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captainfuckitall

Rank #362 on Comments
captainfuckitall Avatar Level 349 Comments: Sold Soul
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Date Signed Up:4/12/2010
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#362
Highest Content Rank:#10530
Highest Comment Rank:#49
Content Thumbs: 34 total,  90 ,  56
Comment Thumbs: 53025 total,  64760 ,  11735
Content Level Progress: 66.1% (39/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 5.5% (55/1000)
Level 349 Comments: Sold Soul → Level 350 Comments: Knight Of Funnyjunk
Subscribers:21
Content Views:9742
Times Content Favorited:12 times
Total Comments Made:15430
FJ Points:21280

latest user's comments

#27 - As much as I can understand and sympathize with people who dea…  [+] (11 new replies) 11/13/2014 on bustly girls with dildos +4
User avatar #81 - Lautart (11/14/2014) [-]
I wouldn't know setbacks of having a big penis. However, having big breasts causes extreme back pains and horrible posture (unless you exercise enough or are aware and force posture like I do. which causes more back pains). A reduction is possible, but to obtain a low prize for it one must fill out certain requirements (which in my case at least are kind of extreme. for example, I can get the operation if I can't completely function on my daily activities because of my breasts). So in conclusion, sure, one can try to fix the problem, but it's a bit expensive. So one must learn to live with it until you're an old lady with back problems and can barely walk anymore. And old lady I don't even mean when you're 80. These problems start for some at 30 or 40. Anyhow, here's my experience at least.
User avatar #131 - captainfuckitall (11/14/2014) [-]
I've never actually heard a man complain about a big penis, though I'm sure that's because he thinks it would be stupid to do so; as I know there are some as there would be problems with any extremely large body-part.

I'm not really going to argue because no matter what points I bring up (losing weight, better bras, chest bindings, strength building) it always seems like women love to point out exactly why none of those work (which always seem to break down to just "No you're wrong" without any exact reasons why), so all I will ask is if there's a possibility of you exaggerating a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny bit.
User avatar #133 - Lautart (11/14/2014) [-]
To be honest, you'd have to go through the process yourself. I am telling you this from experience. It all depends on the person really. For example, my case is that I am really skinny, but I have big breasts. Sometimes I stop feeling my back and it gets all numb from the weight and so I have to rest on a bed or something (because I can't feel my fucking back). Other times it hurts so much I get dizzy and lightheaded. It all depends on that person's body structure really and genetic aspects. You get me? I don't expect you to understand fully, because you haven't been through this. But at least treat each case differently and take into consideration every piece of information about that certain person or any other x or y person.
User avatar #141 - gggman (11/14/2014) [-]
My Gf's pretty busty she doesn't really get back problems at all and i always ask her why and it's always been between the fact that she's been at an ideal weight for her height all the time (she goes to the gym several times a week) and that she makes sure to work out her chest a little extra so they don't.. welll sag basically. in your case I'd work out your back and if you're really skinny then find a healthy way to gain some extra weight or muscle mass. It's all about how much the muscles in the acheing areas can take.

Like I've always been on the fit side myself, til I tore a muscle on my lower back and i had to basically lounge around my house to rest it and it sucked. I ended up not paying attention for a while there and ended up with some exra belly fat after a while. When I recovered to the point that I could go back to a regular day for me without much trouble I mentioned to the doctor that told me I was finally fine and he said it was probably the extra belly fat I gained (he was pretty straight forward). So after about a month at the gym, being carfeul of my back of course, I lost the weight and the aches in my back.

