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celestiasbeard  

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Date Signed Up:4/10/2012
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What the fuck do you want me to describe myself as?

latest user's comments

#48 - And here I thought it was supposed to just be a stereotypical …  [+] (1 new reply) 04/28/2013 on HORRY SHEET +3
User avatar #70 - ilikethisusername (04/28/2013) [-]
lmao.
#47 - And there is my 4th costume idea for Colossalcon, thanks 04/28/2013 on HORRY SHEET +1
#54 - They all have relatively similar looks so I don't see the problem 04/28/2013 on Celebrity Evolutions +1
#49 - Picture  [+] (2 new replies) 04/28/2013 on Celebrity Evolutions +19
User avatar #53 - mrgoodlove (04/28/2013) [-]
Stephen Colbert shouldn't be put in the same category as any of those guys
User avatar #54 - celestiasbeard (04/28/2013) [-]
They all have relatively similar looks so I don't see the problem
#25 - Well i don't not like this, also most people's childhoods are … 04/25/2013 on Childhood: Gone +1
#4 - Here, take the smallest and saddest one i could find  [+] (1 new reply) 04/25/2013 on rainbow +3
#14 - neoexdeath (04/25/2013) [-]
#12 - The shit I put up with  [+] (1 new reply) 04/24/2013 on So FJ, here's the thing . . . +17
#15 - bostpost (04/24/2013) [-]
#4 - Why not? it's so comfortable 04/24/2013 on When at a sleep over 0
#8 - Saved the friends and got Citra, what a badass 04/24/2013 on Islands, tigers, farcry +10
#50 - Denmark's looks so god damn happy, why can't the rest be so happy? 04/24/2013 on Denmark ... 0
#21 - This is definitely the most informational briefings I have eve…  [+] (2 new replies) 04/23/2013 on Knives and Nukes +1
User avatar #26 - derpwolf (04/23/2013) [-]
I'm pretty sure Red here fucked up some of the canon, though. Still, very accurate overall.
User avatar #22 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
You're no heretic; merely misinformed. Happy to help.

Just to clarify a huge load of things:
He is ageless, and yes again he is human. Mortal. Killable, at least. He supposedly cracked the human genetic code, if he was able to engineer the Astartes. He remembers a lot of the knowledge from his previous incarnations, so he's smart as hell. He's a brilliant military leader, and possibly an even better scientist. He kicked the ass of the Void Dragon, one of the Star Gods which even the Eldar couldn't take down, and chucked it to Mars.
In the picture in comment #5 by voidwards, that's him at the apex of his power, presumably seconds before he faced Horus. There, he stood at twenty-two feet tall. No joke here. Space Marines are chest-high to those in Terminator armor, Termies are chest-high to their Primarch, Emps' kiddles are chest-high to him. That part is actually canon. When one considers seven feet tall to be average height for a Space Marine, you get the picture.
In there, the fire around his sword is either pure, righteous RAGE and FURY, or it's just his sword being so powerful it ionizes the air around it. (Power weapons - they generate a Power field which disintegrates molecular bonds. Essentially, it can cut through anything.)
He did have kids, over the years with various mortal ladies. They're referred to as the Sensei and it's hypothesized that if they're all assembled and sacrificed to him, he will be reborn as the Sensei-Emperor. (But this is bullshit, they only ever found three, two others turned to xenos, and one actually turned to Chaos.)

In short, he's a badass. But the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
#16 - To be completely honest I'm not quite sure who I'm talking abo…  [+] (6 new replies) 04/23/2013 on Knives and Nukes +1
#18 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
Good thinking to try to find weaknesses in new things, but I'll help you out here. This might take a while, and I'll need to continue this over two posts, but I'll inform you of this. (BE WARNED - TL;DR MAY STRIKE AT ANY MINUTE)

That glowing, gold-armored badass up there is the God-Emperor of Mankind. In the Warhammer 40,000 universe, there is an alternate dimension called the Warp (or the Immaterium, or the Empyrean - whatever works for you). It's a realm of thoughts and emotions and such things like that. Each living thing has a soul inside it, and each soul resides in the Warp. Living objects with a stronger connection to the Warp than most are able to use the powers of the Warp to screw with reality as they see fit. These people are called psykers.

Eons ago, there was a titanic, galaxy-shattering conflict referred to as the War in Heaven. It was fought between the Necrontyr, a really, really short-lived race that had managed to make contact with ancient beings of energy formed at the Big Bang called the Star Gods, and the Old Ones, a phenomenally long-lived if not downright immortal race that basically were masters of technology, science and engineering.

