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alooshka

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Personal Info
Gender: female
Age: 20
Date Signed Up:7/03/2012
Last Login:9/30/2014
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Thumbs: 143 total,  230 ,  87
Comment Thumbs: 996 total,  1174 ,  178
Content Level Progress: 30% (3/10)
Level 14 Content: New Here → Level 15 Content: New Here
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Level 199 Comments: Anon Annihilator → Level 200 Comments: Comedic Genius
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Content Views:24191
Total Comments Made:351
FJ Points:1139

latest user's comments

#2247 - Not long after, this same friend who I texted invited me to mo…  [+] (1 new reply) 07/23/2014 on Feels thread, open your hearts 0
#2384 - anonexplains (07/23/2014) [-]
did u diddle him?
#2242 - I lived there for 5 months before ending up in a situation whe…  [+] (2 new replies) 07/23/2014 on Feels thread, open your hearts 0
User avatar #2247 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
Not long after, this same friend who I texted invited me to move in with him, just an hour and a half away from where my parents are living. He seed like the only decent thing I had going in my life, so I agreed. We have been dating and living together for over 6 months now, and I feel really bad for him. Although I do a pretty good job of hiding it, my fear and distrust of men has kept me from being fully involved in our relationship. I look at everything he does as something potentially dangerous to me, and I assume he is lying to me nearly all the time. He tells me he loves me, gets me involved with his family and everything, and yet I still can't trust him. I don't see anything in myself that is worth anything, and maybe thats why I feel he is manipulating me when he tells me he loves me. But at times it feels so genuine, and it terrifies me to think that I might be pushing away the one person who really, genuinely cares about me.
I guess I will fix it the same way Ive been trying to, by giving him the benefit of the doubt and waiting to see if he really does mean to hurt me. Surely after seeing him prove that he cares enough times, I should learn that I can trust him... At least I really hope so.
damn this was long post
#2384 - anonexplains (07/23/2014) [-]
did u diddle him?
#2239 - My dad could see that he was losing his control over me, and o…  [+] (3 new replies) 07/23/2014 on Feels thread, open your hearts 0
User avatar #2242 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
I lived there for 5 months before ending up in a situation where I was forced to re-evaluate what I was doing with my life. I was spending so much money on alcohol that there were days where I could not afford to eat. There was a soup kitchen on my street but I was too proud to ever go there. The longest I had to go without food was 3 days. I just drank instead. On one night in particular, I was hanging out with my homeless friends, drunk out of my mind as per usual. I somehow got from sitting at their usual spot to being in an apartment. I didnt have a clue how I got there, or what was going on at first. Some guy handed me what looked like a gum wrapper and told me I'd love it, it was from the chinamen. Meanwhile I was sitting on a bed with a girl who I later found out was a prostitute, watching her shoot up. I texted a friend of mine telling him what was going on, and he gave me an excuse to get out of there, and begged me not to take whatever was in that wrapper, saying that since these people were involved in prostitution and I had no memory of paying for it, I was probably meant to get hooked on whatever it was so they could lure me into the prostitution ring. Needless to say this scared the living shit out of me and made me think a little harder about what I was doing.
User avatar #2247 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
Not long after, this same friend who I texted invited me to move in with him, just an hour and a half away from where my parents are living. He seed like the only decent thing I had going in my life, so I agreed. We have been dating and living together for over 6 months now, and I feel really bad for him. Although I do a pretty good job of hiding it, my fear and distrust of men has kept me from being fully involved in our relationship. I look at everything he does as something potentially dangerous to me, and I assume he is lying to me nearly all the time. He tells me he loves me, gets me involved with his family and everything, and yet I still can't trust him. I don't see anything in myself that is worth anything, and maybe thats why I feel he is manipulating me when he tells me he loves me. But at times it feels so genuine, and it terrifies me to think that I might be pushing away the one person who really, genuinely cares about me.
