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HailtotheKing    

Rank #1639 on Comments
HailtotheKing Avatar Level 226 Comments: Mind Blower
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Gender: male
Age: 20
Date Signed Up:3/01/2010
Last Login:10/30/2014
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#1639
Highest Content Rank:#7390
Highest Comment Rank:#1142
Content Thumbs: 76 total,  92 ,  16
Comment Thumbs: 3414 total,  3554 ,  140
Content Level Progress: 80% (4/5)
Level 3 Content: New Here → Level 4 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 68.99% (69/100)
Level 226 Comments: Mind Blower → Level 227 Comments: Mind Blower
Subscribers:12
Content Views:8833
Times Content Favorited:5 times
Total Comments Made:653
FJ Points:2884
Hail to the king, baby

latest user's comments

#31 - Reminds me of an Addams Family episode. There is one where an … 09/24/2014 on The only advice my Dad ever... +15
#26 - Wow, I forgot about the really funny moments this series has. 09/24/2014 on What the hell is going on? +16
#710 - I get that more often than you'd think.  [+] (1 new reply) 09/23/2014 on admin vocaroo time +1
#706 - Not my best voice acting but it'll do.  [+] (4 new replies) 09/23/2014 on admin vocaroo time +1
User avatar #865 - velutluna (09/23/2014) [-]
I kinda want you to be my weatherman.

pretty please?
User avatar #710 - HailtotheKing (09/23/2014) [-]
I get that more often than you'd think.
#13 - I ask this a lot and I have yet to get a clear answer. …  [+] (1 new reply) 09/06/2014 on How to get the dank top rank +1
User avatar #14 - warioteam (09/06/2014) [-]
prolly cause jelly or something
plus he is a shit mod, but because addy cant lose that mad rep he wont do jack shit
#27 - I'll do you one better. This one was actu…  [+] (2 new replies) 09/05/2014 on Elementary my dear +2
User avatar #53 - turbodoosh (09/06/2014) [-]
Heh Reddit kills someone and no one bats an eye but 4chan leaks some celebrity nudes on the internet and the fucking media loses it and starts an FBI investigation
#30 - baitdoesnttalkback (09/05/2014) [-]
never heard of that happening. cool thx
#13 - Ha. Hahahaha. Ha. Remember the time Reddit used &quo…  [+] (6 new replies) 09/05/2014 on Elementary my dear +7
#25 - baitdoesnttalkback (09/05/2014) [-]
User avatar #27 - HailtotheKing (09/05/2014) [-]
I'll do you one better.

www.usatoday.com/story/news/2013/04/25/boston-bombing-social-media-student-brown-university-reddit/2112309/

This one was actually murdered. He didn't place any bombs, didn't kill anyone, didn't do anything wrong. Someone suggested this kid might be the bomber and a user believed he was doing the right thing by KILLING HIM.
User avatar #53 - turbodoosh (09/06/2014) [-]
Heh Reddit kills someone and no one bats an eye but 4chan leaks some celebrity nudes on the internet and the fucking media loses it and starts an FBI investigation
#30 - baitdoesnttalkback (09/05/2014) [-]
never heard of that happening. cool thx
#15 - witchofsand (09/05/2014) [-]
Maybe they did't have enough resolution
#16 - witchofsand (09/05/2014) [-]
But yes, I remember (it was Twitter too kinda)
#44 - You know what the worst part was though? Big Daddy and w… 09/01/2014 on Kick-Ass 0
#88 - You should know something about my boss, he was a 6'5 middle a…  [+] (1 new reply) 08/30/2014 on Pizza Delivery guy problems +27
#137 - norkas (08/30/2014) [-]
Justice.
#82 - It was Superbowl Sunday and we were completely swamped with or…  [+] (3 new replies) 08/30/2014 on Pizza Delivery guy problems +22
User avatar #88 - HailtotheKing (08/30/2014) [-]
You should know something about my boss, he was a 6'5 middle aged Italian man who funded this restaurant with money he made from boxing championships. He is not a person you want to fuck with. His wife also ran it with him and did most of the finance, pretty cool woman unless she lost her temper in which case she became your worst nightmare. We also had a convicted felon working the grill, a former cop on register, and one of our fry cooks had a second job as a bouncer for a bar down the street. These are the kind of people you employ when you have a business in Chicago. All of them are staring daggers at this woman. However, she was not deterred and began to yell at everyone.

"YOUR DELIVERY BOY GAVE ME MY PIZZA LATE AND COLD! I DEMAND HE BE FIRED!"
"No." My boss replied.
"IF YOU DON'T LAY HIM OFF RIGHT NOW I WILL NEVER COME BACK!"
"Okay."
She was kind of stunned right now but before she could fire off another jab at me the fry cook comes to the rescue.
"Lady, you have been a thorn in the side of everyone here for the past year and that is the nicest thing I can ever about you. But, if you'd like, we can all speak our minds and say everything that we've been bottling up." The boss's wife just yelled out the word "CUNT!" and this woman went wife as a sheet. She left, we charged those pizzas to her credit card that we had on file and my next four customers got a free pie with their order. My boss then called every pizza place within five miles and asked for her to be blacklisted, they happily obliged since apparently she was an awful customer to them too.