These two races duked it out against one another, and the huge psychic backlash from the hundreds of Warp-attuned races the Old Ones made/deployed twisted the Immaterium into impossible disarray, and formed all sorts of nasties inside it. Also, this was the birth of a few of the manifestations of pure negative emotion and power, known as the Chaos Gods.

The Necrontyr, being embedded into cybernetic bodies at this time - pretty much a Technological Singularity, and a result of one of the Star Gods backstabbing their race as a whole - decided to chill out, and settled down into massive tombs in various worlds throughout the galaxy.

Over the next few millenia, the Chaos Gods made things very nasty for the inhabitants of the galaxy. Solving this was where the God-Emperor came into the picture.

(cont'd)
#19 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
The birth of Slaanesh, which was caused by the Eldar all but buttfucking a hole into reality, sent massive Warp storms all across the galaxy. This made Warp travel (the only FTL tech the humans had access to) impossible. And Earth, being a dried-up ball of rock with humans crawling all over it, started to starve for resources. They had to reinvent atmospheric flight at some points.

Sometime around the 8th mullenium of humanity's existence (or since they started counting, at least), psykers were springing up quicker than before. This is most likely natural evolution and adaptation. But most psykers managed to make their way to positions of authority - politicians, leaders of nations and prophets to simple tribal chiefs or shamans.
Now, the catch here is that they could all reincarnate. They all had more or less some aptitude against the monstrosities of the Warp. So they all decided to commit suicide and reincarnate as one glorious, badass soul.

This is the origin of the Emperor. His arrival into the galaxy (or the insertion of such a huge and potent psychic presence, at least) calmed the warp and ended the Age of Apostasy. Canon states that he was born somewhere in IRL modern-day Mongolia, and he more or less unified the warring factions of Earth and creating the Space Marine Legions to embark upon the Great Crusade - a gigantic effort to reclaim all of mankind's lost colonies.

He engineered twenty sons - really just genetic similarities of himself - into existence, but the Chaos Gods intervened and scattered them all across the galaxy. (Though none of them turned out perfectly - the only one who could somewhat stand up to the Emperor was Magnus the Red, and he turned traitor later on anyway)
The Emperor then went on to conquer, subjugate or annihilate any world that mankind had established control over, and picking up the lost Primarchs along the way.

(again cont'd)
#20 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
Then, when the Crusade was almost over, he left the Primarch who had conquered the largest amount of worlds/sectors/whatever, Horus, in command of last stages of the Crusade while he went back to Terra, presumably to attempt to engineer a physical portal into the Webway, an alternate dimension that is significantly safer than the Warp that is also utilised by Eldar (the dominant race before mankind made its rise).

All was going well, until Horus encountered the forces of Chaos first on some feral world he was unlucky enough to get smacked in the head at, then which he was fully turned to the Dark Gods' side by the Chaos-aligned Chaplain Erebus.

Then Horus turned a full third of Mankind's armed forces to his side and waged a titanic war against the Loyalist Imperium, slaughtering trillions in the ensuing conflict. His effort eventually reached Terra, and he actually would have won had reinforcements from more Loyalists arrived and forced Horus to lower the Void Shields on his flagship. The Emperor seized the chance and went on to launch an all-out strike via teleporting a ton of troops into Horus's ship. Then epic battles happened, the Emperor utterly fucking wiped Horus off the face of the galaxy, and the war was over.

The Emperor was all but crippled in this fight, and as such he ordered his body to be placed on the Golden Throne, a gigantic life-support machine combined with the Astronomican, a giant psychic lighthouse in the Warp.
So there's the Emperor now - not entirely dead, and being stuck as a titanically powerful psychic vegetable incapable of sustaining his own body, and he has no choice but to keep sending out a psychic signal to guide ships in the Warp that use psykers for navigation.

It's not called the 'Grim Darkness of the Forty-First Mullenium' for nothing. Humanity's basically become retarded, and are struggling for survival every single day.

Hope this helped. Ave Imperator.
User avatar #21 - celestiasbeard (04/23/2013) [-]
This is definitely the most informational briefings I have ever gotten on this site and therefore I thank you sincerely for your time. But indeed for being human this guy seems pretty badass but still very much mortal even with former reincarnations. And with the fate he has now it just kind of reminds me of Mr. House from Fallout: New Vegas kinda at an astronomically bigger scale. But yeah with tat aside once again thanks for your effort and for showing me how much of a heretic I was being.
User avatar #26 - derpwolf (04/23/2013) [-]
I'm pretty sure Red here fucked up some of the canon, though. Still, very accurate overall.
User avatar #22 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
You're no heretic; merely misinformed. Happy to help.

