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crackmonkeynipple    

no avatar Level 84 Comments: Srs Business
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Personal Info
Date Signed Up:1/17/2012
Last Login:9/30/2014
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Thumbs: 139 total,  159 ,  20
Content Level Progress: 6.77% (4/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 0% (0/1)
Level 84 Comments: Srs Business → Level 85 Comments: Srs Business
Subscribers:0
Total Comments Made:64
FJ Points:133

latest user's comments

#61 - Mine may make people uncomfortable 06/27/2014 on Username-Pictures Part 6 0
#219775 - Dragon warrior series 04/13/2014 on PARTY ROOM 0
#218881 - here ya go  [+] (1 new reply) 04/13/2014 on PARTY ROOM +2
User avatar #218918 - douevensax (04/13/2014) [-]
y parents are out with family friends, and they will be back any minute so I need your help.

Here's some background:

See, I volunteer on my sisters softball team (in 22, the girls are 15)

and whatever. Her name is Alison and we were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, sometimes I help her with homework. I helped her with her English eassy and she still got a D. This is because the teacher is a prick.

Anyways, she came over about an hour ago, and I really want to lose my virginity, so I asked her to have sex.

"No, no I can't. It's not right", she said. But I told her " Do not worry. I know what I am doing. I will be done in about ten seconds, plus I will give you two Nintendo 64 games if you say 'Yes'".

So I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball, and then she goes to my room. She is a bit confused and scarred.

Then I think to myself - I need lube, right? Because I heard you guys on the vesti saying you need to lube up her clitoris, otherwise it will not fit in properly.

Okay, so I have no lube, but I really want to lose my virginity - so I grab some butter from the refrigorator, but it is cold, it would not melt - so I microwaved it for 8 minutes and then I put it in a glasss and poured it on her vagina, now she is saying I burned it.

I do not know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and she is crying in the bathroom. Please help out. You guys are really smart and please help me.

Any idea how to shut her up? Should I give her another Nintendo 64 game?
#217960 - Picture 04/13/2014 on PARTY ROOM 0
#4860272 - TEQUILA 04/12/2014 on Play items 0
#421 - I truly don't know 02/23/2014 on How fucked are you? +1
#7 - everyones been there to some degree, I have an ex-fiance (chea… 12/27/2013 on It Feels Good to Share 0
#189 - yeah, thank freaking god for AC down here.  [+] (1 new reply) 12/11/2013 on (untitled) 0
#195 - thetrojansbroke (12/11/2013) [-]
My car is dark collored and my car has no ac fml i dont like florida
#56 - Comment deleted 12/09/2013 on (untitled) +1
#63 - I respectfully disagree but understand your point. Plus I neve…  [+] (1 new reply) 12/09/2013 on Would you? 0
#64 - pineapplepeople (12/09/2013) [-]
That is a point I never stopped to consider actually. I could have just doomed us all.
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