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captainfuckitall

Rank #381 on Comments
captainfuckitall Avatar Level 349 Comments: Sold Soul
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Personal Info
Date Signed Up:4/12/2010
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#381
Highest Content Rank:#10530
Highest Comment Rank:#49
Content Thumbs: 34 total,  90 ,  56
Comment Thumbs: 53582 total,  65470 ,  11888
Content Level Progress: 66.1% (39/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 41.4% (414/1000)
Level 349 Comments: Sold Soul → Level 350 Comments: Knight Of Funnyjunk
Subscribers:22
Content Views:9755
Times Content Favorited:12 times
Total Comments Made:15585
FJ Points:21639

latest user's comments

#11 - He was entirely incorrect about most things he talked about. H… 12/13/2014 on George Carlin +2
#40 - Why do I get the feeling that all these types of comics are ma…  [+] (8 new replies) 12/13/2014 on The ugly side of society 0
User avatar #42 - beasert (12/13/2014) [-]
Maybe reminding people with their art is all they can do, hoping someone who can do those things you suggested gets inspired enough to do them.
User avatar #49 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Eh, if you're the type of person to be encouraged by little comics, you're the exact type of person to be discouraged when the going gets tough.
#43 - captainfuckitall has deleted their comment.
User avatar #44 - beasert (12/13/2014) [-]
What?
#45 - captainfuckitall has deleted their comment.
User avatar #46 - beasert (12/13/2014) [-]
I think you've replied to the wrong person. We were talking about helping people in the world in what ever way you can, not beauty and romance.
#48 - captainfuckitall has deleted their comment.
User avatar #50 - beasert (12/13/2014) [-]
That makes so much sense.
#49 - I maintain what I said. The idea of a super strong, super fast…  [+] (4 new replies) 12/13/2014 on Muh hur... 0
User avatar #51 - ImStillAnAnon (12/13/2014) [-]
Now imagine walking through the town and you notice a lady being charmed by a handsome fellow. Being the creep that you are you follow them behind an alley to get first person porn.
You see them going at it heavy and all of a sudden the guy bites the lady on the neck and she just becomes pale.
Ragdoll_mode.activate

You scream in terror as you see the blood dripping from the corpse. The guy sees you and you immidietally get paralyzed. Wings expand from his back as you see him approaching you. You stand still from the shock but cannot break eye contact. He grabs you by the throat and easily raises you from the ground even though youve been putting up pounds for the winter hibernation.

As he drives his long sharp nails into your bellybutton you start thinking how kind of him for cleaning you out before he eats you. You start to admit defeat but all of a sudden you hear gunshots. The vampire drops you and hisses at the people with the rifles. He charges at them from a distance and as the men ready their weapon, he turns into fog and bats and vanishes.

You sit there in shock at what just has happened, You hope your mom has done laundry because you desperately need a new pair of underpants. You stand with the help from the men asking if youre alright. You look at them wide open and say

"Werewolves are the master race of scary creatures. Anyone who says Vampires are better are total faggots"
User avatar #52 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Indeed they are, as a Werewolf wouldn't have run and I would be gutted, so would the rest of the men who came to my rescue.

Le fuk u
User avatar #53 - ImStillAnAnon (12/13/2014) [-]
Werewolve would of ran too if he got shot multiple times as it has reverted back to an animal with animal instincts. Any animal would run at the surprising loud sound of a rifle.
He would of reverted back to a human and still have wounds.
Vampire would of been wounded too but nothing like a nice human blood smoothie to replenish themselves. Plus he lives in the town. Same town as you. Knowing theres a killer somewhere who knows your face would of been dreadful.

User avatar #54 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Like I said with the other guy, depends on the lore. Generally, Werewolves tend to be very durable and able to regenerate just fine, with less weaknesses than even vampires. Not all animals run at gunshots anyways, if they did, a hunter would never get attacked or gored, now would they?

