Home Original Content Funny Pictures Funny GIFs YouTube Funny Text Funny Movies Channels Search

hide menu

HailtotheKing    

Rank #3434 on Comments
HailtotheKing Avatar Level 215 Comments: Comedic Genius
Offline
Send mail to HailtotheKing Block HailtotheKing Invite HailtotheKing to be your friend flag avatar
Last status update:
-
Personal Info
Gender: male
Age: 20
Date Signed Up:3/01/2010
Last Login:7/14/2014
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#3434
Highest Content Rank:#7390
Highest Comment Rank:#2540
Content Thumbs: 75 total,  91 ,  16
Comment Thumbs: 1980 total,  2072 ,  92
Content Level Progress: 80% (4/5)
Level 3 Content: New Here → Level 4 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 82% (82/100)
Level 215 Comments: Comedic Genius → Level 216 Comments: Comedic Genius
Subscribers:11
Content Views:8779
Times Content Favorited:5 times
Total Comments Made:602
FJ Points:1797
Hail to the king, baby

latest user's comments

#102 - Welp! Time for a creepy story! So I'm in this advanc…  [+] (7 new replies) 03/22/2014 on slightly disturbed 0
User avatar #104 - brokenhalf (03/22/2014) [-]
MOOOOAAAAR!
User avatar #103 - HailtotheKing (03/22/2014) [-]
I sat down and started asking my normal questions to break the ice, in a sense.

"Hello, my name is Daniel and I'm here to ask you a few questions."
"I'm here to answer them." We both laughed a bit at that.
"Alright, firstly for the people in charge, why did you come here today?"
"Well I need some money more than anything. Can't seem to hold down a job for more than a few months."
"Any other reason?" He looked really nervous after I asked him this question.
"Uh, kind of actually. My normal psychologist moved offices and I don't get a chance to go and see him. I figured this would be the next best thing, plus I make a few bucks doing it."
"Win-win for everyone!"
We laughed here too. Right now I couldn't really tell why he was in the crazy group since he seemed pretty normal but here is where it goes downhill fast. After the basic stuff we were free to ask out own question to probe into their psyche. My go to was always "How's your relationship with your parents?" so I asked that.
"Uh, parents? Not great I guess. My dad left when I was in middle school and my mom just went crazy after that." I forgot to mention, Fred was in his late 20's.
"What do you mean 'went crazy'?"
"Well she started drinking and smoking and gambling and spending all our money on those little humble figurines. You know, the ones with the little fat baby angels in the cute poses? She said that they were like her children."
"That all sounds like manic depression to me. Did she ever get any help?"
"Nope, she killed herself when I was in highschool. Got really drunk and took some pills then laid down on the train tracks by our house." He said all this really causally, like he was describing what he had for diner last night.
"Oh, I-"
"The police said it was an accident but I know she did it on purpose to get away."
"Away from what?"
"Away from me."
This is when he started to get less friendly and more...Crazy.
User avatar #110 - charliecharmander (04/11/2014) [-]
More?
User avatar #109 - okiedokes (03/25/2014) [-]
I need more!!!!!!!
User avatar #108 - shunji (03/24/2014) [-]
MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
User avatar #106 - craaabs (03/24/2014) [-]
Oh god come on please more
User avatar #105 - xgabbehx (03/22/2014) [-]
More pls
#43 - Never tasted it but my father has when we he was a photographe… 03/20/2014 on Did you know? +1
#54 - Conflicts within the character it's self are always interestin… 03/19/2014 on X-Men Facts Compilation 0
#52 - I completely agree. Any character that has invincibility or in… 03/19/2014 on X-Men Facts Compilation 0
#50 - He does have a point though. There is actually a writing term …  [+] (2 new replies) 03/19/2014 on X-Men Facts Compilation +1
#53 - congthea (03/19/2014) [-]
Yeah, but with the overpowered heroes instead of adding immense villains for them to fight, you hit them with grief and disastrous outcomes like what happened in Injustice. Just because a hero is so powerful, it doesn't mean you only have to create even more powerful villains.
User avatar #54 - HailtotheKing (03/19/2014) [-]
Conflicts within the character it's self are always interesting but it doesn't deny the fact that when a character is near invincible the other character in the story are really nothing in comparison unless you break the rules. You called out Doomsday specifically but I honestly think he was the best way to kill of Superman the first time. He was alien, an organism that spent it's entire life being killed over and over again to create an unstoppable death bringer. He too was invincible to a degree and both of them ended up killing each other.

