shits& giggles. not made by me. 20 Intelligent Jokes Most People Won' t Get Straight Away. 1. 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman. 2. An enginee jokes lols laughs
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shits& giggles. not made by me. 20 Intelligent Jokes Most People Won' t Get Straight Away. 1. 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman. 2. An enginee

not made by me

20 Intelligent Jokes Most People
Won' t Get Straight Away.
1. 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed
by Batman.
2. An engineer, a physicist and a
mathematician have to build a fence around a
flock of sheep, using as little material as
possible. The engineer forms the flock into a
circular shape and constricts a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite
diameter and pulls it together until it fits
around the Rock. The mathematicians thinks
for a while, then builds a fence around himself
and defines himself as being outside
5. A blonde woman walks into a bank In NYC
before going on vacation and asks for a , 000
loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there
anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says "Yes, of course. I' ll use my
Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks "A
000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is
completely positive. She hands over the keys,
as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.
They check her credentials; make sure she is
the title owner. Everything checks out. They
park It In their underground garage for two
weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the
000 loan as well as the . 41 interest. The
loan officer says "Miss, we are very
appreciative of your business with us, but I
have one question. We looked you up and
found out that you are a multimillionaire.
Why would you want to borrow , 000?" The
woman replies "Where else in New York City
can I park my car for two weeks for only . 41
and expect it to be there when I return?"
4. An infinite number of Mathematicians walk
Into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second
orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of
a beer and so on. After the tth order the
bartender pours 2 beers and says, "You fellas
ought to know your limits. "
5. What' s the difference between an
etymologist and an entomologist?
An etymologist knows the difference.
6. How can you tell the difference between a
chemist and a plumber? Ask them to
pronounce "unionized".
r, Oscar Wilde is at a public meeting where
the audience are quilting him on certain
topics. Mr Wilde is answering questions to and
fro when one audience member asks if he can
ask about any topic he wants. Wilde replies
that he can indeed, as being the master of
conversation which he is, he may talk about
any subject known to man.
Suggestions once again are being tossed at
Wilde, when the same man demands that he
speak for as long as he can about the queen.
Wilde takes a deep breath, pauses a moment,
shrugs and replies. "I' m terribly sorry my good
fellow, but the queen as you know is not a
subject"
8. A patient asks his doctor "What kind of work
do you do?" The doctor replies "Oh, I work
with kidneys." The patient responds "So do
you work in numerology or pediatric
orthopedics?"
9. The other day my friend was telling me that
I didn' t understand what irony meant. Which is
ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.
10. A banker, a politician and a teacher are
having lunch. The waiter brings over 100 after
dinner cookies. The banker immediately eats
one of the cookies, stuffing 98 more of them In
every available pocket of his clothing,
comically bulging and overflowing, and likely
inedible. The politician and the teacher eye
each other over the last cookie. The banker
pushes some crumbs over to the politician,
leans over, and says "If you can get me that
cookie, there' s more where that came from."
11. What do you get when you cross an
octopus with a cow?
A reprimand from the Scientific Integrity and
Professional Ethics Committee and immediate
withdrawal of your grant funding.
12. I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism
IS. who is this Rorschach guy and why does he
paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
14. I tried walking up a hill without a watch but
had neither the time nor the inclination.
15. An MIT linguistics professor was lecture
his class the other day. ''In English," he said a
double negative forms a positive. However, in
some languages, such as Russian, a double
negative remains a negative. But there isn' t a
sin language, not one, in whi h a double
pm can express a negate
A voice from the back of the room piped up,
Yeah, right."
16. Know why Polish a
airplane for each flight?
es only fill half of an
Poles on the right half of the plane are
unstable.
17. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most of the time, which produced an
impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail and,
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super mystic
hated by halitosis.
18. Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding
down the highway when a state cop pulls them
over. The cop walks up to the window and asks
Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were
going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but I knew where I
Thinking this answer is a little strange; the cop
decides to investigate the vehicle. He begins by
opening the trunk. Shocked by what he finds,
he shouts, 'You have a dead cat in here!"
Schrodinger answers, ''well I do now!"
19. There' s a fine line between numerator and
denominator.
20. Today, I saw a dwarf prisoner climbing
down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I
thought: 'that' s a little condescending‘.
...
+879
Views: 34518 Submitted: 06/16/2014
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Leave a comment Refresh Comments (186)
[ 186 comments ]
> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
User avatar #47 - jokexplain
Reply +90 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I'll be here all day working double shifts, everybody
User avatar #63 to #47 - trivdiego
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
what's the first one?
User avatar #64 to #63 - jokexplain
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
the atomic symbol for sodium is Na, and an iconic theme music to batman goes
na na na na.. etc Batman!
#65 to #64 - trivdiego
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
thanks
#69 to #47 - jasonhasnolife
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
number 9?? thanks.
User avatar #70 to #69 - jokexplain
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
there's nothing ironic about standing at a bus stop, which proves that OP, indeed, does not understand irony, as alleged by his friend.
User avatar #101 to #70 - akacitizensnips
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
people standing at a BUS stop
#186 to #70 - anon id: af979a37
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(07/04/2014) [-]
Or maybe its because Bus stops are NO STANDING zones (for cars)