TL;DR Work the hell out doods. keep your weight in the right area and you'll be healthy and shouldn't have any back problems.
User avatar #146 - Lautart (11/14/2014) [-]
Yes, this is something I've been told to do. And it does work. I've worked out before for this. Sadly, I am in a very uncomfortable situation in life where I can't exercise so the pains come back. I just wanted to let people know that there are different cases for different women. It's not all whining all the time. It's hard to empathize though, when one doesn't share the same conflicts. But yeah, you're right.
#58 - wthhhh (11/14/2014) [-]
how are you going to compare a penis to boobs? Boobs are annoying as shit and hurt your back mad crazy if you have those double deckers.
User avatar #130 - captainfuckitall (11/14/2014) [-]
How do you compare boobs to penis? Large penises are annoying as shit and hurt your pelvis mad crazy if you sit on your nuts or something.
#40 - electriccherry (11/14/2014) [-]
If i ever had a problem with having a big penis and i start to get mad i just remember i have a large penis and my stress goes away.
User avatar #157 - mmfan (11/14/2014) [-]
Other than condoms not fitting... ever.
User avatar #168 - electriccherry (11/15/2014) [-]
Real men don't pull out.
#160 - fitting (11/14/2014) [-]
did anybody say fitting
#33 - They were members of a band called "pussy riot" that…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/13/2014 on Feminism a Shit! +18
User avatar #35 - tealcanaan (11/13/2014) [-]
They aren't police, they are public volunteers, AKA Cossacks hardasses, most conservative group in Russia.
#5 - One of my favourite books. Also something that made me l… 11/13/2014 on Samuel L. Jackson +7
#10 - Huh, so the criminals who needed literally every man they coul…  [+] (2 new replies) 11/13/2014 on parlĂ© +168
#12 - databutt (11/13/2014) [-]
You just made them sound more badass.
User avatar #75 - overlordnick (11/13/2014) [-]
They're pirates, it's not like they need help sounding like badasses
#909 - 19. Infantryman/writer. I'm becoming more an… 11/13/2014 on Open up to your family +1
#75 - Actually, from what I understand, 'neutral' just means you don… 11/13/2014 on Putas harry!! PUTAS +1
#27 - Eh, from what I noticed, while alignments are really fun in D&…  [+] (2 new replies) 11/13/2014 on Putas harry!! PUTAS +3
#38 - kyoun (11/13/2014) [-]
Uh..

How else would a true neutral react?

They're TRULY neutral.

They're not supposed to care one way or the other.

User avatar #75 - captainfuckitall (11/13/2014) [-]
Actually, from what I understand, 'neutral' just means you don't have any moral/ethical connections to what you do, but you can still have personal connections to it. For example, Sherlock Holmes would be True-Neutral, but he still gets involves in many cases because he has a personal conviction to find the truth. It can also have the double meaning of being 'transcended' above common ethics and morality and seeing both good and evil and right and wrong as sides of the same coin
#11 - This is actually the premise of Theistic Satanism, that Satan … 11/12/2014 on What if devil is the good God? +1
#173 - Oh, no, no, no, I can't do that. I never use nefarious means t…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/12/2014 on 10 popular japanese... +1
#221 - thesoulseeker (11/12/2014) [-]
I didn't mean to imply you did, I was explaining what I disliked in the genre.
Although I wouldn't call your actions good, rather simply neutral.
#4 - This man has some obscenely long fingers 11/12/2014 on gags 0
#77 - Find any/all Occult and Magic books I could, put them in. … 11/12/2014 on The Box +1
#11 - It's a strange world we live in 11/12/2014 on Pizza defense 2014 0
#58 - I like cuckholding because I imagine myself in the position of…  [+] (3 new replies) 11/12/2014 on 10 popular japanese... +1
#88 - thesoulseeker (11/12/2014) [-]
At least you know you're a massive asshole!
I hate NTR because I always picture myself as the guy who's girl is being stolen. That being said in most NTR I've watched/read the girl was blackmailed in some way. Which makes me want to stab a motherfucker!
User avatar #173 - captainfuckitall (11/12/2014) [-]
Oh, no, no, no, I can't do that. I never use nefarious means to get the girl, just general flirting and teasing. As said, the subject in mind isn't the girl herself, but the guy; I.E: I would steal your girlfriend, drop her, and then try to turn it into a positive lesson for you to grow from.
#221 - thesoulseeker (11/12/2014) [-]
I didn't mean to imply you did, I was explaining what I disliked in the genre.
Although I wouldn't call your actions good, rather simply neutral.
#20 - Watch to the end 11/12/2014 on ever seen a koala walk? 0
#74 - We know that's you, Tumblr. 11/11/2014 on Orwell style 0
#73 - But WE give a **** . It doesn't matter if none of … 11/11/2014 on Orwell style +1
#102 - Tons of affection is fine just as long as its complimented by … 11/11/2014 on Skyrim 0
#96 - Sure it does. Perhaps you have a point, perhaps he's just natu…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/11/2014 on Skyrim 0
User avatar #97 - beardarama (11/11/2014) [-]
i suppose that's true. But then again I met a bunch of people who have grown up in quite strict households where discipline is taken seriously, and they have a very difficult time with dealing with their own emotions and are generally rather emotionally crippled.

