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captainfuckitall    

Rank #198 on Comments
captainfuckitall Avatar Level 347 Comments: Sold Soul
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Date Signed Up:4/12/2010
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#198
Highest Content Rank:#10530
Highest Comment Rank:#49
Content Thumbs: 34 total,  90 ,  56
Comment Thumbs: 50664 total,  61758 ,  11094
Content Level Progress: 66.1% (39/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 43.2% (432/1000)
Level 347 Comments: Sold Soul → Level 348 Comments: Sold Soul
Subscribers:21
Content Views:9689
Times Content Favorited:12 times
Total Comments Made:14869
FJ Points:19657

latest user's comments

#31 - Oh nevermind, I apologize for my mistake. 11/15/2013 on Haha, that's funn-JESUS... +1
#10 - I remember when I was really young and just got into masturbat…  [+] (3 new replies) 11/15/2013 on Late night stories +50
User avatar #41 - johncaveson (11/15/2013) [-]
Bullcrap it was only 6 years...

Once you go black you never go back.
#12 - roflwaffflegod (11/15/2013) [-]
I like how you started with your reason for masturbation, as if you needed one.
User avatar #11 - cyborgturtle (11/15/2013) [-]
That made me laugh like a retarded fucking seal. Thank you, it's the only laugh i've had on here for a while.
#19 - Fun is all well and good, but it doesn't even make sense. If h…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/15/2013 on He didn't erase himself... -1
#22 - chiiila (11/15/2013) [-]
true, true.

But things like this hardly ever make sense, so in my opinion it's just best to ignore it
and I really hope people understand it's just fantasy
#18 - And that's all well and good as long as they KNOW it's not rea… 11/15/2013 on He didn't erase himself... 0
#17 - >Implying Santa isn't real No wonder he doesn't vi… 11/15/2013 on He didn't erase himself... +3
#24 - If someone wants to kill, they do. It doesn't matter if they h…  [+] (2 new replies) 11/15/2013 on It's true 0
#57 - mr skeltal (11/15/2013) [-]
Which would you rather not have to run from: someone who wants to strangle you, someone who wants to stab you, someone who wants to drown you, or someone pointing a gun at you.
User avatar #62 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
I'd rather not run at all, I'd rather shoot them.
#23 - I just watched that movie last month. I almost broke my ribs a… 11/15/2013 on It's true +5
#20 - So...how do you 'get into the ******* robot'?  [+] (1 new reply) 11/15/2013 on In Which Rei Picks Up A Relic 0
#23 - ooorga (11/15/2013) [-]
Through the tube.
#94 - I know how you mean, man. I started coming here while I was st…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/15/2013 on this...THIS is good +1
User avatar #105 - deathbatdude (11/18/2013) [-]
>Implying
#87 - Good lords it actually is him. 11/15/2013 on this...THIS is good +1
#21 - Grass doesn't move, bro...  [+] (7 new replies) 11/15/2013 on Haha, that's funn-JESUS... -1
#111 - theblargypargler (11/16/2013) [-]
Please read words five through ten in my first sentence, as I had addressed that.
User avatar #29 - lorddarkskull (11/15/2013) [-]
Vendii gets pushed
he's not wrong
the gif is intentionally made with lower quality than the video so that it appears to be a scorpion
User avatar #78 - painispancakes (11/15/2013) [-]
HOLY SHIZER! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
User avatar #48 - cresel (11/15/2013) [-]
THATS A FUCKING SCORPION
#68 - headhunternl (11/15/2013) [-]
it's the baby's hand with some dried grass in it reaching around the mother's back. not too difficult to see.
User avatar #46 - huntergriff (11/15/2013) [-]
...fuckin chimp has a prolapsed anus...
User avatar #31 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Oh nevermind, I apologize for my mistake.
#6 - "Oh my god, I have no idea why he gave me a ticket! All c…  [+] (18 new replies) 11/15/2013 on his name is bluuuuughhhh!,... +104
User avatar #101 - rhetoricalfunny (11/15/2013) [-]
videocafe.crooksandliars.com/david/pregnant-seattle-protester-miscarries-after-

www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_hCd9uwsng
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDzQ8Vay3Pg
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm2lUVQC6D0

