Upload
YouTube Videos Funny Pictures Funny GIFs Funny Text Funny Movies
Login or register
  • Your Posts
  • Login or register
    Login / Create Account
    Create Account
    Email is optional and is used for password recovery purposes.
     
    Click to Create Account
    Login to FJ
    reset password
    Click to Login
    Log in/Sign with Facebook.
    Log in/Sign up with Gmail.
  • Create Channel 4chan vidyagaems aww animemanga marvel Tumblr-Content starwars cringe-channel dccomics dank-webms UnlimitFateWorks politics WholesomeMemes animals FJNN Daily-Jokes warhammer40k OneForAll CartoonGoodness polandball cyoa zawarldo dungeons-n-drags oc-comic-makers stevenuniverse kancolle pokemon warframe MemeComps ponytime lol-channel humanity-f-yeah dota2 Raven rickandmorty CuteKemonomimis CopyPastaComics Texas SVTFOE comics undertale
    Home
    Reset viewedpages
    Sort: ThumbsTrending
      threatening aquatic Raccoonthreatening aquatic Raccoon
      462
      5 hrs ago
      New!chinchilla scratches!chinchilla scratches!
      87
      1 hr ago
      New!ModestyModesty
      172
      2 hrs ago
      Krusty KrabKrusty Krab
      375
      5 hrs ago
      Goldstein'dGoldstein'd
      658
      6 hrs ago
      DoggiesDoggies
      950
      9 hrs ago
      New!----ermudkip----ermudkip
      162
      2 hrs ago
      Welcome to Texas, sonny.Welcome to Texas, sonny.
      421
      5 hrs ago
      New!New shoesNew shoes
      204
      3 hrs ago
      lamentable numerous Boarlamentable numerous Boar
      267
      4 hrs ago
      evasive noiseless Minkevasive noiseless Mink
      467
      6 hrs ago
      How to hold an N64 controllerHow to hold an N64 controller
      839
      8 hrs ago
      New!Nyehehe! You won't catch me!Nyehehe! You won't catch me!
      101
      2 hrs ago
      Werewoman.Werewoman.
      783
      8 hrs ago
      New!Here comes the tornado!Here comes the tornado!
      57
      1 hr ago
      Australian ice cream parlor.Australian ice cream parlor.
      448
      7 hrs ago
      Subway raceSubway race
      700
      8 hrs ago
      New!DAT ASSDAT ASS
      139
      3 hrs ago
      Ain't That the Truth??Ain't That the Truth??
      232
      5 hrs ago
      Eric Andre dndEric Andre dnd
      291
      5 hrs ago
      1818
      217
      5 hrs ago
      New!ConfusedConfused
      56
      1 hr ago
      Stuff #234Stuff #234
      1063
      10 hrs ago
      Women don't use the word fetishWomen don't use the word fetish
      707
      9 hrs ago
      Ooooh! He's going to appeal!Ooooh! He's going to appeal!
      339
      6 hrs ago
      New!Sith are our specialitySith are our speciality
      88
      2 hrs ago
      Pwned.Pwned.
      1262
      11 hrs ago
      malicious remarkable Locustmalicious remarkable Locust
      322
      6 hrs ago
      homeless plastic Rhinoceroshomeless plastic Rhinoceros
      386
      6 hrs ago
      Alright Dan, you go do thatAlright Dan, you go do that
      877
      10 hrs ago
    Newest Uploads
      Owning a catOwning a cat
      0
      1 mn ago
      Gory gory whad a hell of a way do die :DDDDDGory gory whad a hell of a way do die :DDDDD
      0
      2 mns ago
      superb makeshift talented Porpoisesuperb makeshift talented Porpoise
      0
      3 mns ago
      Uk is ----edUk is ----ed
      1
      3 mns ago
      athiesm rektathiesm rekt
      0
      3 mns ago
      Here KittyHere Kitty
      0
      5 mns ago
      europe ----edeurope ----ed
      4
      23 mns ago
      hissing paltry Narwhalhissing paltry Narwhal
      2
      24 mns ago
      How to get eaten by a crocodile for little to no money at allHow to get eaten by a crocodile for little to no money at all
      11
      46 mns ago
      foolish classy magnificent Cassowaryfoolish classy magnificent Cassowary
      8
      55 mns ago
    User Rankings Funny Pictures Videos / MP4s HD Gifs/Soundless MP4 Animated GIFs YouTube Videos Text Posts
    About us
    • Advertise on FJ
    • Copyright/DMCA Removal
    • Report Abuse/Harassment
    • Report Spam
    • Contact Us
    • Unsubscribe from newsletter
    Remaining character count: 4000
    Spoiler Image
    Shortcuts: "C" opens comments. "R" refreshes comments.
    Record voice message?
    0:00 Click to start recording.
    Scroll to comment?
    Return to antisocialtwilight's profile
    Refresh
    Options
    asd
    2 new threads. 1 new replies.
    User avatar#421 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    An average height man approaches the door to your house and knocks, holding a small stack of fliers. "Hello? Anyone home?" He knocks moderately and looks at his feet.
    #442 to #421 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    NO!   
*breathes deeply, as if composing herself*   
Not.   
In.   
My.   
Home.   
If you have a problem with that, then you can keep your furniture.
    NO!
    *breathes deeply, as if composing herself*
    Not.
    In.
    My.
    Home.
    If you have a problem with that, then you can keep your furniture.
