My Confession

This will get thumbed down most likely, I guess it's just something I have been holding in for a long time. I am 21 and currently live with my Dad, and I visit my Mom once in a while. Here's the thing, I have no friends, not a single person I can turn to and trust, I have friends on Facebook from high school, but I never talk to them. I never go out on weekends, I sit at home on my lap top, or my x box, all day, I have no job, though I do umpire, but at the end of the day I'm still alone.

See after high school everyone who was my friend, though there weren't very many, due to the fact that I was very socially awkward, a captain of my football team because of how well I played, yet the rumours about me swirled around school because of things I did, things I'm not proud of. I'm on a fastball team now, I have fun when I'm there, I'm the pitcher and probably the best player on the team, the guys think I'm decent enough, yet aside from baseball and the occasional celebratory drink when we win, I don't see or talk to them. I had two good friends until I moved up here, one of whom was my sisters boyfriend, whom she has since broken up with and we no longer talk. The other I have known since I was four, however, he has since got a girlfriend and a full time job and I never hear from him.

This week I was visiting my mother, unfortunately it was because two of my childhood friends had passed away and I was attending their funeral. It wasn't so sad since it's been years since I have seen or even talked to them but they were brothers, both committed suicide. There were so many people at this funeral, and it upset me, it made me think of my funeral. My funeral, which will be filled with my family, and perhaps friends of my parents showing their support, no friends of mine to tell stories, nothing.

See I've been sinking into a great depression, more and more so each day, I think it started when my ex cheated on me. We were dating for a year and a half, living together, even considering marriage. Though one day it just all...ended, no warning, no reason. I got screwed over big time because of it, I spent 10 grand on this girl, and had to continue paying for an apartment for her and her new boyfriend to live in just because of how the signing of the lease was, and not to mention she knew a lawyer. Since then it's been forever downward, yet I still put on a smile every day for the only people who even care that I'm alive. My family.

Thanks to those who read this.