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codyxvasco

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Date Signed Up:3/28/2011
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I want things, and also stuff.

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#460 - How did you get your meds? Did you see a psychiatrist or something?  [+] (5 replies) 05/30/2015 on Life Improve Contest +1
User avatar
#516 - xxTheJesterxx (05/30/2015) [-]
Yeah, I originally went to a psychiatrist in, like, 9th grade or something like that. But I was a fucking idiot, and my depression had basically made me lose all reason. I'd been into lucid dreaming for a year, maybe two, and I had convinced myself that lucid dreaming was the only thing that could help me (yeah, don't even try to ask me what was going on there man). I felt like I could practically cure myself with it, but I couldn't even get a lucid dream in the first place, so after having been trying to do that for a couple of years, I decided to just try the god damn meds. The reason I didn't do both at the same time is that the medication was Mirtazapine, which makes you fall asleep dead as a door nail, and it gives you nightmares, so I didn't want to do both.

But anyway, I did end up just doing the Mirtazapine, and for about 4-5 months, right during the summer, when I was running every day for miles in the heat, I've never felt better. That entire summer was like heaven - I was always confident in myself, always felt great no matter what happened. It was fucking bliss after years of contemplating hanging myself. The depression came from a mix of about a million stresses and chronic pain (the pain is terrible when I'm stressed), and so both pain and depression gone was unreal.

Eventually the Mirtazapine wore off (I still take it to sleep tho). So for about a year and a half, two years, I went through several different meds through my regular doctor, and it wasn't until just a few months ago I found a new one that seems to actually be working, which is nice, because I went through a ton that either did nothing or gave me horrible side effects. It still remains to be seen if it really is my temporary solution, but hey, it's getting me farther than I have in a while.

I just gave you several paragraphs to an incredibly simple question, sometimes I just kind of write and write and write, it just feels nice to tell people I guess. But nonetheless -

TL;DR I went through a couple psychiatrists and doctors
User avatar
#678 - codyxvasco (06/01/2015) [-]
This story gives me a lot of hope.

I've been diagnosed with Major Depression by a therapist at my school, and in short it's just kinda ruining my life. I need to find a psychiatrist in my area that I can talk to so I can start on the path of recovery by medication.
I've been reading all the horror stories and doctor oz articles saying why I shouldn't I just don't know what to do.
User avatar
#679 - xxTheJesterxx (06/01/2015) [-]
I'm really glad it made you feel a little better, I'd love to give you help in anyway, even if all I can really do is give you advice. I never even heard of a school therapist, just a counselor, but it's good they diagnosed it. I would highly encourage you to try a therapist and/or psychiatrist, both are trained to help you. One thing that made my depression worse is that every single family member I had was against me, both my mom and dad told me they'd throw me in a mental asylum if I told anyway I was thinking of ending myself. The only reason all that shit got resolved was because of a therapist. It was amazing having someone to actually talk to, particularly when they know what they're talking about.

It gets really, really god damn annoying when every single person you try to talk to about it just says "it's okay, just keep that smile on your face and keep truckin!". Depression doesn't let that shit slide, it fucking nails you to the wall and doesn't let you feel a whole lot else than hell. Trained people know that, and can help you. I've only known a few depressed people fairly personally, and they all know what it's like to be trapped. The feeling isn't describable or relatable, I just refer to it as "hell" myself.

And the way people treat others with depression has made me kind of cynical, so I'll give you my personal advice, although you may not necessarily like it. I'm not going to promise you you'll get better; but you genuinely do have a chance, I can promise you that. To this day I still wouldn't have blamed myself if I'd have killed myself (I guess it's kind of hard to blame yourself when you're dead anyway). But one useful thing I've heard about depression, which didn't work for me, but could for you, is to try to channel it into anger instead of sadness. I was never able to, but shit, you might be able to.

I really am not sure exactly how bad your depression is, but I generally just try to assume with anyone who has it that it was as bad as me, or worse, because you can't really just poke it with a stick until it goes away. I seriously, seriously would recommend you try a therapist combined with a psychiatrist, or even sometimes regular doctors can do it too. I sure as hell don't know everything about depression, I guess no one really does yet, even 30 years ago people had an entirely different attitude about it altogether.

