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captainfuckitall    

Rank #236 on Comments
captainfuckitall Avatar Level 347 Comments: Sold Soul
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Personal Info
Date Signed Up:4/12/2010
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#236
Highest Content Rank:#10530
Highest Comment Rank:#49
Content Thumbs: 34 total,  90 ,  56
Comment Thumbs: 50440 total,  61811 ,  11371
Content Level Progress: 66.1% (39/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 25.3% (253/1000)
Level 347 Comments: Sold Soul → Level 348 Comments: Sold Soul
Subscribers:21
Content Views:9697
Times Content Favorited:12 times
Total Comments Made:15027
FJ Points:19478

latest user's comments

#15 - It's okay, OP. There is a reason having a VERY large penis is … 11/15/2013 on How I feel watching porn 0
#13 - Eh, I never thought of these as that funny. I can understand w… 11/15/2013 on eclipse +2
#9 - I recognize that name from that one song that was really popul…  [+] (2 new replies) 11/15/2013 on 4chan in a nutshell +2
User avatar #13 - anusholeboner (11/15/2013) [-]
Was it "Make it Stop (Semptember's Children)" by Rise Against?
User avatar #37 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
That's the one.
#9 - It never gets old. 11/15/2013 on Jingle all the way +1
#6 - This just made me think of fem-boy Traps. Then it mad…  [+] (7 new replies) 11/15/2013 on its a trap +6
User avatar #26 - doneofsteel (11/15/2013) [-]
Some guy said something about "If there were no girls with crushed dream, the porn industry wouldn't be much."
#24 - adr (11/15/2013) [-]
Then you masturbated?
#14 - anon (11/15/2013) [-]
You'll never be happy if all you can think about is what your ten-year-old self thinks of you. That little prick thought you'd be an astronaut.
User avatar #9 - vortexrain (11/15/2013) [-]
I'll be watching some girl take three dicks at once, and think, "I bet when she was seven she had no idea she'd be doing this for a living."
User avatar #7 - TwiztidNinja (11/15/2013) [-]
Stop going on trap threads, they are not good for the soul.
User avatar #31 - heartlessrobot (11/15/2013) [-]
Only ones I don't like are trap/transsexual stories. They always have one where the trap/transsexual is forced to become that, are secretly given hormones, become impotent, or are constantly insulted and belittled. I saw a really cruel one where for some reason the persons aunt forced him to get a sex change.
User avatar #11 - nucularwar (11/15/2013) [-]
That idea is good in theory
but I cannot stop
#17 - But if we changed it, OP would never have a reason to go in fo… 11/15/2013 on Going In Dry 0
#31 - Oh nevermind, I apologize for my mistake. 11/15/2013 on Haha, that's funn-JESUS... +1
#10 - I remember when I was really young and just got into masturbat…  [+] (3 new replies) 11/15/2013 on Late night stories +50
User avatar #41 - johncaveson (11/15/2013) [-]
Bullcrap it was only 6 years...

Once you go black you never go back.
#12 - roflwaffflegod (11/15/2013) [-]
I like how you started with your reason for masturbation, as if you needed one.
User avatar #11 - cyborgturtle (11/15/2013) [-]
That made me laugh like a retarded fucking seal. Thank you, it's the only laugh i've had on here for a while.
#19 - Fun is all well and good, but it doesn't even make sense. If h…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/15/2013 on He didn't erase himself... -1
#22 - chiiila (11/15/2013) [-]
true, true.

