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hatmanfirst

Last status update:
-
Personal Info
Gender: male
Age: 22
Youtube Channel: John Walpole
Consoles Owned: Xbox
Video Games Played: Your, mother
X-box Gamertag: hatman4545
Interests: Moms
Date Signed Up:3/02/2013
Last Login:4/21/2015
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#8405
Comment Ranking:#3515
Highest Content Rank:#1951
Highest Comment Rank:#1619
Content Thumbs: 1373 total,  1514 ,  141
Comment Thumbs: 2633 total,  2903 ,  270
Content Level Progress: 40% (4/10)
Level 103 Content: Funny Junkie → Level 104 Content: Funny Junkie
Comment Level Progress: 59% (59/100)
Level 223 Comments: Mind Blower → Level 224 Comments: Mind Blower
Subscribers:0
Content Views:78513
Times Content Favorited:80 times
Total Comments Made:379
FJ Points:3401
Favorite Tags: Fallout (2) | will ferrel (2)
I iz da first hatman

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latest user's comments

#981 - hot damn it took me losing my gf for admin to notice me. total… 04/19/2015 on Open up to your FJ Family 0
#15 - My girlfriend whom i've lived with for 3 months caught me mast…  [+] (54 new replies) 04/18/2015 on Open up to your FJ Family +308
#1567 - burgonyasalata (04/19/2015) [-]
i'm sure your right hand was real mad
don't worry, left is there for you
User avatar #1507 - qun (04/19/2015) [-]
you laugh, you laugh hard that you just dodged a crazy explosive bullet
User avatar #1320 - yourinvisiblegf (04/19/2015) [-]
did you masterbet while thinking about her ?
#1274 - meunlu (04/19/2015) [-]
stop jacking off with your left hand and maybe you'll get your bae back
User avatar #1251 - stickyhead (04/19/2015) [-]
masturbate
User avatar #1095 - dasbrot (04/19/2015) [-]
LEt her leave. Keep fapping. get new gf.
#1023 - coysaints (04/19/2015) [-]
Just keep masturbating
User avatar #995 - hazardpay (04/19/2015) [-]
Hey man, its better for her to leave you for a stupid reason then to leave her for a legitimate reason, like how my gf told me she cheated on me today and i decided to break up with her after a whole mountain of shit
User avatar #758 - optimussum (04/19/2015) [-]
what
User avatar #524 - mogolliz (04/18/2015) [-]
...keep masturbating
User avatar #508 - cackrel (04/18/2015) [-]
Keep masturbating.
User avatar #504 - utarefson (04/18/2015) [-]
Whoever the hell you want to.
That's what you do now.
User avatar #459 - chrisruler (04/18/2015) [-]
If you don't masturbate on a regular basis then your dick can shrink a centimeter or 2.

should have told her that.
User avatar #413 - kyogreking (04/18/2015) [-]
no point in being faithful now is there, go get your willy wet
User avatar #262 - dogziller (04/18/2015) [-]
i had almost the same thing happen to me. the only thing to do is move on and find a girl who wants your dick used or unused.
User avatar #257 - shadowrated (04/18/2015) [-]
were you masturbating to a pic of a girl she knew or something
User avatar #789 - basalm (04/19/2015) [-]
He was masturbating to a picture of you at your thirteenth birthday.
User avatar #791 - shadowrated (04/19/2015) [-]
he must have great technology going into the future like that
#1305 - Valid (04/19/2015) [-]
You sir win the internet
User avatar #802 - basalm (04/19/2015) [-]
C. Visitor Agreement

Visitor Agrees:

7. I am over the age of eighteen.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
ADMIN ADMIN ADMIN!
UNDERAGE!

Enjoy ur ban kid.
User avatar #803 - shadowrated (04/19/2015) [-]
yeah because everything everyone say on the internet is true
#193 - Ken M (04/18/2015) [-]
Be happy that you no longer have that crazy bitch in your life. Seriously, if jacking constitutes as cheating for her, then you're better off without her
User avatar #156 - GmCity (04/18/2015) [-]
Masturbate of course.
#239 - chomspls (04/18/2015) [-]
User avatar #152 - basalm (04/18/2015) [-]
I hope you wore a glove matey, so she couldn't identify your hand.
Or which ever porn star's pocket pussy you were using.

Was she religious?
No, sorry, was she Catholic?
User avatar #639 - rampagindragon (04/19/2015) [-]
Since when do catholic people think masturbating is the same as cheating? It says right there that she left because she thought it was cheating, not because she thought it was a sin.
#147 - nignogjellybean (04/18/2015) [-]
User avatar #90 - elcreepo (04/18/2015) [-]
Find a new girlfriend who also masturbates
User avatar #83 - admin (04/18/2015) [-]
hahaha that's some bullshit.

