You've got an odd definition of funny. What you're describing sounds more like shock value than humor to me.

That's as near to a good definition of "funny" as you'll get. The unexpected is by far the biggest source of the feeling of mirth in humans.

Example: think of any joke. Here, I'll give you one: "Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?" The rational thought process would be to think "well it's an efficient way to distribute a soft drink.." but when it is revealed that the answer is "because he's single", it has become humor, because you were mislead or caught off-guard by the wit of the speaker. The revelation is what results in mirth.

By the same token, you would think this story might be a sad one where a guy connects on an emotional level with someone with whom he had only carnal connections beforehand, as you would imagine any rational person would do in the situation the poster had set up. However, it is humorous in that the story took an unexpected turn; he did not make a rational decision, but rather a very outlandish decision. This bait-and-switch form of wit is the very crux of the human sense of humor. The punch ranges from spoonerism, to homonyms, all the way to "basement-dweller turns out to be a complete dick". "Jarring" is perhaps the most extreme feeling elicited from this "witty deception", but it falls within the realm of humor quite comfortably.

A rather moot point since they don't have a millitary

The thing they're trying to change is the reason they don't have a military. It's called a "defense force" at the moment.

nigga, people on here take people that use Nazi proppaganda officers as avatars, seriously, but not if they use Bernie?

Yeah I was hella lanky.