Dear Mr. Newell, or any of the equal staff at Valve, or third party resume handlers,
I have been a fan and admirer of Valve since I first played a small demo called “Half-Life: Uplink” several years back, and now would jump on any opportunity for employment, at all. Period. This includes, but it not limited to janitorial work, receptionist, living dartboard, etc.
But in all honesty, my skills might be squandered if I was put into anything other then Information Tech, such as networking, computer/Server Hardware Diagnostics and repair, server maintenance, headcrab removal, and cable running. I have experience in nearly all tech fields, and have extensive experience with Windows OS and Mac OS X, as well as Linux to a lesser extent.
For the things that I don’t know, I make an effort to learn, quickly and efficiently. I honestly think I could make a worthwhile addition to the Valve “team”, as I know your games, I love your services, I’ve taken more then one tour of your offices, I know the layout, I know where you office is and its windows, and I would love to contribute anything to Valve that would benefit it.
I live locally in ---------, so if you want a live interview, or something like fast food delivered, then for me to leave, that's completely doable.
If you would like any further info, a joke, or simply to say “Don’t ever apply again. Just don’t.”, feel free to contact me, I’m available for phone calls at any reasonable hour, and of course email all the time.