Now take another character in the DC universe, literally any Batman villain. Most of them lack any real power (especially any to kill Superman) and they are no real threat to him. They have no weight or impact because he use his own powers to apprehend them.
#36 - I can see where you are coming from just from a story telling …  [+] (10 new replies) 03/19/2014 on X-Men Facts Compilation +3
#74 - thechosentroll (03/19/2014) [-]
Frankly, I'm surprised they don't pull Deadpool moments. I mean, if you know you can't die, why not make the best of it? Fuck death! And then fall in love with her and spend years trying to kill yourself until the writers get bored of it and make you silly again.
User avatar #46 - redblueyellow (03/19/2014) [-]
That's exactly the reason I don't really like Wolverine as a superhero. I mean, yeah, he's badass, but he's almost impossible to kill with his healing factor and adamantium skeleton and I even heard he has some thing going on with Hell that when he dies he just goes there and walks back out as if nothing happened.

This is one of the reasons I like DC better, since they overall have less overpowered-deathdoesn'tmeanshit-heroes ok ignoring superman
User avatar #97 - xXferaligatrXx (03/19/2014) [-]
wolverine cant swim and can drown perminantly they only two people who knew this were his son daken or dakan i dont remember and sabertooth
User avatar #52 - HailtotheKing (03/19/2014) [-]
I completely agree. Any character that has invincibility or invulnerability is kind of boring. I mean, Wolverine has WAY more problems with his character than just that but that's the main reason I can't ever get into his comics; I feel no tension when I read it.
#49 - congthea (03/19/2014) [-]
Hey, you leave supes alone. If you want to poke holes in something, pick doomsday.
User avatar #57 - redblueyellow (03/19/2014) [-]
Sorry, I wasn't trying to hate on superman, but I thought that if I would say that DC has no indestructible heroes, everyone would point out superman as the abvious one.

Doomsday is overpowered to, but for a bad guy I think its okay, since that creates tension. How is Batman going to "beat" Darkside when he's so obviously outmatched. We all know superman and the others are going to beat darkseid or doomsday, but they might die or get hurt in some bad way in the proces. Wolverine could be gang raped by darkseid and doomsday and he would just get up as if nothing happened. Hailtotheking is right, there's no tension in that.
User avatar #50 - HailtotheKing (03/19/2014) [-]
He does have a point though. There is actually a writing term called "Superman Syndrome" where you crate a character SO powerful that you have to come up with ridiculous ways of even harming him.

Sure, Superman has Kryptonite but if every villain uses that they it gets boring. So writers come up with amazingly overpowered antagonists (Like Doomsday or Darkseid) just to be able to damage him.
#53 - congthea (03/19/2014) [-]
Yeah, but with the overpowered heroes instead of adding immense villains for them to fight, you hit them with grief and disastrous outcomes like what happened in Injustice. Just because a hero is so powerful, it doesn't mean you only have to create even more powerful villains.
User avatar #54 - HailtotheKing (03/19/2014) [-]
Conflicts within the character it's self are always interesting but it doesn't deny the fact that when a character is near invincible the other character in the story are really nothing in comparison unless you break the rules. You called out Doomsday specifically but I honestly think he was the best way to kill of Superman the first time. He was alien, an organism that spent it's entire life being killed over and over again to create an unstoppable death bringer. He too was invincible to a degree and both of them ended up killing each other.

Now take another character in the DC universe, literally any Batman villain. Most of them lack any real power (especially any to kill Superman) and they are no real threat to him. They have no weight or impact because he use his own powers to apprehend them.
User avatar #41 - rheago (03/19/2014) [-]
Basically like Naruto
#4682 - FEAR THE OWL BEAR!  [+] (1 new reply) 03/18/2014 on Hitcher's profile 0
#4683 - seelcudoom (03/18/2014) [-]
some vcersion s are less rediculous then that
#362 - And here is the problem,we have gotten to the point where it i…  [+] (1 new reply) 03/17/2014 on so edgy 0
User avatar #402 - ninjask (03/17/2014) [-]
420 anonymous legion
"autism boy"
meme mask
meme war
ddosing
uncle works for apple, ban from internet
get memed