Depression is a powerful fucking thing, for me I guess I'd sort of think of it like gravity. It just kept pulling me in; even now it does. The only way I ever got out of its pull is meds, although there are often solutions which can get it to mostly disappear from your life, if but for a time. Most of the people trained in depression I've talked to have told me that depression is something everyone experiences, and is often only for a time. It's also particularly bad as a teenager, which I can see easily.

I really need to get to the point better, I go off on these tangents for forever. I guess what I'm saying is just keep fighting; that's probably something you'll hear a lot, and get sick of it as well, but it's honest advice. Try to get in the sun more; whenever someone tells me that it feels like I'm being coddled like a 2 year old, but it will honestly help you if you don't get it much everyday. Try to do things you like. anything to keep your mind off of it, even if it's always in the background. Go see a therapist and psychiatrist/regular doctor. Another thing that could be esoteric to me, but could help you, is listen to aggressive. I guess depending on whether you like music and what genres this could be either easy or difficult, but nonetheless, it helped me. And, I know quotes are lame, but "If you're going through hell, keep going" always helped me.

I wish you only the best of luck, friend, please let me know if there is any advice I can possibly give you, or you just need someone to vent to. I will always be happy to support or listen to people with depression.
User avatar
#680 - codyxvasco (06/01/2015) [-]
Dude thanks so much.

It took my a long ass time to realize that depression was actually a thing and not just "the blues". And a lot of my family, especially my dad, thinks I'm just lazy and need to try harder to be happy. Since the beginning my mom has just been telling me to listen to Christian broadcasts and shit which really just made me feel like the main character of The Binding of Isaac.

I stopped seeing the therapist at my school because I just felt really hopeless and I didn't wanna bother him especially after we made so much progress so I just let it get worse. Every day and night I'd feel that emptiness in my chest and I'd be swarmed by the negative thoughts that I know aren't real but still feel true. Near the end of the year I lost all motivation to succeed and school and could barely drag myself out of bed for anything short of classes and work.

My grades plummeted and after working for a job as an RA in the dorms for the next coming year my boss took it away because my gpa dropped too low. I feel really helpless and have a hard time believing that there's going to be some chemical that will fix whatever is wrong with my brain because a happy life seems like fantasy at this point. My plan was to try to get to a better place over the summer and just work on recovery while being an Residential Assistant and that's out the window now.

I got recommended to go to this weird place at visitthewell.org and I'm really reluctant to go there. I'm already socially anxious and this kinda stuff is just weird to me.
User avatar
#686 - xxTheJesterxx (06/02/2015) [-]
That Binding of Isaac thing was pretty damn funny, and I know where you're coming from, too. My parents were never super religious, which is incredibly lucky on my part. Having parents like that with depression sounds incredibly limiting. Kids now with depression seem to be getting royally fucked over by their parents now (I suppose it's probably been this way for a long time anyway - but it's a lot worse now that we actually know some shit about depression).

I don't blame you at all about the therapist thing. I can relate well. Depression is great at just destroying you in every aspect, and motivation is one of those that it is incredibly well versed in. Like you said, it makes you feel like you don't wanna even get the fuck out of bed, let alone go to work, school, and every damn thing inbetween. Things start seeming really pointless really damn quick.

I know where you're coming from with the GPA thing; I missed about 150 days overall in highschool. I'm trying not to make things about me, just showing you I've been there, and hopefully give you a little insight on what I did. But, your situation is still different. That thing about the job sounds like a bitch, man, I'm sorry to hear that. The worst part is is that there really aren't that many people that you can explain your depression to and get a positive answer. So while you're getting fucked over by feeling like everything is pointless, losing focus, and feeling miserable, other people kick you when you're down. Just makes things worse. I'm sorry that happened, but when you're not feeling like garbage, you'll be able to regain lost ground, no matter how far it may seem.

