no

yes. it's a plan i've had since i was 13

there's a million things i could ask, but im gonna go with two:

1.) Any particular reason why?

2.) You wanna talk about it?

i dont really know why. one day i just decided i wanted to off myself when i was 21. i guess i just never wanted to grow old and become a burdan on society or my family and i thought since i'll officially be classed as an adult by my elders and my youngers i figured i could just get into(or cause) an accident that would take my life. people would just see it as a tragedy, a simple unforseen scenerio....

A burden on society? Why do you think you'd be that? From what i can tell you're just as good a human being as anyone i know. At least i see no reason to think that you'd ever become a burden. There's no reason to do it if there's nothing to gain on any state of mind :/

i know. i've been conflicted lately because i've had the plan for 8 years. it is sound i have the bike the area in which i am to crash is mapped out. but the past year i've gained friends and have gotten better at work, even my medical conditions are improving. i dont want to do it but subconsciously i do and it's sending me mad as i think about it, constantly argueing with myself as itry to find a way out of my own reality

Well, who else knows of your "plan"?

To me it seems more like something that's been so constantly in mind that it became a certainty. Nothing logical, just inescapable.

I had a conflict of this nature in middle school. I really wasn't of an age for such decisions, but still, a complete lack of friends, presence of bullies, absence of hope, and so forth, drove me to the edge. And right before i did something regrettable, i realized that there was probably things worth living for, and my issues were temporary.

In your case, the reasons not to do it are plain and clear, as you just listed three! Friends, work improvements, health... going through with it would just be universally silly to be honest :/

My recommendation? Make plans on your birthday. Plans that you really can't skip out on, as you'll be with someone somewhere. Hows that sound?

no one.
it makes sense the way you've pointed out, i guess it has just become such a certainty that i feel i must do it. i planned to have a small drink by myself then follow through. there will be no party and since my family is nowhere near where i live and i've been out of contact for almost 2 years except a small talk to my sister every now and then i guess if i didn't have any id and took the plates off my bike i'd just become another number a simple jhon doe in the system... i'll do you a favour, i'll call some friends and have them keep an eye on me so i dont do anything stupid.. i dont want to do anything stupid

Don't just do it because i said so, do it because of what you said: you don't want to do anything stupid. And don't even think of it as avoiding that, go do something with them, have a good time ya know? Make it a happy day eh?

Mind if i add you as a friend? Keep in touch after your birthday and so on? I'm always happy to talk, even on less-serious topics.

sure, i dont mind

Awesome. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance doggstar