Things I want to yell in public with the most serious look on my face.
Uh oh does know a good abortionist. I don't want my jeans to stay pregnant.
I'm scared that if my nipple itches too much I am going to scratch it off.
Guess where this pen has been. Hint don't put it in your mouth.
I shaved my balls who want to feel 'em.
I think everyone in this room would make a fantastic pornstar, lets make our own orgy scene...NOW!
and then I'm escorted off the property.
Replace public with family reunion, reread, then laugh.