And " I feel really helpless and have a hard time believing that there's going to be some chemical that will fix whatever is wrong with my brain because a happy life seems like fantasy at this point" was something that was reallly tough for me. I always told myself in the later stages of my depression that if I could just live one more day being happy, then I would be content to die. After weeks, months, years of feeling inexpressively bad, nothing is worth it. But when you start feeling good again (which I promise you will if you listen to your doctors), nothing feels better. I know people who go on a depression med and just stick with it for years, and they never fall back down. Sometimes the meds stop working, like mine, but there's always different ones.

Just try to get yourself to start somewhere. Again, I'd recommend just getting to a therapist or psychiatrist as a first step. Just get there, somehow, I can guarantee it's the best investment you can make for yourself. Just take it slow. You've obviously got a fuckton on your plate, I can respect that. If there are any small issues you can take care of fairly easily, do those, but honestly, I was never able to fix anything until I stopped feeling absolutely miserable. Therefore, I would say just go for the root of the problems - depression.

That "Visit the Well" site seems... Idk, I mean, I've never trusted "spiritual" stuff worth a damn. I'm not saying all of it is a bunch of made up garbage, but I'd rather put my faith into medication, although that might seem a bit cynical. My advice would be to follow what you trust the most, just research what you're getting into, particularly if you're even the least bit concerned. You already know my take - pull yourself to a therapist/psychiatrist. I hear you on the social anxiety part, especially. Anytime I'm depressed I practically lose my ability to talk to everyone but my close friends; like I never, ever know what to say. Unfortunately, I can't really give you personal experience on spiritual stuff, so I suppose I'd have to say follow your gut. I wouldn't recommend that stuff, but who knows, it could match you.

And hey, you're very welcome. MIsery loves company, and I'm happy to help you any way I can.
#227 - how exactly did you get on them?  [+] (7 replies) 05/30/2015 on Life Improve Contest +1
#319 - xxTheJesterxx (05/30/2015) [-]
In 7th grade my brain decided it hates me

I just graduated high school and it still hates me, and since then the only thing that makes me feel even decent is meds, and fuckloads of the sun... Yeah, not really the most enticing story of all time
User avatar
#460 - codyxvasco (05/30/2015) [-]
How did you get your meds? Did you see a psychiatrist or something?
User avatar
#516 - xxTheJesterxx (05/30/2015) [-]
Yeah, I originally went to a psychiatrist in, like, 9th grade or something like that. But I was a fucking idiot, and my depression had basically made me lose all reason. I'd been into lucid dreaming for a year, maybe two, and I had convinced myself that lucid dreaming was the only thing that could help me (yeah, don't even try to ask me what was going on there man). I felt like I could practically cure myself with it, but I couldn't even get a lucid dream in the first place, so after having been trying to do that for a couple of years, I decided to just try the god damn meds. The reason I didn't do both at the same time is that the medication was Mirtazapine, which makes you fall asleep dead as a door nail, and it gives you nightmares, so I didn't want to do both.

But anyway, I did end up just doing the Mirtazapine, and for about 4-5 months, right during the summer, when I was running every day for miles in the heat, I've never felt better. That entire summer was like heaven - I was always confident in myself, always felt great no matter what happened. It was fucking bliss after years of contemplating hanging myself. The depression came from a mix of about a million stresses and chronic pain (the pain is terrible when I'm stressed), and so both pain and depression gone was unreal.

Eventually the Mirtazapine wore off (I still take it to sleep tho). So for about a year and a half, two years, I went through several different meds through my regular doctor, and it wasn't until just a few months ago I found a new one that seems to actually be working, which is nice, because I went through a ton that either did nothing or gave me horrible side effects. It still remains to be seen if it really is my temporary solution, but hey, it's getting me farther than I have in a while.

I just gave you several paragraphs to an incredibly simple question, sometimes I just kind of write and write and write, it just feels nice to tell people I guess. But nonetheless -

TL;DR I went through a couple psychiatrists and doctors
User avatar
#678 - codyxvasco (06/01/2015) [-]
This story gives me a lot of hope.

