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Erotic Potatoe

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Submitted: 08/17/2013
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User avatar #3 - zestyfiesta (08/17/2013) [+] (4 replies)
>I once summoned a Daedric Lord to fight for me
>Fighting Draugar outside Windstad Manor
>Kill everything, decide to go inside, my Daedric Lord follows
>Find my housecarl wearing one of my Dwemer Helmets
>Bard singing away as my son is eating in the dining hall
>No big deal, decide to just talk to my housecarl, ask him to buy things, etc.
>Leave to do something else, completely forgot what it was
>Return a few days later, seemed like a normal day
>Walk into my armory, see my Daedric Lord smithing something
>Watch him for a good 5 minutes
>Decides he's done, yells "A challenger as appeared!"
>Runs out of room, kills my bard as she's singing, runs back into the room, and starts smithing again
#13 - Welshhobo (08/17/2013) [+] (8 replies)
Brb, getting the rights for a sitcom. I'm thinking "Everyone loves Dovahkiin" or "Two and a half Mer"
#26 - europe (08/17/2013) [-]
>about to be executed
>dragon attacks
>escape from the attack into a keep
>followed by a fellow prisoner with the most horrifying face of all time
>he must want to help me
>unbind him
>he won't stop punching me
>he helps kill some imperials, he can't be all bad
>spend entire time punching and stabbing me, gets an axe, hacks up my flesh
> **** it, I've dealt with worse soldiers
>make our way out
>recommend he visit my sister in riverwood, she can help him out
>he knocks me over the head with his axe until I double over in pain
>get up later, he's gone
>go to riverwood
>entire town slaughtered by axe-wielding psycho
>what have I done
User avatar #4 - lolerbot ONLINE (08/17/2013) [+] (13 replies)
This was in Fabe, not skyrim, but still related
> Be near endgame
> Have house in Barrowstone
> Have wife in Barrowstone
> Find much better house in oakvale
> buy it, go to sell house in barrowstone
> Cant sell house because wife lives there.
> Cant figure out how to get wife to other house
> Getting really pissed off cause i need the money from selling my house
> find my wife, kill her
> sell house
> Go to oakvale
> Get new wife
> a few minutes later, im upgrading my house
> suddenly, barrowstone wife comes through door
> screams "You filthy man! I ought to tear them right off!"
> Im like WTF? so i head back to barrowstone
> find dead woman in my house, same player model as wife
> oh **** i killed the wrong person
> Go back to oakvale, find that Oakvale wife and Barrowstone wife are fighting it out
> Slaughter them both
> Sell house
#55 - ericbeagles (08/18/2013) [+] (6 replies)
>Be me, playing Skyrim for the millionth time   
>Go to Bleak Falls, raid the 						****					 out of it, collect so much crap that I'm very near to being over-encumbered   
>Go to smith in Riverwood in order to sell the assortment of random guff I'm carrying   
>Pan round to the Blacksmith's face, hit E accidentally and pick up an iron ingot on the way round   
>"You are carrying too much to run"   
>nobiggienexttotheblacksmith.jpg   
>Engage him in conversation, just about to sell my stuff, when he suddenly looks directly upwards, fists raised, screaming something like "You'll never leave here alive"   
>						********					.jpg   
>Turns out a dragon has just landed on his roof and the entire town has assembled to battle it   
>Me, still being over-encumbered, can't do anything   
>The dragon gets killed after what seemed like hours of random NPCs having a round of fisty cuffs with it   
>Assume the smith will come back to where he's supposed to, and I'll be able to sell my stuff 						*******					 finally   
>He walks almost into my reach, then turns on his heel, and jogs off into the distance, heading towards the river   
>Never see him again   
I haven't played that 						*******					 game since
>Be me, playing Skyrim for the millionth time
>Go to Bleak Falls, raid the **** out of it, collect so much crap that I'm very near to being over-encumbered
>Go to smith in Riverwood in order to sell the assortment of random guff I'm carrying
>Pan round to the Blacksmith's face, hit E accidentally and pick up an iron ingot on the way round
>"You are carrying too much to run"
>nobiggienexttotheblacksmith.jpg
>Engage him in conversation, just about to sell my stuff, when he suddenly looks directly upwards, fists raised, screaming something like "You'll never leave here alive"
> ******** .jpg
>Turns out a dragon has just landed on his roof and the entire town has assembled to battle it
>Me, still being over-encumbered, can't do anything
>The dragon gets killed after what seemed like hours of random NPCs having a round of fisty cuffs with it
>Assume the smith will come back to where he's supposed to, and I'll be able to sell my stuff ******* finally
>He walks almost into my reach, then turns on his heel, and jogs off into the distance, heading towards the river
>Never see him again
I haven't played that ******* game since
User avatar #20 - McBalls (08/17/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Except this isn't yours, dickbag.
www.funnyjunk.com/text/4457712/Skyrim+Family+Values/
#22 - goldfangz ONLINE (08/17/2013) [-]
my stupid kids never find anything.

one time my son gave me clothes as a present

i was like ''what are you implying?''
User avatar #10 - bestestname (08/17/2013) [-]
>Kill Morokei
>Put mask on
>Oh god the stench
#1 - manbearpiglet (08/17/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Pic related to title.
User avatar #37 - foelkera (08/18/2013) [+] (15 replies)
I think one of my mods might've glitched my game
>Own mansion with all sorts of cool **** in it
>Mannequins with armor and stuff on them
>Get Dark Brotherhood armor, put it on mannequin
>Rest in bed
>Wake up
>Mannequin is AT THE FOOT OF THE ******* BED
>Delete save, start new game from scratch
User avatar #14 - ajperry (08/17/2013) [+] (3 replies)
So you're a werewolf with a vampire companion? Seems legit.
User avatar #19 to #14 - kylewkelly **User deleted account** (08/17/2013) [-]
I am too. I prefer the werewolf perks and Serana's a tough bitch.
User avatar #39 - ZalgotheImminent (08/18/2013) [+] (2 replies)
I do enjoy Serena's existence.

Mostly because her voice actress also voices Lust from FMA and Brotherhood, along with Maka from Soul Eater, and Julie Farkas in New Vegas.
#77 - bobistheshit (08/18/2013) [-]
Damn, talk about some domestic problems.
#56 - yugzer (08/18/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Dovakiin
#11 - strooz (08/17/2013) [+] (4 replies)
Potato*
#69 - jackknapp (08/18/2013) [-]
Seen it before, but god damn is it funny every time.
User avatar #28 - smittywrbmnjnsn (08/17/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Do all these mechanics actually work in Skyrim?
Does the daughter get sad when the pet dies?
Does your wife get angry when you walk with another girl?
User avatar #34 to #28 - TehGirman (08/18/2013) [-]
I'm not sure about the wife thing, but this one time, my son adopted a pet skeever, and later I wanted him to adopt Meeko, but he already had the skeever, so I murdered it with my bow and he got pissed at me.
User avatar #72 - theverylonghorn (08/18/2013) [+] (4 replies)
I played the hell out of Fallout but I wasn't able to get very far into Skyrim due to lack of spare time. Do you get kids somewhere in the game or is it a mod?
#74 to #72 - lordpancake ONLINE (08/18/2013) [-]
I'm pretty sure it comes with the game (Not dlc either). You just need a house and set up a kids room. Then you go to an orphan, certain ones, and take them in.
User avatar #31 - Nihatclodra (08/18/2013) [-]
Dovahkiin would make for an interesting Jerry Springer episode.
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