know is she got married because I saw her best friend who is awesome, was tagged in the wedding photos and I saw she got big. I'm glad you've gotten more cautious, I know I needed to too. As for me, I actuallyhave a girl now who treats me amazing and thinks so highly of me. I treat her like a Goddess as well. So If nothing, I'm glad I learned from the experience. Plus it's a story to tell.
User avatar #1028 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I hate how some life lessons have to be so goddamn painful. I'm glad you've found someone who treats you like you deserve. I'm realising that there are decent people out there, just sometimes takes time and pain finding them.

There was a quote, went something along the lines of 'it doesn't matter how many times you are fooled for trusting someone, because eventually your efforts will be rewarded with honest friends, and having trusted the wrong person is always a better mistake to have made than not to trust at all."
#1043 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
I really like that quote. I haven't heard it before but it's really good. Trust me, I have plenty of stories of terrible people and assholes I've had the misfortune of meeting, but I still have great friends and people who love me. And as long as I keep them, I know everything will be okay. You just need to find the right people who are kind, and like you for who you are, and keep them. I know you will find them. Sometimes you have to wade through the waters of jackassery to find them. I know I've been dick deep in those waters.
User avatar #966 - hockerz (07/07/2014) [-]
I liked this girl, and so did my friend. He asked me to not pursue her etc at all so that he could date her, agreeing to this is the largest regret in my entire life so far, but I understand why I did that at the time, considering who I was. She wanted me to ask her out for 4 months while my friend was pursuing her etc to boot. Finding that out was a real kick to the gut. I found that out about a year later, after she and I became incredibly close and she mentioned how it was funny that she had fancied me (that she phrased it like that pisses me off so much too). She was the first person I'd ever had any real feelings for, who I actually would miss if she disappeared, and who told me she loved me. When she did I so badly wanted to tell her not that I loved her, but that I was *in* love with her. But I didn't because I was too busy being a 'good friend' when in reality it was my friend who had treated me like shit since he never should have asked, it should have been her to choose. But was really bites is I know I could have said no, fuck you I fancy her too.

Anyhow months pass and it's near uni, beginning of september I had lots of free time with her, we would literally hang out in silence cuddling the whole day 4+ hrs would go so quick, but we did so much, she would let me kiss her in so many places just not her lips. As if that made it any less like cheating, she and I had pretty much every emotional part of the relationship just none of the physical. It broke my heart to see her with my friend. And because of my reliance on her I didn't work on my relationships with my guy friends at all. I realise now that I also have abandonment issue (pretty much every single indicator) which led to me being so attached to her, indeed i realise it was that attachment that blinded/withheld me from breaking off the relationship.

I'm running out of characters so I'll just reply continuing
User avatar #928 - collateraldamageco (07/07/2014) [-]
why didn't you tell her to stop talking
#951 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
Because I didn't have the guts to stop her and because I think I didn't truly love her and on some level didn't really care.
User avatar #953 - collateraldamageco (07/07/2014) [-]
even if you didn't love her that sounds like it would be really obnoxious to hear. i also don't understand how anyone would think it's totally cool to talk about that stuff to the guy they just broke up with
#971 - heavenshero (07/07/2014) [-]
She wasn't the most selfless person, but we were great friends and everything was perfect relationship wise before the actual relationship. Once we started dating, she got super jealous and would get mad at ME when another girl added me on Facebook.
#910 - anonymous (07/07/2014) [-]
jesus. Im so fucking sorry
#2871 - **heavenshero rolls 152,746,470** 07/02/2014 on highest roll gets yellow... 0
#138 - Are you me? 06/18/2014 on I can relate to this. 14 0
#85 - Monster Girl quest. Eroge. Links. Part 1: Part 2: …  [+] (2 new replies) 06/17/2014 on you really fucked up now 0
User avatar #94 - capslockrage (06/17/2014) [-]
"is rly good"

don't you mean it's garbage?
User avatar #88 - flaminator (06/17/2014) [-]
Oh wow, she's from a game.. Games I'll have to.. research on later..

Thanx!
#70 - Settlers of Catan does that to you 06/08/2014 on Mfw i get my tax return +1
#740 - Yes I am a boy. Yes I play games. Plz don't hit on me XDDDDD 06/01/2014 on Post your selfie weekend... +29
#1906 - **** 05/31/2014 on Funnyjunk RP Giveaway! 0
#1904 - **heavenshero rolls 773** Going for trips  [+] (1 new reply) 05/31/2014 on Funnyjunk RP Giveaway! 0
#1906 - heavenshero (05/31/2014) [-]
Fuck
#3058 - Comment deleted 05/31/2014 on This is what will turn you gay 0
#4058 - Oh God dat keyblade doh 05/31/2014 on Post your selfie here 0
#3994 - That beard is ******* glorious  [+] (1 new reply) 05/31/2014 on Post your selfie here +2
#4013 - herpderpharvey (05/31/2014) [-]
Thanks!
#3983 - Really? But my mama says I'm beautiful the way I am 05/31/2014 on Post your selfie here 0
#2 - You forgot Blossom Kite Shield 05/26/2014 on dark souls 2 Giant dad 2.0 ? +2
#19 - Personally i prefer clipping through the wall with a plat…  [+] (2 new replies) 04/17/2014 on Lying Whore 0
User avatar #26 - bgskamikaze (04/17/2014) [-]
thank you for doing that. i was unable to i had to meet the TV guy
User avatar #20 - catchamp (04/17/2014) [-]
Im on a work computer right now so thank you in advance
#19 - Thanks for the nightmare 04/15/2014 on Shields Up Captain +12
#166 - Deep Impact 04/13/2014 on Shooter +1
#247 - Sonic Blade OP as **** . I breezed through all the… 04/09/2014 on (untitled) +1
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