This is definitely satire
#39 - Aww yeah! Story time! So when I was in fifth grade t…  [+] (3 new replies) 03/16/2014 on 4chin +24
#49 - shruika (03/16/2014) [-]
moar
User avatar #47 - ryanfitzy (03/16/2014) [-]
More stories plz.
User avatar #43 - girlygirlygirl (03/16/2014) [-]
gave me shivers...sweet story
#24 - Look I like what you are doing but this is not the time nor th… 03/16/2014 on I can draw circles 0
#49 - From other people in the industry it seemed like he was a GIAN…  [+] (1 new reply) 03/16/2014 on awkward +2
#63 - anonymous (03/16/2014) [-]
[Citation Required]
#67 - Can I get a source for this? It looks pretty awesome. 03/15/2014 on Surgeon Simulator Eye Surgery +1
#75 - Don't think of it like spooning, think of it like a baby Koala… 03/15/2014 on Spooning 0
#4 - A lot of people ask me why I look at sad stuff. Every time I h… 03/15/2014 on A Beautiful Sadness +1
#1987 - Looking over it again it does seem like bragging. Maybe he's r…  [+] (2 new replies) 03/14/2014 on /books/ board 0
User avatar #1993 - KayRed (03/14/2014) [-]
If he were the next great fiction writer, he'd be bragging about quality, not quantity.
User avatar #1994 - KayRed (03/14/2014) [-]
Scratch that, he wouldn't be bragging at all, he'd be writing.
#34 - How can you tell? I mean, it very well could be but I don't ge… 03/13/2014 on First date 0
#1977 - Even if he is I'm not going to say that he is **** …  [+] (4 new replies) 03/13/2014 on /books/ board 0
User avatar #1986 - KayRed (03/14/2014) [-]
No qualms there. I would never try to discourage some one from writing. Like with this guy, in my previous comments, after calling him out I said he should start posting his stuff on here, since this board is a good place to get good feed back (I know I'd be willing to look over his stuff, and I have posted stuff here before).
User avatar #1987 - HailtotheKing (03/14/2014) [-]
Looking over it again it does seem like bragging. Maybe he's right, maybe he's the next amazing fiction writer that will change a generation but bragging about word count is like a chef bragging about how many cups of soup he made.
User avatar #1993 - KayRed (03/14/2014) [-]
If he were the next great fiction writer, he'd be bragging about quality, not quantity.
User avatar #1994 - KayRed (03/14/2014) [-]
Scratch that, he wouldn't be bragging at all, he'd be writing.
#1962 - Jonah Hex, hands down for me. I've bitched about tha… 03/13/2014 on /books/ board 0
#1961 - It's alright. I don't think it's as wonderful as many make it … 03/13/2014 on /books/ board 0
#1960 - Well it depends on what kind of character the name is going to… 03/13/2014 on /books/ board 0
#1959 - Yes! Great! If you love writing then keep writing! Even if you…  [+] (6 new replies) 03/13/2014 on /books/ board 0
User avatar #1963 - KayRed (03/13/2014) [-]
He's bragging dude.
User avatar #1977 - HailtotheKing (03/13/2014) [-]
Even if he is I'm not going to say that he is shit or that he shouldn't write. He's doing something that he loves (if he is ACTUALLY writing, that is) and I have no problem with that.
User avatar #1986 - KayRed (03/14/2014) [-]
No qualms there. I would never try to discourage some one from writing. Like with this guy, in my previous comments, after calling him out I said he should start posting his stuff on here, since this board is a good place to get good feed back (I know I'd be willing to look over his stuff, and I have posted stuff here before).
User avatar #1987 - HailtotheKing (03/14/2014) [-]
Looking over it again it does seem like bragging. Maybe he's right, maybe he's the next amazing fiction writer that will change a generation but bragging about word count is like a chef bragging about how many cups of soup he made.
User avatar #1993 - KayRed (03/14/2014) [-]
If he were the next great fiction writer, he'd be bragging about quality, not quantity.
User avatar #1994 - KayRed (03/14/2014) [-]
Scratch that, he wouldn't be bragging at all, he'd be writing.
#37 - So the one that always comes to mind is the succubus encounter…  [+] (1 new reply) 03/12/2014 on DnD +3
#70 - Orc has deleted their comment.
#35 - Alright, D&D story time. So for the first charac…  [+] (2 new replies) 03/12/2014 on DnD +4
User avatar #37 - HailtotheKing (03/12/2014) [-]
So the one that always comes to mind is the succubus encounter.

