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Splap

no avatar Level 213 Comments: Comedic Genius
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Age: 113
Date Signed Up:8/16/2010
Last Login:3/24/2014
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Level 213 Comments: Comedic Genius → Level 214 Comments: Comedic Genius
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Total Comments Made:133
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#34 - Well, since we're telling stories of internet gender-swapping,…  [+] (10 new replies) 12/07/2013 on Gamer Girl +18
#35 - Splap (12/07/2013) [-]
Then, Maddie left for the Navy. Left for 2 months, clan got pretty down on its luck at that point. I made some new friends that I talked to Maddie about. I was still pretty suspicious of her: as in, I told her I would buy her a mic and send it to her just so we could talk. Gave her everything: cell #, school, even my fucking address. I even confronted her about it multiple times. "Are you a guy, or not? Because if you are, I won't be pissed" and she'd always respond "Splap, I have a vagina!" and she'd get offended if I asked for pictures with time stamps. Trust me, I was a pretty big skeptic. but it went on. Oh, another thing. Literally the day she was leaving for the Navy, a DIFFERENT clan member (that we also thought was a girl) came out as being a dude. Clan flipped out, pretty much stopped Maddie from- well, we're getting there. Anyways. Maddie gets on RS, and comes back to the clan. Says she's being stationed at Naval Station Great Lakes, and she actually has freetime now. She sends pictures of the base, and a piece of paper that says "For Splap, XX/XX/XXXX" but still nothing of her actually.

And then I fucked up.

She was having a bad fucking day, I guess. Idk what the Navy goes through. Then, some shit went down in the clan. (She traded a red phat for a rare black lobster, or some shit) (please note the previous statement was a joke). She logs off. I E-Mail her. And lemme tell ya, I can provoke tears when I need to. I told her I didn't know what she was going through, but I'd be there for her... yadda yadda.... and that I loved her.

And she said she loved me.

Look man, when someone says "I love you, too" to you, and they MEAN IT, your head gets fucked up. Make sure you know what you're doing when that happens. That's when we started hanging out FAR too often. At that point, I had already identified the game as crap. Hell, the new clan was NAMED after her. And people started identifying us as a couple. Continue...
#37 - Splap (12/07/2013) [-]
I forgot to mention: Maddie was 19 at the time, soon to be 20. 4 year age difference would be crappy, but doable. And she always talked about how she rejected most guys: dudes at bars would offer her a drink, and she would order the most expensive thing and walk away. So I felt LUCKY that I was so close to her, and that I actually meant something to her. One time I made her laugh so hard that she said I was "Perfect husband material." You can guess what rushed through my head at that point. I even asked her if she'd ever want to try a relationship when she got back from the Navy. You know what she said? "Maybe."

Look. If any of you are impersonating someone of the opposite gender, and someone honestly says they want a relationship with you, just turn them down. A "Maybe" to me was faaaar better than I had ever done with a girl. I honestly thought this was going somewhere! Then, Maddie gets sent to Japan on duty. She even says she wished I could come. Fuck. Maddie reeaaally liked me, but there was always something in the back of my head saying that something was up. By this time, Maddie was a common point of interest among my real friends. They would always heckle me, saying she was a dude. Did I believe them? Of course not. I'd befriended plenty of girls already, why would this one be fake? but I digress. She was in Japan. She could only ever talk from 1am to 5am my time. So, I just stopped talking to her, right? NO, I adjusted my fucking sleep schedule, like a pathetic piece of shit. Stopped seeing some of my real friends outside school. But as long as I could talk to Maddie, I was happy. I was still a skeptic, though. Not even a picture of her fucking nametag. By this point, I ONLY played Runescape to talk to her. Sometimes I would wake up at 1am, log in, then stare at the screen for 5 hours, waiting to go to school, seeing if she would log in. By this point, my patience was wearing thin. I had to do some detective work. Continued...
#38 - Splap (12/07/2013) [-]
Anyways, Maddie was in Japan. She sent some pictures of Japanese bars, but none of her in them. I did some sleuth work. Maddie's Facebook said where she went to high school, so I Googled her name with that high school. No results. But on a few of the shirts she wore and the shirts her real life friends (that she conveniently never added on Facebook) in her pictures said "-animal-" on them. (There was an actual animal, not just the word animal, but that's not important.) So, I went to a website that listed all High School Football mascots for the state she lived in, and got a handful of results. Googled her name with those schools, nada. Then I saw that one of the shirts had "-brand name- -animal-" on it. So I searched that. But it wasn't the brand of the shirt, as I thought; it was the name of a high school in a state halfway across the country! So, I Googled her name and the name of THAT high school, no results. But then I remembered some of her real life "friends" that she mentioned. So I Googled her friend's name and that school, and I got a hit. I gotta admit, I felt like Sherlock fucking Holmes at this point. From that name, I found a Facebook account, and when I saw that "friend's" profile picture, I shat myself.

There, standing next to this girl I just found, was Maddie.

I was sooo happy that I proved she existed! It was about 4am at this time, so I couldn't tell anyone, but I fucking did it! So I went through her friend's pictures to see some other pics of Maddie, and I found one of the exact pictures that Maddie posted on her profile! So I scrolled over Maddie's face...

