hello darling, how are you

I'm sick. :( But that's okay!
I've read your post though! It was very descriptive. I liked that about it. (All together I thought it was pretty darn cool too!)

my post

The Soul Effect. (I call fanfics posts)

oh alright, what did you think of it, what was good what was bad

I didn't understand the Dark Souls references (I haven't played the game yet. I really want to though) but I understood the Mass Effect references. I think that there are a million different ways to expand on this though. You defined a meeting. A meeting of two seemingly different worlds through powerful influences in each of those worlds. Where Lilith's world has ended as she knows it, a new one unfolds before her eyes. Depending on where you went with it, I think that it would be a really interesting fanfic. I have a very good impression of it. :)

well i read from your story darling, i can tell you some thing that i feel can help you improve your story but it will be ruthless im afraid

That's fine. Just remember that those are the dry bones of the story. I'm not focused on details at all right now. I'm going back to actually make the scenes realistic later. The book does not focus on the "plot" like most would imagine. I focus more on character interactions and the progression of insanity.

alright then to begin their interactions are far to forced, i feel that you cant just shove them together and make them work though animes do that often you cant get away with it in books, second some of your descriptions that you though out just seems far off of the ball also your descriptions of her honestly just seem like you are forceing yuno though another charecter not letting her be her own charecter. next your main charecter ebon seems just like a empty shell you are dumping ideas in he also needs to be his own person. that what stood out to me taking into account what you said

You've helped me analyze a lot though. I find the plot of my story to be hugely overbearing and the beginning is the part that I worried about the most. I literally explain nothing in the beginning.

Celina is a fallen God that used to rule over time/space. She has lost all of her powers due to the corruption of Gods and now wanders the Earth trying to regain her power. Ebon was placed by a much higher God as a blank agent that will sense corruption and fix it. Unfortunately because of the corruption of the Gods, they cannot contact the higher Gods to fix the problem. I should also note that Gods cannot kill each other and have laws that they cannot break while humans are completely free to do what they want with any attained power.

A human can become a God if they have a God's power. That is why Celina needs Ebon. She must also ensure that Ebon never touches HER power. Any power he attains while helping her is a different story though. So they restore her power eventually and figure out what is going on to put a stop to it. Celina kills herself (which is a horrible crime for Gods) and makes Ebon the new God of time/space. Ebon does not know that he is an agent, but because he has ascended to power he can contact higher gods (unlike Celina). He prays to God and sends a message. He doesn't know that a higher God can hear him though and goes to battle the other Gods. He fails the battle, but because of his message a God sends help. After the corrupted Gods are gone, the other God revives Celina and forces her to forever serve as a God with Ebon.

Then I go into how a soul can become a God if given enough experience. The God to human ratio becomes a problem then. Ebon and Celina have to figure out how to produce Gods in a timely manner by changing the laws of the world to hurt or help humanity. The more the soul is hurt, the faster they become Gods. But then morals come into play and corruption. The more Gods there are, the more room there is for souls. There is also more room for corruption when making "fast" Gods.

I know that they are forced together. That is the point of it all. Later on, you find out that that they are forced together by a greater being and that these greater beings aren't so great at what they do.

Yuno was what I wanted in a sense from Celina though. No, I didn't want her to be exactly like her. I want her to have an insane feel to her though. She's much cockier than Yuno and her own character (In my opinion) starts to make itself apparent later on. The only reason that she is crazy is because she has lost all of her powers. She later on becomes regretful of her actions and becomes much wiser after finding the literal pieces of her lost power. (the time stones or whatever I call them)

Ebon. Ebon is literally a shell placed for Yuno created by God to be the "Jesus" of this world. He very much isn't a character in the beginning. You will find him later on, switching personalities with Celina. He isn't right in the head because a weak God created him. He is a husk meant only to gather power. He is highly influenced and the power that he attains so well is completely free to warp his mind and corrupt him. He no longer becomes a trust able character.