Werewolf would live in the same town as well. The only difference is that 1. I haven't seen the werewolves face, and 2. He can actually come out in the daytime and be perfectly fine.
#48 - That really depends more on your lore though, doesn't it? 12/13/2014 on Muh hur... 0
#19 - You're being really defensive, man...  [+] (1 new reply) 12/13/2014 on Douchebaggery In Progress 0
#20 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image** gotta defend my down's
#16 - I don't know, anyone who hates others for being better than th…  [+] (3 new replies) 12/13/2014 on Douchebaggery In Progress 0
#18 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
yeah I do think so, however I am not hating on them for being more idiotic than me, I'm just pointing it out
User avatar #19 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
You're being really defensive, man...
#20 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image** gotta defend my down's
#12 - Are you that guy who just stays near the outskirts of every pa…  [+] (5 new replies) 12/13/2014 on Douchebaggery In Progress 0
#15 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
yeah, but at least i'm not an idiot
User avatar #16 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
I don't know, anyone who hates others for being better than them tends to be rather stupid, don't you think?
#18 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
yeah I do think so, however I am not hating on them for being more idiotic than me, I'm just pointing it out
User avatar #19 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
You're being really defensive, man...
#20 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image** gotta defend my down's
#496 - Well don't let me keep you. Hi back, and feel free to continue…  [+] (1 new reply) 12/13/2014 on captainfuckitall's profile 0
#497 - miia (12/18/2014) [-]
#494 - Well aren't you a sweetheart for helping me get over my fear  [+] (3 new replies) 12/13/2014 on captainfuckitall's profile 0
#495 - miia (12/13/2014) [-]
im actually about to go to bed but hi
User avatar #496 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Well don't let me keep you. Hi back, and feel free to continue the conversation any time.
#497 - miia (12/18/2014) [-]
#10 - The one time I don't bring a knife into the shower with me, ro… 12/13/2014 on Fears 0
#31 - **** off, Tumblr.  [+] (1 new reply) 12/13/2014 on The people have spoken. +1
#32 - sozeii (12/13/2014) [-]
lolwat
#10 - "Best way to lose your true love and get sued: Step one" 12/13/2014 on Gettin ready for the holidays +8
#3 - My friend got a sticker that says "I park like a doucheba…  [+] (9 new replies) 12/13/2014 on Douchebaggery In Progress 0
#10 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
sounds like that party is full of idiots like him
User avatar #12 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Are you that guy who just stays near the outskirts of every party wishing they could be the center of attention and not working up the balls to do it? I think you are.
#15 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
yeah, but at least i'm not an idiot
User avatar #16 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
I don't know, anyone who hates others for being better than them tends to be rather stupid, don't you think?
#18 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
yeah I do think so, however I am not hating on them for being more idiotic than me, I'm just pointing it out
User avatar #19 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
You're being really defensive, man...
#20 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image** gotta defend my down's
User avatar #8 - fuelnfire (12/13/2014) [-]
I'm half white half asian, and ever since I half jokingly wore a confed flag on my cap while I was overseas it's been a signature thing, got flags on half my clothes, my truck, got stickers of it on my guns. Shit got out of hand fast.
#9 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
and a lil dick
#6 - Werewolves are the master race of scary creatures. Anyone who …  [+] (9 new replies) 12/13/2014 on Muh hur... +15
#36 - crazyeyedbioll (12/13/2014) [-]
aint that sweet
#35 - ImStillAnAnon (12/13/2014) [-]
Vampires are more scary than werewolves. Only reason why they are so faggy now is because of twilight and vampire diaries. Really brought down their image.
User avatar #49 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
I maintain what I said. The idea of a super strong, super fast, nigh unkillable war machine coming at you is much more appealing (you know what I mean) than some guy crawling around on ceilings and hissing at you.
User avatar #51 - ImStillAnAnon (12/13/2014) [-]
Now imagine walking through the town and you notice a lady being charmed by a handsome fellow. Being the creep that you are you follow them behind an alley to get first person porn.
You see them going at it heavy and all of a sudden the guy bites the lady on the neck and she just becomes pale.
Ragdoll_mode.activate

You scream in terror as you see the blood dripping from the corpse. The guy sees you and you immidietally get paralyzed. Wings expand from his back as you see him approaching you. You stand still from the shock but cannot break eye contact. He grabs you by the throat and easily raises you from the ground even though youve been putting up pounds for the winter hibernation.