...But it wasn't tagged as Maddie. It was tagged as "-Girl-that's-not-Maddie" So, I clicked it. Lo and behold, I had found "Maddie." A very attractive girl that had no affiliation with me or anyone I knew. The Maddie I knew was dragging pics off Not-Maddie's profile and using them as "Maddie," so they MUST be a friend Not-Maddie. Continue...
#40 - Splap (12/07/2013) [-]
WALL OF TEXT. Sorry guys, last one. So I searched Not-Maddie's 1,000 or so friends for Maddie. Fortunately, Maddie had given me her last name. Her REAL last name. I searched that surname, and right there in the friends list was "-Actual Maddie-" U.S. Navy. And yeah. It was a dude. I gotta admit, I was pretty relieved it was a well-kept 20 y/o serviceman and not some neckbeard that wanted to rape me, but still. A dude. So I messaged him, asking who the fuck he was and why the fuck he did this and yadda yadda yadda. He said he was "going to tell me" and "surprised I didn't figure it out sooner." We actually... well, after all we went through, we were still good friends. I even got to hear is voice. (This dude was masculine - like, Fat Albert, baritone in the choir masculine.) For the next month, he badgered me about "Killing Maddie." But hey, can't kill what never lived, bitch. Then some shit went down in the clan a few weeks later (I'd told them at that point, and they were relatively accepting of it.) He flipped, said "good luck keeping it together" and blocked everyone from everything. I was pretty hurt - Not because I "lost the love of my life," but because I seriously thought we were at least friends. Turns out it was pretty easy for him to call it quits. So he's basically an asshole in my mind now. Last I checked, he's still playing Runescape under his "Maddie" account, probably gone back to his feminine ways. Thanks for the 8 of you who read this, hope you enjoyed the Lament of a Lonely Nerd.

TL;DR Hot chicks on the internet are not only dudes, they're dudes who like to fuck with people who don't know any better. And Runescape sucks.

(Seriously, what little EoC didn't kill was absolutely mullered by RS3.)
#83 - ronyx (12/07/2013) [-]
User avatar #74 - xdeathspawnx (12/07/2013) [-]
wow that sucks. shit like that can really affect the way you look at life.
User avatar #60 - iknowuwant (12/07/2013) [-]
dam bro, thats some shit :/
#42 - braveblue (12/07/2013) [-]
I'm so sorry bro.
#39 - tehfalconguy (12/07/2013) [-]
Jesus tittyfucking Christ I see where this is going and if I were somehow neckbeardy no offense man enough to be in this situation i can imagine how fucked up you would be.
#41 - Splap (12/07/2013) [-]
Nah man, none taken. I make sure I shave every day to keep the neck-stubble from developing further, lol. If anything, it showed me how shitty people can be. Oh, and when I feel like I'M an asshole, I just remember that I didn't lead someone on for 8-or-so months just to delete them from life. It's nice to have some perspective!
#692 - **Splap rolled a random image posted in comment #2 at What… 11/17/2013 on Roll picture 0
#115 - They're based off the Three Musketeers, which was a group of f…  [+] (1 new reply) 11/15/2013 on There Seems to Be a Pattern +2
User avatar #127 - atma (11/16/2013) [-]
Is that true? I never got Keldeo's second forme and don't remember any talk of the trio from Black and White in-game
because that'd be awesome
#723 - Confuse Ray all you ************* 11/02/2013 on Pokemon +1
#717 - **Splap rolls 042**  [+] (2 new replies) 11/02/2013 on Pokemon +1
#723 - Splap (11/02/2013) [-]
Confuse Ray all you motherfuckers
#719 - anonimperiumreturn Comment deleted by Splap
#1116 - $5 blowjobs 10/24/2013 on *roll 2* to see your fate 0
#1109 - **Splap rolls 91**  [+] (1 new reply) 10/24/2013 on *roll 2* to see your fate 0
#1116 - Splap (10/24/2013) [-]
$5 blowjobs
#51 - I was once very close to finding out why kids love Cinnamon T… 10/23/2013 on I can read fast +3
#11 - Or you can make it look like it's rapidly shaking back and forth  [+] (1 new reply) 10/20/2013 on Fucking illusions +15
#34 - pearfield (10/20/2013) [-]
Because that's what it's really doing...
#2 - Well if they aren't working at all, then that's about $8.25/hr… 10/14/2013 on Shutdown 0
#146 - 12 inches deep Left Kneecap 19% chance of survival … 10/09/2013 on How fucked are you? 0
#615 - **Splap rolled a random comment #19 posted by creepycreepe… 10/08/2013 on Your Last Words +5
#13 - **Splap rolls 8,472** 10/06/2013 on Let's a Play Game, FJ 0
#134 - Tysshon Washington? Sounds like Cobra Commander had a black so… 09/26/2013 on Black guy name generator 0
#133 - **Splap rolls 3,835**  [+] (1 new reply) 09/26/2013 on Black guy name generator 0
#134 - Splap (09/26/2013) [-]
Tysshon Washington? Sounds like Cobra Commander had a black son or something
#4 - No half measures  [+] (1 new reply) 09/26/2013 on stupid +48
User avatar #6 - tittylovin (09/26/2013) [-]
You just made me laugh WAY too hard in this hotel at night.
#3 - Every pizza for me IS personal pizza! But not becaus… 09/24/2013 on believe in yourself +13
#1 - Comment deleted 09/10/2013 on Description 0
#23 - I am. Can't wait for Titanfall! 08/29/2013 on PS4 and X-Box One 0
#18 - Go slap someone across the face. Are they upset with you? Yes?… 08/27/2013 on The Power Of Apologizing -1
#5 - This is the best L.A. Noire guide I've read so far 08/27/2013 on speech has increased +4
#1 - Does Marcellus Wallace smell like a BITCH? 08/13/2013 on Exquisite perfume 0
#80 - Comment deleted 08/13/2013 on roll 2 for what you want 0
#56 - "HOW DID YOU GET THIS URL?!" 08/13/2013 on Let's Play A Game 0
#1761 - **Splap rolls 060** 08/12/2013 on Superpowers 0
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