my cape!?

>go to britain on vacation
>go to see harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2 at the london premiere by myself
>sit in the back so I don't have to be near anyone
>the whole place fills up and I'm surrounded by chavs and their horrible screeching girlfriends
>try not to make eye contact but one of them notices me
>try to pull my trenchcoat up over myself so he can't see me
>spaghetti falls out of my pocket
>he starts laughing
>OI WHAT IS THIS ***** , YOU DAFFY **** ? GLOBBER ROPES? WHO BRINGS GLOBBER ROPES TO THE GIANT TELLY NELLY? SOMETHING BLOODY WRONG WITH YOU INNIT?
>slaps my face
>his friends are laughing and the girls are laughing and throwing things at me
>bend down to try to scoop up the spaghetti with my hands
>one of them kicks me in the face
>lose consciousness
>wake up at 3:20am in the theater bleeding from my ears
>clothes are totally wet and stink
>they spilled afternoon tea on my cape while I was unconscious