Picture This

> Earth receives a transmission from an advanced alien race
> They tell us where and when they'll be landing
> People from all over the planet travel to said destination
> Those that can't gather around their televisions to watch with anticipation
> The aliens land, their leader walks out of the spacecraft
> Says "Did you know asains can actually read minds?"
> Advanced alien race is Anon

I have more if anyone wants em

Matt Groening has been trying to tell us all this time.

I'd like to thank everybody that has thumbed my content! It means a lot to me. It's stupid, but if anybody can derive joy from my lame sense of humor, I'm happy.

Excuse me, could you spare a moment for the forerunners?

>Be me a few years ago
>Jehova's Witnesses have been coming to my house regularly for a while now
>I'm fucking sick of them
>Being beta as fuck, I always make up some excuse as to why I can't talk to them at that moment and apologize
>Need a way to get rid of them without being a dick
>Bake a cake and write a huge "NO" on it in red icing
>Next day, there's a knock on the door
>Get my cake ready and open door
>"Excuse me, do you have a moment to spare for Jesus Christ?"
>Hand them the cake
>Slam the door in their faces
>They never come to my house again

>alien race comes out of spaceship
>start shooting with high tech alien weaponry
>people start running in fear
>they capture one and hold them up so everyone can see
>he yells "what do you want from us?"
>in a crackled voice they say "im gonna need about tree fiddy"
>the alien race was eight stories tall and from the paleolithic era

I'd just like to make a quick apology. I didn't know the "spare a moment for Jesus Christ" thing was exclusively a Jehovah Witness thing. I thought it was a Christian thing. Sorry for my ignorance about religion.

I am mormon and i find this fucking hilarious.

I saw, 'advanced transmission', and thought instantly about cars...


I spend too much time in the shop...

Mfw tag and adequate asses

> The aliens land, their leader walks out of the spacecraft
> Says "I need about three fiddy"
> Advanced alien race is the Loch Ness Monster

>Mormons
>advanced

Just think about it, if there is a God, and he made us in his image, then who made aliens? I just.... get a huge headache thinking about this stuff, man. Also, who created God? I mean, if he does exist, what was there before he came along? Was everything just a huge black space? Fuck. The migraines, man. The fucking migraines.

> about 2 months ago
> walking in school hallway
> Jesus freak 6/10 walks up to me
> "Here, take this"
> me: "What is it?"
> Jesus: freak " It is the book of john, you should read it."
> she did not know I went to a catholic school
> me: "I have already read it, broken it down, and seen what it all is"
> Jesus freak: "Well, this book also breaks it down so somebody like you could understand it"
> AWWW HELL NAW!
> me: "Ok then, I'll look at it"
> Jesus freak: "good! here it is!)
> hands me the book
> I throw it on the ground
> MFW

Could you spare a moment for The Data Integration Thought Entity?

FIRE GIANT BOOB-NIPPLE GUN!

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