You can't deny there are bad fucking cops.
These events are isolated instances, but when bad cops exist they are REALLY FUCKING BAD

When we mention police brutality, we're not saying fuck police.
We're saying fuck bad police.
A police officer is a position of authority with the goal to protect and serve. We want no tolerance for officers who abuse their authority. And we want departments to stop protecting them. Because they are not an isolated thing.
#106 - mr skeltal (11/16/2013) [-]
With that logic feminists are correct in speech.
"When we say all men should die becuase they are pigs we mean that men that are pigs should die, cuz all men isn't bad"
User avatar #102 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
I never did, but, much like with Religion, Feminism, and many other things, the bad ones get noticed more than the good. "When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all".

Nobody goes into the police force with an intent to be corrupt and be a dick, what ends up happening is after years and years of dealing with people who think you're the scum of the Earth just for doing your job, they give less and less of a shit and take more and more pleasure out of abusing their authority.
User avatar #103 - rhetoricalfunny (11/15/2013) [-]
I have a certain respect for the police, conduct yourself with respect and they'll treat you the same.

But I would say that at least 1/10 times this is not true
User avatar #104 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Indeed, and I have said exactly the same thing.
User avatar #79 - basstard (11/15/2013) [-]
There are good and bad cops.

So far i haven't met any bad one(probably since i don't vandalize).

I myself am a stoner and i have high respect for police officiers.
User avatar #84 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Good man, I respect you. Nine times out of ten, even if you DO do something wrong, as long as you go along with what the police tell you and don't make their job harder, they will treat you with courtesy and respect.
User avatar #86 - basstard (11/15/2013) [-]
One of my dad's friends are cops.

I never heard anything about police in my town being violent,they only warn you.

Main reason why people of my age hate police is because they 'll get checked for drugs(marijuana etc.).It's their job and i understand them.
User avatar #68 - uncalledforgiraffe (11/15/2013) [-]
I don't believe the content was saying that, if that's what you're implying.
User avatar #83 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Well no, of course it wasn't; it was saying a joke about a cop pulling someone over and asking if they were high and the driver giving a smartass remark.

I then proceeded with a scenario where the driver would get a ticket (probably for the remark more than anything), and then wonder why he got a ticket at all, and then, rather than look at his own conduct and actions, just blame the police and generalize the lot of them because he is a piece of shit.
#15 - mr skeltal (11/15/2013) [-]
oh no my father brother died at rally were cops lied about hwat ahppen at hillsbrough so it fault of people there not cops this wroks both ways dipshit
User avatar #64 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
>That run on sentence

Seriously though, after I spend a few minuets finding out what the hell you were saying, I got that you were talking about how cops at Hillsbrough let people die, or something, I don't know.

Well, for starters, I have no idea what happened there, this is the first time I've heard of it, but do you know what happened? Have you done your research, looked at every angle, got all the stories? If not, you're simply guilty of ignorance. Furthermore, if they did do serious wrong, it's awful, it really is, we should be able to trust these people to uphold law and order in our society; but may I remind you that such an event is the exception, not the rule. Every single time a cop does something wrong, it is versed against every single time a cop does something right. What's that? Anarchy and chaos HASN'T broken out, you aren't getting murdered, mother is not getting raped, house not getting destroyed? Cops are probably doing their jobs just fine.
#46 - mr skeltal (11/15/2013) [-]
This, there is no greater example than Hillsborough of why the cliched "cops are pigs" is 100% true
User avatar #65 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
No it's not. Read above.
User avatar #57 - admiralen (11/15/2013) [-]
you could read what he said?
User avatar #12 - ReeferTrees (11/15/2013) [-]
Glad you understand. Don't give those fuckers anything resembling decency or dignity for they have already sacrificed them both.
User avatar #66 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
It's funny, isn't it? How everyone here seems to scream about police brutality, but if you went to, say, North Korea, or Russia, you'd find out VERY quickly what "Police Brutality" really is. Furthermore, if you do not like police, I suggest you take a trip to a country where there are none (or just very few), and I'd love to see how long you'd last before you're fearing for your life.
#13 - tyroneisanigger (11/15/2013) [-]
Police Officers are keepers of peace. That is why they get into the business. Some are assholes that should be fired but most of them do their job correctly.