Just to clarify a huge load of things:
He is ageless, and yes again he is human. Mortal. Killable, at least. He supposedly cracked the human genetic code, if he was able to engineer the Astartes. He remembers a lot of the knowledge from his previous incarnations, so he's smart as hell. He's a brilliant military leader, and possibly an even better scientist. He kicked the ass of the Void Dragon, one of the Star Gods which even the Eldar couldn't take down, and chucked it to Mars.
In the picture in comment #5 by voidwards, that's him at the apex of his power, presumably seconds before he faced Horus. There, he stood at twenty-two feet tall. No joke here. Space Marines are chest-high to those in Terminator armor, Termies are chest-high to their Primarch, Emps' kiddles are chest-high to him. That part is actually canon. When one considers seven feet tall to be average height for a Space Marine, you get the picture.
In there, the fire around his sword is either pure, righteous RAGE and FURY, or it's just his sword being so powerful it ionizes the air around it. (Power weapons - they generate a Power field which disintegrates molecular bonds. Essentially, it can cut through anything.)
He did have kids, over the years with various mortal ladies. They're referred to as the Sensei and it's hypothesized that if they're all assembled and sacrificed to him, he will be reborn as the Sensei-Emperor. (But this is bullshit, they only ever found three, two others turned to xenos, and one actually turned to Chaos.)

In short, he's a badass. But the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
#14 - Never played Warhammer so my knowledge of his power is very li…  [+] (8 new replies) 04/23/2013 on Knives and Nukes +1
#15 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
There's all sorts of crap to compensate for that: He can just use psyker powers, or he can have a device generating a Conversion field, or ridiculous amounts of plot armor... the list goes on, man.

And I thought you were referring to the Hammer of the Emperor, His most vaunted Imperial Guard. My bad.
User avatar #16 - celestiasbeard (04/23/2013) [-]
To be completely honest I'm not quite sure who I'm talking about, all I know is there is a badass in gold armor who seems to be invincible and I'm going to try my best to find a flaw. I mean just because he is a character from a game t doesn't make him any less killable, you just need to find a way. Take the fate of Takeda Shingen for example. in the feudal era of Japan he was seen as a deity mostly because his armor gave him amazing protection against almost every form of damage but at a great cost, while his armor was amazingly protective it was too much for his body to handle over the many years of using it and he used it 24/7 to make sure he would never get killed. Now while many different versions of his death play out the most common is that he was assassinated before a meeting with his lords and the assassin boasted how easy it was because of the armor hindering Shingen's movement. Once again I might be wrong but this Emperor just seems to be the Takeda of the future.
#18 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
Good thinking to try to find weaknesses in new things, but I'll help you out here. This might take a while, and I'll need to continue this over two posts, but I'll inform you of this. (BE WARNED - TL;DR MAY STRIKE AT ANY MINUTE)

That glowing, gold-armored badass up there is the God-Emperor of Mankind. In the Warhammer 40,000 universe, there is an alternate dimension called the Warp (or the Immaterium, or the Empyrean - whatever works for you). It's a realm of thoughts and emotions and such things like that. Each living thing has a soul inside it, and each soul resides in the Warp. Living objects with a stronger connection to the Warp than most are able to use the powers of the Warp to screw with reality as they see fit. These people are called psykers.

Eons ago, there was a titanic, galaxy-shattering conflict referred to as the War in Heaven. It was fought between the Necrontyr, a really, really short-lived race that had managed to make contact with ancient beings of energy formed at the Big Bang called the Star Gods, and the Old Ones, a phenomenally long-lived if not downright immortal race that basically were masters of technology, science and engineering.

These two races duked it out against one another, and the huge psychic backlash from the hundreds of Warp-attuned races the Old Ones made/deployed twisted the Immaterium into impossible disarray, and formed all sorts of nasties inside it. Also, this was the birth of a few of the manifestations of pure negative emotion and power, known as the Chaos Gods.

The Necrontyr, being embedded into cybernetic bodies at this time - pretty much a Technological Singularity, and a result of one of the Star Gods backstabbing their race as a whole - decided to chill out, and settled down into massive tombs in various worlds throughout the galaxy.

Over the next few millenia, the Chaos Gods made things very nasty for the inhabitants of the galaxy. Solving this was where the God-Emperor came into the picture.

(cont'd)
#19 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
The birth of Slaanesh, which was caused by the Eldar all but buttfucking a hole into reality, sent massive Warp storms all across the galaxy. This made Warp travel (the only FTL tech the humans had access to) impossible. And Earth, being a dried-up ball of rock with humans crawling all over it, started to starve for resources. They had to reinvent atmospheric flight at some points.