for them forced together i think your misunderstanding when pairing people they are puzzle pieces that you need to get to click together and into the story together in my fanfiction i had to work long and hard shaping Lilith and Shepard to fit together so that they would irritate each-other in the right ways and drive each other mad in the right ways for ebon and celina it feels to me like you are making two pieces that dont go together fit.
i just get the impression from what ive read that you are trying to recreate yuno in cecilna and it doesn't seem to work very well this may be a false impression.
you have to be very careful when making a husk character because personality comes from nature and nurture the kind of eviorment that you have ebon in would forge a very strong and very clever personality not a weak one, so strong that personally i would right the warping going two ways the power warps him and he warps the power

Sorry to give you such a fast and dirty run down of the story. It literally took me hours to explain this in person.

As I said, this is my first draft though. I'm not working long and hard to make them fit and I'm not sure that I want them to fit (haven't decided yet). I kind of want the feeling of choice to be taken from them (because it is). They don't love each other and do not compliment each other. They are both using each other. The power is what attracts them, nothing else. But because of that power, they can never find anyone else that they are attracted to. They are "forced" together.

alright then darling

But thank you!!!!
You've helped me where I needed it the most. I wish that I could explain it all to you, but that would take FOREVER. I knew that I would have to fix the beginning to the extent of almost rewriting the whole thing. My problem was... where do I start this thing? At the time, I didn't know. I probably still won't know till close to the end.

you mean where do you start your story darling is that what your asking?

What's up Kitsune?

h-hello?

You know what rhymes with hello?
Rape.

is that so darling, so how are you today

Absolutely wonderful!
Finals are no more!
I have slain the beast with many heads.

its good to hear you are doing well darling, if you finished with finals what are you up to

Nothing much. Just took the last two today. I just got home a little while ago. Thinking about writing more in my book soon though!

oh your writing darling, what kind of book do you plan to write?

It is going to be (or rather IS) a violent telling of time/space manipulation. A book about how men can become Gods and Gods can become men. A telling of how and why the universe runs. All wrapped up with a delicious yandere love.
(Similar to Mirai Nikki, but without the game. More like a cross between what the bible could mean and doesn't tell you, the story of King Arthur, and history in a parallel universe.)
In other words... It's really hard to explain.

it sounds, really interesting anyway i could convince you to let me read it (ill beta it if youd like)

If you want. I haven't edited it yet though and it's not done. But that's okay! I'm constantly updating it and would love any input on it. I can e-mail it to you if you like.

well its up to you, you can email it to me or give me a drop box link whatever you would like, and if you would like i can link you to my fanfiction if you would like to read it.

I already have it in my e-mail to send so it would probably be easier that way. (I also don't know how to do the drop box thing)
But I would love to read your fanfic!

pm'ed you

We do!
That means we have class.
I mean Alexander just screams monocles and top hats!

Indeed my friend.
Sorry for my lack of .jpgs .... Deleted my whole folder a while back ._.

We should be friends. Then find other people whose names also have Alexander in them and friend them. That way people will start to think the Alexanders grouping together in some kind of high class super secret orgy thing!

Good evening tomanyusernames.

good evening darling, how are you

Absolutely wonderful!
Procrastinating on this site has never been so much fun!

its good to hear your enjoying yourself darling, so are you doing anything in particular or not really

Just reading manga and contemplating building a nuclear reactor in Jamaica. You know, the usual!

alright darling, if you dont mind me asking what manga your reading

Ikebukuro Hatsu, Zensekai Yuki!
I just started reading it a little while ago. It seems promising though!

seems promising though its not the kind of thing i would usually read, i may try it after i finish what im reading now

I normally wouldn't read this either, but it caught my eye. I typically read things that are a little darker. Some of my favorites are "Akame ga KILL", "Mirai Nikki", and "Anorexia – Shikabane Hanako wa Kyoshokushou" (even though I hated how it ended).

personaly my tastes are toward senin and even darker then what you mentioned (not that im trying to show you up just saying) i like things similar to blame, biomega, pluto, Dorohedoro, ichi the killer dark and gritty kind of manga

Wonderful.