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Goatmanlll  

Rank #2728 on Subscribers
Goatmanlll Avatar Level 273 Comments: Ninja Pirate
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Last status update:
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Personal Info
Gender: male
Age: 20
Date Signed Up:9/30/2010
Last Login:5/12/2013
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#17474
Highest Content Rank:#613
Highest Comment Rank:#169
Content Thumbs: 19024 total,  21922 ,  2898
Comment Thumbs: 7325 total,  8363 ,  1038
Content Level Progress: 2.4% (24/1000)
Level 219 Content: Comedic Genius → Level 220 Content: Mind Blower
Comment Level Progress: 25% (25/100)
Level 273 Comments: Ninja Pirate → Level 274 Comments: Ninja Pirate
Subscribers:27
Content Views:552038
Times Content Favorited:1241 times
Total Comments Made:4687
FJ Points:28154
Hey guys. I'm Piers. Some of my content has gotten on the front page once or twice. Lately I've devoted my time on the pony threads, so I have been lagging when it comes to posting. When I do post, I post amusing NSFW content.

latest user's comments

#191074 - Picture 09/03/2012 on Anime & Manga - anime... 0
#191066 - **Goatmanlll rolls 827,031,631** 09/03/2012 on Anime & Manga - anime... +6
#228 - U MUST LIK DIS  [+] (1 new reply) 09/02/2012 on Goatmanlll's profile 0
User avatar #229 - chewythewolftwo (09/02/2012) [-]
I LOVE YOU 5EVR MAN, 5FUCKINGEVR. BECAUSE IT'S MOAR DEN 4EVR
#226 - IT IS MAN  [+] (3 new replies) 09/02/2012 on Goatmanlll's profile 0
User avatar #227 - chewythewolftwo (09/02/2012) [-]
I CRY EVERTIM
User avatar #228 - Goatmanlll (09/02/2012) [-]
U MUST LIK DIS
User avatar #229 - chewythewolftwo (09/02/2012) [-]
I LOVE YOU 5EVR MAN, 5FUCKINGEVR. BECAUSE IT'S MOAR DEN 4EVR
#224 - I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING!  [+] (5 new replies) 09/02/2012 on Goatmanlll's profile 0
User avatar #225 - chewythewolftwo (09/02/2012) [-]
I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE WERE.
THIS IS SAD, MAN.
User avatar #226 - Goatmanlll (09/02/2012) [-]
IT IS MAN
User avatar #227 - chewythewolftwo (09/02/2012) [-]
I CRY EVERTIM
User avatar #228 - Goatmanlll (09/02/2012) [-]
U MUST LIK DIS
User avatar #229 - chewythewolftwo (09/02/2012) [-]
I LOVE YOU 5EVR MAN, 5FUCKINGEVR. BECAUSE IT'S MOAR DEN 4EVR
#6638 - Test 08/31/2012 on Animated GIFs - funny... 0
#6637 - Picture  [+] (1 new reply) 08/31/2012 on Animated GIFs - funny... 0
#6638 - Goatmanlll (08/31/2012) [-]
Test
#5 - Picture 08/30/2012 on 9FAG 0
#6477 - Picture 08/30/2012 on Animated GIFs - funny... +1
#91 - ... I just... I just can't anymore. 08/30/2012 on inb4 ban +9
#88 - ... The fuck are you even talking about? 08/30/2012 on inb4 ban +5
#6475 - Why did I get contacted about this? 08/30/2012 on Animated GIFs - funny... 0
#6 - You are an idiot. 08/30/2012 on Okay, What The Actual Fuck? +1
#50 - Lol your friends death make me laugh. 08/30/2012 on DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT 0
#30 - I got that. And even that doesn't matter, you idiot. Its going…  [+] (28 new replies) 08/30/2012 on DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT +2
User avatar #31 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Are you happy with yourself? See I'm happy even without pointing out that your post was a repost, its just that the older users like me (yeah i know this account is young, its one of many I've made because of my terrible memory) we don't like to see the same stuff over and over again, honestly I'm tired of people like you "oh look at my repost isn't it so cool?" oh and you didn't want thumbs? bullshit otherwise you would have just posted a link to the original or at least sited the first to post this on FJ, thumbwhoring 101, good job, I honestly have nothing else to say unless you have some manner of Neanderthaloid comment to come back with, then i will proceed to speak very slowly for you. Guys like you are the reason why this site is declining, people who know its a repost and post it anyways rather than giving us their OC and having it be funny, and no, not all OC is funny, but some is, so it should be thumbed up only when it is, its cowardice and playing it safe to repost. Thats all I have to say to you Mr. Mongoloid.
User avatar #35 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Now, see, normally I stay out of this shit. But you, sir, are an ass. You need to sit the fuck down, take a slow, calming breath, and assess what the fuck you're doing here, spending your time with these long-winded replies to a stranger online, all in defense of this post having been on this website before.

Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #38 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
right then, i quit, obviously everyone on this site is willing to bitch about reposting, but no one is willing to put themselves out there and actually do anything about it, i realize pointing out that its a repost isn't much of doing anything, but its something at least, so let the red thumbs flow, honestly i could give a shit.
User avatar #49 - shrike (08/30/2012) [-]
you like penis
User avatar #52 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
so does you mother, many many penises
User avatar #41 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
The red thumbs are there because you followed up your one-word comment with a bunch of shitty paragraphs about useless bullshit.

Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #33 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
Is about to get married, still on website arguing about whether something is a repost or not.

looks like someone needs to grow up
User avatar #36 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
im not arguing whether or not its a repost, everyone knows it is. Maybe I've been on this site too long and its just been overrun by newfags, but i seem to remember the majority of people saying they hate reposters, so why when someone points it out do they get thumbed down?
User avatar #39 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #43 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Shut
The
Fuck
Up
You're
Not
My
Bro
Most
Of
My
Bros
Are
Dead
Semper Fi
#50 - Goatmanlll Comment deleted by Goatmanlll
User avatar #44 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Wow
That
Blows
But
You
Should
Still
Chill
The
Fuck
Out
BROSKI
User avatar #46 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Im
Not
Your
Bro
Fuck
Off
Im
Done
Bye
User avatar #47 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
K
Have
Fun
With
That
I
Hope
You
Sleep
Well
And
Get
Lots
Of
Rest
Buddy
User avatar #37 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
Because you don't lift
User avatar #40 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
i give up, have fun being a newfag
User avatar #42 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lel, i'm not a newfag men, y u cal me dis
User avatar #45 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
*lol *I'm *man *why *you *call *this?
And because your account is two days old
User avatar #48 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lel i gat banned bai pinkie pie end hed to mek a noo account men
User avatar #51 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
you should have stayed banned...
User avatar #54 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
y u do dis to me men, y u mmek me sed
User avatar #56 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
right well id love to stay and translate your retarded babel but more pressing matters are calling me

inb4 a guy is or anything gay
User avatar #60 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
*babble

And what's with all the insecurity about your sexuality, pal? You seem really defensive. One might think... but surely not... still... maybe... are you... are you a little bit... homosex...?
User avatar #59 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lol you're a faggot, no wonder you're getting married to a woman who looks like a man
#61 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
User avatar #62 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
I thought you had more pressing matters Mr "I'm better than you because I'm all grown up and getting married to my girlfriend"
#63 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
I actually have about nine minutes so I'm back and forth between getting ready to go and the computer
User avatar #32 - bloodrunner (08/30/2012) [-]
MENS ASSES.
#24 - No, you actually are a faggot. I shared this image I found yes…  [+] (31 new replies) 08/30/2012 on DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT +3
User avatar #27 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
lol i didn't mean to point out that it was reposted from another site, i meant that its been posted here more times in the past month than just about anything else
User avatar #30 - Goatmanlll (08/30/2012) [-]
I got that. And even that doesn't matter, you idiot. Its going to be reposted about fifty more times, and no one will ever care. Except a few people like you who take it upon themselves to post out the obvious point that that post is, in fact, a repost. Are you happy with yourself? I'm sure you are.
User avatar #31 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Are you happy with yourself? See I'm happy even without pointing out that your post was a repost, its just that the older users like me (yeah i know this account is young, its one of many I've made because of my terrible memory) we don't like to see the same stuff over and over again, honestly I'm tired of people like you "oh look at my repost isn't it so cool?" oh and you didn't want thumbs? bullshit otherwise you would have just posted a link to the original or at least sited the first to post this on FJ, thumbwhoring 101, good job, I honestly have nothing else to say unless you have some manner of Neanderthaloid comment to come back with, then i will proceed to speak very slowly for you. Guys like you are the reason why this site is declining, people who know its a repost and post it anyways rather than giving us their OC and having it be funny, and no, not all OC is funny, but some is, so it should be thumbed up only when it is, its cowardice and playing it safe to repost. Thats all I have to say to you Mr. Mongoloid.
User avatar #35 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Now, see, normally I stay out of this shit. But you, sir, are an ass. You need to sit the fuck down, take a slow, calming breath, and assess what the fuck you're doing here, spending your time with these long-winded replies to a stranger online, all in defense of this post having been on this website before.

Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #38 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
right then, i quit, obviously everyone on this site is willing to bitch about reposting, but no one is willing to put themselves out there and actually do anything about it, i realize pointing out that its a repost isn't much of doing anything, but its something at least, so let the red thumbs flow, honestly i could give a shit.
User avatar #49 - shrike (08/30/2012) [-]
you like penis
User avatar #52 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
so does you mother, many many penises
User avatar #41 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
The red thumbs are there because you followed up your one-word comment with a bunch of shitty paragraphs about useless bullshit.

Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #33 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
Is about to get married, still on website arguing about whether something is a repost or not.

looks like someone needs to grow up
User avatar #36 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
im not arguing whether or not its a repost, everyone knows it is. Maybe I've been on this site too long and its just been overrun by newfags, but i seem to remember the majority of people saying they hate reposters, so why when someone points it out do they get thumbed down?
User avatar #39 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #43 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Shut
The
Fuck
Up
You're
Not
My
Bro
Most
Of
My
Bros
Are
Dead
Semper Fi
#50 - Goatmanlll Comment deleted by Goatmanlll
User avatar #44 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Wow
That
Blows
But
You
Should
Still
Chill
The
Fuck
Out
BROSKI
User avatar #46 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Im
Not
Your
Bro
Fuck
Off
Im
Done
Bye
User avatar #47 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
K
Have
Fun
With
That
I
Hope
You
Sleep
Well
And
Get
Lots
Of
Rest
Buddy
User avatar #37 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
Because you don't lift
User avatar #40 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
i give up, have fun being a newfag
User avatar #42 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lel, i'm not a newfag men, y u cal me dis
User avatar #45 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
*lol *I'm *man *why *you *call *this?
And because your account is two days old
User avatar #48 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lel i gat banned bai pinkie pie end hed to mek a noo account men
User avatar #51 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
you should have stayed banned...
User avatar #54 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
y u do dis to me men, y u mmek me sed
User avatar #56 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
right well id love to stay and translate your retarded babel but more pressing matters are calling me

inb4 a guy is or anything gay
User avatar #60 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
*babble

And what's with all the insecurity about your sexuality, pal? You seem really defensive. One might think... but surely not... still... maybe... are you... are you a little bit... homosex...?
User avatar #59 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lol you're a faggot, no wonder you're getting married to a woman who looks like a man
#61 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
User avatar #62 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
I thought you had more pressing matters Mr "I'm better than you because I'm all grown up and getting married to my girlfriend"
#63 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
I actually have about nine minutes so I'm back and forth between getting ready to go and the computer
User avatar #32 - bloodrunner (08/30/2012) [-]
MENS ASSES.
#26 - imnotkickthecat (08/30/2012) [-]
#22 - K, faggot.  [+] (36 new replies) 08/30/2012 on DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT +3
#23 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
actually no, I'm not a faggot, see I'm not OP and I'm not the one reposting something thats been on here at least ten times in the past month, also i just asked my girlfriend of several years to marry me and she said yes, any argument you have from now on is invalid. Rather than being insulting, take your medicine like a big boy, you know its a repost, I really didn't even have to say it.
#64 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
LOL your logic, just wanted to make a quick note here:

-I used to be married
-I am attracted to both genders
-mfw marriage does not negate faggot status
User avatar #65 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Facts:

-Im not attracted to my own gender
-I have a girlfriend, now fiancé, that stuck with me through three years of absence, being that I was on tour.
-I have sex with said woman on an almost nightly basis, there will be nights where I'm just too damn tired from studying, work or working out to do anything but rinse off and sleep.
-Im not trying to brag to anyone, I envy most people for the freedoms they have as non military personnel, having to leave the one person you love most in the world to go half a world away for extended periods of time, often getting stuck in places you cannot contact said people is awful, but its my job, I have made a career out of it and they're paying for my college and allowing me to stay in Hawaii with my fiancé.
-Again not trying to brag, just saying the honest truth.
#28 - dreadedfate (08/30/2012) [-]
User avatar #24 - Goatmanlll (08/30/2012) [-]
No, you actually are a faggot. I shared this image I found yesterday on a completely different site, not for thumbs, but because I thought it was worth posting. You take the time out of your day to post a one word response to a post that, in the long run, doesn't matter. You think you are doing a good deed by pointing out the fact that its repost? You're not. Pretty much everything on this site is stolen from some where else, and the OC content that gets front page isn't even funny, and most of the time they are rehashed jokes. The only reason it gets front page is because it is created by one or two shitty regulars of the site that have a big following.

And by the way, what are you trying to prove to me by saying you are getting married? It doesn't make you any less of an asshole.
User avatar #27 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
lol i didn't mean to point out that it was reposted from another site, i meant that its been posted here more times in the past month than just about anything else
User avatar #30 - Goatmanlll (08/30/2012) [-]
I got that. And even that doesn't matter, you idiot. Its going to be reposted about fifty more times, and no one will ever care. Except a few people like you who take it upon themselves to post out the obvious point that that post is, in fact, a repost. Are you happy with yourself? I'm sure you are.
User avatar #31 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Are you happy with yourself? See I'm happy even without pointing out that your post was a repost, its just that the older users like me (yeah i know this account is young, its one of many I've made because of my terrible memory) we don't like to see the same stuff over and over again, honestly I'm tired of people like you "oh look at my repost isn't it so cool?" oh and you didn't want thumbs? bullshit otherwise you would have just posted a link to the original or at least sited the first to post this on FJ, thumbwhoring 101, good job, I honestly have nothing else to say unless you have some manner of Neanderthaloid comment to come back with, then i will proceed to speak very slowly for you. Guys like you are the reason why this site is declining, people who know its a repost and post it anyways rather than giving us their OC and having it be funny, and no, not all OC is funny, but some is, so it should be thumbed up only when it is, its cowardice and playing it safe to repost. Thats all I have to say to you Mr. Mongoloid.
User avatar #35 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Now, see, normally I stay out of this shit. But you, sir, are an ass. You need to sit the fuck down, take a slow, calming breath, and assess what the fuck you're doing here, spending your time with these long-winded replies to a stranger online, all in defense of this post having been on this website before.

Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #38 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
right then, i quit, obviously everyone on this site is willing to bitch about reposting, but no one is willing to put themselves out there and actually do anything about it, i realize pointing out that its a repost isn't much of doing anything, but its something at least, so let the red thumbs flow, honestly i could give a shit.
User avatar #49 - shrike (08/30/2012) [-]
you like penis
User avatar #52 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
so does you mother, many many penises
User avatar #41 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
The red thumbs are there because you followed up your one-word comment with a bunch of shitty paragraphs about useless bullshit.

Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #33 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
Is about to get married, still on website arguing about whether something is a repost or not.

looks like someone needs to grow up
User avatar #36 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
im not arguing whether or not its a repost, everyone knows it is. Maybe I've been on this site too long and its just been overrun by newfags, but i seem to remember the majority of people saying they hate reposters, so why when someone points it out do they get thumbed down?
User avatar #39 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Chill
The
Fuck
Out
Bro
User avatar #43 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Shut
The
Fuck
Up
You're
Not
My
Bro
Most
Of
My
Bros
Are
Dead
Semper Fi
#50 - Goatmanlll Comment deleted by Goatmanlll
User avatar #44 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
Wow
That
Blows
But
You
Should
Still
Chill
The
Fuck
Out
BROSKI
User avatar #46 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
Im
Not
Your
Bro
Fuck
Off
Im
Done
Bye
User avatar #47 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
K
Have
Fun
With
That
I
Hope
You
Sleep
Well
And
Get
Lots
Of
Rest
Buddy
User avatar #37 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
Because you don't lift
User avatar #40 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
i give up, have fun being a newfag
User avatar #42 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lel, i'm not a newfag men, y u cal me dis
User avatar #45 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
*lol *I'm *man *why *you *call *this?
And because your account is two days old
User avatar #48 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lel i gat banned bai pinkie pie end hed to mek a noo account men
User avatar #51 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
you should have stayed banned...
User avatar #54 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
y u do dis to me men, y u mmek me sed
User avatar #56 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
right well id love to stay and translate your retarded babel but more pressing matters are calling me

inb4 a guy is or anything gay
User avatar #60 - TonHyukOTP (08/30/2012) [-]
*babble

And what's with all the insecurity about your sexuality, pal? You seem really defensive. One might think... but surely not... still... maybe... are you... are you a little bit... homosex...?
User avatar #59 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
lol you're a faggot, no wonder you're getting married to a woman who looks like a man
#61 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
User avatar #62 - linkofreekthree (08/30/2012) [-]
I thought you had more pressing matters Mr "I'm better than you because I'm all grown up and getting married to my girlfriend"
#63 - kumabear (08/30/2012) [-]
I actually have about nine minutes so I'm back and forth between getting ready to go and the computer
User avatar #32 - bloodrunner (08/30/2012) [-]
MENS ASSES.
#26 - imnotkickthecat (08/30/2012) [-]
#874751 - I will lick your butt.  [+] (1 new reply) 08/29/2012 on My Little Pony fanfiction,... 0
#874777 - xxangelisxx (08/29/2012) [-]
#7 - Take this 08/29/2012 on DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT +6
#5 - K 08/29/2012 on DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT +1
#3 - I know. I didn't make this. 08/29/2012 on DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT 0
#5 - I'm sure you would.  [+] (3 new replies) 08/29/2012 on blueeyedsilverfox's profile 0
User avatar #9 - dreadedfate (12/05/2012) [-]
Banana.
User avatar #10 - Goatmanlll (12/05/2012) [-]
Cunilingus
#11 - dreadedfate (12/05/2012) [-]
#3 - No problem, lass.  [+] (5 new replies) 08/29/2012 on blueeyedsilverfox's profile 0
User avatar #4 - blueeyedsilverfox (08/29/2012) [-]
If I could hug you I would!
#5 - Goatmanlll (08/29/2012) [-]
I'm sure you would.
User avatar #9 - dreadedfate (12/05/2012) [-]
Banana.
User avatar #10 - Goatmanlll (12/05/2012) [-]
Cunilingus
#11 - dreadedfate (12/05/2012) [-]
#1 - Hows that?  [+] (7 new replies) 08/29/2012 on blueeyedsilverfox's profile 0
User avatar #2 - blueeyedsilverfox (08/29/2012) [-]
I love it!