I guess it's not good for parents to take an extreme approach for either being too nice or too harsh.
#64 - And this, brothers and sisters, is what happens when you coddl…  [+] (5 new replies) 11/11/2014 on Skyrim +9
#101 - evanxzile (11/11/2014) [-]
I got cuddle enough for three children as a kid and I have never had any of these problems.
User avatar #102 - captainfuckitall (11/11/2014) [-]
Tons of affection is fine just as long as its complimented by discipline, I think.
User avatar #95 - beardarama (11/11/2014) [-]
stuff like that doesn't happen just because you spoil a child. He might have had some sort of trauma or maybe that's just how his brain works. Who knows honestly
User avatar #96 - captainfuckitall (11/11/2014) [-]
Sure it does. Perhaps you have a point, perhaps he's just naturally a weakling or suffered from something that made him so, but I had never once met a person who was raised even slightly harshly who could NOT handle situations. Every single person I know who has had sources of discipline in their lives have all been able to be independent and perform in any area; it's only the people who never get told 'no' or allowed to overly-indulge and constantly soothed that turn out like this.
User avatar #97 - beardarama (11/11/2014) [-]
i suppose that's true. But then again I met a bunch of people who have grown up in quite strict households where discipline is taken seriously, and they have a very difficult time with dealing with their own emotions and are generally rather emotionally crippled.

I guess it's not good for parents to take an extreme approach for either being too nice or too harsh.
#62 - The problem isn't that it's hard to stop masturbating, it's no…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/11/2014 on 12 seconds? +2
#72 - rickastleylynched (11/11/2014) [-]
Thinking about it now, leaving e621 for a straight month would be wondrous upon my return. People don't draw furry girls making out with each other very often, so there's a new image of it every day or so compared to the onslaught of everything else. Something to do with dog girls not having lips or some bullshit. But if I left it alone for a month, going back it'd be like Christmas morning. Christmas morning with tongues.
#94 - You have greater tolerance than I, old boy. 11/04/2014 on Be Warned 0
#11 - Personally? I disagree, I think that sleeping with many people…  [+] (2 new replies) 11/04/2014 on Thanks Mom -2
#24 - anonymous (11/04/2014) [-]
This is the dumbest thing i've ever read
User avatar #23 - smaaen (11/04/2014) [-]
I almost didn't reply, almost.

You know what, I've slept with a lot of people. But I've also cared and liked them all, minus one or two "one night stands" - but later got to know them better. Who are you to say that it lowers the value of my body and my affection? The fuck is that, do you have a scale or some shit?

Practically? If you're safe, odds of it happening are as big as getting hit by a bus - going outside is a risk, but you still do it .. don't you? Get the fuck back to your basement with that thinking, women will have sex with men they are attracted to or because they like you, being "alpha" can get you loose sloots easier, sure, but that's not how it works. Being kind, funny, charismatic is all you need - if you have good looks it's a bonus (makes it easier if casual sex is all you want).

Poor judgement and risk-taking? If you're being safe (which a lot of people are), being intimate with someone you find sexually attractive is fan-fucking-tastic, it feels great and it's actually healthy (and a decent cardio work out if you do it right).

Perhaps if you speak of only yourself, just fucking people you have zero affection for, then I can agree on the part that it devalues your affection (but not your body, unless you contract an STD).
#24 - No I didn't, granted the post didn't say anything about it bei… 11/03/2014 on Be Warned 0
#20 - You can express your love for people all you like, but there's…  [+] (2 new replies) 11/03/2014 on Be Warned -5
User avatar #21 - SteyrAUG (11/03/2014) [-]
You realize it's from a poetry slam and the guy possibly doesn't even have a daughter right?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcIwZ1Dth0c
User avatar #24 - captainfuckitall (11/03/2014) [-]
No I didn't, granted the post didn't say anything about it being poetry and it certainly didn't sound like poetry either (although I've heard "Slam poetry" before and I suppose that's just something to expect from it).