    User avatar#443 to #442 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    He raises his hands. "Allright. Just trying to be neighborly. I mean... Its gotta be lonely is all. With everyone overlooking this house and not even giving a how do you do, or an invitation to the neighborhood block parties." he pauses. "But I can see you're not interested in that. Anyhow, thanks for your time. Hopefully the domestic disputes will start to go down once we get the police to check on Zim's home."
    #447 to #443 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    Wait! *she begins playing with her hands*   
Listen, Zim is an...old friend of mine. Like you said his parents are really weird, it's hard for him. I'll check up on him for you, that way you don't need to get the police involved.   
It would just be so hard on him, people would start to talk. I mean, you know some of the horrible rumors the others are spreading about him...
    Wait! *she begins playing with her hands*
    Listen, Zim is an...old friend of mine. Like you said his parents are really weird, it's hard for him. I'll check up on him for you, that way you don't need to get the police involved.
    It would just be so hard on him, people would start to talk. I mean, you know some of the horrible rumors the others are spreading about him...
    User avatar#448 to #447 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "Well... We're worried that he's being abused. And we're trying to investigate the house and get him out of there. Its for the best of your friend."
    #449 to #448 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    Zim's parents? Abuse? Hah! No way, they're hippies. *ahem*   
They do, however, need a stern talking-to, and that's what I'll do. Calling the police over would just enrage them and make the problem worse!   
I've been dealing with them for a while, I know how to handle this situation, you just leave Zim to me. I'll even show them the petition, they're all about democracy in action.
    Zim's parents? Abuse? Hah! No way, they're hippies. *ahem*
    They do, however, need a stern talking-to, and that's what I'll do. Calling the police over would just enrage them and make the problem worse!
    I've been dealing with them for a while, I know how to handle this situation, you just leave Zim to me. I'll even show them the petition, they're all about democracy in action.
    User avatar#450 to #449 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    "Are you allright? You're starting to... Act odd. The police will just be investigating to see if Zim is okay, and if his parents show hostile intent. If they aren't violent, then there's no issue. Right?"
    #451 to #450 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    The issue is that you keep prying into other people's business when it's none of your concern! Leave Zim and me alone, Zim is tougher than he looks, he doesn't need you to rescue him, and I don't need your furniture, I am not a charity case!
    The issue is that you keep prying into other people's business when it's none of your concern! Leave Zim and me alone, Zim is tougher than he looks, he doesn't need you to rescue him, and I don't need your furniture, I am not a charity case!
    User avatar#453 to #451 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    "I'm not prying. I've yet to ask a single thing about you that isn't relevant to the neighborhood association. As for zim, its the entire block that's concerned, not just me, miss thing."
    #456 to #453 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    Then you can tell everyone on the block that Zim is thick-skinned and doesn't need people snooping in his private affairs and conspiring behind his back! We're not part of your community, and we never will be, of that you can be certain.
    Then you can tell everyone on the block that Zim is thick-skinned and doesn't need people snooping in his private affairs and conspiring behind his back! We're not part of your community, and we never will be, of that you can be certain.
    #452 to #451 - twenny
    has deleted their comment [-]
    #454 to #452 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Comment deleted by antisocialtwilight [-]
    User avatar#455 to #454 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    "Okay miss thing. I'm not trying to be hostile, or pry or anything. It's not my business, but you're about to make it mine if you cross me." *crosses his arms*
    #457 to #455 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    You know what? Here's a sense of community for you. If you don't leave my property in the next 12 seconds, I'll sic my supercat on you to shred your balls, and I'l have her give them to Zim's retarded dog as a "Welcome-to-the-neighborhood" present.
    You know what? Here's a sense of community for you. If you don't leave my property in the next 12 seconds, I'll sic my supercat on you to shred your balls, and I'l have her give them to Zim's retarded dog as a "Welcome-to-the-neighborhood" present.
    User avatar#458 to #457 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    He throws his hands up in the air. "Allright, I'll leave. I might just get the police involved in checking you out. After all, you're a teenage girl living by herself with negligent parents. Not exactly safe. Even if its all okay, it's an inconvenience. You've crossed the wrong fellow today." He starts to turn around and make his way to the curb to finish his job.