Thank You so much!
User avatar #3 - Goatmanlll (08/29/2012) [-]
No problem, lass.
User avatar #4 - blueeyedsilverfox (08/29/2012) [-]
If I could hug you I would!
#5 - Goatmanlll (08/29/2012) [-]
I'm sure you would.
User avatar #9 - dreadedfate (12/05/2012) [-]
Banana.
User avatar #10 - Goatmanlll (12/05/2012) [-]
Cunilingus
#11 - dreadedfate (12/05/2012) [-]
#6358 - Picture  [+] (1 new reply) 08/28/2012 on Animated GIFs - funny... +7
User avatar #6474 - eatinyojello (08/30/2012) [-]
ummm wat and sauce?
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#350 - genericho **User deleted account** (01/30/2013) [-]
#348 - Goatmanlll (12/13/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#347 - Goatmanlll (12/11/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #311 - jklbnm (11/30/2012) [-]
Gwame
User avatar #310 - jklbnm (11/30/2012) [-]
Gwumps
User avatar #312 to #310 - Goatmanlll (11/30/2012) [-]
Hwat about em?
User avatar #313 to #312 - jklbnm (11/30/2012) [-]
They're grump
User avatar #314 to #313 - Goatmanlll (11/30/2012) [-]
And not so grump.
User avatar #315 to #314 - jklbnm (11/30/2012) [-]
Together they are both Game Grumps
User avatar #316 to #315 - Goatmanlll (11/30/2012) [-]
Sometimes they are in their own corners.
User avatar #317 to #316 - jklbnm (11/30/2012) [-]
Then both fight in a tournament only using their wits
User avatar #318 to #317 - Goatmanlll (11/30/2012) [-]
>Gum gamps
>wits
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#309 - Goatmanlll (11/08/2012) [-]
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User avatar #308 - Goatmanlll (11/06/2012) [-]
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!



PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
User avatar #307 - felinescrotum **User deleted account** (10/16/2012) [-]
**felinescrotum rolled a random comment #891050 posted by airguitar at Item Discussion ** :
Selling TANG FISH for 35 limes each!
User avatar #288 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
y u so ghey ?
#289 to #288 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
y u so pretty?

Also, don't tell me you wouldn't do this guy.
User avatar #290 to #289 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
:3 aaww shucks
6/10 would bang
how are you ?
User avatar #291 to #290 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
Pretty good. Hanging out with a friend today. Haven't seen her in a while.
User avatar #292 to #291 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
ahh had fun ?
User avatar #293 to #292 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
She is coming over in 3 hours. So I have plenty of time.
User avatar #294 to #293 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
so tell me more about yourself ...
User avatar #295 to #294 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
Oh, um, well, I'm a gamer from birth. And not just video games, I've played every nerdy thing possible. Uuuh, I used to do game revues for a newsletter till it went under. I enjoy reading, movies, animation, and science fiction stuff.
User avatar #296 to #295 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
i play ALOT of games but not enough to be called a gamer , i really enjoy reading aswell what kind do you like ?,and what kind of movies do you prefer ?
User avatar #297 to #296 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
Fantasy and Science-Fiction, mostly. I enjoy Ray Bradbury's work, and I've read everything by J.R.R. Tolkien.
User avatar #298 to #297 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
ahhh im not into that kind of stuff , mostly murder mysteries , asl ?
User avatar #299 to #298 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
What is this, omegle? 20, male, Virginia
User avatar #300 to #299 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
no i just like asking , it gets weird when you talk to someone and you find out in the end there completely the opposite of what you though they would be :)
User avatar #302 to #300 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
What is YOUR asl?
User avatar #303 to #302 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
i never said cuz you never asked :)
15/f/pakistan (thats where im from not where i live )
User avatar #304 to #303 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
Parents in Foreign Service?
User avatar #305 to #304 - dingdongsingsong (10/15/2012) [-]
lol wut ? :D
User avatar #306 to #305 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
I unno!
User avatar #301 to #300 - Goatmanlll (10/15/2012) [-]
Its fine, I get it.
#284 - Robrey (10/07/2012) [-]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
User avatar #285 to #284 - Goatmanlll (10/07/2012) [-]
Thanks, slut.
#280 - Robrey (10/07/2012) [-]
I KNOW IT'S LATE BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY
User avatar #279 - fjponythread (10/06/2012) [-]
Happy Birthday
User avatar #278 - zameckis (10/06/2012) [-]
may today will be a happy day for you

and rejoice, for your birth time
User avatar #277 - goldenkirby **User deleted account** (10/06/2012) [-]
Happy birthday
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