It is really awesome when your boss is on your side.
#137 - norkas (08/30/2014) [-]
Justice.
User avatar #86 - Karibookiller (08/30/2014) [-]
Goddammit finish your fucking reply
#70 - You know what's awesome? When you have a really ****** …  [+] (4 new replies) 08/30/2014 on Pizza Delivery guy problems +22
User avatar #82 - HailtotheKing (08/30/2014) [-]
It was Superbowl Sunday and we were completely swamped with orders, as would be expected. We had extra cooks in the kitchen, extra order-takers, extra everything except delivery boys. So me and two other guys were rushing around town trying to get as many stops as we could in as little time as possible. I get through three or four and look at my list to see where the next stop is only to see that it's at this woman's house. We also got a little time stamp to see when everyone ordered so we could plan them out and not be too late; she ordered about 45 minutes ago. I pull into her driveway (you could tell she was having a party), grab four giant pizzas from the back with her name on them and ring the bell. She answers and proceeded to chew me out.

"WHAT TOOK SO LONG! WE HAVE HUNGRY PEOPLE IN HERE! I ORDERED AN HOUR AGO! I'M NOT PAYING FOR THESE!" and I give her my normal response to talk to the manager. She is still not satisfied and refuses to pay. I tell her that's fine and walk back to my car but about have way down the side walk she stops me. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING! YOU ARE GOING TO COME BACK TO THE RESTAURANT AND TALK TO THE BOSS WITH ME!" I currently have ten other pizzas in the car waiting to be taken to other people who actually treat me with respect so it's easy to say I'm a little peeved. I call up my manager and tell him the situation, from the other line I hear -in the most smug voice he could muster- "Alright, bring her in."

She gets into her car and follows me back to the pizza place which is completely packed with people watching the game forcing her to park in another parking lot. On the way inside she it still bitching at me about how far she has to walk and how she should make me pay for her new shoes because they are now dirty. We both enter and there is my boss, leaning against the counter with every member of the staff behind him staring at both of us.

Concluded in a reply.
User avatar #88 - HailtotheKing (08/30/2014) [-]
You should know something about my boss, he was a 6'5 middle aged Italian man who funded this restaurant with money he made from boxing championships. He is not a person you want to fuck with. His wife also ran it with him and did most of the finance, pretty cool woman unless she lost her temper in which case she became your worst nightmare. We also had a convicted felon working the grill, a former cop on register, and one of our fry cooks had a second job as a bouncer for a bar down the street. These are the kind of people you employ when you have a business in Chicago. All of them are staring daggers at this woman. However, she was not deterred and began to yell at everyone.

"YOUR DELIVERY BOY GAVE ME MY PIZZA LATE AND COLD! I DEMAND HE BE FIRED!"
"No." My boss replied.
"IF YOU DON'T LAY HIM OFF RIGHT NOW I WILL NEVER COME BACK!"
"Okay."
She was kind of stunned right now but before she could fire off another jab at me the fry cook comes to the rescue.
"Lady, you have been a thorn in the side of everyone here for the past year and that is the nicest thing I can ever about you. But, if you'd like, we can all speak our minds and say everything that we've been bottling up." The boss's wife just yelled out the word "CUNT!" and this woman went wife as a sheet. She left, we charged those pizzas to her credit card that we had on file and my next four customers got a free pie with their order. My boss then called every pizza place within five miles and asked for her to be blacklisted, they happily obliged since apparently she was an awful customer to them too.

It is really awesome when your boss is on your side.
#137 - norkas (08/30/2014) [-]
Justice.
User avatar #86 - Karibookiller (08/30/2014) [-]
Goddammit finish your fucking reply
#759 - Relationships. I went to a christian school from pre… 08/30/2014 on Bans +3
#91 - If we're doing comic facts I have a few weird ones. W… 08/29/2014 on Also, so did the Manhunter +1
#63 - I love this GIF so much. Such a great little human moment betw… 08/19/2014 on Wrestling is NOT gay +1
#61 - Meh, might be an unpopular opinion but he seems alright to me.… 08/19/2014 on Wrestling is NOT gay 0
#23 - Hark! I come bearing source! 08/13/2014 on lmao +37
#14 - Hey you. With the face. This is so you get … 08/11/2014 on hellkitequeen's profile 0
#165 - I should have clarified a few things. With GURPS (Generic Univ… 08/09/2014 on Tumblr plays DnD 0
#24 - Here is the opposite of that. The cast of Spo…  [+] (3 new replies) 08/08/2014 on Spongepulp Fictionpants +53
#71 - dguitarhero (08/09/2014) [-]
search higurashi with spongebob voiceover
#98 - twilightdusk (08/09/2014) [-]
#38 - Freelon (08/09/2014) [-]
"Meow"
#79 - Meh. Can't say I'm a huge fan of 4chan. Always looking for som…  [+] (2 new replies) 08/08/2014 on Tumblr plays DnD 0
#115 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
/tg/ was right.. You didnt have to waste the time of other players just to teach some sjw a lesson, that was a dick move. I dont see why you couldnt have just either told her to fuck off or tell her why she couldnt do it
#81 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
By the way, everyone, this story is a complete fabrication. There is no such thing in Pathfinder as "Level 4 Shield" or a "Dire Goblin". If Level 4 Shield was only available to level 15 characters, you'd be worrying about shit like earthquakes and rifts in the space of reality than you would be about a shield that just absorbs a bunch of damage.
#76 - I don't know of any sites but when I first started playing I w… 08/08/2014 on Tumblr plays DnD 0
#28 - You know, that was the plan. I wanted to make it super long an…  [+] (5 new replies) 08/08/2014 on Tumblr plays DnD +14
User avatar #74 - nuclearkitteh (08/08/2014) [-]
This kind of stuff has always seemed cool to me(Elder Scrolls, Lord of the Rings, anything Fantasy and/or Fantasy openworld rpg basically) and I was wondering if there were any sites where I could learn about this/play with other people. Maybe you could even give me some advice. Thanks.
#164 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/09/2014) [-]
There's a certain board on 4chan called /traditional games/, or /tg/, that's entirely devoted to RPGs. They regularly have 'gamefinder' threads where they have meetups of prospective players and prospective GMs. They even made their own Elder Scrolls RPG, so you can have a party wandering around cyrodiil. I play a dunmer mage, myself, who specializes in destruction and alteration magics.
User avatar #76 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
I don't know of any sites but when I first started playing I went to comic book/board game shops and asked for groups. That's where I found my interest in Pathfinder rather than D&D or any other tabletop stuff. Aside from that there are TONS of videos on how to play tabletop, what the characters do, what the dice mean, what stats are, how to run a game, every aspect of it is well represented. Also, find a game that you enjoy playing. You said you like fantasy so try actual Dungeons & Dragons first then explore the other games. Maybe you like SciFi and want to try Shadow Run or maybe you want a funny game and try Hack Master. Do you like horror? Look into Call of Cthulu. Into comic books? There are dozens of games set in the Marvel or DC universes. Find what you love and find a bunch of other people who also love it.
#39 - Shmooglavoue (08/08/2014) [-]
Personally, if I was in your position I would've probably just told her she was cheating, and that she wouldn't be allowed to play unless she was playing by the same rules as everyone else. It's like playing soccer, but letting one person use their hands because they "feel like it". If you disregard the rules of the game, you don't really have a game anymore.