But things like this hardly ever make sense, so in my opinion it's just best to ignore it
and I really hope people understand it's just fantasy
#18 - And that's all well and good as long as they KNOW it's not rea… 11/15/2013 on He didn't erase himself... 0
#17 - >Implying Santa isn't real No wonder he doesn't vi… 11/15/2013 on He didn't erase himself... +3
#24 - If someone wants to kill, they do. It doesn't matter if they h…  [+] (2 new replies) 11/15/2013 on It's true 0
#57 - anon (11/15/2013) [-]
Which would you rather not have to run from: someone who wants to strangle you, someone who wants to stab you, someone who wants to drown you, or someone pointing a gun at you.
User avatar #62 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
I'd rather not run at all, I'd rather shoot them.
#23 - I just watched that movie last month. I almost broke my ribs a… 11/15/2013 on It's true +5
#20 - So...how do you 'get into the ******* robot'?  [+] (1 new reply) 11/15/2013 on In Which Rei Picks Up A Relic 0
#23 - ooorga (11/15/2013) [-]
Through the tube.
#94 - I know how you mean, man. I started coming here while I was st…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/15/2013 on this...THIS is good +1
User avatar #105 - deathbatdude (11/18/2013) [-]
>Implying
#87 - Good lords it actually is him. 11/15/2013 on this...THIS is good +1
#21 - Grass doesn't move, bro...  [+] (7 new replies) 11/15/2013 on Haha, that's funn-JESUS... -1
#111 - theblargypargler (11/16/2013) [-]
Please read words five through ten in my first sentence, as I had addressed that.
User avatar #29 - lorddarkskull (11/15/2013) [-]
Vendii gets pushed
he's not wrong
the gif is intentionally made with lower quality than the video so that it appears to be a scorpion
User avatar #78 - painispancakes (11/15/2013) [-]
HOLY SHIZER! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
User avatar #48 - cresel (11/15/2013) [-]
THATS A FUCKING SCORPION
#68 - headhunternl (11/15/2013) [-]
it's the baby's hand with some dried grass in it reaching around the mother's back. not too difficult to see.
User avatar #46 - huntergriff (11/15/2013) [-]
...fuckin chimp has a prolapsed anus...
User avatar #31 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Oh nevermind, I apologize for my mistake.
#6 - "Oh my god, I have no idea why he gave me a ticket! All c…  [+] (18 new replies) 11/15/2013 on his name is bluuuuughhhh!,... +104
User avatar #101 - rhetoricalfunny (11/15/2013) [-]
videocafe.crooksandliars.com/david/pregnant-seattle-protester-miscarries-after-

www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_hCd9uwsng
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDzQ8Vay3Pg
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm2lUVQC6D0

You can't deny there are bad fucking cops.
These events are isolated instances, but when bad cops exist they are REALLY FUCKING BAD

When we mention police brutality, we're not saying fuck police.
We're saying fuck bad police.
A police officer is a position of authority with the goal to protect and serve. We want no tolerance for officers who abuse their authority. And we want departments to stop protecting them. Because they are not an isolated thing.
#106 - anon (11/16/2013) [-]
With that logic feminists are correct in speech.
"When we say all men should die becuase they are pigs we mean that men that are pigs should die, cuz all men isn't bad"
User avatar #102 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
I never did, but, much like with Religion, Feminism, and many other things, the bad ones get noticed more than the good. "When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all".

Nobody goes into the police force with an intent to be corrupt and be a dick, what ends up happening is after years and years of dealing with people who think you're the scum of the Earth just for doing your job, they give less and less of a shit and take more and more pleasure out of abusing their authority.
User avatar #103 - rhetoricalfunny (11/15/2013) [-]
I have a certain respect for the police, conduct yourself with respect and they'll treat you the same.

But I would say that at least 1/10 times this is not true
User avatar #104 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Indeed, and I have said exactly the same thing.
User avatar #79 - basstard (11/15/2013) [-]
There are good and bad cops.

So far i haven't met any bad one(probably since i don't vandalize).

I myself am a stoner and i have high respect for police officiers.
User avatar #84 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Good man, I respect you. Nine times out of ten, even if you DO do something wrong, as long as you go along with what the police tell you and don't make their job harder, they will treat you with courtesy and respect.
User avatar #86 - basstard (11/15/2013) [-]
One of my dad's friends are cops.

I never heard anything about police in my town being violent,they only warn you.

Main reason why people of my age hate police is because they 'll get checked for drugs(marijuana etc.).It's their job and i understand them.
User avatar #68 - uncalledforgiraffe (11/15/2013) [-]
I don't believe the content was saying that, if that's what you're implying.
User avatar #83 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Well no, of course it wasn't; it was saying a joke about a cop pulling someone over and asking if they were high and the driver giving a smartass remark.