I want to be a Police Officer
#14 - Wait, the Robot's a living thing?  [+] (3 new replies) 11/15/2013 on In Which Rei Picks Up A Relic 0
User avatar #19 - Mward (11/15/2013) [-]
It's weird but there are no "Robots" in evangelion. They're all humanoid beings that are controlled through being shoved into their spine, the armour is just kind of holding them at bay.
User avatar #20 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
So...how do you 'get into the fucking robot'?
#23 - ooorga (11/15/2013) [-]
Through the tube.
#17 - My father would have **** himself if he was in th… 11/15/2013 on Wrong neighbourhood 0
#17 - This is how I feel when I get a new computer. 11/15/2013 on XB1 +1
#4 - So, ummm.... These guys do know Dr.Who isn't real, ri…  [+] (10 new replies) 11/15/2013 on He didn't erase himself... +3
User avatar #15 - kalima (11/15/2013) [-]
Santa isnt real but we still believe in him for a time. Let us have this.
User avatar #17 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
>Implying Santa isn't real

No wonder he doesn't visit your naughty ass anymore
#13 - chiiila (11/15/2013) [-]
I like the show, it's a nice escape from reality.

And that's how I like it, away from reality..
But I don't mind people doing this, let them have their fun
User avatar #19 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Fun is all well and good, but it doesn't even make sense. If he erased himself from all media, that would mean they would never have heard of him, thus if he WAS real, they wouldn't know it.

This is kind of the exact thing Mr.Orwell warned us about when he defined "Double-think"
#22 - chiiila (11/15/2013) [-]
true, true.

But things like this hardly ever make sense, so in my opinion it's just best to ignore it
and I really hope people understand it's just fantasy
#12 - asasqw (11/15/2013) [-]
Dr who is real tighslol mastertoll jsjkdukgjy dghadil
User avatar #9 - redrex (11/15/2013) [-]
a lot of things aren't real, it's nice to pretend/imagine
User avatar #18 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
And that's all well and good as long as they KNOW it's not real. I mean, I love a good game of role-playing and D&D, but at the end of the day I'm still here, they should be too.
#7 - Yojimbo (11/15/2013) [-]
It's all they have. Making up fake stories about running into "epic" Doctor Who fans as they sit under a Tardis Snuggie, typing in all Caps on Tumblr.
User avatar #6 - kiermatv (11/15/2013) [-]
Shh... Let them have this, they've been going through a lot
#69 - **** , I gotta stop eating when I'm on this site. 11/15/2013 on Kind of Ashamed 0
#25 - Just keep it at zero. 11/15/2013 on women +1
#25 - I'm sure his Nazi friends enjoy it too. 11/15/2013 on (untitled) 0
#12 - Well, Admin does say "Suck my dick" a lot...  [+] (1 new reply) 11/15/2013 on Women 0
#17 - yuukoku (11/15/2013) [-]
#36 - Exactly. You wanted people to know, you shoved it into convers… 11/15/2013 on this...THIS is good +3
#28 - That's nice, I didn't ask though. I'm not going to suddenly tu…  [+] (2 new replies) 11/14/2013 on this...THIS is good +3
User avatar #35 - jackmanagan (11/15/2013) [-]
meh i said it because i wanted to, i didnt even expect a response.
bettering myself, though.
Im a certified carpenter, electrician, plumber, HVAC, groundskeeper.
osha certified. 9 years of chef/cooking. 2 years of medical misc training. been to college.
Oh and worked in city hall, gave speeches and been on the news numerous times.
psst im 22.
soooo
cough* pretentious douche *cough cough*
*drops mic* goodnight sir, i shant be responding to your condescending ways any further.
User avatar #36 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Exactly. You wanted people to know, you shoved it into conversation because you wanted people to see it, even though it wasn't wanted. There's a word for that type of action: Attention Whoring.

