I get very depressed a lot of the time, I literally cry myself to sleep most nights dwelling on these few reasons.
I have a fiance I rarely ever see, once or twice is week tops if I am lucky. She has many excuses not to visit me, and whenever I offer to walk to her house, she gives me many excuses not to. We used to live together until my mother would no longer let her live with me. Even when we lived together she would leave home for days, even a week at a time to stay with her family and help them do stuff they apparently cannot do on their own. She'd always have reasons to spend another night there and not come home. So this has been going on for years, it's just at it's worst now.
Speaking of my mother... I have a mother who I still unfortunately live with because I have been out of work for 3 years, but luckily finally found a job, but now my mom is complaining that they don't give me enough hours, she's never happy. I am the closest thing my little brother has ever had to having a father figure, I raised him from birth. I even dropped out of high school partially to raise him because my mother worked nights, and slept during the day (and was using meth back then). He would scream if I tried to stop him from doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing, and my mother would wake up mad at me and tell me that I make him scream on purpose just to wake her up, then she would take him into her room and close the door to give him a nap. I'd overhear her angrily telling him that he's an only child and that I don't love him. I used to just sit in the living room alone and cry.
I honestly have no friends, the associates I currently have I rarely ever see or talk to. They only come around either when they need something or when I am the absolute last person they have to chill with. I call myself their "last resort" friend, because that is exactly what I am. I wish I had a last resort friend. My only real friend is my fiance who now also doesn't feel like a friend anymore. I am to the point of loneliness in my life that I want to break up with her and tell all of my associates to ****
themselves and never talk to any of them ever again.
Half of the time I hate myself because I am such a piece of ****
that no one loves me. It kills me to know that even my own mother thinks negatively of me. I tell her I love her, she is annoyed by me, she ignores me most of the time. Whenever she does talk to me she's disrespecting me or complaining.
Ran out of characters.