    #459 to #458 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    *she pulls out her gun* Is that a threat? Are you threatening me, Mr. Burgner? I don't take kindly to threats.
    *she pulls out her gun* Is that a threat? Are you threatening me, Mr. Burgner? I don't take kindly to threats.
    User avatar#460 to #459 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    Whoa whoa whoa... WHERE did you get a gun? And are you threatening to KILL me in broad daylight on the street? that'll end badly
    #461 to #460 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    I got it from my "negligent parents". You're too late human, my mind is made up. You've stuck your nose in the business of those infinitely your greater! We are invaders, the Irken Empire's elite, planet-conquering force! I will destroy you, your planet, Zim, and any who get in my wa-*BOOM*   
*an explosion of gore rings out as the man's head is shot point blank by a large-caliber pistol...wielded by Zim. He smirks at Tak, that smug smirk of an idiot triumphant. Tak's face is spattered in blood*   
Mimi! Come clean up this mess! I have to neuralize the neighbors...after a shower!
    I got it from my "negligent parents". You're too late human, my mind is made up. You've stuck your nose in the business of those infinitely your greater! We are invaders, the Irken Empire's elite, planet-conquering force! I will destroy you, your planet, Zim, and any who get in my wa-*BOOM*
    *an explosion of gore rings out as the man's head is shot point blank by a large-caliber pistol...wielded by Zim. He smirks at Tak, that smug smirk of an idiot triumphant. Tak's face is spattered in blood*
    Mimi! Come clean up this mess! I have to neuralize the neighbors...after a shower!
    User avatar#462 to #461 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    Hits the ground hard, blood flowing out of his head in large quantities, and starting to go into shock, his brain highly damaged. He begins to convulse, dying, but not dead yet. The air is still, and a few people are staring out of their windows, shocked by the sudden gunshot
    #463 to #462 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/25/2013)[-]
    *Tak sighs, and pulls out a nuclear detonator.*   
Skoodge, beam Zim and I onto the ship.   
There goes the neighborhood...*Click*
    *Tak sighs, and pulls out a nuclear detonator.*
    Skoodge, beam Zim and I onto the ship.
    There goes the neighborhood...*Click*
    #422 to #421 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    'Ello? Yes, what is it?
    'Ello? Yes, what is it?
    User avatar#423 to #422 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    He peers into the entryway, then at the teenager at the door. "Er... Hey. I was hoping to get your signature on this petition. That small house on the corner, where all the gnomes are is victim of several noise complaints. But... You seem a little young to be living here alone. Are your parents home?"
    #424 to #423 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    Parents? Oh, right, uh...no, I live alone. They live...pretty far away.   
These noise complaints, what were they, specifically?
    Parents? Oh, right, uh...no, I live alone. They live...pretty far away.
    These noise complaints, what were they, specifically?
    User avatar#425 to #424 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "bangs. Almost like explosions. Also a lot of screaming. And what sounds like a blender or T.V. overheating." *leans a little bit, trying to look into the hous a little more, and hands her one of the fliers* Here's a complete list of infractions.
    #426 to #425 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    *drops the flier behind her carelessly*   
I quite enjoy my privacy, is there something you're looking for, Mr...?
    *drops the flier behind her carelessly*
    I quite enjoy my privacy, is there something you're looking for, Mr...?
    User avatar#427 to #426 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "Burgner. Mark Burgner. Pardon my curiosity. Just this house never replies to neighborhood inquiries, requests, watch meetings, or anything else really. In fact, a lot of people think this house is abandoned. I've seen you moving around from time to time when I walk by, so I tell them otherwise."
    #428 to #427 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    Mark Burgner. My name is Tak. Now let me tell you something: as you have no doubt noticed, I'm a teenager living alone in a house, still in school and working insane hours at a *dreadful* weenie stand. I don't make a lot of money, what I make goes into bills, groceries, and cat-products.   
That's why my house is so sparsely furnished, and why I don't respond to the inane inquiries, requests, and watch meetings.   
*sigh*   
I do, however, appreciate your advocacy on my behalf on this matter.
    Mark Burgner. My name is Tak. Now let me tell you something: as you have no doubt noticed, I'm a teenager living alone in a house, still in school and working insane hours at a *dreadful* weenie stand. I don't make a lot of money, what I make goes into bills, groceries, and cat-products.
