shits& giggles. not made by me. 20 Intelligent Jokes Most People Won' t Get Straight Away. 1. 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman. 2. An enginee jokes lols laughs
Login or register

shits& giggles

20 Intelligent Jokes Most People
Won' t Get Straight Away.
1. 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed
by Batman.
2. An engineer, a physicist and a
mathematician have to build a fence around a
flock of sheep, using as little material as
possible. The engineer forms the flock into a
circular shape and constricts a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite
diameter and pulls it together until it fits
around the Rock. The mathematicians thinks
for a while, then builds a fence around himself
and defines himself as being outside
5. A blonde woman walks into a bank In NYC
before going on vacation and asks for a , 000
loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there
anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says "Yes, of course. I' ll use my
Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks "A
000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is
completely positive. She hands over the keys,
as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.
They check her credentials; make sure she is
the title owner. Everything checks out. They
park It In their underground garage for two
weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the
000 loan as well as the . 41 interest. The
loan officer says "Miss, we are very
appreciative of your business with us, but I
have one question. We looked you up and
found out that you are a multimillionaire.
Why would you want to borrow , 000?" The
woman replies "Where else in New York City
can I park my car for two weeks for only . 41
and expect it to be there when I return?"
4. An infinite number of Mathematicians walk
Into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second
orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of
a beer and so on. After the tth order the
bartender pours 2 beers and says, "You fellas
ought to know your limits. "
5. What' s the difference between an
etymologist and an entomologist?
An etymologist knows the difference.
6. How can you tell the difference between a
chemist and a plumber? Ask them to
pronounce "unionized".
r, Oscar Wilde is at a public meeting where
the audience are quilting him on certain
topics. Mr Wilde is answering questions to and
fro when one audience member asks if he can
ask about any topic he wants. Wilde replies
that he can indeed, as being the master of
conversation which he is, he may talk about
any subject known to man.
Suggestions once again are being tossed at
Wilde, when the same man demands that he
speak for as long as he can about the queen.
Wilde takes a deep breath, pauses a moment,
shrugs and replies. "I' m terribly sorry my good
fellow, but the queen as you know is not a
8. A patient asks his doctor "What kind of work
do you do?" The doctor replies "Oh, I work
with kidneys." The patient responds "So do
you work in numerology or pediatric
9. The other day my friend was telling me that
I didn' t understand what irony meant. Which is
ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.
10. A banker, a politician and a teacher are
having lunch. The waiter brings over 100 after
dinner cookies. The banker immediately eats
one of the cookies, stuffing 98 more of them In
every available pocket of his clothing,
comically bulging and overflowing, and likely
inedible. The politician and the teacher eye
each other over the last cookie. The banker
pushes some crumbs over to the politician,
leans over, and says "If you can get me that
cookie, there' s more where that came from."
11. What do you get when you cross an
octopus with a cow?
A reprimand from the Scientific Integrity and
Professional Ethics Committee and immediate
withdrawal of your grant funding.
12. I invented a new word today.
IS. who is this Rorschach guy and why does he
paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
14. I tried walking up a hill without a watch but
had neither the time nor the inclination.
15. An MIT linguistics professor was lecture
his class the other day. ''In English," he said a
double negative forms a positive. However, in
some languages, such as Russian, a double
negative remains a negative. But there isn' t a
sin language, not one, in whi h a double
pm can express a negate
A voice from the back of the room piped up,
Yeah, right."
16. Know why Polish a
airplane for each flight?
es only fill half of an
Poles on the right half of the plane are
17. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most of the time, which produced an
impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail and,
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super mystic
hated by halitosis.
18. Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding
down the highway when a state cop pulls them
over. The cop walks up to the window and asks
Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were
Heisenberg replies, "No, but I knew where I
Thinking this answer is a little strange; the cop
decides to investigate the vehicle. He begins by
opening the trunk. Shocked by what he finds,
he shouts, 'You have a dead cat in here!"
Schrodinger answers, ''well I do now!"
19. There' s a fine line between numerator and
20. Today, I saw a dwarf prisoner climbing
down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I
thought: 'that' s a little condescending‘.
Views: 34494 Submitted: 06/16/2014