User avatar #72 to #69 - theatomicflounder
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
His friend says he doesnt know what ironic means, and he then proceeds to erroneously use ironic, thus demonstrating he indeed does not know what it means
User avatar #76 to #47 - huntertde
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
The etymology/entomology one, if you please.
User avatar #77 to #76 - jokexplain
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
if you're an etymologist, you know the origins of words.
therefore, the etymologist would know that the entomologist studies insects, not language; the entomologist may not be aware of that.
User avatar #78 to #77 - huntertde
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Ah, thank you. I was thinking way to hard on that one.
User avatar #80 to #47 - Deavas
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
nobody cares you ******** cancer
User avatar #81 to #80 - jokexplain
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
do you really think that? are you sure?
User avatar #83 to #81 - Deavas
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
yes i am sure you are one of the biggest cancers of this site
User avatar #84 to #83 - jokexplain
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
k
#142 to #83 - fzjoss
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
**fzjoss rolled image**   
No he isn't and you are a faggot   
<Stick this up your ass ******
**fzjoss rolled image**
No he isn't and you are a faggot
<Stick this up your ass ******
User avatar #174 to #142 - Deavas
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Yes he is you dumb cunt. And so are you
#175 to #174 - fzjoss
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
**fzjoss rolled image**
no u
#82 to #47 - fackyazombies
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
2?
User avatar #88 to #82 - jokexplain
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
the engineer devises the most practical solution.
the physicist devises a more theoretical, and very impractical solution, which has the only benefit of being infinitesimally accurate, as a physics problem would ask you to do [the engineering solution has a certain degree of error, which is acceptable if you're an engineer];
the mathematician devises the simplest, but wildly impractical, solution by redefining what is in and what is outside, because in mathematics those notions are irrelevant to the solution of a problem.

but perhaps sciencexplain has a better way of explaining
User avatar #92 to #88 - sciencexplain
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Engineers do it practically, but also engineers have to take words literally and follow the method exactly as described with no assumptions or deductions made.
Physicists take the most impractical and awkward route that is very complex to evidence their knowledge and try and limit answers to a literally minute possibility for maximum accuracy.
Mathematicians go simple and impractical, having short equations and algorithms using imaginary numbers and all manner of ridiculous **** that it is highly impractical.

Effectively as you said, slightly altered however.
#89 to #88 - fackyazombies
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Ah thankyou, I understand, I was thinking about it wrong
#123 to #47 - twilightdusk
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I feel like I'm missing something in #3. Like, it should be a blonde joke but it seems like it's inverting that by having the blonde be smart? You'd expect a rich person to have a private garage in most places but my understanding is that parking really is that kind of a premium in NYC, and yet rich people enjoy living there. Am I overthinking things?
User avatar #160 to #123 - jokexplain
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
adding to caffeinecommissar:
the blonde bit is for the bankers to think she's stupid and be convinced they're fooling her.

the joke is simply that parking spots in New York are super rare. lofts without parking spots are still horribly expensive.
User avatar #135 to #123 - caffeinecommissar
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I think you are over thinking it.

Personally I think the reason she is a blonde is to throw the reader/listener off track and expect a blonde joke, because the first time I heard the joke it was just a person and it wasn't any less funny.
User avatar #166 to #47 - chuckbob
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Is 10 just poking at politicians and greed or something?
User avatar #169 to #166 - jokexplain
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
'likely inedible' is the key to the joke.
spending government money to bail out banks is not an expenditure that leads to economic growth [the cookies are 'inedible'], they will gobble it up and use it for risky investments, doomed to failure after which they'll ask for another bailout etc
the money would be better spent on research, infrastructure etc but they hardly get any of it
#173 to #47 - fragman
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
17 please then...
That's the one that kinda confuses me
User avatar #179 to #173 - jokexplain
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/18/2014) [-]
it's a play on the song from Mary Poppins called
"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"
User avatar #177 to #47 - rainbowrush
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/18/2014) [-]
5
User avatar #178 to #177 - jokexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/18/2014) [-]
I already answered that in this comment thread
User avatar #151 to #47 - caffeinecommissar
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I got almost all of them, but I'd like confirmation that I got them right other than explanation.