I guess I will fix it the same way Ive been trying to, by giving him the benefit of the doubt and waiting to see if he really does mean to hurt me. Surely after seeing him prove that he cares enough times, I should learn that I can trust him... At least I really hope so.
damn this was long post
#2384 - anonexplains (07/23/2014) [-]
did u diddle him?
#2237 - As I got older I started to resent not just my dad, but my mom…  [+] (4 new replies) 07/23/2014 on Feels thread, open your hearts 0
User avatar #2239 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
My dad could see that he was losing his control over me, and our house basically became a war zone. My sister didnt want to be around the 2 of us together, and my mom even tried to force us into family counselling, where the entire session was somehow about her being a victim of all of this. That was when things started turning physical. It started with him getting up in my face screaming, and spitting in my face over and over, jumping in front of me when I tried to move and screaming over me when I submitted and tried to say I was just trying to get a towel to wipe his spit off my face. Soon after he started shaking me when he was angry and throwing me into walls, then it turned into wrapping his hands around my throat and sreaming that I was "so lucky... just so lucky" that he wasn't actually going to kill me. Soon after this, he decided he was going to send me to a homeless shelter, so I packed up my belongings and moved as far away as I could, with little money, no job and no place to stay. I managed to find a cheap basement suite for rent in a shady area and a job just a short walk away. I started drinking my paychecks away, as much as 2 bottles of wine a night. I used to walk down my street drunk to hang out with the homeless and drug addicts at night, even after being sent home by the cops because I was on "crack alley" and I made an easy target.
User avatar #2242 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
I lived there for 5 months before ending up in a situation where I was forced to re-evaluate what I was doing with my life. I was spending so much money on alcohol that there were days where I could not afford to eat. There was a soup kitchen on my street but I was too proud to ever go there. The longest I had to go without food was 3 days. I just drank instead. On one night in particular, I was hanging out with my homeless friends, drunk out of my mind as per usual. I somehow got from sitting at their usual spot to being in an apartment. I didnt have a clue how I got there, or what was going on at first. Some guy handed me what looked like a gum wrapper and told me I'd love it, it was from the chinamen. Meanwhile I was sitting on a bed with a girl who I later found out was a prostitute, watching her shoot up. I texted a friend of mine telling him what was going on, and he gave me an excuse to get out of there, and begged me not to take whatever was in that wrapper, saying that since these people were involved in prostitution and I had no memory of paying for it, I was probably meant to get hooked on whatever it was so they could lure me into the prostitution ring. Needless to say this scared the living shit out of me and made me think a little harder about what I was doing.
User avatar #2247 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
Not long after, this same friend who I texted invited me to move in with him, just an hour and a half away from where my parents are living. He seed like the only decent thing I had going in my life, so I agreed. We have been dating and living together for over 6 months now, and I feel really bad for him. Although I do a pretty good job of hiding it, my fear and distrust of men has kept me from being fully involved in our relationship. I look at everything he does as something potentially dangerous to me, and I assume he is lying to me nearly all the time. He tells me he loves me, gets me involved with his family and everything, and yet I still can't trust him. I don't see anything in myself that is worth anything, and maybe thats why I feel he is manipulating me when he tells me he loves me. But at times it feels so genuine, and it terrifies me to think that I might be pushing away the one person who really, genuinely cares about me.
I guess I will fix it the same way Ive been trying to, by giving him the benefit of the doubt and waiting to see if he really does mean to hurt me. Surely after seeing him prove that he cares enough times, I should learn that I can trust him... At least I really hope so.
damn this was long post
#2384 - anonexplains (07/23/2014) [-]
did u diddle him?