Good for you. I don't care though, that just makes your groveling for pity even more pathetic.

Psst, age doesn't really matter. I know you're telling me because you want it to be even more impressive that you do all these things you can hold over other people's heads, but again, it just makes it even more pathetic that you're so resigned out of life.

Wow, I didn't know we were in a Highschool Drama class with the *Wink wink* shit. I'm not condescending, I'm just telling you that nobody is impressed with you. Ya, the whole "pained protagonist" story does draw a lot of sympathy, but only when they don't lay it on everyone else, then it's just emotional baggage and people get sick of it.
#27 - Well that's a pretty arrogant way of looking at it. "They…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/14/2013 on this...THIS is good +5
#99 - rhetoricalfunny (11/15/2013) [-]
I like you.
My mother raised me, alone.
One day I hope I can be as good a parent as she.
#23 - But that's the point, you shouldn't become a parent unless you…  [+] (4 new replies) 11/14/2013 on this...THIS is good +3
User avatar #24 - coloki (11/14/2013) [-]
youd have to have a pretty meaningless life to devote your existence to raising a kid

no thank you
User avatar #27 - captainfuckitall (11/14/2013) [-]
Well that's a pretty arrogant way of looking at it. "They have kids so they must be boring"; so if you think that way, what do you devote yourself to? What do you live and strive for? No matter what you say it is the exact same thing, some people devote themselves to a task, others to a job, to a mission, to a thing, to an area, to an idea, and some to children. If you just live only for yourself, I'd say you are one who's life lacks meaning.
#99 - rhetoricalfunny (11/15/2013) [-]
I like you.
My mother raised me, alone.
One day I hope I can be as good a parent as she.
User avatar #26 - lastweek (11/14/2013) [-]
Dude, I came over from the other thread. Have you applied the lotion? it's bad if you don't, your anus shouldn't look like that.
#22 - For different reasons, yes. Yes you do, you want atte…  [+] (4 new replies) 11/14/2013 on this...THIS is good +1
User avatar #25 - jackmanagan (11/14/2013) [-]
ok now i will share a pity story since apparently i already was. 23 funerals in my life theres is 4 members of my family left, 2 dying grandmas a mom thats moving farther away and a dad thats going to prison. (tip of the iceburg) so when i said i have nothing to live for, i wasnt being "poetic" i was speaking literally. go be pretentious somewhere else.
User avatar #28 - captainfuckitall (11/14/2013) [-]
That's nice, I didn't ask though. I'm not going to suddenly turn around, apologize, and validate you through a shitty life, nor should you hope for that.

Awesome, you've had people close to you die, nearly everyone has.
Most people have pretty small families if you don't count extended.
Old people die, yes, they often are.
Most couples usually do end up splitting and going their separate ways, yes.
I don't care about the 'tip of the iceburg' bullshit. You could literally be the most pathetic person on the planet and that's all I would see you as, pathetic; you're trying to garner sympathy and validation out of pain and suffering, which is the weakest form of validation. If you want to impress people and make them sympathize with you, why not try bettering yourself?

I know you weren't being poetic, you were still fishing for sympathy harder than girls who call themselves ugly on Facebook though.

Fuck you, I was here first.
User avatar #35 - jackmanagan (11/15/2013) [-]
meh i said it because i wanted to, i didnt even expect a response.
bettering myself, though.
Im a certified carpenter, electrician, plumber, HVAC, groundskeeper.
osha certified. 9 years of chef/cooking. 2 years of medical misc training. been to college.
Oh and worked in city hall, gave speeches and been on the news numerous times.
psst im 22.
soooo
cough* pretentious douche *cough cough*
*drops mic* goodnight sir, i shant be responding to your condescending ways any further.
User avatar #36 - captainfuckitall (11/15/2013) [-]
Exactly. You wanted people to know, you shoved it into conversation because you wanted people to see it, even though it wasn't wanted. There's a word for that type of action: Attention Whoring.