Granted, in my personal DM experience I've yet to encounter a true problem player, likely due to a combination of luck and remoteness. So I may end up being too nice to people who just want to dick around with others. I also haven't encountered very many of the "trendy nerd" type, with the exception of one guy I used to work with in a temporary job (never actually played anything with him).
User avatar #30 - krasnogvardiech (08/08/2014) [-]
Fair point. I would direct you to comment #17 for our superior in dickery.
#24 - "The mighty dire goblin lifts you off the ground and slic…  [+] (29 new replies) 08/08/2014 on Tumblr plays DnD +216
#163 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/09/2014) [-]
This was Pathfinder, wasn't it? There's no 'level 4 shield' in pathfinder. Shield is a first level spell that just gives bonus AC. In fact, the only spell that does what you mention is Resilient Sphere, which you need to be seventh level to cast. Plus, it's very mean to send a dire goblin at them. Mostly because the dire template can only be put on animals, and goblins are humanoid. There's no such thing as a dire goblin. How would adolfo cast fireball (A third level spell) if he's only first level? You should rape him with another impossible creature (A celestial lich?) next, because he's cheating too.

So basically, this story is fake as hell and you've pretty obviously never played pathfinder.

Anyway, despite your fake-ass tale you've regaled us with, this is a shitty thing to do even if it were true. In this situation, a GM should either A) Kick the offending member out of the group or B) Talk to the player. Just talk to them, and explain that stats don't work that way.
User avatar #165 - HailtotheKing (08/09/2014) [-]
I should have clarified a few things. With GURPS (Generic Universal Role-Playing System) you can make a monster and put it into a game. On the Paizo Forums I found a thread about different monsters that you could put into your game and a Dire Goblin was one of them, it seemed to fit the situation and was basic enough that everyone understood. They knew what a goblin was, they knew what dire meant, they could put two and two together without much explaining.

As for the spells I did mix up a few things, this was a while ago and sessions tend to blend together a lot especially between games. You are completely correct, there is no 4th level shield. I was getting it confused with Prismatic Wall, it was a spell she looked at in one of my manuals and liked not realizing she had to be an 8th level wizard which wasn't even her class. Also, as for Adolfos fireball, he was casting Flare to blind them not damage them. Sorry if this caused any confusion, hope it helped to clear things up. I actually talked to all the PCs the other day and clarified everything that happened.
User avatar #144 - bemmo (08/08/2014) [-]
Vengeance is sweet.
User avatar #142 - xfishy (08/08/2014) [-]
Implying Gilbert Gottfried's voice doesn't already sound like a chorus of angels.
Nice story though
#132 - BerryLicious (08/08/2014) [-]
I love it!
#128 - pachecodos (08/08/2014) [-]
I think this is false or greatly exaggerated, but i loved it anyway!
#82 - froggernaught (08/08/2014) [-]
100/5 got rekt
User avatar #77 - onederman (08/08/2014) [-]
Hailtotheking, I was interested by the replies you got from the funnyjunk community about how it was a great thing you did and an awesome story and was curious what /tg/ would say to the same story, so I posted the story on /tg/ and they were like all pissed.
Here's the link: boards.4chan.org/tg/thread/33972602
User avatar #79 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
Meh. Can't say I'm a huge fan of 4chan. Always looking for something to hate. But they are free to hate me and get mad. You guys like it, or you seem to like it, that's what matters.
#115 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
/tg/ was right.. You didnt have to waste the time of other players just to teach some sjw a lesson, that was a dick move. I dont see why you couldnt have just either told her to fuck off or tell her why she couldnt do it
#81 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
By the way, everyone, this story is a complete fabrication. There is no such thing in Pathfinder as "Level 4 Shield" or a "Dire Goblin". If Level 4 Shield was only available to level 15 characters, you'd be worrying about shit like earthquakes and rifts in the space of reality than you would be about a shield that just absorbs a bunch of damage.
#75 - afrogeist (08/08/2014) [-]
Beautiful story m8
User avatar #58 - applesdontpee (08/08/2014) [-]
this sounds a lot like Gob.. Berrylicious?
#40 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
A good read and a semi is a thumb from me.
User avatar #34 - jakuhlope (08/08/2014) [-]
Someone should screencap this for later use
I'm lazy and bad at fitting a bunch of text in without it being unreadable
#64 - dogziller (08/08/2014) [-]
here. its not so good because im a casual at photoshop. yeah im a fucking photoshop pleb
User avatar #92 - deathstare (08/08/2014) [-]
1 hr l8 m8
User avatar #93 - dogziller (08/08/2014) [-]
damnit. i thought i had got it early enough. oh well.
#45 - santyclause (08/08/2014) [-]
I hope this will serve well
#49 - jakuhlope (08/08/2014) [-]
Danke Schon!
#27 - gangsterish (08/08/2014) [-]
Gr8 story m8
#26 - krasnogvardiech (08/08/2014) [-]
Here I was expecting that you'd have made a nice little duality: she being the OP 'hero' and BBEG's main focus, and the rest of the players being the people who actually get shit done. I had in mind the campaign being difficult as fuck for her having to deal with the tiny details that the rest of the party could have easily done, and eventually the BBEG being full and proper geared up to face Mel, only for one of the players to easily cheapshot him from behind.