Sometime around the 8th mullenium of humanity's existence (or since they started counting, at least), psykers were springing up quicker than before. This is most likely natural evolution and adaptation. But most psykers managed to make their way to positions of authority - politicians, leaders of nations and prophets to simple tribal chiefs or shamans.
Now, the catch here is that they could all reincarnate. They all had more or less some aptitude against the monstrosities of the Warp. So they all decided to commit suicide and reincarnate as one glorious, badass soul.

This is the origin of the Emperor. His arrival into the galaxy (or the insertion of such a huge and potent psychic presence, at least) calmed the warp and ended the Age of Apostasy. Canon states that he was born somewhere in IRL modern-day Mongolia, and he more or less unified the warring factions of Earth and creating the Space Marine Legions to embark upon the Great Crusade - a gigantic effort to reclaim all of mankind's lost colonies.

He engineered twenty sons - really just genetic similarities of himself - into existence, but the Chaos Gods intervened and scattered them all across the galaxy. (Though none of them turned out perfectly - the only one who could somewhat stand up to the Emperor was Magnus the Red, and he turned traitor later on anyway)
The Emperor then went on to conquer, subjugate or annihilate any world that mankind had established control over, and picking up the lost Primarchs along the way.

(again cont'd)
#20 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
Then, when the Crusade was almost over, he left the Primarch who had conquered the largest amount of worlds/sectors/whatever, Horus, in command of last stages of the Crusade while he went back to Terra, presumably to attempt to engineer a physical portal into the Webway, an alternate dimension that is significantly safer than the Warp that is also utilised by Eldar (the dominant race before mankind made its rise).

All was going well, until Horus encountered the forces of Chaos first on some feral world he was unlucky enough to get smacked in the head at, then which he was fully turned to the Dark Gods' side by the Chaos-aligned Chaplain Erebus.

Then Horus turned a full third of Mankind's armed forces to his side and waged a titanic war against the Loyalist Imperium, slaughtering trillions in the ensuing conflict. His effort eventually reached Terra, and he actually would have won had reinforcements from more Loyalists arrived and forced Horus to lower the Void Shields on his flagship. The Emperor seized the chance and went on to launch an all-out strike via teleporting a ton of troops into Horus's ship. Then epic battles happened, the Emperor utterly fucking wiped Horus off the face of the galaxy, and the war was over.

The Emperor was all but crippled in this fight, and as such he ordered his body to be placed on the Golden Throne, a gigantic life-support machine combined with the Astronomican, a giant psychic lighthouse in the Warp.
So there's the Emperor now - not entirely dead, and being stuck as a titanically powerful psychic vegetable incapable of sustaining his own body, and he has no choice but to keep sending out a psychic signal to guide ships in the Warp that use psykers for navigation.

It's not called the 'Grim Darkness of the Forty-First Mullenium' for nothing. Humanity's basically become retarded, and are struggling for survival every single day.

Hope this helped. Ave Imperator.
User avatar #21 - celestiasbeard (04/23/2013) [-]
This is definitely the most informational briefings I have ever gotten on this site and therefore I thank you sincerely for your time. But indeed for being human this guy seems pretty badass but still very much mortal even with former reincarnations. And with the fate he has now it just kind of reminds me of Mr. House from Fallout: New Vegas kinda at an astronomically bigger scale. But yeah with tat aside once again thanks for your effort and for showing me how much of a heretic I was being.
User avatar #26 - derpwolf (04/23/2013) [-]
I'm pretty sure Red here fucked up some of the canon, though. Still, very accurate overall.
User avatar #22 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
You're no heretic; merely misinformed. Happy to help.

Just to clarify a huge load of things:
He is ageless, and yes again he is human. Mortal. Killable, at least. He supposedly cracked the human genetic code, if he was able to engineer the Astartes. He remembers a lot of the knowledge from his previous incarnations, so he's smart as hell. He's a brilliant military leader, and possibly an even better scientist. He kicked the ass of the Void Dragon, one of the Star Gods which even the Eldar couldn't take down, and chucked it to Mars.
In the picture in comment #5 by voidwards, that's him at the apex of his power, presumably seconds before he faced Horus. There, he stood at twenty-two feet tall. No joke here. Space Marines are chest-high to those in Terminator armor, Termies are chest-high to their Primarch, Emps' kiddles are chest-high to him. That part is actually canon. When one considers seven feet tall to be average height for a Space Marine, you get the picture.
In there, the fire around his sword is either pure, righteous RAGE and FURY, or it's just his sword being so powerful it ionizes the air around it. (Power weapons - they generate a Power field which disintegrates molecular bonds. Essentially, it can cut through anything.)
He did have kids, over the years with various mortal ladies. They're referred to as the Sensei and it's hypothesized that if they're all assembled and sacrificed to him, he will be reborn as the Sensei-Emperor. (But this is bullshit, they only ever found three, two others turned to xenos, and one actually turned to Chaos.)

