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Rank #2839 on CommentsLevel 201 Comments: Comedic Genius
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Hail to the king, baby
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|#37 - So the one that always comes to mind is the succubus encounter… [+] (1 new reply)||03/12/2014 on DnD||+2|
|#35 - Alright, D&D story time. So for the first charac… [+] (2 new replies)||03/12/2014 on DnD||+3|
#37 - HailtotheKing (03/12/2014) [-]
So the one that always comes to mind is the succubus encounter.
We heard rumors of a female wizard living in the sewers below the city and slowly building an army of male zombies that she had abducted. We follow a few tips and head down into the shit filled and rat infested plumbing system of an entire town. Needless to say, we got a few bad status effects with it and the entire party, even the healer, got so violently sick that we considered just going back to the town medic. However as we approached the end of the pipeline we finally catch a glimpse of the lair of the succubus.
She was this short she-devil that sat in a giant chair composed entirely of still living male slaves to do her bidding. Once she see's us (covered in our own vomit and shit, mind you) she sends half a dozen guys to come and kill us. As the approach I stand up from my chair, slam my hands down on the table, look at my Dom and say the most important sentence of my D&D career.
"Goddess of Gambling I call on you, give me your luck to fuck the succubus!"
The table went silent for a second. They looked at me then at our DM. He pointed at my dice and let me roll. Fucking 20. He just stared at me for a second then like nothing happened at all he just went on describing the current scene.
"You leap across the room over the shambling male townsfolk and grab the succubus by her throat. Instead of snapping it you throw her to the ground and lift her hips into the air and insert your giant orcish cock into her while your other friends fight around you."
This went on for seven rounds. Each time it was my turn he made me describe in graphic detail what was happening and by the end of it I was just writing erotica for this guy.
Now once everyone was done fighting the zombies I was still giving the ol' two handed staff of pleasure to the demon bitch. We didn't have to kill her so we got bonus gold for turning her in alive.
TL;DR- I fucked a succubus while zombies were killed around me.
|#20 - I like my own but that's just because I write like I talk. Bas… [+] (1 new reply)||03/11/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met||0|
|#18 - I think I might just abandon this one and start a new. This st… [+] (4 new replies)||03/11/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met||0|
|#13 - Is this one good enough to keep going? [+] (4 new replies)||03/10/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met||+3|
|#9 - Picture [+] (1 new reply)||03/10/2014 on Good Questions||0|
|#8 - If people like it I'll keep going. If not I guess I'll just ab…||03/10/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met||+1|
|#7 - You know, writing this I kind of realize that it doesn't sound…||03/10/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met||0|
|#4 - You know how you just kind of ****** that all peo… [+] (6 new replies)||03/10/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met||+19|
|#3 - Please do let me finish before you call me names. The… [+] (1 new reply)||03/10/2014 on The dumbest person I ever met||+7|