But eh, your ending was fitting.
User avatar #28 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
You know, that was the plan. I wanted to make it super long and drawn out, have her constantly her annoyed, regret doing all that shit, ect. but I didn't want to see her any more. She made Pathfinder not fun. I love tabletop gaming so much and don't want any of that shit in my campaign. So as much as would have loved to have done what you suggested I needed her out of my life and having that happen was the quickest way of doing that.
User avatar #74 - nuclearkitteh (08/08/2014) [-]
This kind of stuff has always seemed cool to me(Elder Scrolls, Lord of the Rings, anything Fantasy and/or Fantasy openworld rpg basically) and I was wondering if there were any sites where I could learn about this/play with other people. Maybe you could even give me some advice. Thanks.
#164 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/09/2014) [-]
There's a certain board on 4chan called /traditional games/, or /tg/, that's entirely devoted to RPGs. They regularly have 'gamefinder' threads where they have meetups of prospective players and prospective GMs. They even made their own Elder Scrolls RPG, so you can have a party wandering around cyrodiil. I play a dunmer mage, myself, who specializes in destruction and alteration magics.
User avatar #76 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
I don't know of any sites but when I first started playing I went to comic book/board game shops and asked for groups. That's where I found my interest in Pathfinder rather than D&D or any other tabletop stuff. Aside from that there are TONS of videos on how to play tabletop, what the characters do, what the dice mean, what stats are, how to run a game, every aspect of it is well represented. Also, find a game that you enjoy playing. You said you like fantasy so try actual Dungeons & Dragons first then explore the other games. Maybe you like SciFi and want to try Shadow Run or maybe you want a funny game and try Hack Master. Do you like horror? Look into Call of Cthulu. Into comic books? There are dozens of games set in the Marvel or DC universes. Find what you love and find a bunch of other people who also love it.
#39 - Shmooglavoue (08/08/2014) [-]
Personally, if I was in your position I would've probably just told her she was cheating, and that she wouldn't be allowed to play unless she was playing by the same rules as everyone else. It's like playing soccer, but letting one person use their hands because they "feel like it". If you disregard the rules of the game, you don't really have a game anymore.

Granted, in my personal DM experience I've yet to encounter a true problem player, likely due to a combination of luck and remoteness. So I may end up being too nice to people who just want to dick around with others. I also haven't encountered very many of the "trendy nerd" type, with the exception of one guy I used to work with in a temporary job (never actually played anything with him).
User avatar #30 - krasnogvardiech (08/08/2014) [-]
Fair point. I would direct you to comment #17 for our superior in dickery.
User avatar #25 - vortexrain (08/08/2014) [-]
I love you.
#23 - Mel alone destroys the goblins and gets a small amount of expe…  [+] (30 new replies) 08/08/2014 on Tumblr plays DnD +179
User avatar #24 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
"The mighty dire goblin lifts you off the ground and slices the fabric holding your armor together. It falls to the ground and you dangle there unprotected. He cuts the belt from your trousers, your shift straps, and rips off any other scrap you have left on you. You hand from his callused fingers completely naked with only your shoes covering any skin."

Everyone was just looking as me awe struck, especially Mel who had finally shut up with the first time that night.

"The goblin turns his head and calls to the rest of his family: 'how long has it been since we've had a good breading girl! This one looks nice and strong, she can probably take it!' He tosses you back to a crowd of two dozen goblins and they carry you off to the mines beneath. You are now serve as their slave, maid, and whore who occasionally pops out a new goblin baby for the rest of the pack. But don't worry, you're nice and strong after all. You can take it."

The rest of the group got EXP and loot. They were all happy. Mel left the group and I never heard from her again.
#163 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/09/2014) [-]
This was Pathfinder, wasn't it? There's no 'level 4 shield' in pathfinder. Shield is a first level spell that just gives bonus AC. In fact, the only spell that does what you mention is Resilient Sphere, which you need to be seventh level to cast. Plus, it's very mean to send a dire goblin at them. Mostly because the dire template can only be put on animals, and goblins are humanoid. There's no such thing as a dire goblin. How would adolfo cast fireball (A third level spell) if he's only first level? You should rape him with another impossible creature (A celestial lich?) next, because he's cheating too.

So basically, this story is fake as hell and you've pretty obviously never played pathfinder.

Anyway, despite your fake-ass tale you've regaled us with, this is a shitty thing to do even if it were true. In this situation, a GM should either A) Kick the offending member out of the group or B) Talk to the player. Just talk to them, and explain that stats don't work that way.
User avatar #165 - HailtotheKing (08/09/2014) [-]
I should have clarified a few things. With GURPS (Generic Universal Role-Playing System) you can make a monster and put it into a game. On the Paizo Forums I found a thread about different monsters that you could put into your game and a Dire Goblin was one of them, it seemed to fit the situation and was basic enough that everyone understood. They knew what a goblin was, they knew what dire meant, they could put two and two together without much explaining.