I stand by my point, though I accept my red thumbs with stride.
#7 - When I first read it I thought it said "erotic aneurysm&q… 11/03/2014 on Don't hate me, guys 0

Comments(489):

[ 489 comments ]

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#492 - miia ONLINE (12/13/2014) [-]
User avatar #494 to #492 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Well aren't you a sweetheart for helping me get over my fear
#495 to #494 - miia ONLINE (12/13/2014) [-]
im actually about to go to bed but hi
User avatar #496 to #495 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Well don't let me keep you. Hi back, and feel free to continue the conversation any time.
User avatar #490 - commencingfailure (09/30/2014) [-]
******* retard compares the IS to today's feminists. One could say ignorance is an everspreading cancer, you did your job to increase the spread.
User avatar #491 to #490 - captainfuckitall (09/30/2014) [-]
You seem REALLY mad, friend. Perhaps you should calm down and take some ass ointment before you need to see a doctor
User avatar #489 - myfourthaccount (07/18/2014) [-]
dude, you're like my most favorite person on earth right now haha
User avatar #487 - imvlad (05/04/2014) [-]
you brought shame to your house
User avatar #483 - aerosol (04/22/2014) [-]
Have you by chance had an older account here before?
User avatar #484 to #483 - captainfuckitall (04/22/2014) [-]
Yes I have. My first username was Hiimquinn, but it was deleted for some reason I never found, so I just made another.
#485 to #484 - aerosol (04/22/2014) [-]
Oh. Never mind then. I saw someone call you Dave and I mistook you for someone else.
User avatar #486 to #485 - captainfuckitall (04/22/2014) [-]
It's fine. It was a joke from a picture a while back where a man was looking out the window and saw a dog and his owner walking down the street. The dog barked at another, bigger dog, and his owner just turned and said "See, this is why you have no ******* mates, Dave".
User avatar #481 - iforgotmyothername (03/20/2014) [-]
you are one cool tempered potato compared to me, bringing my fury upon your wrongness. i salute you, and thumbed up all your comments in the a capella debate.
User avatar #482 to #481 - captainfuckitall (03/20/2014) [-]
It's alright, I apologize for making you upset, but you don't need to thumb my posts up. Thumbs are a way to express positivity or negativity toward any type of comments; if you do not like them, it is perfectly within your right to thumb them down.
User avatar #474 - aherorising (11/20/2013) [-]
you're a really cool bro
#471 - shiifter (10/06/2013) [-]
This still makes me giggle.

Oh and by the way, i never actually thumbed you down. I just said that i did.
User avatar #472 to #471 - captainfuckitall (10/06/2013) [-]
The thing is, the way I found OUT you gave me those thumbs was because of the question mark, which allows people to see who voted on content. I could only KNOW it was you if you had thumbed them down, which you did.

And now you not only prove to be an idiot, but a liar as well.
#473 to #472 - shiifter (10/12/2013) [-]
Wait? You still remembered that? That's hilarious.

By the way, i screencapped this. it's like a trophy.
User avatar #468 - satrenkotheone ONLINE (09/22/2013) [-]
I would just like to say thank you.
#466 - anonymous (08/25/2013) [-]
Due to your pointlessly rude comment on the post "Jesus ain't got time for **** ",

I have gone through 20 of your previous comments and thumbed them all down.

You're also a stupid, unfunny, tryhard feelfag. Exactly the kind of user that this site is infamous for.
User avatar #467 to #466 - captainfuckitall (08/25/2013) [-]
I wasn't pointlessly rude. If you read it more carefully, you would find I am not insulting your god or faith, but rather, the people who spread it about; and even they are just doing it to themselves, while I am mearly making an observation

It's ironic you call me tryhard, considering you just went through the time to thumb-down my last 20 comments as if it would have any effect on me personally or my ranking here. It's also odd you call me stupid, considering you were the one who read it uncorrectly. And I think the fact I have so many comment thumbs anyways (including my own jesus comment) speaks to the point that I am, in fact, quite hilarious. "Feelfag", is that supposed to be a derogatory term for someone who is passionate about certain things? If so, then I take pride in it, as it is only through passion that things grow.