Good for you. I don't care though, that just makes your groveling for pity even more pathetic.

Psst, age doesn't really matter. I know you're telling me because you want it to be even more impressive that you do all these things you can hold over other people's heads, but again, it just makes it even more pathetic that you're so resigned out of life.

Wow, I didn't know we were in a Highschool Drama class with the *Wink wink* shit. I'm not condescending, I'm just telling you that nobody is impressed with you. Ya, the whole "pained protagonist" story does draw a lot of sympathy, but only when they don't lay it on everyone else, then it's just emotional baggage and people get sick of it.

Comments(484):

[ 484 comments ]

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#492 - mr skeltal (1 hour ago) [-]
Thanks for that enlightning story of Canada, I did not know that.
User avatar #490 - commencingfailure (09/30/2014) [-]
******* retard compares the IS to today's feminists. One could say ignorance is an everspreading cancer, you did your job to increase the spread.
User avatar #491 to #490 - captainfuckitall (09/30/2014) [-]
You seem REALLY mad, friend. Perhaps you should calm down and take some ass ointment before you need to see a doctor
User avatar #489 - myfourthaccount (07/18/2014) [-]
dude, you're like my most favorite person on earth right now haha
User avatar #487 - imvlad (05/04/2014) [-]
you brought shame to your house
User avatar #483 - aerosol (04/22/2014) [-]
Have you by chance had an older account here before?
User avatar #484 to #483 - captainfuckitall (04/22/2014) [-]
Yes I have. My first username was Hiimquinn, but it was deleted for some reason I never found, so I just made another.
#485 to #484 - aerosol (04/22/2014) [-]
Oh. Never mind then. I saw someone call you Dave and I mistook you for someone else.
User avatar #486 to #485 - captainfuckitall (04/22/2014) [-]
It's fine. It was a joke from a picture a while back where a man was looking out the window and saw a dog and his owner walking down the street. The dog barked at another, bigger dog, and his owner just turned and said "See, this is why you have no ******* mates, Dave".
User avatar #481 - iforgotmyothername (03/20/2014) [-]
you are one cool tempered potato compared to me, bringing my fury upon your wrongness. i salute you, and thumbed up all your comments in the a capella debate.
User avatar #482 to #481 - captainfuckitall (03/20/2014) [-]
It's alright, I apologize for making you upset, but you don't need to thumb my posts up. Thumbs are a way to express positivity or negativity toward any type of comments; if you do not like them, it is perfectly within your right to thumb them down.
User avatar #474 - aherorising (11/20/2013) [-]
you're a really cool bro
#471 - shiifter (10/06/2013) [-]
This still makes me giggle.

Oh and by the way, i never actually thumbed you down. I just said that i did.
User avatar #472 to #471 - captainfuckitall (10/06/2013) [-]
The thing is, the way I found OUT you gave me those thumbs was because of the question mark, which allows people to see who voted on content. I could only KNOW it was you if you had thumbed them down, which you did.

And now you not only prove to be an idiot, but a liar as well.
#473 to #472 - shiifter (10/12/2013) [-]
Wait? You still remembered that? That's hilarious.

By the way, i screencapped this. it's like a trophy.
User avatar #468 - satrenkotheone (09/22/2013) [-]
I would just like to say thank you.
#466 - mr skeltal (08/25/2013) [-]
Due to your pointlessly rude comment on the post "Jesus ain't got time for **** ",

I have gone through 20 of your previous comments and thumbed them all down.

You're also a stupid, unfunny, tryhard feelfag. Exactly the kind of user that this site is infamous for.
User avatar #467 to #466 - captainfuckitall (08/25/2013) [-]
I wasn't pointlessly rude. If you read it more carefully, you would find I am not insulting your god or faith, but rather, the people who spread it about; and even they are just doing it to themselves, while I am mearly making an observation

It's ironic you call me tryhard, considering you just went through the time to thumb-down my last 20 comments as if it would have any effect on me personally or my ranking here. It's also odd you call me stupid, considering you were the one who read it uncorrectly. And I think the fact I have so many comment thumbs anyways (including my own jesus comment) speaks to the point that I am, in fact, quite hilarious. "Feelfag", is that supposed to be a derogatory term for someone who is passionate about certain things? If so, then I take pride in it, as it is only through passion that things grow.