she just didn't want to lose power of you
User avatar #981 - hatmanfirst (04/19/2015) [-]
hot damn it took me losing my gf for admin to notice me. totally worth it
User avatar #657 - admin (04/19/2015) [-]
over *, i'm retarded
#925 - marcsman (04/19/2015) [-]
Admin has el autismo confirmed.
#1611 - marcsman (04/19/2015) [-]
Haha, the downvotes.
User avatar #826 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
I put my penis in Mt. Dew and now I'm really good at COD.
User avatar #829 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
Now I just need a fedora that will fit on my magnum dong
User avatar #831 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
Thank god I'm circumcised, or it would slip off.
User avatar #834 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
Feels bad knowing my foreskin is in a face-cream or already digested by a guy named Herman Goldstein.
User avatar #1258 - admin (04/19/2015) [-]
could you not spam by replying to yourself 4 times in a row?

plz don't do it again
User avatar #1564 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
ok sorry
User avatar #908 - unforgivenfive (04/19/2015) [-]
Dude...we don't eat foreskin thats unsanitary and disgusting WTF??!!
#914 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
I don't believe that for a second... Being you Jews hate non-Jews enough to say that killing them is like killing a wild animal..

Fuck off kike. No one wants you here
User avatar #911 - chillybilly (04/19/2015) [-]
Shhhh
there's a reason none of us are replying to him
User avatar #922 - unforgivenfive (04/19/2015) [-]
well thanks for letting me know now...
He blocked me so i'll just say this
sigh...

Has a Jew ever said to your face that he hates you?
have you seen Jews killing people with your own eyes?
we follow the torah over the Talmud bruh.
open your eyes. get your head out of your ass.
hating isn't cute...it makes you out as ignorant.
User avatar #840 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
I wonder what it would feel like to masturbate to masturbate with a unclipped penis..
User avatar #847 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
What if the Jews actually hate us goyim and want to clip our penises because they hate nature?
User avatar #913 - unforgivenfive (04/19/2015) [-]
The Real Reason You're Circumcised - Adam Ruins Everything

We don't circumcise anyone but our own children. the reason your circumcised is because of your mother's Doctor
#917 - nogf (04/19/2015) [-]
We all know the real reason you kikes clip penises

So that you can suck on them afterwards

www.nydailynews.com/new-york/jewish-baby-contracted-herpes-bris-article-1.2055911

INB4 "WE DON'T DO THAT ANY MORE, GOYIM..."

Bull shit, you animals will justify anything
#72 - zaucroya (04/18/2015) [-]
wat, that is hilarious, tell me you're joking
#827 - watshisface (04/19/2015) [-]
Me and my ex broke up over complications similar. However it was more about the porn aspect.

I think it all stemmed from the fact she never masterbated before in her life. Shit was bonkers yo
User avatar #67 - viscerys (04/18/2015) [-]
Masturbate.
#63 - mariyroemon (04/18/2015) [-]
Kill her.
In seriousness, leave her. She's retarded and severely bad for your psychological wellbeing, and sooner or later she'll lie about being on the pill, get pregnant and force you to either stay with her so she can live off you without her working, or you leave the dumb manipulative bitch and she claims thousands every month off you while she doesn't have to work.

TL;DR Run away and never look back, take video evidence and forms of consent if you intend to fuck her one last time.
User avatar #133 - whichever (04/18/2015) [-]
"and left me"
I dont think he can leave her anymore
User avatar #34 - coast (04/18/2015) [-]
Damn that is hilarious, never date a retard
User avatar #23 - duskmane (04/18/2015) [-]
Did you at least put a glove on so she didn't know who you were cheating with?
#70 - No blink182 ): 04/14/2015 on Rock Band Composite Faces +1
#14 - I piss in the sink and not the toilet cuz it feels more natural  [+] (3 new replies) 04/10/2015 on Confession time! +1
#78 - gym (04/11/2015) [-]
if your doing this in public restrooms you all can go fuck yourselves
User avatar #25 - whatdoyawant (04/10/2015) [-]
same here...but its more about aim.
#23 - confessiontime (04/10/2015) [-]
Just don't forget washing the pee off or else the sink smells a lot after some hours and the smell is hard to take off, im talking from experience here, i do it too
#2 - Holy **** ... he would make like 1000 Dollars!!! 04/09/2015 on here's a proposition... 0
#2 - Just further proof that Hitler did nothing wrong. 04/09/2015 on Nothing bad happend tho 0
#2 - Inb4 mactard 04/09/2015 on I funnyjunked too hard +4
#3 - Ellie looks like a dude  [+] (3 new replies) 04/09/2015 on At Least it Isn't a Clicker +4
User avatar #24 - Sperit (04/10/2015) [-]
Hot
User avatar #18 - listerthepessimist (04/10/2015) [-]
most chicks that age left out in the wild do
#4 - vorarephilia (04/10/2015) [-]
#2 - Florida was a mistake. Give it back to the Spanish maybe they …  [+] (1 new reply) 04/09/2015 on Jesus man, not even once +2
User avatar #4 - snapshots (04/09/2015) [-]
All I see in florida is Mexicans and gay white boys.
#42 - heheh sausage fest 04/02/2015 on Pro Wrestling 0

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User avatar #3 to #2 - hatmanfirst (06/25/2014) [-]
ahhh **** he delivered!
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