Could you confirm if this is the right reasoning for four and eight.

4 It will get closer and closer to two, but will never quite reach it and in order to save time the bartender decides that a 0.0e^∞1% of beer is an acceptable loss of profit. But I don't get why it is after the 7th guy, is it just a random number or is there something mathematically here I am missing? Perhaps sciencexplain or - if such a person exsist - mathexplain could be of help here too.

And I don't get number 16 or 32*.

*The 32 one is a joke since the ones I didn't get formed a sequence/pattern in which 32 would have been the next.
User avatar #162 to #151 - jokexplain
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
also, you didn't give me any answer for 8, so I'll tell you:
kid - knees
User avatar #184 to #162 - caffeinecommissar
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/18/2014) [-]
I appreciate the explanation, and I see that I did get the joke wrong. Still laughed so I don't mind.

Just goes to show that I am not as intelligent as I pretend.
User avatar #181 to #151 - sciencexplain
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/18/2014) [-]
Question 4 follows a pattern that, on a graph, would be a curved line nearing the horizontal x axis but never touching, called an asymptote. The bartender is pouring to meet the appropriate values, and it is referencing the sum seq(1/2x ,x,0,∞). Infinite values of x are applied to this formula: f(x)=1/2x. Infinite numbers are infinite only in magnitude, but can result in finite values because the value of each individual output can reach 0. This results in the infinite sum reaching the value of 2, being the number the bartender pours, because it is the limit of the equation.

16 is pretty complex and I can't be certain that I understand it myself, but I believe it is to do time-domain relationships. Put simply, the poles exist in 3 positions on an equation, but they can't all exist on the right side as it makes it wrong. The exponentials of the poles are imbalanced and therefore it can decay towards zero or rise towards infinity.

And that was a poor joke. Shame.
#185 to #181 - caffeinecommissar
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/19/2014) [-]
Right, I see I got number 4 right to a certain extend.

But number 16 is convincing me that my brain has been deep-fried, thanks for the explanation.
User avatar #158 to #151 - jokexplain
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
4. yeah, it doesn't matter that it's the 7th.
16. had to google it. from en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Control_Systems/Poles_and_Zeros#Time-Domain_Relationships:

relevant bits:

"Poles and Zeros of a transfer function are the frequencies for which the value of the denominator and numerator of transfer function becomes zero respectively"

all poles of the system must have negative real parts [...] for the system to be stable.

if you put real numbers on an x-axis, the part on the left corresponds to negative, and right to positive. poles with positive real parts make the system unstable; on the graph, you would see them on the right side of the axis.
#165 to #158 - caffeinecommissar
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
It is taking forever for my brain to process that, but I found a solution.
#1 - wonderboyxd
Reply +88 123456789123345869
(06/16/2014) [-]
Good stuff
Good stuff
#66 - lolzordz
Reply +27 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
jokexplain's fw
jokexplain's fw
#23 - halathehuntress
Reply +26 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
**halathehuntress rolled image** MFW I understand everyone but the first one. Can someone explain this to me?
#25 to #23 - stevehc
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
#26 to #25 - halathehuntress
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
OOOOOOOOHHHH Thanks. Here have this.
#36 to #26 - FattyMcDoogle
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Thanks for saving the thumbnail.
Thanks for saving the thumbnail.
#32 to #26 - stevehc
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
What do I do with it?
What do I do with it?
User avatar #33 to #32 - halathehuntress
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Fap. The answer is always fap.
#34 to #33 - stevehc
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Instructions weren't clear enough...
Instructions weren't clear enough...
User avatar #58 to #34 - huffe
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
roasted nuts
#103 to #25 - anon id: c931cdad
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I thought of sodium chloride when i read the joke and i was like 16 NaCl? what the ****
User avatar #28 to #25 - mathmanchris
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Damn, I was too slow xD
#53 to #23 - Sechuban
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Nah.
Nah.
#62 to #23 - anon id: 5cb58b04
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Sodium=Na
Na x 16 = Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
followed by batman = Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman
User avatar #27 to #23 - mathmanchris
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Sodium's symbol in the periodic table of elements is "Na".
User avatar #71 to #23 - uzerc
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
That's a nice roll.
#44 - nargogh
Reply +17 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Those are not jokes for intelligent people. Those are ordinary jokes which ordinary people use to convince themselves that they are extraordinary.
#46 to #44 - butakun
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Well... I'd say they're jokes for knowledgeable people. Which, admittedly, is not the same as intelligent.
User avatar #3 - thephoenix
Reply +17 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I understood all of these immediately, am I a smart now?
User avatar #29 to #3 - mathmanchris
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
If so, would you have to ask? Or is it just your need for attention that made you write this?
User avatar #112 to #29 - thephoenix
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Not really, i'm perfectly happy, your mother gives me all of the attention I need
User avatar #136 to #112 - mathmanchris
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Aren't you better than that?
User avatar #137 to #136 - thephoenix
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I was, before the accident...
User avatar #56 to #29 - aytoktonik
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
REFER TO JOKE #9
#43 to #3 - anon id: f04726e2
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
User avatar #91 to #3 - jokexplain
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
no, but I'm tired of this gig and maybe you could take it up
just kidding no one's good enough for my role
#67 - lolzordz
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
mfw this whole comp
mfw this whole comp
#129 to #67 - bobthebean
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I laughed more at your comment then I did at the content, thanks
#86 - anonomysmonkey
0 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
#95 to #86 - zacchaeus
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
you're doing it wrong. sum((1/2)^x) from ZERO to infinity is 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 and so on adding up to two
#97 to #95 - anonomysmonkey
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Ah....I see. I had the series wrong.
Thank you. I really needed this.
#99 to #86 - wizi
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
It's not a limit of 1/x, but 1/2^n, so 1/2^0, 1/2^1, 1/2^2... etc.