In short, he's a badass. But the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
#13 - If they keep rubbing each other like that they will eventually… 04/23/2013 on Harden to death 0
#13 - Well the bottom one seems to be the result of a spider and a h… 04/23/2013 on He Exists! +1
#11 - Still 100x better than any cake I ever made 04/23/2013 on Baking +3
#4 - I always imagined Ash was always wrecking those 10 year-old pu… 04/23/2013 on Gamezoned +4
#9 - Im not making a threat, just simply stating the ones in the bi…  [+] (4 new replies) 04/23/2013 on Knives and Nukes 0
User avatar #11 - satrenkotheone (04/23/2013) [-]
Well he also sports massive psychic powers if that matters.
User avatar #13 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
'Massive'? Really? Is that what you degrade the Lord of Man's psyker abilities to?

Let me educate you, adept: He is supremely and unquestionably powerful. He humbles even the Eldar. But the sole reason that he has not wiped all of the enemies of Man off the face of the galaxy is because of the collateral damage that would ensue. The Emperor worries not about scale; it is about control. Certainly, he could purge entire worlds of alien life in titanic psychic blasts, but such actions would probably distort the Immaterium beyond repair in that sector.
Certainly, he can use the Astronomican to completely and totally illuminate the Warp, but the psychic backlash that would cause may likely wipe out all of Holy Terra in its power. And that's not even mentioning

Please, return to your Schola and don't speak to the xenos; they are not human, and as such you may not expect them to think as such.
User avatar #24 - satrenkotheone (04/23/2013) [-]
My time was limited so that was all the words I could use at the time. Anyway, thank you for the input.
#25 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
Ave Imperator.
#7 - Some of the largest enemies are the easiest to defeat  [+] (16 new replies) 04/23/2013 on Knives and Nukes +1
#12 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
The key word being "Some".
User avatar #14 - celestiasbeard (04/23/2013) [-]
Never played Warhammer so my knowledge of his power is very limited but since he seems like the type of person who would never wear a helmet I'm sure a well placed bullet would take him out, realistically at least
#15 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
There's all sorts of crap to compensate for that: He can just use psyker powers, or he can have a device generating a Conversion field, or ridiculous amounts of plot armor... the list goes on, man.

And I thought you were referring to the Hammer of the Emperor, His most vaunted Imperial Guard. My bad.
User avatar #16 - celestiasbeard (04/23/2013) [-]
To be completely honest I'm not quite sure who I'm talking about, all I know is there is a badass in gold armor who seems to be invincible and I'm going to try my best to find a flaw. I mean just because he is a character from a game t doesn't make him any less killable, you just need to find a way. Take the fate of Takeda Shingen for example. in the feudal era of Japan he was seen as a deity mostly because his armor gave him amazing protection against almost every form of damage but at a great cost, while his armor was amazingly protective it was too much for his body to handle over the many years of using it and he used it 24/7 to make sure he would never get killed. Now while many different versions of his death play out the most common is that he was assassinated before a meeting with his lords and the assassin boasted how easy it was because of the armor hindering Shingen's movement. Once again I might be wrong but this Emperor just seems to be the Takeda of the future.
#18 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
Good thinking to try to find weaknesses in new things, but I'll help you out here. This might take a while, and I'll need to continue this over two posts, but I'll inform you of this. (BE WARNED - TL;DR MAY STRIKE AT ANY MINUTE)

That glowing, gold-armored badass up there is the God-Emperor of Mankind. In the Warhammer 40,000 universe, there is an alternate dimension called the Warp (or the Immaterium, or the Empyrean - whatever works for you). It's a realm of thoughts and emotions and such things like that. Each living thing has a soul inside it, and each soul resides in the Warp. Living objects with a stronger connection to the Warp than most are able to use the powers of the Warp to screw with reality as they see fit. These people are called psykers.

Eons ago, there was a titanic, galaxy-shattering conflict referred to as the War in Heaven. It was fought between the Necrontyr, a really, really short-lived race that had managed to make contact with ancient beings of energy formed at the Big Bang called the Star Gods, and the Old Ones, a phenomenally long-lived if not downright immortal race that basically were masters of technology, science and engineering.

