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captainpatters

Rank #10596 on Content
captainpatters Avatar Level 264 Comments: Pure Win
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Personal Info
Gender: male
Steam Profile: Captain_Patters
Consoles Owned: PC Gaming mustard race
Interests: Catching criminal scum, praising the empire/emperor
Date Signed Up:12/16/2011
Last Login:12/24/2014
Location:Kent
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#10596
Comment Ranking:#10838
Highest Content Rank:#335
Highest Comment Rank:#1059
Content Thumbs: 15279 total,  17207 ,  1928
Comment Thumbs: 7492 total,  8545 ,  1053
Content Level Progress: 21.4% (214/1000)
Level 213 Content: Comedic Genius → Level 214 Content: Comedic Genius
Comment Level Progress: 79% (79/100)
Level 264 Comments: Pure Win → Level 265 Comments: Pure Win
Subscribers:3
Content Views:933668
Times Content Favorited:631 times
Total Comments Made:940
FJ Points:19700
Favorite Tags: Polandball (6) | War (4) | Big (3) | i (3) | and (2) | butts (2) | eu (2) | hairyball (2) | in (2) | meaty (2) | russia (2) | sweatyball (2) | sweatyballs (2) | ukraine (2) | usa (2)
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latest user's comments

#30 - >20 hours You haven't even scratched the surface  [+] (1 new reply) 06/08/2014 on Steam reviews comp part 4 +2
User avatar #31 - demented (06/08/2014) [-]
I have significantly more on EU3
#10 - I'm going to post this again because everytime I read it I lau…  [+] (4 new replies) 06/08/2014 on Steam reviews comp part 4 +73
User avatar #87 - theshadowed (06/09/2014) [-]
I honestly can't get into Europa 4. I love Crusader Kings, I'm pretty good at it. But I just can't do Europa
User avatar #30 - captainpatters (06/08/2014) [-]
>20 hours

You haven't even scratched the surface
User avatar #31 - demented (06/08/2014) [-]
I have significantly more on EU3
#7 - Flagged for boobs  [+] (4 new replies) 06/08/2014 on Lamps +50
#22 - anonymous (06/08/2014) [-]
But there are no boobs
#21 - splyt (06/08/2014) [-]
familyguylivestudioostrichgoinghaha.gif
#18 - shmikechm (06/08/2014) [-]
#19 - ugoboom (06/08/2014) [-]
#23 - I'm going to sit you down, kneel down to your level and say th…  [+] (1 new reply) 06/08/2014 on Steam reviews part 3 +2
#183 - almightybenjamin (06/08/2014) [-]
#7 - Star Wars Battlefront 2  [+] (4 new replies) 06/07/2014 on Steam reviews part 3 +202
User avatar #68 - garymotherfingoak (06/08/2014) [-]
TFW GLU shut down the gamespy servers, including BF2
#71 - bann (06/08/2014) [-]
thats cold
User avatar #72 - garymotherfingoak (06/08/2014) [-]
you can still play online via gameranger, but who knows how much of what was left of the community was further cut by the shutdown
#101 - thegazz (06/08/2014) [-]
You can still play the Project Reality mod for Battlefield 2. Way better than vanilla BF2 anyway imo.
#6 - Europa Universalis 4  [+] (4 new replies) 06/07/2014 on Steam reviews part 3 +88
#100 - fegut (06/08/2014) [-]
User avatar #62 - specialone (06/08/2014) [-]
"The period when white people discovered the world, and decided they didn't like it."

