Said this in a comment and got like 189 thumbs. May as well upload it as content if people liked it that much.
My english teacher told us a story once. She was in a pub and this big guy, pissed beyond his face, was challenging people to fights, but they were just backing away.
Some guy comes up to him and asks "Hey, mate, can you do a 3 man dead lift?" and he said, not knowing what it meant, "Of *******
course I can!" so he asked him to lay on the floor, and so he did.
The random guy shouts "Hey, guys come here, we're doing the three man dead lift." and two other guys appear and lay on the big drunk bastard's arms and he can't move. The random guy that asked him then stand on top of him, pulls down his pants, plants his bare arsehole in his eyes and farts in the middle of his face. he was so pissed off that he was moving like the raptor from the very beginning of Jurassic Park.
When he did get up, he was so humiliated that he just walked out.