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captaincrookedcock

Last status update:
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Personal Info
Date Signed Up:5/24/2013
Last Login:11/04/2014
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Thumbs: 426 total,  436 ,  10
Content Level Progress: 6.77% (4/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 60% (6/10)
Level 142 Comments: Faptastic → Level 143 Comments: Faptastic
Subscribers:0
Total Comments Made:29
FJ Points:426

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latest user's comments

#21 - danDumb 11/04/2014 on THAT MAKES ME MOIST 0
#120 - Comment deleted 06/16/2013 on this is you 0
#115 - Guys I'm not okay with this  [+] (1 new reply) 06/16/2013 on this is you -1
#120 - captaincrookedcock has deleted their comment.
#109 - ************ .................  [+] (2 new replies) 06/16/2013 on this is you 0
#115 - captaincrookedcock (06/16/2013) [-]
Guys I'm not okay with this
#120 - captaincrookedcock has deleted their comment.
#2 - Took about 207 dark balls to catch that ****** 06/10/2013 on Master Ballin' 0
#23 - Comment deleted 06/09/2013 on €€€€€€€€€€€ 0
#66 - Picture 06/09/2013 on Avatar Trivia: Fire Edition +1
#10 - So we're on the way to first base. We need to ease your relati…  [+] (3 new replies) 06/02/2013 on yup.. totally +9
#54 - knowstoomuch (06/02/2013) [-]
This is what you should do (with some variation depending on the girl and how comfortable you and she are with being intimate.), but don't have a list in your head, checking it off as you go. What you have to do is follow these instructions by making it your natural instinct. You'll mess up a lot and make some good freinds along the way too, so don't be dismayed or ignore them if they freindzone you.
User avatar #21 - cptmongtard (06/02/2013) [-]
Not suer whether to take advice from someone called Captaincrookedcock
User avatar #77 - eldiax (06/03/2013) [-]
Captaincrookedcock sounds exactly like someone you should take relationship advice from.
#8 - So you think that this girl would go out with you? Be a little…  [+] (4 new replies) 06/02/2013 on yup.. totally +9
#10 - captaincrookedcock (06/02/2013) [-]
So we're on the way to first base. We need to ease your relationship through some hurdles. Most girls will start to touch you (poking and shit). Enjoy this and poke back. In the first three dates or so and the time between them get each other acclimated to being in each other's airspace. Hugging should emerge around here. One of my favorite moves is to have a home movie night (something that she likes with a little romance or even sex (if she is the type) to get her to want to replicate her role models). Hold her close. At the end of the movie she may make a move, if she does run as many bases as you can without making her angry. If she is open for a kiss (after the movie or at any other date) then kiss her dumbass. Don't know how to kiss? Trial and error. After you've kissed her kiss her as much as possible without being strange. Making out is the first step to the next base. WHEN and only when you know you feel comfortable and she feels comfortable about such, cop a feel (squeeze a boob). Hopefully she gravitates down to your sensual area as well. Remember the unzip of your pants is the sound of the door opening. This means that clothes can start to come off (like her shirt). Then use protection and do what comes naturally.
#54 - knowstoomuch (06/02/2013) [-]
This is what you should do (with some variation depending on the girl and how comfortable you and she are with being intimate.), but don't have a list in your head, checking it off as you go. What you have to do is follow these instructions by making it your natural instinct. You'll mess up a lot and make some good freinds along the way too, so don't be dismayed or ignore them if they freindzone you.
User avatar #21 - cptmongtard (06/02/2013) [-]
Not suer whether to take advice from someone called Captaincrookedcock
User avatar #77 - eldiax (06/03/2013) [-]
Captaincrookedcock sounds exactly like someone you should take relationship advice from.
#5 - Spy a cute girl. Make fleeting eye contact and disconnect. Obs…  [+] (6 new replies) 06/02/2013 on yup.. totally +12
#82 - orangelightning (06/03/2013) [-]
But that sounds like a lot of work!
#8 - captaincrookedcock (06/02/2013) [-]
So you think that this girl would go out with you? Be a little cautious. Have enough intel about her to know if this is the right call. You should definetley by now know if she's a lesbian or dating. Also good to know is how her parents would respond (possible religious conflicts or just strict). Appearing the same way in front of her (minus the flirting) in conversation and demeanor should win them over, just don't appear really shady. If you can judge it, move in at the time her period is not affecting her mood, this is not bullshit, they are frickin unpredictable at such points. You must ask in person. Smell good, but not strong. Dress nicely, but not as much to cause suspicion. Pick a location that she likes or is nice looking. Don't pull any bended knee bullshit, just ask her out to a restaurant, movie, or some other activity that she would enjoy. Your delivery should be confident, with a smile, and as warm as possible. She should go out with you, unless she's a bitch or has shit going on. I'm sorry if this happens. But if she says yes then good job bro. You're heading towards first base. (continued)
#10 - captaincrookedcock (06/02/2013) [-]
So we're on the way to first base. We need to ease your relationship through some hurdles. Most girls will start to touch you (poking and shit). Enjoy this and poke back. In the first three dates or so and the time between them get each other acclimated to being in each other's airspace. Hugging should emerge around here. One of my favorite moves is to have a home movie night (something that she likes with a little romance or even sex (if she is the type) to get her to want to replicate her role models). Hold her close. At the end of the movie she may make a move, if she does run as many bases as you can without making her angry. If she is open for a kiss (after the movie or at any other date) then kiss her dumbass. Don't know how to kiss? Trial and error. After you've kissed her kiss her as much as possible without being strange. Making out is the first step to the next base. WHEN and only when you know you feel comfortable and she feels comfortable about such, cop a feel (squeeze a boob). Hopefully she gravitates down to your sensual area as well. Remember the unzip of your pants is the sound of the door opening. This means that clothes can start to come off (like her shirt). Then use protection and do what comes naturally.
#54 - knowstoomuch (06/02/2013) [-]
This is what you should do (with some variation depending on the girl and how comfortable you and she are with being intimate.), but don't have a list in your head, checking it off as you go. What you have to do is follow these instructions by making it your natural instinct. You'll mess up a lot and make some good freinds along the way too, so don't be dismayed or ignore them if they freindzone you.
User avatar #21 - cptmongtard (06/02/2013) [-]
Not suer whether to take advice from someone called Captaincrookedcock
User avatar #77 - eldiax (06/03/2013) [-]
Captaincrookedcock sounds exactly like someone you should take relationship advice from.
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