These two races duked it out against one another, and the huge psychic backlash from the hundreds of Warp-attuned races the Old Ones made/deployed twisted the Immaterium into impossible disarray, and formed all sorts of nasties inside it. Also, this was the birth of a few of the manifestations of pure negative emotion and power, known as the Chaos Gods.

The Necrontyr, being embedded into cybernetic bodies at this time - pretty much a Technological Singularity, and a result of one of the Star Gods backstabbing their race as a whole - decided to chill out, and settled down into massive tombs in various worlds throughout the galaxy.

Over the next few millenia, the Chaos Gods made things very nasty for the inhabitants of the galaxy. Solving this was where the God-Emperor came into the picture.

(cont'd)
#19 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
The birth of Slaanesh, which was caused by the Eldar all but buttfucking a hole into reality, sent massive Warp storms all across the galaxy. This made Warp travel (the only FTL tech the humans had access to) impossible. And Earth, being a dried-up ball of rock with humans crawling all over it, started to starve for resources. They had to reinvent atmospheric flight at some points.

Sometime around the 8th mullenium of humanity's existence (or since they started counting, at least), psykers were springing up quicker than before. This is most likely natural evolution and adaptation. But most psykers managed to make their way to positions of authority - politicians, leaders of nations and prophets to simple tribal chiefs or shamans.
Now, the catch here is that they could all reincarnate. They all had more or less some aptitude against the monstrosities of the Warp. So they all decided to commit suicide and reincarnate as one glorious, badass soul.

This is the origin of the Emperor. His arrival into the galaxy (or the insertion of such a huge and potent psychic presence, at least) calmed the warp and ended the Age of Apostasy. Canon states that he was born somewhere in IRL modern-day Mongolia, and he more or less unified the warring factions of Earth and creating the Space Marine Legions to embark upon the Great Crusade - a gigantic effort to reclaim all of mankind's lost colonies.

He engineered twenty sons - really just genetic similarities of himself - into existence, but the Chaos Gods intervened and scattered them all across the galaxy. (Though none of them turned out perfectly - the only one who could somewhat stand up to the Emperor was Magnus the Red, and he turned traitor later on anyway)
The Emperor then went on to conquer, subjugate or annihilate any world that mankind had established control over, and picking up the lost Primarchs along the way.

(again cont'd)
#20 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
Then, when the Crusade was almost over, he left the Primarch who had conquered the largest amount of worlds/sectors/whatever, Horus, in command of last stages of the Crusade while he went back to Terra, presumably to attempt to engineer a physical portal into the Webway, an alternate dimension that is significantly safer than the Warp that is also utilised by Eldar (the dominant race before mankind made its rise).

All was going well, until Horus encountered the forces of Chaos first on some feral world he was unlucky enough to get smacked in the head at, then which he was fully turned to the Dark Gods' side by the Chaos-aligned Chaplain Erebus.

Then Horus turned a full third of Mankind's armed forces to his side and waged a titanic war against the Loyalist Imperium, slaughtering trillions in the ensuing conflict. His effort eventually reached Terra, and he actually would have won had reinforcements from more Loyalists arrived and forced Horus to lower the Void Shields on his flagship. The Emperor seized the chance and went on to launch an all-out strike via teleporting a ton of troops into Horus's ship. Then epic battles happened, the Emperor utterly fucking wiped Horus off the face of the galaxy, and the war was over.

The Emperor was all but crippled in this fight, and as such he ordered his body to be placed on the Golden Throne, a gigantic life-support machine combined with the Astronomican, a giant psychic lighthouse in the Warp.
So there's the Emperor now - not entirely dead, and being stuck as a titanically powerful psychic vegetable incapable of sustaining his own body, and he has no choice but to keep sending out a psychic signal to guide ships in the Warp that use psykers for navigation.

It's not called the 'Grim Darkness of the Forty-First Mullenium' for nothing. Humanity's basically become retarded, and are struggling for survival every single day.

Hope this helped. Ave Imperator.
User avatar #21 - celestiasbeard (04/23/2013) [-]
This is definitely the most informational briefings I have ever gotten on this site and therefore I thank you sincerely for your time. But indeed for being human this guy seems pretty badass but still very much mortal even with former reincarnations. And with the fate he has now it just kind of reminds me of Mr. House from Fallout: New Vegas kinda at an astronomically bigger scale. But yeah with tat aside once again thanks for your effort and for showing me how much of a heretic I was being.
User avatar #26 - derpwolf (04/23/2013) [-]
I'm pretty sure Red here fucked up some of the canon, though. Still, very accurate overall.
User avatar #22 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
You're no heretic; merely misinformed. Happy to help.