I then proceeded with a scenario where the driver would get a ticket (probably for the remark more than anything), and then wonder why he got a ticket at all, and then, rather than look at his own conduct and actions, just blame the police and generalize the lot of them because he is a piece of shit.
#15 - anon (11/15/2013) [-]
oh no my father brother died at rally were cops lied about hwat ahppen at hillsbrough so it fault of people there not cops this wroks both ways dipshit
User avatar #64 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
>That run on sentence

Seriously though, after I spend a few minuets finding out what the hell you were saying, I got that you were talking about how cops at Hillsbrough let people die, or something, I don't know.

Well, for starters, I have no idea what happened there, this is the first time I've heard of it, but do you know what happened? Have you done your research, looked at every angle, got all the stories? If not, you're simply guilty of ignorance. Furthermore, if they did do serious wrong, it's awful, it really is, we should be able to trust these people to uphold law and order in our society; but may I remind you that such an event is the exception, not the rule. Every single time a cop does something wrong, it is versed against every single time a cop does something right. What's that? Anarchy and chaos HASN'T broken out, you aren't getting murdered, mother is not getting raped, house not getting destroyed? Cops are probably doing their jobs just fine.
#46 - anon (11/15/2013) [-]
This, there is no greater example than Hillsborough of why the cliched "cops are pigs" is 100% true
User avatar #65 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
No it's not. Read above.
User avatar #57 - admiralen (11/15/2013) [-]
you could read what he said?
User avatar #12 - ReeferTrees (11/15/2013) [-]
Glad you understand. Don't give those fuckers anything resembling decency or dignity for they have already sacrificed them both.
User avatar #66 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
It's funny, isn't it? How everyone here seems to scream about police brutality, but if you went to, say, North Korea, or Russia, you'd find out VERY quickly what "Police Brutality" really is. Furthermore, if you do not like police, I suggest you take a trip to a country where there are none (or just very few), and I'd love to see how long you'd last before you're fearing for your life.
#13 - tyroneisanigger (11/15/2013) [-]
Police Officers are keepers of peace. That is why they get into the business. Some are assholes that should be fired but most of them do their job correctly.

I want to be a Police Officer
#14 - Wait, the Robot's a living thing?  [+] (3 new replies) 11/15/2013 on In Which Rei Picks Up A Relic 0
User avatar #19 - Mward (11/15/2013) [-]
It's weird but there are no "Robots" in evangelion. They're all humanoid beings that are controlled through being shoved into their spine, the armour is just kind of holding them at bay.
User avatar #20 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
So...how do you 'get into the fucking robot'?
#23 - ooorga (11/15/2013) [-]
Through the tube.
#17 - My father would have **** himself if he was in th… 11/15/2013 on Wrong neighbourhood 0
#17 - This is how I feel when I get a new computer. 11/15/2013 on XB1 +1
#4 - So, ummm.... These guys do know Dr.Who isn't real, ri…  [+] (10 new replies) 11/15/2013 on He didn't erase himself... +3
User avatar #15 - kalima (11/15/2013) [-]
Santa isnt real but we still believe in him for a time. Let us have this.
User avatar #17 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
>Implying Santa isn't real

No wonder he doesn't visit your naughty ass anymore
#13 - chiiila (11/15/2013) [-]
I like the show, it's a nice escape from reality.

And that's how I like it, away from reality..
But I don't mind people doing this, let them have their fun
User avatar #19 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Fun is all well and good, but it doesn't even make sense. If he erased himself from all media, that would mean they would never have heard of him, thus if he WAS real, they wouldn't know it.

This is kind of the exact thing Mr.Orwell warned us about when he defined "Double-think"
#22 - chiiila (11/15/2013) [-]
true, true.

