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Lambda

Last status update:
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Date Signed Up:1/30/2010
Last Login:7/29/2016
FunnyJunk Career Stats
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Highest Comment Rank:#77
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Times Content Favorited:218 times
Total Comments Made:10528
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latest user's comments

#2 - Reminds me of this story:  [+] (14 new replies) 03/27/2016 on Wrong number +12
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#15 - deadlyfoez (03/28/2016) [-]
I read that story back about 16 years ago when it was on hackpalace.net
Just for the fact that I read that story I got into a little bit of trouble with someone that I knew who was a navy seal.
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#5 - bme (03/27/2016) [-]
So do I start calling those numbers ooooor.......
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#75 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
Yeah I would leave it the fuck alone if I were you. I exited out as soon as they started listing numbers. I don't want that anywhere even in my memory.
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#94 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
I am canadian though so what are they gun do.
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#99 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
The Prime Minister will wreck your ass.

"Yeah I'm American so I just called up Vladimir Putin's private nuke stash to ask him if his refrigerator is running. Hah! International lines protect me."

*FBI busts in*

"Sir, you're being arrested for agitating possible nuclear war and screwing up diplomatic relations. You'll be sent to Guantanamo for he rest of your life for endangering all your countrymen and indeed the world. You're a monster. This will take us months to smooth over, you fuck!"
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#101 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
I see your Point but they are right there.... and it's very temping.
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#102 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
You walk into a room. A nuclear bomb sits next to a ballpin hammer.

If you would like to leave it alone, turn the page. If you want to hit the bomb with the hammer, close the book and shoot yourself IRL.
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#103 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
Where is this room? If I'm in a room in downtown Toronto obviously not. Am I in the middle of an isis base and they just happen to use the same room for their munitions hostages and hammers?
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#105 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
You are anywhere. The bomb designation is unmarked, but with what little knowledge of international relations you have, you conclude that if this bomb indeed went off, it would do far more harm than good in any scenario. The thing would be a scapegoat, some country would blame another for the detonation and retaliate, someone would be outed for improper use and storage and a war would ignite, or protesters would take over a government through hostile force because they believe they could store it better, or all of the above. You know of one thing for sure: hundreds of thousands of people will die if you interact with this object at all. In the heat of such a moment, you cannot remember where this room is in time and space. Is it a city center? The basement of a loved one's house? Is your loving wife and children there? Are you even married? Nothing comes to mind as you stare deeply into this explosive, with all the power of Satan's armies held within. Your breath catches in your throat. What do you do?
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#106 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
I sit and consider everything I know about this bizarre situation. And at first I do nothing. As my third day with no food or water aproaches I realize that I will stave to death if left alone. Ive been put in this empty room beyond the grasp of space and time for one purpose This is my destiny, i never even had a choice. With all the force of Thor I slam my lone ballpoint companion into my biggest question.
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#107 - catburglarpenis (03/28/2016) [-]
Your dick falls off. What's worse, as you look around you realize that you're at school wearing no pants, and everyone is laughing at you. You remember now that you contracted leprosy in a bad hunting accident, and you thought that can of beans you ate looked pretty iffy. More embarrassed than ever, your hallucinogenic haze wears thin, and you remember that you were on your way to a funeral before this whole thing kicked off. Your loved ones had perished in a freak accident at a nuclear plant.

The end.

Written by R.L. Stein.
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#108 - bme (03/28/2016) [-]
Your dick falls off wasn't even top 100 on things I thought I would read today.
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#109 - catburglarpenis (03/29/2016) [-]
R.L. Stein books get crazy dawg.
#6 - anon (03/27/2016) [-]
no.

neither.
#45 - Older cars will let you try, but you will not succeed. 03/23/2016 on life hack +20
#4 - I like waking up before my alarm goes off. That means I don't …  [+] (5 new replies) 03/18/2016 on being polite +65
#42 - anon (03/18/2016) [-]
I know right, one of the most satisfying things there are
#37 - junglebboyy (03/18/2016) [-]
I hate waking up a full 15 minutes early cause for some reason when I do that I know COULD get a few more minutes of sweet sweet mother sleep to give me a few more moments of rest but i get so caught up with the fact that I'll have to get up in a few minutes and I just lay their for the rest of the the 15 minutes mad at myself for not being able to sleep and mad at the universe for being able to freeze and let me get some more shit eye
#38 - junglebboyy (03/18/2016) [-]
Shut* oh fuck me the one time autocorrect doesn't work it,it fails me in the worst way
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#36 - gloriousthighs (03/18/2016) [-]
but that's one of the worst feelings. I wake up plenty and usually still have at least an hour before I have to get up so I can happily fall back to sleep. Waking up, thinking I can keep sleeping but finding out my alarm is just about to go off is crushing.
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#45 - shorea (03/18/2016) [-]
it's the best feeling. If you wake up naturally it makes you feel a LOT better than waking up with the alarm, even if it's a matter of seconds.
#8 - mmmmmmmmmmm 03/09/2016 on poor pupper +2
#8 - The danger with that is that it makes a spark when connected, …  [+] (8 new replies) 03/09/2016 on jumpstart a car +5
#29 - sturmbeard (03/09/2016) [-]
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#27 - lolikikolik (03/09/2016) [-]
that only happens if you connect the cables in wrong order
#35 - skelebones (03/09/2016) [-]
no m8 it can happen if a battery is just old. really worn. under alot of pressure. or just plain bad with a bad cell
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#16 - Vo Spader (03/09/2016) [-]
i don't know why they're thumbing you down... that shit happens. friend of the family was hospitalized because that happened at his auto shop he owned.
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#11 - mcbergstedt (03/09/2016) [-]
Your battery has to be REALLY corroded for it to that.
#34 - skelebones (03/09/2016) [-]
not necessarily. a battery can be under extreme pressures if the vent ports are plugged.
#10 - anon (03/09/2016) [-]
Never gonna happen.
#33 - skelebones (03/09/2016) [-]
bullshit
i work for autozone m8 ive seen it happen half a dozen times in 2 years
#26 - This is why I was always afraid of the pool drain. They s… 03/08/2016 on Why jobs like underwater... 0
#4 - In English, smart is an adjective as well as the make of the c…  [+] (2 new replies) 03/03/2016 on Party like its 16/16/16 +17
#8 - anon (03/03/2016) [-]
Funny I find it weird to say "He drives a Smart car" - the meaning seems ambiguous be it is the car clever? Or is it a Smart. Instead saying "He drives a Smart" makes more sense, because well "a Smart" is definitely not correct therefore saying "He drives a Smart" is the better option.
#10 - yesamgrill (03/03/2016) [-]
**yesamgrill used "*roll picture*"**
**yesamgrill rolled image** to be honest, for years i just thought people were talking about any electric car. like one would call an android a smartphone
#12 - yes 03/03/2016 on Uranium decaying and... 0
#28 - This is the only way to die, where you can be sure not to go t… 03/02/2016 on Suicide Helmet 0
#25 - Race to the bottom. Hooray. 03/02/2016 on EQUALITY +2