Never has a truer sentence been spoken.
#129 - gerfox (06/08/2014) [-]
I liked it too. Sums up the backdrop of imperialism pretty well
#34 - xxhadesflamesxx (06/08/2014) [-]
never before have I been so happy to see an option to kill all of the natives in game
#70 - #rekt 06/06/2014 on Proof That Mario Kart Is... 0
#73 - toppest of my keks 06/06/2014 on NAILED IT +4
#28 - Picture 06/06/2014 on British Immigration +12
#5 - Crunk... Crunk... Crunk 06/03/2014 on Confusion +5
#5 - yea, that scene really messed with my head  [+] (1 new reply) 06/03/2014 on cunt +1
User avatar #11 - thesemendemon (06/04/2014) [-]
it sure messed with his head too
#131 - Based prince phillip will always be my true ruler 06/03/2014 on Does the Queen even die? +2
#2 - the Yo is unnecessary. just thought you should know  [+] (1 new reply) 05/31/2014 on Yo Quiero Taco Gato +1
User avatar #5 - ashedust (05/31/2014) [-]
It was high school spanish. They taught you alot of unnecessary things.
#49 - It's not even bait, It's just my opinion.  [+] (6 new replies) 05/31/2014 on Smart Car Vs Mustang +5
User avatar #69 - Anonomousthirteen (05/31/2014) [-]
I'm pretty sure this is some kind of bait. Smell mop, that is. Anyway, in general, I agree with you. American cars haven't had souls since the '60's or so.
#56 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
and your opinion is right
#50 - smellmop (05/31/2014) [-]
#60 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
you should really start to read carmagazines or atleast begin with top gear
not the other anon but he is right
User avatar #93 - minnten (05/31/2014) [-]
top gear does some kind of retarded tests sometimes though. I mean putting C4 under the marauder and C4 under an H3 and making believe it's even close being a fair match is trolling at best, ignorant at worst.
#61 - smellmop (05/31/2014) [-]
#46 - American Cars are terrible  [+] (24 new replies) 05/31/2014 on Smart Car Vs Mustang +20
#124 - connectingdk (05/31/2014) [-]
#114 - theburtonbullett (05/31/2014) [-]
Shelby 1000
#71 - Spikeydeath (05/31/2014) [-]
I am a toyota guy myself
Sorry but my forerunner kicks all other SUV's ass
#48 - smellmop (05/31/2014) [-]
#54 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
Nah it's somewhat a fact. American cars are all bling on the outside but 0 quality inside (both on engine quality and luxury for the passengers). While fast and cool looking from far they have a long way to go to the quality and engineering of certain other brands such as Audi.
#57 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
Maybe in the late 70's through the 80's, but not now.
#75 - hidenseek (05/31/2014) [-]
The 2011 305hp Mustang V6 has an electronically limited Top Speed of 113mph because of the cheap drive shaft used that cannot handle the high rotational speed.
However my 2000 90hp Audi A3 Diesel is capable of going 125mph without any problems and is only limited due the lack of power at this speed.
#77 - jdrinfantry (05/31/2014) [-]
Well the V6 mustang is pretty cheap too. Which is why u should go for the v8 version. Anyways I do agree that German cars > all. but I mean the best car I've personally driven is the Lincoln Navigator or the Cadillac Escalade. High quality V8 SUV's, mmmm american style all the way.

Comparing some of the cheap american muscle cars with expensive high end German racing cars really suck (Not saying that an A3 is a racing car). It's like comparing apples and oranges.

Also the Chevrolet Camaro is F'ing beautiful.
#116 - rollmania (05/31/2014) [-]
Cadillac Escalade? Really? That's like the worst SUV I can think of.
User avatar #129 - jdrinfantry (05/31/2014) [-]
Well I like the V8 engine, it's powerful and subtle at the same time. Besides its enormous size it is also pretty comfortable. It's real nice for long roadtrips.

That being said I still think the Lincoln Navigator is just as good, if not better.
#79 - hidenseek (05/31/2014) [-]
yeah you're right, german cars are way more expensive than american ones but only in the US. They are still cheaper in the US than in Germany and when you are about to import a US car to Europe it can cost you as much as a comparable high quality german car (customs duty, vehicle conversions e.g. different lights and many more you have to pay)
I was really thinking of buying a 2011-2013 Mustang GT but I will wait for the 2015 model to officially come to Europe and not only because of the propably lower price but mainly because of the new independent rear suspension the car will be equipped with.
For me the solid rear axle is just too dangerous to drive at those high speeds we are allowed here in Germany as our roads and highways are a bit bumpy too.
And thinking of a jumping rear axle at 160mph+ makes it really scary to drive such a car here.
User avatar #131 - jdrinfantry (05/31/2014) [-]
I understand and completely agree with you. I live in denmark and a US car is just not worth the money. But it really works in the US. They have huge roads compared to Europe.