As he drives his long sharp nails into your bellybutton you start thinking how kind of him for cleaning you out before he eats you. You start to admit defeat but all of a sudden you hear gunshots. The vampire drops you and hisses at the people with the rifles. He charges at them from a distance and as the men ready their weapon, he turns into fog and bats and vanishes.

You sit there in shock at what just has happened, You hope your mom has done laundry because you desperately need a new pair of underpants. You stand with the help from the men asking if youre alright. You look at them wide open and say

"Werewolves are the master race of scary creatures. Anyone who says Vampires are better are total faggots"
User avatar #52 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Indeed they are, as a Werewolf wouldn't have run and I would be gutted, so would the rest of the men who came to my rescue.

Le fuk u
User avatar #53 - ImStillAnAnon (12/13/2014) [-]
Werewolve would of ran too if he got shot multiple times as it has reverted back to an animal with animal instincts. Any animal would run at the surprising loud sound of a rifle.
He would of reverted back to a human and still have wounds.
Vampire would of been wounded too but nothing like a nice human blood smoothie to replenish themselves. Plus he lives in the town. Same town as you. Knowing theres a killer somewhere who knows your face would of been dreadful.

User avatar #54 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Like I said with the other guy, depends on the lore. Generally, Werewolves tend to be very durable and able to regenerate just fine, with less weaknesses than even vampires. Not all animals run at gunshots anyways, if they did, a hunter would never get attacked or gored, now would they?

Werewolf would live in the same town as well. The only difference is that 1. I haven't seen the werewolves face, and 2. He can actually come out in the daytime and be perfectly fine.
#30 - hongkonglongdong (12/13/2014) [-]
Werewolves don't scare me at all. They're just people who turn into wolves and go berserk. That's just like normal people (well, without the wolf part, but wolves aren't any more scary than a lion or a bear).

Vampires aren't like that. Vampires are cannibals, and drink your blood, and worse- they're nobility. They have actual power over you. They're much more clinical than a werewolf, they have plans, and they treat normal people like cattle to be farmed. They're much more scary, to me at least.
User avatar #48 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
That really depends more on your lore though, doesn't it?
#71 - Picture 12/13/2014 on Well played Avatar, well... 0
#23 - Who in the hell thinks it is? 12/13/2014 on Stop Breaking The Law 0
#20 - Wait, people are serious about having 'waifu's'? I thought it …  [+] (20 new replies) 12/13/2014 on You will have to take my lifu +29
#116 - testaburger (12/13/2014) [-]
It can happen...
#81 - broderpetter (12/13/2014) [-]
I used to joke about it too
But then I played Katawa Shoujo
#75 - ainise (12/13/2014) [-]
There are estimated 7.125 Billion people living on this earth, all living to be, on average, 71 years of age.

Everything you've ever been grossed out about, is someones fantasy.
Everything you've ever thought of and immediately decided against - someones doing it.
Every fetish you've ever heard of or even thought of - someone is into it.

There is nothing you can imagine, that at least 1 person hasn't had intimate feelings with.
#49 - ayumu (12/13/2014) [-]
like a lot of things it started as a joke, but then some people didn't realize it was a joke and took it seriously

like bronies
User avatar #97 - alleksi (12/13/2014) [-]
this is my favorite picture. the quote is by a random guy on the internet, and the man in the picture isn't descartes.
User avatar #123 - ayumu (12/13/2014) [-]
are you implying someone lied on the internet?
User avatar #32 - trollmobile (12/13/2014) [-]
we don't normally refer to them as "people"
but yes
User avatar #72 - ThatsSoFunnyHeHe (12/13/2014) [-]
How rude
User avatar #103 - trollmobile (12/13/2014) [-]
quite
#26 - sanshi (12/13/2014) [-]
A guy married a damned anime game character inside of his Nintendo DS for crying out loud.