But things like this hardly ever make sense, so in my opinion it's just best to ignore it
and I really hope people understand it's just fantasy
#12 - asasqw (11/15/2013) [-]
Dr who is real tighslol mastertoll jsjkdukgjy dghadil
User avatar #9 - redrex (11/15/2013) [-]
a lot of things aren't real, it's nice to pretend/imagine
User avatar #18 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
And that's all well and good as long as they KNOW it's not real. I mean, I love a good game of role-playing and D&D, but at the end of the day I'm still here, they should be too.
#7 - Yojimbo (11/15/2013) [-]
It's all they have. Making up fake stories about running into "epic" Doctor Who fans as they sit under a Tardis Snuggie, typing in all Caps on Tumblr.
User avatar #6 - kiermatv (11/15/2013) [-]
Shh... Let them have this, they've been going through a lot
#69 - **** , I gotta stop eating when I'm on this site. 11/15/2013 on Kind of Ashamed 0
#25 - Just keep it at zero. 11/15/2013 on women +1
#25 - I'm sure his Nazi friends enjoy it too. 11/15/2013 on (untitled) 0

Comments(483):

[ 483 comments ]

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User avatar #490 - commencingfailure (09/30/2014) [-]
******* retard compares the IS to today's feminists. One could say ignorance is an everspreading cancer, you did your job to increase the spread.
User avatar #491 to #490 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/30/2014) [-]
You seem REALLY mad, friend. Perhaps you should calm down and take some ass ointment before you need to see a doctor
User avatar #489 - myfourthaccount (07/18/2014) [-]
dude, you're like my most favorite person on earth right now haha
User avatar #487 - imvlad (05/04/2014) [-]
you brought shame to your house
User avatar #483 - aerosol (04/22/2014) [-]
Have you by chance had an older account here before?
User avatar #484 to #483 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (04/22/2014) [-]
Yes I have. My first username was Hiimquinn, but it was deleted for some reason I never found, so I just made another.
#485 to #484 - aerosol (04/22/2014) [-]
Oh. Never mind then. I saw someone call you Dave and I mistook you for someone else.
User avatar #486 to #485 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (04/22/2014) [-]
It's fine. It was a joke from a picture a while back where a man was looking out the window and saw a dog and his owner walking down the street. The dog barked at another, bigger dog, and his owner just turned and said "See, this is why you have no ******* mates, Dave".
User avatar #481 - iforgotmyothername (03/20/2014) [-]
you are one cool tempered potato compared to me, bringing my fury upon your wrongness. i salute you, and thumbed up all your comments in the a capella debate.
User avatar #482 to #481 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (03/20/2014) [-]
It's alright, I apologize for making you upset, but you don't need to thumb my posts up. Thumbs are a way to express positivity or negativity toward any type of comments; if you do not like them, it is perfectly within your right to thumb them down.
User avatar #474 - aherorising (11/20/2013) [-]
you're a really cool bro
#471 - shiifter (10/06/2013) [-]
This still makes me giggle.

Oh and by the way, i never actually thumbed you down. I just said that i did.
User avatar #472 to #471 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/06/2013) [-]
The thing is, the way I found OUT you gave me those thumbs was because of the question mark, which allows people to see who voted on content. I could only KNOW it was you if you had thumbed them down, which you did.

And now you not only prove to be an idiot, but a liar as well.
#473 to #472 - shiifter (10/12/2013) [-]
Wait? You still remembered that? That's hilarious.

By the way, i screencapped this. it's like a trophy.
User avatar #468 - satrenkotheone (09/22/2013) [-]
I would just like to say thank you.
User avatar #469 to #468 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/22/2013) [-]
For?
#466 - anon (08/25/2013) [-]
Due to your pointlessly rude comment on the post "Jesus ain't got time for **** ",

I have gone through 20 of your previous comments and thumbed them all down.

You're also a stupid, unfunny, tryhard feelfag. Exactly the kind of user that this site is infamous for.
User avatar #467 to #466 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (08/25/2013) [-]
I wasn't pointlessly rude. If you read it more carefully, you would find I am not insulting your god or faith, but rather, the people who spread it about; and even they are just doing it to themselves, while I am mearly making an observation

It's ironic you call me tryhard, considering you just went through the time to thumb-down my last 20 comments as if it would have any effect on me personally or my ranking here. It's also odd you call me stupid, considering you were the one who read it uncorrectly. And I think the fact I have so many comment thumbs anyways (including my own jesus comment) speaks to the point that I am, in fact, quite hilarious. "Feelfag", is that supposed to be a derogatory term for someone who is passionate about certain things? If so, then I take pride in it, as it is only through passion that things grow.

