Ah hello!
I have not been here in some time due to important distractions :<
Good to see the plant again!

good to see you too, how's life?

On the phone with a friend at this exact moment
He wants to pay me to game-design for him
I AM EXCITED THIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE

How about you? 2016 treating you alright so far?

meh, not well for me.

game-design? like design levels or story or what is that about?

Nooo, what's wrong?

Pretty much game design in general, story, genre, etc. all yet to be decided and currently in discussion. Starting from scratch here, I'm taking care of all the technical aspects it's looking like.

that sounds neat, I have an idea for a videogame but I have no idea how making videogames work

well I just looking to quit my job, tired of going to the same place...I just feel out of purpose, life has become meaningless to me

It's not actually that hard. ...only it's way harder too.
It's a weird balance, but once you get an idea how it works it's less of 'fantastical tech magic' and more of 'simple system I keep messing up, damn my human errors'. What's your particular idea, friend?

Man that's heavy... there's nothing you can take joy or pride in anymore? Is there anyone that makes you happy, or you make happy yourself?

well I have this idea for an indie game, a guy tired of videogames decide to go live out...but all he knows is videogames so he still lives by those rules not sure how irl works. (kinda like to use all videogame cliches, he would like explore school like he was in an rpg game having "boss battles" and "collecting items" or then somehow end exploring out thinking he is in Skyrim or something like that, lots of comedy could be envolved)

not really, noones makes me happy...neither anyone wants me around. I just come and go out of people's lives without leave a mark, if I were to die probably only my mother would care :/

Hey, I could get behind that idea, it sounds like it could be a pretty good comedy game. It could be taken in plenty of directions too, staying comedy, getting serious, etc. The premise also gives decent wiggle room for mechanics -- something like Evoland perhaps where the mechanics change but don't stick as you go along.

I find that having someone to focus on making happy can help a lot... maybe find someone that making them happy, makes you happy? Tried dating? I know it's not so simple a suggestion to undertake but...

no, I am not...made to love someone.
I need to realize I will live and die alone, each time I like someone I just **** it up..for me and for the others, loving me is not good, is a curse I don't want anyone to carry.

Hey, let me stop you right there.
No.
You can't think that about yourself... It's like putting a weight on your neck, makes it that much harder to hold your head up! We aren't here to give up... that's the exact opposite of what we do as humans.

*deep breath, tl;dr at the end*
If loving you's a curse, think about how many stories there are out there of people that thought similar to that, only to have someone come into their lives and calmly throw that idea out the window?
If you've got problems, someone, somewhere out there is willing to work through them to get to you. In a good way of course. Finding them probably won't be easy... by the sound of things, you already know about that.

But please, don't give up. I found someone for myself at complete random, him being someone I never would've even considered before it just up and happened. And because of him, I've never been happier, despite a metaphorical rain of **** all around me that I'm only now managing to get a small umbrella from.

I won't say it's the only solution... of course it's not.
But even with only knowing you through text on this site, I consider you a friend. I want ya' to be happy, to find something that means something to you. Don't think of yourself as cursed, or that nobody cares. I can't say it enough: people care. People that don't even know you. People you know and that know you, that you probably don't think do. That sentence was a nice little mess of grammar.

TL;DR -- Wall of text aside, don't put yourself down... if you think it's hard as it is, doing that will only amp the difficulty up even more. You're worth something, more than you might imagine -- you just have to find the person or people that want it, and they are most certainly out there.

is not just that I can't find anyone to love, I tend to always push people apart and never make emotional ties with people...by some reason I am always expecting the worst and by now every place I went I know people will just forget about me. That's ok, since also that I am a terrible person, I am jealous and mean, boring and pretty much awkward to be in any kind of emotional situation. I wouldn't like being with me.

So as for people, I am not hoping for anyone to "save" me...what I rather need is a passion. What I have clear is no normal life will do, money helps but doesn't motivate me...probably being in the pc is the worst but is my gateaway drug

A passion is good! Tried your hand at crafting things? Perhaps art?

tried drawing and music, sucked at both.

I could quote at least two to three things that all say about the same thing: practice makes you better.
If you suck at something, there's no harm in keeping trying to do it until you get better. Nobody just up and Bob Ross's a painting on their first try, or their tenth or twentieth for that matter. ...actually one of those quotes I mentioned thinking of came from him.

Y-you too

Nicholas Cage riding a dragon into battle against a giant bee ._.

...if that's too complicated, then just Nic Cage's face on a flower will do!
I thank you greatly :3

...you know I actually didn't upvote your content?
I'm going to now of course, but all I did was take a look at it and find you commenting on my profile

I clicked on your name because you gave me a special thumb in the comment section.

Oh, now that I do recall now!
You enjoy that thumb all that you wish, friend