Considering you are pretentious, arrogant, immature, and without a sense of humour; you fit the criteria for '12 year old funnyjunker' far better than I do.
#463 - captainspankmonkey (07/16/2013) [-]
Hey, I would just like to say thank you for telling me to get an account.   
Yea I know, odd thing to give thanks for when I could have gotten one easily but then again, I was a dumb bastard then and could not think very well.   
I notice your comments from time to time and get some good knowledge off of them, mainly the Lovecraft related ones.   
But like I said, thank you very much and continue to be awesome.
Hey, I would just like to say thank you for telling me to get an account.
Yea I know, odd thing to give thanks for when I could have gotten one easily but then again, I was a dumb bastard then and could not think very well.
I notice your comments from time to time and get some good knowledge off of them, mainly the Lovecraft related ones.
But like I said, thank you very much and continue to be awesome.
User avatar #464 to #463 - captainfuckitall (07/16/2013) [-]
You are just a wonderful person, you know that? Thank you very much for your kind words and appreciation, and I'm glad you have made an account and made many friends here, including myself
#465 to #464 - captainspankmonkey (07/16/2013) [-]
You're welcome, good sir.
You're welcome, good sir.
User avatar #461 - potgardener (06/01/2013) [-]
youre pretty ****** in the head if beating a kid is a good idea, parents would need to hit their kids if they taught them what was right and wrong from the beginning
User avatar #462 to #461 - captainfuckitall (06/01/2013) [-]
It's ironic how you talk about avoiding situations, when your very comment isn't needed considering I already explained, about five times now, that I do not mean you must 'abuse' your children in order to get good results. My comment, and all the comments afterwards, were about how when compassion and support fails you must turn to punishment and discipline, including simply smacking your kid upside the head

Perhaps you should read more and get better informed before jumping to opinions, yes?
#459 - bossdelainternet (05/11/2013) [-]
I'd just like to say thank you for created one of the funniest  threads i've seen this year.   
To sum up why i thought it was so funny, a quote...   
"Most people would say 'I lost. I give up.', but you, you just keep trying. You're like the Dominican Republic, always killing the guy in charge and saying 'Ah, this new guy, this new guy's gonna get it right!'." - Family Guy
I'd just like to say thank you for created one of the funniest threads i've seen this year.
To sum up why i thought it was so funny, a quote...
"Most people would say 'I lost. I give up.', but you, you just keep trying. You're like the Dominican Republic, always killing the guy in charge and saying 'Ah, this new guy, this new guy's gonna get it right!'." - Family Guy
User avatar #460 to #459 - captainfuckitall (05/11/2013) [-]
I'm not sure whether I should take that as a compliment or an insult

I choose the former

Thank you, good sir
#453 - WhattheNorris (11/12/2012) [-]
I just thought I'd let you know that I just did an awful thing and quoted your majestic deep words of death wisdom onto my facebook. I gave you credit, but as part of my shame for stealing I thought I'd tell you. That was honestly one of the best things I've ever read.

Which is also why I screencapped it. Don't worry I swear I'm not going to try to get to frontpage with it I just wanted to save it.
User avatar #454 to #453 - captainfuckitall (11/12/2012) [-]
Not at all, I am not concerned with thumbs in the least. If you would like to post it, by all means do so, if you'd like to take credit, do so as well; I care not for material value or fame, as long as comprehend and understand the message
#455 to #454 - WhattheNorris (11/12/2012) [-]
Oh man you just keep getting better:)    
   
But I wouldn't dare steal your credit.
Oh man you just keep getting better:)

But I wouldn't dare steal your credit.
#449 - captainspankmonkey (02/27/2012) [-]
Internet problems
That is why :P
User avatar #450 to #460 - captainfuckitall (02/27/2012) [-]
ahhh, haha, sorry then :P
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