    That's why my house is so sparsely furnished, and why I don't respond to the inane inquiries, requests, and watch meetings.
    *sigh*
    I do, however, appreciate your advocacy on my behalf on this matter.
    User avatar#429 to #428 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    Well, Um... Perhaps you'd be willing to show up to the next neighborhood meeting? to at least let them someone lives here. Its spring break at school after all. Er... And someone needs to trim that lawn. *peers over her shoulder* you know, I've got some old furniture if you'd like to spruce up your living room a bit."
    #430 to #429 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    *moves to block his view* Furniture? I..oh yes...what color is it? I won't take anything yellow...or orange!   
The lawn? Oh yes, I'll have my cat right on that.   
Neighborhood meeting, eh? Is Zim going to be there? The one who screams a lot?
    *moves to block his view* Furniture? I..oh yes...what color is it? I won't take anything yellow...or orange!
    The lawn? Oh yes, I'll have my cat right on that.
    Neighborhood meeting, eh? Is Zim going to be there? The one who screams a lot?
    User avatar#431 to #430 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "Err... No, I have an old salmon recliner, a wicker loveseat, and a green couch. Mismatched as a set, but free. And no, he doesn't. His parents kind of... Freaked out on us last time."
    #432 to #431 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    Of course you people would be fooled by...wait, wicked loveseat?! What are you trying to pull here, Mr. Burger?!
    Of course you people would be fooled by...wait, wicked loveseat?! What are you trying to pull here, Mr. Burger?!
    User avatar#433 to #432 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "A love seat? A couch for 2, made of wicker?" He looks a tad confused. 'Ad what do you mean you'll get the cat on the lawn? Wait, you have a pet?"
    #434 to #433 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    *blinks*   
Wicker. Couch. Of course.   
My cat, yes, she's a small grey cat, more like my assistant, though.   
She'll be cutting the lawn, I don't like getting my hands dirty like that.
    *blinks*
    Wicker. Couch. Of course.
    My cat, yes, she's a small grey cat, more like my assistant, though.
    She'll be cutting the lawn, I don't like getting my hands dirty like that.
    User avatar#435 to #434 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "Er... Your cat can mow the lawn? That's a first. And you'll have to register your cat, so that people with allergies know not to deliver to your home." He smiles. "So... would you like to pick up that furniture? I'll be happy to help you move it. I just need to get it off my hands."
    #436 to #435 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    Of course my cat can mow the lawn...why?   
Cats do that, don't they?   
Anyway, it's impossible to be allergic to my cat, so I won't be registering her.   
As for the furniture, Mimi and I will be able to get it just fine. Just leave it outside, we'll come by eventually, unless your bureaucracy has something to say about that as well?
    Of course my cat can mow the lawn...why?
    Cats do that, don't they?
    Anyway, it's impossible to be allergic to my cat, so I won't be registering her.
    As for the furniture, Mimi and I will be able to get it just fine. Just leave it outside, we'll come by eventually, unless your bureaucracy has something to say about that as well?
    User avatar#437 to #436 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "Most cats don't do much of anything. And I could get the furniture over to your house except all but the loveseat is kind of heavy, and I'll need some help. Er... Is your pet spayed?"
    User avatar#438 to #437 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    No, her name is Mimi. I already said me and my cat will be able to get the furniture just fine. My cat could get them, my presence is just for show. She's much stronger than she looks.
    People can't be allergic to her because she's a rob-er, robust cat, yes, very healthy. But also she doesn't shed. I'd be allergic otherwise.
    User avatar#439 to #438 - twenny
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "Your... Cat can help me lift the furniture from my house down the block to your place?"
    #440 to #439 - antisocialtwilight [OP]
    Reply
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    No; my cat can lift the furniture from your house to mine by herself. I appreciate the donation, but you will not be coming into my home, persistent though you may be.
    No; my cat can lift the furniture from your house to mine by herself. I appreciate the donation, but you will not be coming into my home, persistent though you may be.
    User avatar#441 to #440 - twenny
    (03/24/2013)[-]
    "Hmm? I just needed to get the furniture to your house. I'm not trying to go into your bedroom, or your restroom. A young lady needs her privacy, and I fully understand this. But helping you set up a couch in your living room shouldn't be an issue." He pauses and scratches his head. "And I think I'd like to see this super cat of yours..."
    Return to antisocialtwilight's profile