As for the spells I did mix up a few things, this was a while ago and sessions tend to blend together a lot especially between games. You are completely correct, there is no 4th level shield. I was getting it confused with Prismatic Wall, it was a spell she looked at in one of my manuals and liked not realizing she had to be an 8th level wizard which wasn't even her class. Also, as for Adolfos fireball, he was casting Flare to blind them not damage them. Sorry if this caused any confusion, hope it helped to clear things up. I actually talked to all the PCs the other day and clarified everything that happened.
User avatar #144 - bemmo (08/08/2014) [-]
Vengeance is sweet.
User avatar #142 - xfishy (08/08/2014) [-]
Implying Gilbert Gottfried's voice doesn't already sound like a chorus of angels.
Nice story though
#132 - BerryLicious (08/08/2014) [-]
I love it!
#128 - pachecodos (08/08/2014) [-]
I think this is false or greatly exaggerated, but i loved it anyway!
#82 - froggernaught (08/08/2014) [-]
100/5 got rekt
User avatar #77 - onederman (08/08/2014) [-]
Hailtotheking, I was interested by the replies you got from the funnyjunk community about how it was a great thing you did and an awesome story and was curious what /tg/ would say to the same story, so I posted the story on /tg/ and they were like all pissed.
Here's the link: boards.4chan.org/tg/thread/33972602
User avatar #79 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
Meh. Can't say I'm a huge fan of 4chan. Always looking for something to hate. But they are free to hate me and get mad. You guys like it, or you seem to like it, that's what matters.
#115 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
/tg/ was right.. You didnt have to waste the time of other players just to teach some sjw a lesson, that was a dick move. I dont see why you couldnt have just either told her to fuck off or tell her why she couldnt do it
#81 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
By the way, everyone, this story is a complete fabrication. There is no such thing in Pathfinder as "Level 4 Shield" or a "Dire Goblin". If Level 4 Shield was only available to level 15 characters, you'd be worrying about shit like earthquakes and rifts in the space of reality than you would be about a shield that just absorbs a bunch of damage.
#75 - afrogeist (08/08/2014) [-]
Beautiful story m8
User avatar #58 - applesdontpee (08/08/2014) [-]
this sounds a lot like Gob.. Berrylicious?
#40 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
A good read and a semi is a thumb from me.
User avatar #34 - jakuhlope (08/08/2014) [-]
Someone should screencap this for later use
I'm lazy and bad at fitting a bunch of text in without it being unreadable
#64 - dogziller (08/08/2014) [-]
here. its not so good because im a casual at photoshop. yeah im a fucking photoshop pleb
User avatar #92 - deathstare (08/08/2014) [-]
1 hr l8 m8
User avatar #93 - dogziller (08/08/2014) [-]
damnit. i thought i had got it early enough. oh well.
#45 - santyclause (08/08/2014) [-]
I hope this will serve well
#49 - jakuhlope (08/08/2014) [-]
Danke Schon!
#27 - gangsterish (08/08/2014) [-]
Gr8 story m8
#26 - krasnogvardiech (08/08/2014) [-]
Here I was expecting that you'd have made a nice little duality: she being the OP 'hero' and BBEG's main focus, and the rest of the players being the people who actually get shit done. I had in mind the campaign being difficult as fuck for her having to deal with the tiny details that the rest of the party could have easily done, and eventually the BBEG being full and proper geared up to face Mel, only for one of the players to easily cheapshot him from behind.

But eh, your ending was fitting.
User avatar #28 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
You know, that was the plan. I wanted to make it super long and drawn out, have her constantly her annoyed, regret doing all that shit, ect. but I didn't want to see her any more. She made Pathfinder not fun. I love tabletop gaming so much and don't want any of that shit in my campaign. So as much as would have loved to have done what you suggested I needed her out of my life and having that happen was the quickest way of doing that.
User avatar #74 - nuclearkitteh (08/08/2014) [-]
This kind of stuff has always seemed cool to me(Elder Scrolls, Lord of the Rings, anything Fantasy and/or Fantasy openworld rpg basically) and I was wondering if there were any sites where I could learn about this/play with other people. Maybe you could even give me some advice. Thanks.
#164 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/09/2014) [-]
There's a certain board on 4chan called /traditional games/, or /tg/, that's entirely devoted to RPGs. They regularly have 'gamefinder' threads where they have meetups of prospective players and prospective GMs. They even made their own Elder Scrolls RPG, so you can have a party wandering around cyrodiil. I play a dunmer mage, myself, who specializes in destruction and alteration magics.
User avatar #76 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
I don't know of any sites but when I first started playing I went to comic book/board game shops and asked for groups. That's where I found my interest in Pathfinder rather than D&D or any other tabletop stuff. Aside from that there are TONS of videos on how to play tabletop, what the characters do, what the dice mean, what stats are, how to run a game, every aspect of it is well represented. Also, find a game that you enjoy playing. You said you like fantasy so try actual Dungeons & Dragons first then explore the other games. Maybe you like SciFi and want to try Shadow Run or maybe you want a funny game and try Hack Master. Do you like horror? Look into Call of Cthulu. Into comic books? There are dozens of games set in the Marvel or DC universes. Find what you love and find a bunch of other people who also love it.
#39 - Shmooglavoue (08/08/2014) [-]
Personally, if I was in your position I would've probably just told her she was cheating, and that she wouldn't be allowed to play unless she was playing by the same rules as everyone else. It's like playing soccer, but letting one person use their hands because they "feel like it". If you disregard the rules of the game, you don't really have a game anymore.