First few numbers as an example: 1 + 0.5 + 0.25 + 0.125 + 0.0625

It clearly has a limit of 2 that it will never reach.
#102 to #99 - anonomysmonkey
Reply -4 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
But still, that's only if we start at n=0. It says he started at n=7. so you would have to subtract the first 6 or 7 seven terms. Wolfram alpha tells me that's 1/64th of a beer.
#121 to #102 - wizi
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
uhh no, it says after the 7th order, which means the first 7 numbers, starting with 1.

nowhere does it say that he started at 1/64th of a beer.
#182 to #121 - anonomysmonkey
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(06/18/2014) [-]
No one said that you idiot. I said that in the joke he had already served out 2-(1/64th) of beer total to the first 6 mathematicians (1 beer to the first one, half a beer to the second one and so on). That would leave only 1/64th of a beer for the 7th mathematician on. Not 2.
The infinite sum from n=0 of (1/(2^n)) = 2
The infinite sum from n=7 of (1/(2^n)) = 1/64

Do you get now you ******* retard or do I have to go over all of college calculus for you?
#183 to #182 - wizi
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/18/2014) [-]
Actually, he had not served out 2 beers, the bartender didn't pour any beers until the 7th order, where he went: "I'm tired of this ****, your limit is 2, so here are 2 beers"

Go ahead with college calculus, I'm a math minor, computer science major, though this is not as much math, as it is the ability to read and common sense.
#51 - anon id: 51862891
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
The only one I don't understand is #8, help pls?
#55 to #51 - painatal
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
It's a wordplay between Kidneys and Kid Knees

Hence, Nephrology and Pediatric Orthopedics.
#57 to #55 - anon id: 51862891
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
OH, I understand now.

Holy ****, thanks, that was bothering me.
#8 - cortieboy
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Ahh... what a wonderful read.. Ironic that it took me a while to understand #9.
#9 to #8 - anon id: 15f25c76
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Care to share that one? The only explanation I could think of was that He truly didn't understand the meaning of the word Irony
#45 to #9 - goldengohan
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
you're right. bo burnham made that joke i think
#17 to #9 - inolikeyyou
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
I'm not sure but I think that he said he didn't understand it and he was using it incorrectly idk i don't even know what irony means but this is what i got out of it
User avatar #31 to #17 - zaach
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
My guess is that it's ironic to stand still waiting for something to move them instead of walking yourself.
User avatar #41 to #31 - oaaaaa
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
thats not ironic. if u want to get to a place that is 10 km away from here. u better wait 10 min for the bus who will take u there within 20min, than walking the whole way in 2 hours
#11 to #9 - akselrk
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
Yeah please explain.
User avatar #50 to #8 - tommyrapz
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/17/2014) [-]
#9, It's not ironic that they're at the bus stop. The friend is trying to explain what irony is, because the person doesn't know what it is, and uses it wrong.