#120 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
WTF
#109 - imoriginalposter (12/13/2014) [-]
That fucker, I chose the same character when I played.
User avatar #23 - houseofbrick (12/13/2014) [-]
Unfortunately, yes.
User avatar #22 - dyalibya (12/13/2014) [-]
Most people think of it as a joke but Some people are more serious than others, this guy looks like he is about to kill himself
#115 - galiogolem (12/13/2014) [-]
this guy looks like "he is taking the good decision"*
#43 - infinitereaper (12/13/2014) [-]
It's definitely insane, I used to think I'd never even consider the possibility of a waifu,
but if I had to choose....
User avatar #101 - beroty (12/13/2014) [-]
touch the fluffy tail
#86 - vicanimus (12/13/2014) [-]
As if there was a choice
User avatar #85 - magictheg (12/13/2014) [-]
Ah yes, the true ending to Dark Souls, marrying Priscilla and adopting Sif.
User avatar #70 - ThatsSoFunnyHeHe (12/13/2014) [-]
You don't choose her, she chooses you
#11 - Ah yes, I too remember when my local police marched down the s…  [+] (5 new replies) 12/13/2014 on Stop Breaking The Law +30
User avatar #17 - TheFek (12/13/2014) [-]
All of that happened because it was the law, though. I didn't say modern police are akin to the SS. Just that the law is not the beacon for morality
User avatar #23 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
Who in the hell thinks it is?
#21 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
Sure, if the Germany's laws were based on little things like not resisting arrest and assaulting an officer.
Difference in laws causes the situations to be different.
User avatar #22 - douthit (12/13/2014) [-]
Well, a law against resisting or assaulting an officer isn't "little" if you think the laws they're enforcing against you are unjust...
#19 - douthit (12/13/2014) [-]
#51 - I said it on your other post and I'll say it on this one too: …  [+] (3 new replies) 12/13/2014 on Well played Avatar, well... +10
User avatar #82 - HenrikVIII (12/13/2014) [-]
Well, it's not about two girls not being able to be loyal friends. It's about two insanely hot people being friends. I'm sure they're both aware of how hot their friend is. I just want them to fuck. They could be the best and most loyal of friends with a deep understanding but i still want them to fuck because they look good. I'm completely aware it ain't gonna happen in the show, but it also isn't important as long as someone draws porn of them. The porn not being canon is also unimportant to me.
#69 - youxbarstard (12/13/2014) [-]
You're gonna do it again aren't you?
User avatar #71 - captainfuckitall (12/13/2014) [-]
#34 - The Slippery Slope is no longer a fallacy. 12/13/2014 on Congress passed a new spy bill +1
#18 - We already did that for years. How do you think it got this wa… 12/13/2014 on What if +1
#9 - Implausible Trope's allow for some of the best storytelling I'… 12/13/2014 on That's not me 0
#85 - I actually see more people get laid through tabletop games th…  [+] (1 new reply) 12/12/2014 on Shamelessly stolen from the... +2
#107 - anonymous (12/13/2014) [-]
i lost my virg to an older woman i gamed with .. true story.
#126 - It's just the way he talks and considers himself an authority … 12/12/2014 on wat -1
#64 - Ah yes, I too like fapping to fictional romance. Oh wait, no I… 12/12/2014 on How to get the gurl 0

Comments(489):

[ 489 comments ]