    Top in 24 Hours

    • threatening aquatic Raccoon
      threatening aquatic Raccoon

      462
      5h ago
    • chinchilla scratches!
      chinchilla scratches!

      87
      1h ago
    • Modesty
      Modesty

      172
      2h ago
    • Krusty Krab
      Krusty Krab

      375
      5h ago
    • Goldstein'd
      Goldstein'd

      658
      6h ago
    • Doggies
      Doggies

      950
      9h ago
    • ----ermudkip
      ----ermudkip

      162
      2h ago
    • Welcome to Texas, sonny.
      Welcome to Texas, sonny.

      421
      5h ago
    • New shoes
      New shoes

      204
      3h ago
    • lamentable numerous Boar
      lamentable numerous Boar

      267
      4h ago
    • evasive noiseless Mink
      evasive noiseless Mink

      467
      6h ago
    • How to hold an N64 controller
      How to hold an N64 controller

      839
      8h ago
    • Nyehehe! You won't catch me!
      Nyehehe! You won't catch me!

      101
      2h ago
    • Werewoman.
      Werewoman.

      783
      8h ago
    • Here comes the tornado!
      Here comes the tornado!

      57
      1h ago
    • Australian ice cream parlor.
      Australian ice cream parlor.

      448
      7h ago
    • Subway race
      Subway race

      700
      8h ago
    • DAT ASS
      DAT ASS

      139
      3h ago
    • Ain't That the Truth??
      Ain't That the Truth??

      232
      5h ago
    • Eric Andre dnd
      Eric Andre dnd

      291
      5h ago
    • 18
      18

      217
      5h ago
    • Confused
      Confused

      56
      1h ago
    • Stuff #234
      Stuff #234

      1063
      10h ago
    • Women don't use the word fetish
      Women don't use the word fetish

      707
      9h ago
    • Ooooh! He's going to appeal!
      Ooooh! He's going to appeal!

      339
      6h ago
    • Sith are our speciality
      Sith are our speciality

      88
      2h ago
    • Pwned.
      Pwned.

      1262
      11h ago
    • malicious remarkable Locust
      malicious remarkable Locust

      322
      6h ago
    • homeless plastic Rhinoceros
      homeless plastic Rhinoceros

      386
      6h ago
    • Alright Dan, you go do that
      Alright Dan, you go do that

      877
      10h ago
    • Orcs
      Orcs

      507
      8h ago
    • Retail jobs suck
      Retail jobs suck

      1145
      11h ago
    • Negotiations were short
      Negotiations were short

      60
      2h ago
    • Count Doggula
      Count Doggula

      724
      10h ago
    • Me smash
      Me smash

      838
      11h ago
    • Atheism.
      Atheism.

      991
      11h ago
    • fallacious abnormal dispensable Ape
      fallacious abnormal dispensable Ape

      162
      5h ago
    • cooking with gas
      cooking with gas

      1049
      11h ago
    • Not a cat, repeat, not a cat.
      Not a cat, repeat, not a cat.

      1117
      12h ago
    • Auctions.
      Auctions.

      335
      8h ago
    FunnyJunk, LLC - Copyright - Privacy Policy - Terms of Service - Community Guidelines - Copyright Removal Request