#2228 - -20 -f -canada Since nobody knows me on this site …  [+] (5 new replies) 07/23/2014 on Feels thread, open your hearts +1
User avatar #2237 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
As I got older I started to resent not just my dad, but my mom as well. She would always say things like "if anyone ever tried to hurt you, I swear to god.." and "never let a man treat you with anything but respect", blah, blah, blah. And yet she listened to the things he was saying to me and acted as if it wasn't even happening. Eventually I got so sick of it I couldn't stand it anymore. I started standing up for myself, which is the best and the worst thing I have ever done. It made me feel like I wasn't so weak, like I had some control, and it really boosted my confidence. I went from being too shy and scared to say more than a few words to a stranger, to hanging out with people I barely knew and making new friends for the first time since I was a little kid. But my dad didn't like my new found confidence. He saw it as disrespect when I spoke out against him, and when I didn't cringe or cry at his hurtful words. I started to despise him, and the more I asserted myself the angrier he became. g There is no doubt that at this point I was not all that respectful towards him, because I had little respect left for him.
User avatar #2239 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
My dad could see that he was losing his control over me, and our house basically became a war zone. My sister didnt want to be around the 2 of us together, and my mom even tried to force us into family counselling, where the entire session was somehow about her being a victim of all of this. That was when things started turning physical. It started with him getting up in my face screaming, and spitting in my face over and over, jumping in front of me when I tried to move and screaming over me when I submitted and tried to say I was just trying to get a towel to wipe his spit off my face. Soon after he started shaking me when he was angry and throwing me into walls, then it turned into wrapping his hands around my throat and sreaming that I was "so lucky... just so lucky" that he wasn't actually going to kill me. Soon after this, he decided he was going to send me to a homeless shelter, so I packed up my belongings and moved as far away as I could, with little money, no job and no place to stay. I managed to find a cheap basement suite for rent in a shady area and a job just a short walk away. I started drinking my paychecks away, as much as 2 bottles of wine a night. I used to walk down my street drunk to hang out with the homeless and drug addicts at night, even after being sent home by the cops because I was on "crack alley" and I made an easy target.
User avatar #2242 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
I lived there for 5 months before ending up in a situation where I was forced to re-evaluate what I was doing with my life. I was spending so much money on alcohol that there were days where I could not afford to eat. There was a soup kitchen on my street but I was too proud to ever go there. The longest I had to go without food was 3 days. I just drank instead. On one night in particular, I was hanging out with my homeless friends, drunk out of my mind as per usual. I somehow got from sitting at their usual spot to being in an apartment. I didnt have a clue how I got there, or what was going on at first. Some guy handed me what looked like a gum wrapper and told me I'd love it, it was from the chinamen. Meanwhile I was sitting on a bed with a girl who I later found out was a prostitute, watching her shoot up. I texted a friend of mine telling him what was going on, and he gave me an excuse to get out of there, and begged me not to take whatever was in that wrapper, saying that since these people were involved in prostitution and I had no memory of paying for it, I was probably meant to get hooked on whatever it was so they could lure me into the prostitution ring. Needless to say this scared the living shit out of me and made me think a little harder about what I was doing.
User avatar #2247 - alooshka (07/23/2014) [-]
Not long after, this same friend who I texted invited me to move in with him, just an hour and a half away from where my parents are living. He seed like the only decent thing I had going in my life, so I agreed. We have been dating and living together for over 6 months now, and I feel really bad for him. Although I do a pretty good job of hiding it, my fear and distrust of men has kept me from being fully involved in our relationship. I look at everything he does as something potentially dangerous to me, and I assume he is lying to me nearly all the time. He tells me he loves me, gets me involved with his family and everything, and yet I still can't trust him. I don't see anything in myself that is worth anything, and maybe thats why I feel he is manipulating me when he tells me he loves me. But at times it feels so genuine, and it terrifies me to think that I might be pushing away the one person who really, genuinely cares about me.
I guess I will fix it the same way Ive been trying to, by giving him the benefit of the doubt and waiting to see if he really does mean to hurt me. Surely after seeing him prove that he cares enough times, I should learn that I can trust him... At least I really hope so.
damn this was long post
#2384 - anonexplains (07/23/2014) [-]
did u diddle him?
#344 - checking in for calgary  [+] (1 new reply) 06/15/2013 on Let's try an experiment... 0
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#37 - I listened to the whole thing before I read your comment. God damnit. 04/16/2013 on What 0
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#79 - jackthefurfag (04/16/2013) [-]
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