Granted, in my personal DM experience I've yet to encounter a true problem player, likely due to a combination of luck and remoteness. So I may end up being too nice to people who just want to dick around with others. I also haven't encountered very many of the "trendy nerd" type, with the exception of one guy I used to work with in a temporary job (never actually played anything with him).
User avatar #30 - krasnogvardiech (08/08/2014) [-]
Fair point. I would direct you to comment #17 for our superior in dickery.
User avatar #25 - vortexrain (08/08/2014) [-]
I love you.
#20 - Now, you should know something. I'm not a harsh DM. I'm very f…  [+] (31 new replies) 08/08/2014 on Tumblr plays DnD +179
User avatar #23 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
Mel alone destroys the goblins and gets a small amount of experiance. The group grovels and shuffles annoyed into the mine shaft. They encounter a few more groups and Mel eats them all. No one else has taken or received and damage at this point besides her and no one has any experiance. They get down to the main cavern and finally see the source of what has been causing the rise of the goblin population. There, at the back corner of the cave, stands a ten foot tall dire goblin staring the group down. He rushes over to Mel (who now thinks she is the team leader) and screams at her.

"So you're the one who has been killing all my brothers and sisters! I will rip the meat from your bones and use it to feed the next generation!"

Mel, completely unfazed by this, attempts to cast her insane shield but the dire goblin gets too close too quick.

"What! That isn't fair, I can cast my spell as-" I had to cut her off.

"The mighty dire goblin stands over you and smirks. The rest of his 'brothers and sisters' surround you completely ignoring the rest of the group and calling for your blood. Which the dire goblin is happy to provide."

"I cast another shield!"

"You manage to cast a shield with the goblin king inside. He laughs and back hands you as hard as he can. Your face is pressed against your magical barrier and stunned for one turn."

She is getting red in the face now. Embarrassed that her "plan" has failed and now slowly becoming frustrated. She attempts to fight back but its pretty much no use.

"I try to stab him with my dagger!" It breaks against his skin.
"I thrust my wand in his eye!" You miss and it breaks off in his teeth.
"I punch him!" Your bones shatter to dust against his rock hard skin.

finally I think she just gave up and said "Fine, be like that and kill me". But I wasn't that nice. She tried to fuck my game, now I'm going to fuck her right back.

Concluded in a reply.
User avatar #24 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
"The mighty dire goblin lifts you off the ground and slices the fabric holding your armor together. It falls to the ground and you dangle there unprotected. He cuts the belt from your trousers, your shift straps, and rips off any other scrap you have left on you. You hand from his callused fingers completely naked with only your shoes covering any skin."

Everyone was just looking as me awe struck, especially Mel who had finally shut up with the first time that night.

"The goblin turns his head and calls to the rest of his family: 'how long has it been since we've had a good breading girl! This one looks nice and strong, she can probably take it!' He tosses you back to a crowd of two dozen goblins and they carry you off to the mines beneath. You are now serve as their slave, maid, and whore who occasionally pops out a new goblin baby for the rest of the pack. But don't worry, you're nice and strong after all. You can take it."

The rest of the group got EXP and loot. They were all happy. Mel left the group and I never heard from her again.
#163 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/09/2014) [-]
This was Pathfinder, wasn't it? There's no 'level 4 shield' in pathfinder. Shield is a first level spell that just gives bonus AC. In fact, the only spell that does what you mention is Resilient Sphere, which you need to be seventh level to cast. Plus, it's very mean to send a dire goblin at them. Mostly because the dire template can only be put on animals, and goblins are humanoid. There's no such thing as a dire goblin. How would adolfo cast fireball (A third level spell) if he's only first level? You should rape him with another impossible creature (A celestial lich?) next, because he's cheating too.

So basically, this story is fake as hell and you've pretty obviously never played pathfinder.

Anyway, despite your fake-ass tale you've regaled us with, this is a shitty thing to do even if it were true. In this situation, a GM should either A) Kick the offending member out of the group or B) Talk to the player. Just talk to them, and explain that stats don't work that way.
User avatar #165 - HailtotheKing (08/09/2014) [-]
I should have clarified a few things. With GURPS (Generic Universal Role-Playing System) you can make a monster and put it into a game. On the Paizo Forums I found a thread about different monsters that you could put into your game and a Dire Goblin was one of them, it seemed to fit the situation and was basic enough that everyone understood. They knew what a goblin was, they knew what dire meant, they could put two and two together without much explaining.