We heard rumors of a female wizard living in the sewers below the city and slowly building an army of male zombies that she had abducted. We follow a few tips and head down into the shit filled and rat infested plumbing system of an entire town. Needless to say, we got a few bad status effects with it and the entire party, even the healer, got so violently sick that we considered just going back to the town medic. However as we approached the end of the pipeline we finally catch a glimpse of the lair of the succubus.

She was this short she-devil that sat in a giant chair composed entirely of still living male slaves to do her bidding. Once she see's us (covered in our own vomit and shit, mind you) she sends half a dozen guys to come and kill us. As the approach I stand up from my chair, slam my hands down on the table, look at my Dom and say the most important sentence of my D&D career.

"Goddess of Gambling I call on you, give me your luck to fuck the succubus!"

The table went silent for a second. They looked at me then at our DM. He pointed at my dice and let me roll. Fucking 20. He just stared at me for a second then like nothing happened at all he just went on describing the current scene.

"You leap across the room over the shambling male townsfolk and grab the succubus by her throat. Instead of snapping it you throw her to the ground and lift her hips into the air and insert your giant orcish cock into her while your other friends fight around you."

This went on for seven rounds. Each time it was my turn he made me describe in graphic detail what was happening and by the end of it I was just writing erotica for this guy.

Now once everyone was done fighting the zombies I was still giving the ol' two handed staff of pleasure to the demon bitch. We didn't have to kill her so we got bonus gold for turning her in alive.

TL;DR- I fucked a succubus while zombies were killed around me.
#70 - Orc has deleted their comment.
#20 - I like my own but that's just because I write like I talk. Bas…  [+] (1 new reply) 03/11/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met 0
User avatar #21 - tripscausedthis (03/11/2014) [-]
yeah I'm a story teller in person but text doesn't always convey that
#18 - I think I might just abandon this one and start a new. This st…  [+] (4 new replies) 03/11/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met 0
User avatar #23 - krasnogvardiech (03/11/2014) [-]
NO DON'T PLEASE KEEP GOING
User avatar #19 - tripscausedthis (03/11/2014) [-]
some people hate it, but green text that shit. its easier to emphasize something that would normally be said when it is on an individual line. my stories wouldn't have had the same punch they did without using that format.
User avatar #20 - HailtotheKing (03/11/2014) [-]
I like my own but that's just because I write like I talk. Basically whenever I write a story I say it out loud to myself then just write it down.
User avatar #21 - tripscausedthis (03/11/2014) [-]
yeah I'm a story teller in person but text doesn't always convey that
Show:
Sort by:
Order:

items

Total unique items point value: 2050 / Total items point value: 2100

Show All Replies Show Shortcuts
Per page:
Order:
Anonymous commenting is allowed
User avatar #65 - insertsfunnyname (07/11/2014) [-]
Hey, thanks for the friend request ^_^
User avatar #66 to #65 - HailtotheKing (07/11/2014) [-]
My pleasure! ^^ So, new friend, what should I know about you?
User avatar #67 to #66 - insertsfunnyname (07/11/2014) [-]
I don't know really, I'm not that interesting in all honesty :v

Well, my name is Sam and I'm for Hampshire, England, you? ^^
User avatar #68 to #67 - HailtotheKing (07/12/2014) [-]
Everyone is interesting in their own way. At least I think so

Sam. Is that short for Samuel or Samantha?
User avatar #69 to #68 - insertsfunnyname (07/12/2014) [-]
That's debatable xD

It's short for Samuel - not that I've ever been called that O_o
#64 - miraikuriyama (03/23/2014) [-]
#twerktem2014
#twerktem2014
User avatar #62 - lilhanna (03/09/2014) [-]
Thank you for that great story and being so nice with dealing with the forums.
User avatar #63 to #62 - HailtotheKing (03/09/2014) [-]
What can I say, I love telling stories and I've dealt with bigger ******* on the internet
#59 - vetis (03/03/2014) [-]
BIG SCARY PANDA! RAWR!
#61 to #60 - vetis (03/03/2014) [-]
Wow, that's an ugly panda. Looks like it's in the awkward teenage stage. Lol.
User avatar #57 - HorriblyCrazy (01/02/2014) [-]
i want the d