Personally I'm more of a Chevy kinda guy than a ford, but I can definitely understand why you dont want to import one yourself, but seriously if you are thinking about buying a Mustang, go for the V8, it is sooo much better than the V6. I thought the 2013 version was equipped with some fairly decent suspension though.
#87 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
I'm just dropping in to say, that the guy is right, you shouldn't compare unfairly at all.

You talk about Luxury? Why not compare Luxury cars? You talk about handling/Performance? Corvette and Viper beats almost every german or other cars around track. (Well, not the new Porsche tho) These are for production cars.

The new Corvette is really high quality car too, still being cheap and fast (altho, the "lower" quality is faster...but that's why it's lower quality)

Wanna talk about cheap quality? Let's talk about BMW's and their really cheap plastics.. I mean for such a high price you wouldn't really expect lowly cheal plastics, now would you.
#107 - hidenseek (05/31/2014) [-]
sorry but you misunderstand something, I am not the same guy above that said that american cars have zero build quality. With the Mustang V6 vs A3 comparison I just wanted to state, that no matter in what price range a manufacture's car is, it is just incomprehensibly to use such cheap parts, that you have to limit the top speed of your sports car to a ridiculous 118mph.
And when it comes to the price between US & german cars I'd say that we have the right to compare those cars one by one as with all that additional expenses to get a US car shipped and registered here costs you almost as much as a comparable german car bought in Germany, especially a Corvette or Viper.

Yes, I have to admit that BMW uses the cheapest plastic of all the german high class cars but ever sat in a Audi which is in the same price range? There is almost nothing that is not perfectly well manufactured.

And you compare german cars to a Corvette and Viper on a racetrack? Those who beat Audi/BMW/Benz have about 650 horsepower and are meant to be real race cars not only muscles. Let's take an Audi R8 V10 which has ~525hp and is the most similar build Audi set side by side to a Corvette: On the "Nordschleife" race track it was only 1.3% faster than the Audi while having over 21% more power. I know this comparison sucks because the Audi costs a lot more than a Corvette but only because there aren't any cheap german high performance cars with basic equipment and when adding all the extras of a US-car price list to get to the same area of luxury of a german one I bet the prices won't be far away from each other.

Please don't understand me wrong, I love american muscle cars. They are beautiful and the best cars for people who simply want a lot of power and fun on the road without all those sissy extras to heat or cool your balls in your Armani suit.

#113 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
Sorry, hit the char limit.

For one "newish" example: Tesla Model S (yea i know). They are really high quality and fast cars. It is comparable to Mercedes (they have a partnership tho... so no wonder) / Lexus. While costs far less.

See the "new" hybrid i8? Yea that... that 2 seated car that is full carbon and is made to be a "performance" car falls behind the Tesla... Both in accel and everything else (expcept top speed tho, not sure about EU packaged Tesla models tho)

Oh and did i tell you? It's even more expensive than a FULLY equipped Tesla. Why is that bad? Because it is more than 30% more expensive, performs worse, has only 2 seats compared to 5+2. Has storage space less than Tesla's "frunk" (and Tesla also has a really big Trunk too) and so on. The only thing i8 is better at is top speed and range (only so tho...).

I know it's not the best example, but cleary shows the difference what you get for price you pay. Also Tesla is much cheaper in the long run too...
#112 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
I understand the Mustang, but you gotta keep in mind that that Mustang is cheaper than a Audi A3 and also Top Speed doesn't really matter in the US since you can't really use it anywhere. If you want more Top Speed you buy the better car.

No, that's wrong. And i'm actually European.... For a car price you gotta look the price in their place. For example, Shipping to US can add to EU cars too, why don't you take that instead? You see, bias. That's you take the "original price" of a car.