Just to clarify a huge load of things:
He is ageless, and yes again he is human. Mortal. Killable, at least. He supposedly cracked the human genetic code, if he was able to engineer the Astartes. He remembers a lot of the knowledge from his previous incarnations, so he's smart as hell. He's a brilliant military leader, and possibly an even better scientist. He kicked the ass of the Void Dragon, one of the Star Gods which even the Eldar couldn't take down, and chucked it to Mars.
In the picture in comment #5 by voidwards, that's him at the apex of his power, presumably seconds before he faced Horus. There, he stood at twenty-two feet tall. No joke here. Space Marines are chest-high to those in Terminator armor, Termies are chest-high to their Primarch, Emps' kiddles are chest-high to him. That part is actually canon. When one considers seven feet tall to be average height for a Space Marine, you get the picture.
In there, the fire around his sword is either pure, righteous RAGE and FURY, or it's just his sword being so powerful it ionizes the air around it. (Power weapons - they generate a Power field which disintegrates molecular bonds. Essentially, it can cut through anything.)
He did have kids, over the years with various mortal ladies. They're referred to as the Sensei and it's hypothesized that if they're all assembled and sacrificed to him, he will be reborn as the Sensei-Emperor. (But this is bullshit, they only ever found three, two others turned to xenos, and one actually turned to Chaos.)

In short, he's a badass. But the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
#8 - rwmwaffle (04/23/2013) [-]
Dont threaten the God-Emperor of Mankind.
User avatar #9 - celestiasbeard (04/23/2013) [-]
Im not making a threat, just simply stating the ones in the big flashy 15 layered armors are usually the ones that are the best to pick on and are usually easy to knock over
User avatar #11 - satrenkotheone (04/23/2013) [-]
Well he also sports massive psychic powers if that matters.
User avatar #13 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
'Massive'? Really? Is that what you degrade the Lord of Man's psyker abilities to?

Let me educate you, adept: He is supremely and unquestionably powerful. He humbles even the Eldar. But the sole reason that he has not wiped all of the enemies of Man off the face of the galaxy is because of the collateral damage that would ensue. The Emperor worries not about scale; it is about control. Certainly, he could purge entire worlds of alien life in titanic psychic blasts, but such actions would probably distort the Immaterium beyond repair in that sector.
Certainly, he can use the Astronomican to completely and totally illuminate the Warp, but the psychic backlash that would cause may likely wipe out all of Holy Terra in its power. And that's not even mentioning

Please, return to your Schola and don't speak to the xenos; they are not human, and as such you may not expect them to think as such.
User avatar #24 - satrenkotheone (04/23/2013) [-]
My time was limited so that was all the words I could use at the time. Anyway, thank you for the input.
#25 - krasnogvardiech (04/23/2013) [-]
Ave Imperator.
#9 - He?...Well i already got this far, no sense in not masturbating now 04/23/2013 on It's the truth +1
#6 - I think an undead merchant from Dark Souls is trapped inside 04/23/2013 on It was foretold +11
#10 - That applies to any form of non-face to face meetings. Men are… 04/23/2013 on Can relate. +16
#114 - It's the internet, I can be anyone i want to be 04/23/2013 on Emma Watson +2
#37 - Maybe I just pick horrible EV trainers but I still do rather n… 04/23/2013 on Pokemon 0
#102 - There's probably a universe where I am Emma Watson  [+] (2 new replies) 04/23/2013 on Emma Watson +5
User avatar #113 - robopuppy (04/23/2013) [-]
Yes but then you wouldn't be you anymore because you would be Emma Watson, and you aren't Emma Watson
User avatar #114 - celestiasbeard (04/23/2013) [-]
It's the internet, I can be anyone i want to be
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Total unique items point value: 360000 / Total items point value: 1760000

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#395 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
Fabulous Gem Lance 240x240
Fabulous Gem Lance 240x240
#396 to #395 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
120x120
120x120
User avatar #394 - jackiespicer **User deleted account** (12/16/2012) [-]
You fiend!
Thamks~
User avatar #389 - OminousDemon (12/16/2012) [-]
uh thanks so much o:
was not expecting that
<3
User avatar #390 to #389 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
Glad to help out
User avatar #381 - iloverapingmen (12/16/2012) [-]
Thank you so much, and i like the items you've posted.
User avatar #382 to #381 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
Thanks, that actually means a lot considering I don't hear it too much
User avatar #383 to #382 - iloverapingmen (12/16/2012) [-]
Make 'em yourself?
User avatar #384 to #383 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
Most of them but some are designs my friends drew out, still have a lot to get around to though
User avatar #385 to #384 - iloverapingmen (12/16/2012) [-]
They look tight as shit, what program you use to animate?
User avatar #386 to #385 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
Combinations of photoshop, after effects, and paint.net
User avatar #387 to #386 - iloverapingmen (12/16/2012) [-]
The animation is not choppy at ALL...impressive. Why'd you quit items?
User avatar #388 to #387 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
The gifs were made by flutteryay so don't give me too much credit, I just designed the weapon be he did the cool animations. And as for items it just got really boring honestly, but sadly I talk to you guys more than people irl which is why i hang around
User avatar #391 to #388 - iloverapingmen (12/16/2012) [-]
d00d y u being so nice to me, thanks for the wooden chests. The designs are still very impressive, do you sketch it on paper first?