As for the spells I did mix up a few things, this was a while ago and sessions tend to blend together a lot especially between games. You are completely correct, there is no 4th level shield. I was getting it confused with Prismatic Wall, it was a spell she looked at in one of my manuals and liked not realizing she had to be an 8th level wizard which wasn't even her class. Also, as for Adolfos fireball, he was casting Flare to blind them not damage them. Sorry if this caused any confusion, hope it helped to clear things up. I actually talked to all the PCs the other day and clarified everything that happened.
User avatar #144 - bemmo (08/08/2014) [-]
Vengeance is sweet.
User avatar #142 - xfishy (08/08/2014) [-]
Implying Gilbert Gottfried's voice doesn't already sound like a chorus of angels.
Nice story though
#132 - BerryLicious (08/08/2014) [-]
I love it!
#128 - pachecodos (08/08/2014) [-]
I think this is false or greatly exaggerated, but i loved it anyway!
#82 - froggernaught (08/08/2014) [-]
100/5 got rekt
User avatar #77 - onederman (08/08/2014) [-]
Hailtotheking, I was interested by the replies you got from the funnyjunk community about how it was a great thing you did and an awesome story and was curious what /tg/ would say to the same story, so I posted the story on /tg/ and they were like all pissed.
Here's the link: boards.4chan.org/tg/thread/33972602
User avatar #79 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
Meh. Can't say I'm a huge fan of 4chan. Always looking for something to hate. But they are free to hate me and get mad. You guys like it, or you seem to like it, that's what matters.
#115 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
/tg/ was right.. You didnt have to waste the time of other players just to teach some sjw a lesson, that was a dick move. I dont see why you couldnt have just either told her to fuck off or tell her why she couldnt do it
#81 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
By the way, everyone, this story is a complete fabrication. There is no such thing in Pathfinder as "Level 4 Shield" or a "Dire Goblin". If Level 4 Shield was only available to level 15 characters, you'd be worrying about shit like earthquakes and rifts in the space of reality than you would be about a shield that just absorbs a bunch of damage.
#75 - afrogeist (08/08/2014) [-]
Beautiful story m8
User avatar #58 - applesdontpee (08/08/2014) [-]
this sounds a lot like Gob.. Berrylicious?
#40 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/08/2014) [-]
A good read and a semi is a thumb from me.
User avatar #34 - jakuhlope (08/08/2014) [-]
Someone should screencap this for later use
I'm lazy and bad at fitting a bunch of text in without it being unreadable
#64 - dogziller (08/08/2014) [-]
here. its not so good because im a casual at photoshop. yeah im a fucking photoshop pleb
User avatar #92 - deathstare (08/08/2014) [-]
1 hr l8 m8
User avatar #93 - dogziller (08/08/2014) [-]
damnit. i thought i had got it early enough. oh well.
#45 - santyclause (08/08/2014) [-]
I hope this will serve well
#49 - jakuhlope (08/08/2014) [-]
Danke Schon!
#27 - gangsterish (08/08/2014) [-]
Gr8 story m8
#26 - krasnogvardiech (08/08/2014) [-]
Here I was expecting that you'd have made a nice little duality: she being the OP 'hero' and BBEG's main focus, and the rest of the players being the people who actually get shit done. I had in mind the campaign being difficult as fuck for her having to deal with the tiny details that the rest of the party could have easily done, and eventually the BBEG being full and proper geared up to face Mel, only for one of the players to easily cheapshot him from behind.

But eh, your ending was fitting.
User avatar #28 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
You know, that was the plan. I wanted to make it super long and drawn out, have her constantly her annoyed, regret doing all that shit, ect. but I didn't want to see her any more. She made Pathfinder not fun. I love tabletop gaming so much and don't want any of that shit in my campaign. So as much as would have loved to have done what you suggested I needed her out of my life and having that happen was the quickest way of doing that.
User avatar #74 - nuclearkitteh (08/08/2014) [-]
This kind of stuff has always seemed cool to me(Elder Scrolls, Lord of the Rings, anything Fantasy and/or Fantasy openworld rpg basically) and I was wondering if there were any sites where I could learn about this/play with other people. Maybe you could even give me some advice. Thanks.
#164 - xxxsonic fanxxx (08/09/2014) [-]
There's a certain board on 4chan called /traditional games/, or /tg/, that's entirely devoted to RPGs. They regularly have 'gamefinder' threads where they have meetups of prospective players and prospective GMs. They even made their own Elder Scrolls RPG, so you can have a party wandering around cyrodiil. I play a dunmer mage, myself, who specializes in destruction and alteration magics.
User avatar #76 - HailtotheKing (08/08/2014) [-]
I don't know of any sites but when I first started playing I went to comic book/board game shops and asked for groups. That's where I found my interest in Pathfinder rather than D&D or any other tabletop stuff. Aside from that there are TONS of videos on how to play tabletop, what the characters do, what the dice mean, what stats are, how to run a game, every aspect of it is well represented. Also, find a game that you enjoy playing. You said you like fantasy so try actual Dungeons & Dragons first then explore the other games. Maybe you like SciFi and want to try Shadow Run or maybe you want a funny game and try Hack Master. Do you like horror? Look into Call of Cthulu. Into comic books? There are dozens of games set in the Marvel or DC universes. Find what you love and find a bunch of other people who also love it.
#39 - Shmooglavoue (08/08/2014) [-]
Personally, if I was in your position I would've probably just told her she was cheating, and that she wouldn't be allowed to play unless she was playing by the same rules as everyone else. It's like playing soccer, but letting one person use their hands because they "feel like it". If you disregard the rules of the game, you don't really have a game anymore.

Granted, in my personal DM experience I've yet to encounter a true problem player, likely due to a combination of luck and remoteness. So I may end up being too nice to people who just want to dick around with others. I also haven't encountered very many of the "trendy nerd" type, with the exception of one guy I used to work with in a temporary job (never actually played anything with him).
User avatar #30 - krasnogvardiech (08/08/2014) [-]
Fair point. I would direct you to comment #17 for our superior in dickery.
User avatar #25 - vortexrain (08/08/2014) [-]
I love you.
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#70 - iliketomop (09/30/2014) [-]
Thanks for the add, so lonely on here :'(
User avatar #71 to #70 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (09/30/2014) [-]
My pleasure, my treasure.
User avatar #72 to #71 - iliketomop (09/30/2014) [-]
and you rhyme this will be fun
User avatar #65 - insertsfunnyname ONLINE (07/11/2014) [-]
Hey, thanks for the friend request ^_^
User avatar #66 to #65 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (07/11/2014) [-]
My pleasure! ^^ So, new friend, what should I know about you?
User avatar #67 to #66 - insertsfunnyname ONLINE (07/11/2014) [-]
I don't know really, I'm not that interesting in all honesty :v