Considering you are pretentious, arrogant, immature, and without a sense of humour; you fit the criteria for '12 year old funnyjunker' far better than I do.
#463 - captainspankmonkey (07/16/2013) [-]
Hey, I would just like to say thank you for telling me to get an account.   
Yea I know, odd thing to give thanks for when I could have gotten one easily but then again, I was a dumb bastard then and could not think very well.   
I notice your comments from time to time and get some good knowledge off of them, mainly the Lovecraft related ones.   
But like I said, thank you very much and continue to be awesome.
Hey, I would just like to say thank you for telling me to get an account.
Yea I know, odd thing to give thanks for when I could have gotten one easily but then again, I was a dumb bastard then and could not think very well.
I notice your comments from time to time and get some good knowledge off of them, mainly the Lovecraft related ones.
But like I said, thank you very much and continue to be awesome.
User avatar #464 to #463 - captainfuckitall (07/16/2013) [-]
You are just a wonderful person, you know that? Thank you very much for your kind words and appreciation, and I'm glad you have made an account and made many friends here, including myself
#465 to #464 - captainspankmonkey (07/16/2013) [-]
You're welcome, good sir.
You're welcome, good sir.
User avatar #461 - potgardener (06/01/2013) [-]
youre pretty ****** in the head if beating a kid is a good idea, parents would need to hit their kids if they taught them what was right and wrong from the beginning
User avatar #462 to #461 - captainfuckitall (06/01/2013) [-]
It's ironic how you talk about avoiding situations, when your very comment isn't needed considering I already explained, about five times now, that I do not mean you must 'abuse' your children in order to get good results. My comment, and all the comments afterwards, were about how when compassion and support fails you must turn to punishment and discipline, including simply smacking your kid upside the head

Perhaps you should read more and get better informed before jumping to opinions, yes?
#459 - bossdelainternet (05/11/2013) [-]
I'd just like to say thank you for created one of the funniest  threads i've seen this year.   
To sum up why i thought it was so funny, a quote...   
"Most people would say 'I lost. I give up.', but you, you just keep trying. You're like the Dominican Republic, always killing the guy in charge and saying 'Ah, this new guy, this new guy's gonna get it right!'." - Family Guy
I'd just like to say thank you for created one of the funniest threads i've seen this year.
To sum up why i thought it was so funny, a quote...
"Most people would say 'I lost. I give up.', but you, you just keep trying. You're like the Dominican Republic, always killing the guy in charge and saying 'Ah, this new guy, this new guy's gonna get it right!'." - Family Guy
User avatar #460 to #459 - captainfuckitall (05/11/2013) [-]
I'm not sure whether I should take that as a compliment or an insult

I choose the former

Thank you, good sir
#453 - WhattheNorris (11/12/2012) [-]
I just thought I'd let you know that I just did an awful thing and quoted your majestic deep words of death wisdom onto my facebook. I gave you credit, but as part of my shame for stealing I thought I'd tell you. That was honestly one of the best things I've ever read.

Which is also why I screencapped it. Don't worry I swear I'm not going to try to get to frontpage with it I just wanted to save it.
User avatar #454 to #453 - captainfuckitall (11/12/2012) [-]
Not at all, I am not concerned with thumbs in the least. If you would like to post it, by all means do so, if you'd like to take credit, do so as well; I care not for material value or fame, as long as comprehend and understand the message
#455 to #454 - WhattheNorris (11/12/2012) [-]
Oh man you just keep getting better:)    
   
But I wouldn't dare steal your credit.
Oh man you just keep getting better:)

But I wouldn't dare steal your credit.
#449 - captainspankmonkey (02/27/2012) [-]
Internet problems
That is why :P
User avatar #450 to #460 - captainfuckitall (02/27/2012) [-]
ahhh, haha, sorry then :P
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