Corvette does also beat Astons, 911 GT2 RS's and even GTR's and many more around tracks. (Basically every stock production cars). But funny you meantion Nordschleief... especially your example with R8 V10... cars with far more power fall behind Corvette as well. Cars that were especially made for "performance" and are literally 10 times or more expensive. Your R8 also falls behind a Camaro....yes a Camaro

Also, American cars with the quality of European luxury cars still tend to be cheaper.
#55 - smellmop (05/31/2014) [-]
User avatar #49 - captainpatters (05/31/2014) [-]
It's not even bait, It's just my opinion.

User avatar #69 - Anonomousthirteen (05/31/2014) [-]
I'm pretty sure this is some kind of bait. Smell mop, that is. Anyway, in general, I agree with you. American cars haven't had souls since the '60's or so.
#56 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
and your opinion is right
#50 - smellmop (05/31/2014) [-]
#60 - anonymous (05/31/2014) [-]
you should really start to read carmagazines or atleast begin with top gear
not the other anon but he is right
User avatar #93 - minnten (05/31/2014) [-]
top gear does some kind of retarded tests sometimes though. I mean putting C4 under the marauder and C4 under an H3 and making believe it's even close being a fair match is trolling at best, ignorant at worst.
#61 - smellmop (05/31/2014) [-]
#74 - I can't tell them apart 05/31/2014 on Tumblr Comp Part 1 0
#44 - Picture  [+] (1 new reply) 05/22/2014 on gabe stahp +1
#46 - anonymous (05/22/2014) [-]
That was so great, thank you random stranger
#14 - I wasn't talking about this example. Just the P.C *****… 05/13/2014 on Armpit Hair +5
#5 - Picture 05/13/2014 on Isreal +8
#1 - Few of these make me laugh out loud. This I'm happy t… 05/13/2014 on (untitled) +3
#4 - I do hate it when people try to make you feel guilty about bei…  [+] (2 new replies) 05/13/2014 on Armpit Hair +69
#13 - anonymous (05/13/2014) [-]
Armpit hair has nothing to do with health. Or were you just saying something completely irrelevant on purpose?
User avatar #14 - captainpatters (05/13/2014) [-]
I wasn't talking about this example. Just the P.C bullshit tumblr shits out daily
#4 - Comment deleted 05/13/2014 on gangnam style 0
#3 - He looks like that guy who kept those 3 women hostage in Cleveland 05/13/2014 on A Good Reminder 0
#7 - Train are amazing. All you tram faggots just get out … 05/13/2014 on Reaction to a passing train +1
#5 - The eastern front is bizarre, both sides are considered immens…  [+] (22 new replies) 05/13/2014 on WORLD WAR 2 FACTS +127
#219 - anonymous (05/14/2014) [-]
Actually, for normal people you would be pretty safe in the Soviet Union. If you looked away from the economical problems and the famines of course, not that it isn't big things. Being a farmer was hard though.

But living in a city:
> Free healthcare and education.
> Everyone could go chill at the beach during the summer. EVERYONE.
> Guaranteed work (for better or for worse)
Of course it would be a shitty life because of:
> Propaganda and censorship
> Speaking up against the regime would mean Siberia.
> Famines and shortages because of planned economy.
User avatar #143 - nigeltheoutlaw (05/14/2014) [-]
As long as you weren't a Jew, Slav, black, gay, communist, or dissident, then you'd be okay in Nazi Germany. Women also didn't have it particularly well.
#152 - anonymous (05/14/2014) [-]
That thing about Slavs is wrong.

Slavs fought for Hitler in the SS.

Women played a very important back then. Since all men were in the war someone had to run the factories.