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#492 - miia ONLINE (12/13/2014) [-]
User avatar #494 to #492 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (12/13/2014) [-]
Well aren't you a sweetheart for helping me get over my fear
#495 to #494 - miia ONLINE (12/13/2014) [-]
im actually about to go to bed but hi
User avatar #496 to #495 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (12/13/2014) [-]
Well don't let me keep you. Hi back, and feel free to continue the conversation any time.
User avatar #490 - commencingfailure (09/30/2014) [-]
******* retard compares the IS to today's feminists. One could say ignorance is an everspreading cancer, you did your job to increase the spread.
User avatar #491 to #490 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/30/2014) [-]
You seem REALLY mad, friend. Perhaps you should calm down and take some ass ointment before you need to see a doctor
User avatar #489 - myfourthaccount ONLINE (07/18/2014) [-]
dude, you're like my most favorite person on earth right now haha
User avatar #487 - imvlad (05/04/2014) [-]
you brought shame to your house
User avatar #483 - aerosol (04/22/2014) [-]
Have you by chance had an older account here before?
User avatar #484 to #483 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (04/22/2014) [-]
Yes I have. My first username was Hiimquinn, but it was deleted for some reason I never found, so I just made another.
#485 to #484 - aerosol (04/22/2014) [-]
Oh. Never mind then. I saw someone call you Dave and I mistook you for someone else.
User avatar #486 to #485 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (04/22/2014) [-]
It's fine. It was a joke from a picture a while back where a man was looking out the window and saw a dog and his owner walking down the street. The dog barked at another, bigger dog, and his owner just turned and said "See, this is why you have no ******* mates, Dave".
User avatar #481 - iforgotmyothername (03/20/2014) [-]
you are one cool tempered potato compared to me, bringing my fury upon your wrongness. i salute you, and thumbed up all your comments in the a capella debate.
User avatar #482 to #481 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (03/20/2014) [-]
It's alright, I apologize for making you upset, but you don't need to thumb my posts up. Thumbs are a way to express positivity or negativity toward any type of comments; if you do not like them, it is perfectly within your right to thumb them down.
#480 - lolollo ONLINE (03/08/2014) [-]
#479 - lolollo ONLINE (03/08/2014) [-]
#478 - lolollo ONLINE (03/08/2014) [-]
#477 - lolollo ONLINE (03/08/2014) [-]
#476 - lolollo ONLINE (03/08/2014) [-]
User avatar #474 - aherorising (11/20/2013) [-]
you're a really cool bro
#471 - shiifter (10/06/2013) [-]
This still makes me giggle.

Oh and by the way, i never actually thumbed you down. I just said that i did.
User avatar #472 to #471 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/06/2013) [-]
The thing is, the way I found OUT you gave me those thumbs was because of the question mark, which allows people to see who voted on content. I could only KNOW it was you if you had thumbed them down, which you did.

And now you not only prove to be an idiot, but a liar as well.
#473 to #472 - shiifter (10/12/2013) [-]
Wait? You still remembered that? That's hilarious.

By the way, i screencapped this. it's like a trophy.
User avatar #468 - satrenkotheone ONLINE (09/22/2013) [-]
I would just like to say thank you.
User avatar #469 to #468 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/22/2013) [-]
For?
#466 - anonymous (08/25/2013) [-]
Due to your pointlessly rude comment on the post "Jesus ain't got time for **** ",

I have gone through 20 of your previous comments and thumbed them all down.

You're also a stupid, unfunny, tryhard feelfag. Exactly the kind of user that this site is infamous for.
User avatar #467 to #466 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (08/25/2013) [-]
I wasn't pointlessly rude. If you read it more carefully, you would find I am not insulting your god or faith, but rather, the people who spread it about; and even they are just doing it to themselves, while I am mearly making an observation

It's ironic you call me tryhard, considering you just went through the time to thumb-down my last 20 comments as if it would have any effect on me personally or my ranking here. It's also odd you call me stupid, considering you were the one who read it uncorrectly. And I think the fact I have so many comment thumbs anyways (including my own jesus comment) speaks to the point that I am, in fact, quite hilarious. "Feelfag", is that supposed to be a derogatory term for someone who is passionate about certain things? If so, then I take pride in it, as it is only through passion that things grow.