And, yeah, hanging around the item board isn't too bad, especially when you're always gifting lel.
User avatar #392 to #391 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
You keep asking for them on the board, if I have something I don't need that someone else does it's nice to help them out. And yeah, I go through a few rough sketches and have some people look it over for some advice and then I scan it and retrace it in paint .net
User avatar #372 - flutterkay (12/15/2012) [-]
Flutteryay: Celestiasbeard, I'll be using this account in the time being. Can't post pictures since it's new though.
User avatar #373 to #372 - celestiasbeard (12/15/2012) [-]
What's the level you can start posting pictures? It's like level 5 isn't it?
User avatar #374 to #373 - flutterkay (12/15/2012) [-]
Not sure, just need thumbs to be able to though.
User avatar #375 to #374 - celestiasbeard (12/15/2012) [-]
So wait til the next thumb orgy? And once you can post the Gem Lance on ladeda's profile, I forgot to save the rescales
User avatar #376 to #375 - flutterkay (12/15/2012) [-]
Eh. I might be done with funnyjunk once I can post them. I like being flutteryay, and even if I got yellow fluttershy like text on this account it wouldn't feel the same.

Btw I didn't post porn on the board. It may have been suggestive, but it wasn't porn.
User avatar #377 to #376 - celestiasbeard (12/15/2012) [-]
Addy is indecisive, he lifted mass bans before so he might do it on a small scale
User avatar #378 to #377 - flutterkay (12/16/2012) [-]
I can post pictures now, posting rescales on ladeda's profile
User avatar #379 to #378 - flutterkay (12/16/2012) [-]
Wait... who's profile exactly?
User avatar #380 to #379 - celestiasbeard (12/16/2012) [-]
Ladedadeda, it's stickied on items
#351 - celestiasbeard (12/14/2012) [-]
New Blood Rage 240x240
New Blood Rage 240x240
#352 to #351 - celestiasbeard (12/14/2012) [-]
120x120
120x120
User avatar #260 - khl (11/30/2012) [-]
Dont suppose you are trading the broken sword ?
User avatar #261 to #260 - celestiasbeard (11/30/2012) [-]
Nope, i quit and so far it's the only item i wanted to keep
User avatar #262 to #261 - khl (11/30/2012) [-]
makes sense, cheers anyways
User avatar #233 - dirtydamhippie (11/27/2012) [-]
thank you
User avatar #231 - betta (11/26/2012) [-]
hey, can you take a look at my idea? I'm asking you because you also seem like the person who wants to contribute to this game.

funnyjunk.com/items/1783857#1783857
User avatar #220 - damanloki (11/24/2012) [-]
thanks so much , thanks to you i have over 30 new uniques !
#219 - prestonjohns (11/24/2012) [-]
Thank you for the items that i was able to get.
User avatar #218 - ccben (11/24/2012) [-]
Thanks!
User avatar #217 - foreveraloneagain ONLINE (11/24/2012) [-]
/thank you for the items <3
User avatar #214 - givemeyouritems (11/24/2012) [-]
Thanks for everything bro.
User avatar #215 to #214 - givemeyouritems (11/24/2012) [-]
How much for the sword?
User avatar #216 to #215 - celestiasbeard (11/24/2012) [-]
just no man, read the lower comment, the sword is going to be used for symbolism
#212 - prestonjohns (11/24/2012) [-]
Thank you
User avatar #211 - mrstrong (11/24/2012) [-]
thank you for the items :)
User avatar #210 - kenada (11/24/2012) [-]
Thanks <3

Why are you keeping the sword?
I wish I could trade for it
User avatar #213 to #210 - celestiasbeard (11/24/2012) [-]
my first item was a normal sword, grinding out items has broken it
User avatar #209 - iloverapingmen (11/24/2012) [-]
Thanks for everything.
User avatar #206 - purplemonkeybob (11/24/2012) [-]
holy shit thanks bro
User avatar #205 - Tygioh (11/24/2012) [-]
Thank you!! :DD
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