I've been diagnosed with Major Depression by a therapist at my school, and in short it's just kinda ruining my life. I need to find a psychiatrist in my area that I can talk to so I can start on the path of recovery by medication.
I've been reading all the horror stories and doctor oz articles saying why I shouldn't I just don't know what to do.
User avatar
#679 - xxTheJesterxx (06/01/2015) [-]
I'm really glad it made you feel a little better, I'd love to give you help in anyway, even if all I can really do is give you advice. I never even heard of a school therapist, just a counselor, but it's good they diagnosed it. I would highly encourage you to try a therapist and/or psychiatrist, both are trained to help you. One thing that made my depression worse is that every single family member I had was against me, both my mom and dad told me they'd throw me in a mental asylum if I told anyway I was thinking of ending myself. The only reason all that shit got resolved was because of a therapist. It was amazing having someone to actually talk to, particularly when they know what they're talking about.

It gets really, really god damn annoying when every single person you try to talk to about it just says "it's okay, just keep that smile on your face and keep truckin!". Depression doesn't let that shit slide, it fucking nails you to the wall and doesn't let you feel a whole lot else than hell. Trained people know that, and can help you. I've only known a few depressed people fairly personally, and they all know what it's like to be trapped. The feeling isn't describable or relatable, I just refer to it as "hell" myself.

And the way people treat others with depression has made me kind of cynical, so I'll give you my personal advice, although you may not necessarily like it. I'm not going to promise you you'll get better; but you genuinely do have a chance, I can promise you that. To this day I still wouldn't have blamed myself if I'd have killed myself (I guess it's kind of hard to blame yourself when you're dead anyway). But one useful thing I've heard about depression, which didn't work for me, but could for you, is to try to channel it into anger instead of sadness. I was never able to, but shit, you might be able to.

I really am not sure exactly how bad your depression is, but I generally just try to assume with anyone who has it that it was as bad as me, or worse, because you can't really just poke it with a stick until it goes away. I seriously, seriously would recommend you try a therapist combined with a psychiatrist, or even sometimes regular doctors can do it too. I sure as hell don't know everything about depression, I guess no one really does yet, even 30 years ago people had an entirely different attitude about it altogether.

Depression is a powerful fucking thing, for me I guess I'd sort of think of it like gravity. It just kept pulling me in; even now it does. The only way I ever got out of its pull is meds, although there are often solutions which can get it to mostly disappear from your life, if but for a time. Most of the people trained in depression I've talked to have told me that depression is something everyone experiences, and is often only for a time. It's also particularly bad as a teenager, which I can see easily.

I really need to get to the point better, I go off on these tangents for forever. I guess what I'm saying is just keep fighting; that's probably something you'll hear a lot, and get sick of it as well, but it's honest advice. Try to get in the sun more; whenever someone tells me that it feels like I'm being coddled like a 2 year old, but it will honestly help you if you don't get it much everyday. Try to do things you like. anything to keep your mind off of it, even if it's always in the background. Go see a therapist and psychiatrist/regular doctor. Another thing that could be esoteric to me, but could help you, is listen to aggressive. I guess depending on whether you like music and what genres this could be either easy or difficult, but nonetheless, it helped me. And, I know quotes are lame, but "If you're going through hell, keep going" always helped me.

I wish you only the best of luck, friend, please let me know if there is any advice I can possibly give you, or you just need someone to vent to. I will always be happy to support or listen to people with depression.
User avatar
#680 - codyxvasco (06/01/2015) [-]
Dude thanks so much.

It took my a long ass time to realize that depression was actually a thing and not just "the blues". And a lot of my family, especially my dad, thinks I'm just lazy and need to try harder to be happy. Since the beginning my mom has just been telling me to listen to Christian broadcasts and shit which really just made me feel like the main character of The Binding of Isaac.

I stopped seeing the therapist at my school because I just felt really hopeless and I didn't wanna bother him especially after we made so much progress so I just let it get worse. Every day and night I'd feel that emptiness in my chest and I'd be swarmed by the negative thoughts that I know aren't real but still feel true. Near the end of the year I lost all motivation to succeed and school and could barely drag myself out of bed for anything short of classes and work.