Considering you are pretentious, arrogant, immature, and without a sense of humour; you fit the criteria for '12 year old funnyjunker' far better than I do.
#463 - captainspankmonkey (07/16/2013) [-]
Hey, I would just like to say thank you for telling me to get an account.   
Yea I know, odd thing to give thanks for when I could have gotten one easily but then again, I was a dumb bastard then and could not think very well.   
I notice your comments from time to time and get some good knowledge off of them, mainly the Lovecraft related ones.   
But like I said, thank you very much and continue to be awesome.
Hey, I would just like to say thank you for telling me to get an account.
Yea I know, odd thing to give thanks for when I could have gotten one easily but then again, I was a dumb bastard then and could not think very well.
I notice your comments from time to time and get some good knowledge off of them, mainly the Lovecraft related ones.
But like I said, thank you very much and continue to be awesome.
User avatar #464 to #463 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (07/16/2013) [-]
You are just a wonderful person, you know that? Thank you very much for your kind words and appreciation, and I'm glad you have made an account and made many friends here, including myself
#465 to #464 - captainspankmonkey (07/16/2013) [-]
You're welcome, good sir.
You're welcome, good sir.
User avatar #461 - potgardener (06/01/2013) [-]
youre pretty ****** in the head if beating a kid is a good idea, parents would need to hit their kids if they taught them what was right and wrong from the beginning
User avatar #462 to #461 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (06/01/2013) [-]
It's ironic how you talk about avoiding situations, when your very comment isn't needed considering I already explained, about five times now, that I do not mean you must 'abuse' your children in order to get good results. My comment, and all the comments afterwards, were about how when compassion and support fails you must turn to punishment and discipline, including simply smacking your kid upside the head

Perhaps you should read more and get better informed before jumping to opinions, yes?
#459 - bossdelainternet (05/11/2013) [-]
I'd just like to say thank you for created one of the funniest  threads i've seen this year.   
To sum up why i thought it was so funny, a quote...   
"Most people would say 'I lost. I give up.', but you, you just keep trying. You're like the Dominican Republic, always killing the guy in charge and saying 'Ah, this new guy, this new guy's gonna get it right!'." - Family Guy
I'd just like to say thank you for created one of the funniest threads i've seen this year.
To sum up why i thought it was so funny, a quote...
"Most people would say 'I lost. I give up.', but you, you just keep trying. You're like the Dominican Republic, always killing the guy in charge and saying 'Ah, this new guy, this new guy's gonna get it right!'." - Family Guy
User avatar #460 to #459 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (05/11/2013) [-]
I'm not sure whether I should take that as a compliment or an insult

I choose the former

Thank you, good sir
#453 - WhattheNorris (11/12/2012) [-]
I just thought I'd let you know that I just did an awful thing and quoted your majestic deep words of death wisdom onto my facebook. I gave you credit, but as part of my shame for stealing I thought I'd tell you. That was honestly one of the best things I've ever read.

Which is also why I screencapped it. Don't worry I swear I'm not going to try to get to frontpage with it I just wanted to save it.
User avatar #454 to #453 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (11/12/2012) [-]
Not at all, I am not concerned with thumbs in the least. If you would like to post it, by all means do so, if you'd like to take credit, do so as well; I care not for material value or fame, as long as comprehend and understand the message
#455 to #454 - WhattheNorris (11/12/2012) [-]
Oh man you just keep getting better:)    
   
But I wouldn't dare steal your credit.
Oh man you just keep getting better:)

But I wouldn't dare steal your credit.
#449 - captainspankmonkey (02/27/2012) [-]
Internet problems
That is why :P
User avatar #450 to #460 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (02/27/2012) [-]
ahhh, haha, sorry then :P
#447 - anon (09/26/2011) [-]
you're a lovely person
User avatar #448 to #458 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/26/2011) [-]
awe, thank you, kind stranger :3

that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :D
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