I bet you have it worse, but fuck you.
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Today, let me tell you about today. Today I woke up and showered as usual but had to skip breakfast because I was running a little late for work and had to stop at the dry cleaners beforehand. As is my custom I put in a lip before heading out. I have two water bottles, one has water and the other is my spitter. You can see where this is going, I get out of the dry cleaners and realize I'm late for work, speed off, in my hurry I spit my chew spit into my drinking water *God Damn It*! No biggie, but then I go full potato mode and pick up the other bottle, forgetting it was my spitter, and without looking at it, take a nice big swig. Already feeling nauseous from not eating breakfast I pull into the parking lot at work and eject last night's ribs, beans, and rice at blinding speeds onto the asphalt. Fast forward a couple of hours, I'm standing in the kitchen mixing a giant kettle of soup, just waiting for it to simmer down until it's ready to be stored. A few of my managers are in there talking, but there's this new one, she's a 5'5" elephant with the voice of what I imagine would be a teenage gerbil going through puberty, weighing in at 190 lbs easy. She's spent the last 10 minutes standing there talking about nutrition and all of these "Juice cleanses" she's been doing. All while working on her 3rd Danish, yes 3rd!!!! I'm slowly dying on the inside, starving, and about to loose my ****, like excuse the bad pun ma'am, but no one seems to be addressing the elephant in the room. At which point the whale said, "they don't seem to be working, I haven't seen a difference yet" I promptly excused myself to the restroom where I laughed so hard I threw up again. I hate people, I hate my job.****