Considering you are pretentious, arrogant, immature, and without a sense of humour; you fit the criteria for '12 year old funnyjunker' far better than I do.
#463 - captainspankmonkey (07/16/2013) [-]
Hey, I would just like to say thank you for telling me to get an account.   
Yea I know, odd thing to give thanks for when I could have gotten one easily but then again, I was a dumb bastard then and could not think very well.   
I notice your comments from time to time and get some good knowledge off of them, mainly the Lovecraft related ones.   
But like I said, thank you very much and continue to be awesome.
Hey, I would just like to say thank you for telling me to get an account.
Yea I know, odd thing to give thanks for when I could have gotten one easily but then again, I was a dumb bastard then and could not think very well.
I notice your comments from time to time and get some good knowledge off of them, mainly the Lovecraft related ones.
But like I said, thank you very much and continue to be awesome.
User avatar #464 to #463 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (07/16/2013) [-]
You are just a wonderful person, you know that? Thank you very much for your kind words and appreciation, and I'm glad you have made an account and made many friends here, including myself
#465 to #464 - captainspankmonkey (07/16/2013) [-]
You're welcome, good sir.
You're welcome, good sir.
User avatar #461 - potgardener (06/01/2013) [-]
youre pretty ****** in the head if beating a kid is a good idea, parents would need to hit their kids if they taught them what was right and wrong from the beginning
User avatar #462 to #461 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (06/01/2013) [-]
It's ironic how you talk about avoiding situations, when your very comment isn't needed considering I already explained, about five times now, that I do not mean you must 'abuse' your children in order to get good results. My comment, and all the comments afterwards, were about how when compassion and support fails you must turn to punishment and discipline, including simply smacking your kid upside the head

Perhaps you should read more and get better informed before jumping to opinions, yes?
#459 - bossdelainternet (05/11/2013) [-]
I'd just like to say thank you for created one of the funniest  threads i've seen this year.   
To sum up why i thought it was so funny, a quote...   
"Most people would say 'I lost. I give up.', but you, you just keep trying. You're like the Dominican Republic, always killing the guy in charge and saying 'Ah, this new guy, this new guy's gonna get it right!'." - Family Guy
I'd just like to say thank you for created one of the funniest threads i've seen this year.
To sum up why i thought it was so funny, a quote...
"Most people would say 'I lost. I give up.', but you, you just keep trying. You're like the Dominican Republic, always killing the guy in charge and saying 'Ah, this new guy, this new guy's gonna get it right!'." - Family Guy
User avatar #460 to #459 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (05/11/2013) [-]
I'm not sure whether I should take that as a compliment or an insult

I choose the former

Thank you, good sir
#453 - WhattheNorris (11/12/2012) [-]
I just thought I'd let you know that I just did an awful thing and quoted your majestic deep words of death wisdom onto my facebook. I gave you credit, but as part of my shame for stealing I thought I'd tell you. That was honestly one of the best things I've ever read.

Which is also why I screencapped it. Don't worry I swear I'm not going to try to get to frontpage with it I just wanted to save it.
User avatar #454 to #453 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (11/12/2012) [-]
Not at all, I am not concerned with thumbs in the least. If you would like to post it, by all means do so, if you'd like to take credit, do so as well; I care not for material value or fame, as long as comprehend and understand the message
#455 to #454 - WhattheNorris (11/12/2012) [-]
Oh man you just keep getting better:)    
   
But I wouldn't dare steal your credit.
Oh man you just keep getting better:)

But I wouldn't dare steal your credit.
#449 - captainspankmonkey (02/27/2012) [-]
Internet problems
That is why :P
User avatar #450 to #460 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (02/27/2012) [-]
ahhh, haha, sorry then :P
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