My grades plummeted and after working for a job as an RA in the dorms for the next coming year my boss took it away because my gpa dropped too low. I feel really helpless and have a hard time believing that there's going to be some chemical that will fix whatever is wrong with my brain because a happy life seems like fantasy at this point. My plan was to try to get to a better place over the summer and just work on recovery while being an Residential Assistant and that's out the window now.

I got recommended to go to this weird place at visitthewell.org and I'm really reluctant to go there. I'm already socially anxious and this kinda stuff is just weird to me.
User avatar
#686 - xxTheJesterxx (06/02/2015) [-]
That Binding of Isaac thing was pretty damn funny, and I know where you're coming from, too. My parents were never super religious, which is incredibly lucky on my part. Having parents like that with depression sounds incredibly limiting. Kids now with depression seem to be getting royally fucked over by their parents now (I suppose it's probably been this way for a long time anyway - but it's a lot worse now that we actually know some shit about depression).

I don't blame you at all about the therapist thing. I can relate well. Depression is great at just destroying you in every aspect, and motivation is one of those that it is incredibly well versed in. Like you said, it makes you feel like you don't wanna even get the fuck out of bed, let alone go to work, school, and every damn thing inbetween. Things start seeming really pointless really damn quick.

I know where you're coming from with the GPA thing; I missed about 150 days overall in highschool. I'm trying not to make things about me, just showing you I've been there, and hopefully give you a little insight on what I did. But, your situation is still different. That thing about the job sounds like a bitch, man, I'm sorry to hear that. The worst part is is that there really aren't that many people that you can explain your depression to and get a positive answer. So while you're getting fucked over by feeling like everything is pointless, losing focus, and feeling miserable, other people kick you when you're down. Just makes things worse. I'm sorry that happened, but when you're not feeling like garbage, you'll be able to regain lost ground, no matter how far it may seem.

And " I feel really helpless and have a hard time believing that there's going to be some chemical that will fix whatever is wrong with my brain because a happy life seems like fantasy at this point" was something that was reallly tough for me. I always told myself in the later stages of my depression that if I could just live one more day being happy, then I would be content to die. After weeks, months, years of feeling inexpressively bad, nothing is worth it. But when you start feeling good again (which I promise you will if you listen to your doctors), nothing feels better. I know people who go on a depression med and just stick with it for years, and they never fall back down. Sometimes the meds stop working, like mine, but there's always different ones.

Just try to get yourself to start somewhere. Again, I'd recommend just getting to a therapist or psychiatrist as a first step. Just get there, somehow, I can guarantee it's the best investment you can make for yourself. Just take it slow. You've obviously got a fuckton on your plate, I can respect that. If there are any small issues you can take care of fairly easily, do those, but honestly, I was never able to fix anything until I stopped feeling absolutely miserable. Therefore, I would say just go for the root of the problems - depression.

That "Visit the Well" site seems... Idk, I mean, I've never trusted "spiritual" stuff worth a damn. I'm not saying all of it is a bunch of made up garbage, but I'd rather put my faith into medication, although that might seem a bit cynical. My advice would be to follow what you trust the most, just research what you're getting into, particularly if you're even the least bit concerned. You already know my take - pull yourself to a therapist/psychiatrist. I hear you on the social anxiety part, especially. Anytime I'm depressed I practically lose my ability to talk to everyone but my close friends; like I never, ever know what to say. Unfortunately, I can't really give you personal experience on spiritual stuff, so I suppose I'd have to say follow your gut. I wouldn't recommend that stuff, but who knows, it could match you.

And hey, you're very welcome. MIsery loves company, and I'm happy to help you any way I can.
#34 - I was seeing someone but then I stopped because I didn't wanna…  [+] (1 reply) 05/17/2015 on it worked +1
#35 - themilkisdead (05/17/2015) [-]
That's a good idea. You're right therapists are there to help you, and don't ever feel guilty for wanting support for your depression. But at the same time don't ask for too much support. Partly you're going to have to fight through this, and I trust you you, like the others who suffer from mental illnesses, will be able to. I wish you the best of luck, and have a good day.