anny
User avatar #58 to #57 - HailtotheKing (01/02/2014) [-]
I want the v

agina
#50 - electraheart (06/18/2013) [-]
look at this precious baby  uwu
look at this precious baby uwu
User avatar #51 to #50 - HailtotheKing (06/18/2013) [-]
Hair curls .3.
#52 to #51 - electraheart (06/18/2013) [-]
yeehh and thats not all .3.
yeehh and thats not all .3.
User avatar #53 to #52 - HailtotheKing (06/18/2013) [-]
.3. how many of these do you have?
#54 to #53 - electraheart (06/18/2013) [-]
.3. i may or may not have made a mascot folder of her
.3. i may or may not have made a mascot folder of her
User avatar #55 to #54 - HailtotheKing (06/18/2013) [-]
I fully expected you to say that .3.
#56 to #55 - electraheart (06/18/2013) [-]
you know me so well :3
you know me so well :3
#49 - electraheart has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #47 - Furry (01/09/2013) [-]
hi ^^
User avatar #48 to #47 - HailtotheKing (01/09/2013) [-]
Hello :3
User avatar #43 - infernalinsolence (12/28/2012) [-]
“John,” said Sherlock in a lower voice. “I give you my word. I won't touch it again.”
User avatar #41 - freakaleak (09/13/2012) [-]
ouch!
User avatar #42 to #41 - HailtotheKing (09/13/2012) [-]
Sorry! .n. I was just clearing out some of the people I hardly talk to, feel free to re-add me if you want to :)
#32 - marshmallowsammich (01/19/2012) [-]
Hello there :3
Hello there :3
User avatar #33 to #32 - HailtotheKing (01/19/2012) [-]
You know what you should do?
User avatar #35 to #34 - HailtotheKing (01/19/2012) [-]
nuh uh! D:
#36 to #35 - marshmallowsammich (01/19/2012) [-]
Then wat do I do?
Then wat do I do?
#31 - LoLgenerator (09/16/2011) [-]
**LoLgenerator rolled a random image**  
  
  
╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong jewish jew ~ ~ ~  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who did nine eleven ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝
**LoLgenerator rolled a random image**


╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong jewish jew ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who did nine eleven ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝
User avatar #25 - HorriblyCrazy (08/09/2011) [-]
It wouldn't let me respond D:

I'm Destiny.
Yeah, lets go with that :)
User avatar #26 to #25 - HailtotheKing (08/09/2011) [-]
:DD what a beautiful name!
User avatar #27 to #26 - HorriblyCrazy (08/09/2011) [-]
You're just a charmer, aren't you? :3
User avatar #28 to #27 - HailtotheKing (08/09/2011) [-]
nah, its just my nature
User avatar #29 to #28 - HailtotheKing (08/09/2011) [-]
good night destiny, sweet dreams
User avatar #30 to #29 - HorriblyCrazy (08/09/2011) [-]
Goodnight :) Danny
#18 - purrlikeawalrus **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #19 to #18 - HailtotheKing (08/01/2011) [-]
DD: i see.
#23 to #19 - purrlikeawalrus **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #24 to #23 - HailtotheKing (08/03/2011) [-]
-tackle hugs-
#21 to #19 - purrlikeawalrus **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #22 to #21 - HailtotheKing (08/02/2011) [-]
. n . fb?
#20 to #19 - purrlikeawalrus **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#17 - ironpns **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#8 - JustMeagan (02/22/2011) [-]
Why do you want to be my friend? No offense intended.
Why do you want to be my friend? No offense intended.
User avatar #9 to #8 - HailtotheKing (02/22/2011) [-]
no reason, im bored and wanted to make a new friend :P
User avatar #10 to #9 - JustMeagan (02/22/2011) [-]
That kind of sounds rapisty.
User avatar #11 to #10 - HailtotheKing (02/22/2011) [-]
care for some free popcorn and chocolate?
#12 to #11 - JustMeagan (02/22/2011) [-]
Really?! Where?!
User avatar #13 to #12 - HailtotheKing (02/22/2011) [-]
right in my van.
User avatar #15 to #14 - HailtotheKing (02/22/2011) [-]
well fine! i guess ill just give you the free amazingness!
-gives pop corn and chocolate-
User avatar #5 - grimendirt (01/23/2011) [-]
who is this
User avatar #6 to #5 - HailtotheKing (01/23/2011) [-]
no one, someone called you taylor once in a comment so i called you taylor on your page.
User avatar #7 to #6 - grimendirt (01/23/2011) [-]
oh that was the op muh friend.
#2 - sqwishi **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #3 to #2 - HailtotheKing (11/10/2010) [-]
-huggle-
#4 to #3 - sqwishi **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #1 - MaxTheCow (10/03/2010) [-]
FIRST
 Friends (0)