Life was good for people that fitted in.. but as you said gays for example were violently hunted...
User avatar #310 - yarr (05/20/2014) [-]
Well. Jews fought for Hitler as well. Doesn't mean it's wrong that Jews were killed?
#138 - myjunk (05/14/2014) [-]
Not all of the Allied forces were that glad, that the russians won. That's why they helped rebuild Germany to be able to stop the russians if they were to invade western Europe.
#178 - anonymous (05/14/2014) [-]
+ commuism
User avatar #19 - StewieGGriffin (05/13/2014) [-]
Why Hitler? Stalin killed more people, and they were his own people.
User avatar #38 - exclamation (05/14/2014) [-]
Stalin was a paranoid dickhead. He killed his rivals (or sent them to work camps) in the party because he feared he'd be politically overthrown. He wasn't very tall or grandiose, either.
User avatar #26 - demcupcakes (05/14/2014) [-]
that's exactly what he was going for. He would rather be in germany.
User avatar #28 - StewieGGriffin (05/14/2014) [-]
Thanks for pointing that out, I missread what he said, I thought he'd prefer to take Hitlers life.
User avatar #18 - wotterpatch (05/13/2014) [-]
As long as you weren't a jew or a russian in Hitlers germany, you were pretty safe

Nobody in stalinist russia was safe
#212 - anonymous (05/14/2014) [-]
It would still be pretty shit. You ran the risk of getting castrated or gassed for things like having a mental dissorder.
#208 - anonymous (05/14/2014) [-]
Unless you had a different political opinion than the regime.
#135 - myjunk has deleted their comment.
User avatar #15 - carlonord (05/13/2014) [-]
As long as you weren't Jewish, it might not have been so bad possibly. Though there's the matter that a lot of the politicians were corrupt and powerful.
#136 - myjunk (05/14/2014) [-]
That's not true. Not only Jews were sent to the camps, but also Sinti & Roma people (back then called Gypsies) homosexuals, mentally or physically disabled, criminals and opposition members.
User avatar #283 - carlonord (05/14/2014) [-]
Let me rephrase that, as long as you were working, not gay, and not a gypsy/jew, things were ok.
#156 - anonymous (05/14/2014) [-]
Physically/mentally disabled or ill people were usually killed right away.

Pic related a bus which they used for these people
User avatar #66 - joshuagutierrez (05/14/2014) [-]
My name is Joshua Gutierrez, I am a Mexican-American and of no Aryan descent. How would I be safe in a Nazi society? Just because I'm not of Jewish descent I'd have been be safe from genocide?
#77 - snaigen (05/14/2014) [-]
Hitler wasn't against everything "non-aryan". The Wehrmacht had several divisions of other countries.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waffen-SS_foreign_volunteers_and_conscripts#List_by_nation_and_unit
User avatar #309 - joshuagutierrez (05/16/2014) [-]
This is the Waffen-SS and how they allowed volunteers from around Europe, but I see your point. Do you think Hitler would have ended up killing these volunteers after the war was over to succeed in his goal for a pure Aryan world or would have let them live?
User avatar #31 - thegrimgenius (05/14/2014) [-]
Many jews in the military were given the title of honorary Aryan, didn't have to be a non-jew, just had to be coo.
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User avatar #20 to #19 - captainpatters (06/23/2014) [-]
You are doing gods work
User avatar #17 - hornack (12/22/2013) [-]
Hey I was wondering if you had use of your fj points.
User avatar #18 to #17 - captainpatters (12/22/2013) [-]
No, but they're mine
#2 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #3 to #2 - captainpatters (08/15/2013) [-]
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo
#4 to #3 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #6 to #4 - captainpatters (08/15/2013) [-]
Surrender to what? I don't think you can do anything that I would give two ***** about
#10 to #6 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #11 to #10 - captainpatters (08/15/2013) [-]
Okay, the fact that somebody cared enough about me to try and bring me down. Thanks
#12 to #11 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #13 to #12 - captainpatters (08/15/2013) [-]
I thought you were going. My grammatical abilities aren't what you would call good, at all.
#14 to #13 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #15 to #14 - captainpatters (08/15/2013) [-]
AH yes, 23 red thumbs really set me straight. I'm rolling on the floor in tears, I submit to your epic le trolling skills.
#16 to #15 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#7 to #6 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #8 to #7 - captainpatters (08/15/2013) [-]
I hope you like the taste of casual racism because that's all my soul is.
#9 to #8 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#5 to #4 - captianpaters **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #1 - helpmeplz (08/05/2013) [-]
Are you willing to help a fellow funnyjunker?
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