Well, my name is Sam and I'm for Hampshire, England, you? ^^
User avatar #68 to #67 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
Everyone is interesting in their own way. At least I think so

Sam. Is that short for Samuel or Samantha?
User avatar #69 to #68 - insertsfunnyname ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
That's debatable xD

It's short for Samuel - not that I've ever been called that O_o
#64 - miraikuriyama (03/23/2014) [-]
#twerktem2014
#twerktem2014
User avatar #62 - lilhanna (03/09/2014) [-]
Thank you for that great story and being so nice with dealing with the forums.
User avatar #63 to #62 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (03/09/2014) [-]
What can I say, I love telling stories and I've dealt with bigger asshole on the internet
#59 - vetis (03/03/2014) [-]
BIG SCARY PANDA! RAWR!
#61 to #60 - vetis (03/03/2014) [-]
Wow, that's an ugly panda. Looks like it's in the awkward teenage stage. Lol.
User avatar #57 - HorriblyCrazy (01/02/2014) [-]
i want the d

anny
User avatar #58 to #57 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (01/02/2014) [-]
I want the v

agina
#50 - electraheart ONLINE (06/18/2013) [-]
look at this precious baby  uwu
look at this precious baby uwu
User avatar #51 to #50 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (06/18/2013) [-]
Hair curls .3.
#52 to #51 - electraheart ONLINE (06/18/2013) [-]
yeehh and thats not all .3.
yeehh and thats not all .3.
User avatar #53 to #52 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (06/18/2013) [-]
.3. how many of these do you have?
#54 to #53 - electraheart ONLINE (06/18/2013) [-]
.3. i may or may not have made a mascot folder of her
.3. i may or may not have made a mascot folder of her
User avatar #55 to #54 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (06/18/2013) [-]
I fully expected you to say that .3.
#56 to #55 - electraheart ONLINE (06/18/2013) [-]
you know me so well :3
you know me so well :3
#49 - electraheart has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #47 - Furry (01/09/2013) [-]
hi ^^
User avatar #48 to #47 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (01/09/2013) [-]
Hello :3
User avatar #43 - infernalinsolence ONLINE (12/28/2012) [-]
“John,” said Sherlock in a lower voice. “I give you my word. I won't touch it again.”
User avatar #41 - freakaleak (09/13/2012) [-]
ouch!
User avatar #42 to #41 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (09/13/2012) [-]
Sorry! .n. I was just clearing out some of the people I hardly talk to, feel free to re-add me if you want to :)
#32 - marshmallowsammich (01/19/2012) [-]
Hello there :3
Hello there :3
User avatar #33 to #32 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (01/19/2012) [-]
You know what you should do?
User avatar #35 to #34 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (01/19/2012) [-]
nuh uh! D:
#36 to #35 - marshmallowsammich (01/19/2012) [-]
Then wat do I do?
Then wat do I do?
#31 - LoLgenerator (09/16/2011) [-]
**LoLgenerator rolled a random image**  
  
  
╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong jewish jew ~ ~ ~  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who did nine eleven ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝
**LoLgenerator rolled a random image**


╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong jewish jew ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who did nine eleven ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝
User avatar #25 - HorriblyCrazy (08/09/2011) [-]
It wouldn't let me respond D:

I'm Destiny.
Yeah, lets go with that :)
User avatar #26 to #25 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (08/09/2011) [-]
:DD what a beautiful name!
User avatar #27 to #26 - HorriblyCrazy (08/09/2011) [-]
You're just a charmer, aren't you? :3
User avatar #28 to #27 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (08/09/2011) [-]
nah, its just my nature
User avatar #29 to #28 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (08/09/2011) [-]
good night destiny, sweet dreams
User avatar #30 to #29 - HorriblyCrazy (08/09/2011) [-]
Goodnight :) Danny
#18 - purrlikeawalrus **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #19 to #18 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (08/01/2011) [-]
DD: i see.
#23 to #19 - purrlikeawalrus **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #24 to #23 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (08/03/2011) [-]
-tackle hugs-
#21 to #19 - purrlikeawalrus **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #22 to #21 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (08/02/2011) [-]
. n . fb?
#20 to #19 - purrlikeawalrus **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#17 - ironpns **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#8 - JustMeagan (02/22/2011) [-]
Why do you want to be my friend? No offense intended.
Why do you want to be my friend? No offense intended.
User avatar #9 to #8 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (02/22/2011) [-]
no reason, im bored and wanted to make a new friend :P
User avatar #10 to #9 - JustMeagan (02/22/2011) [-]
That kind of sounds rapisty.
User avatar #11 to #10 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (02/22/2011) [-]
care for some free popcorn and chocolate?
#12 to #11 - JustMeagan (02/22/2011) [-]
Really?! Where?!
User avatar #13 to #12 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (02/22/2011) [-]
right in my van.
User avatar #15 to #14 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (02/22/2011) [-]
well fine! i guess ill just give you the free amazingness!
-gives pop corn and chocolate-
User avatar #5 - grimendirt (01/23/2011) [-]
who is this
User avatar #6 to #5 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (01/23/2011) [-]
no one, someone called you taylor once in a comment so i called you taylor on your page.
User avatar #7 to #6 - grimendirt (01/23/2011) [-]
oh that was the op muh friend.
#2 - sqwishi **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #3 to #2 - HailtotheKing ONLINE (11/10/2010) [-]
-huggle-
#4 to #3 - sqwishi **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
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