shits& giggles. not made by me. 20 Intelligent Jokes Most People Won' t Get Straight Away. 1. 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman. 2. An enginee jokes lols laughs
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shits& giggles

20 Intelligent Jokes Most People
Won' t Get Straight Away.
1. 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed
by Batman.
2. An engineer, a physicist and a
mathematician have to build a fence around a
flock of sheep, using as little material as
possible. The engineer forms the flock into a
circular shape and constricts a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite
diameter and pulls it together until it fits
around the Rock. The mathematicians thinks
for a while, then builds a fence around himself
and defines himself as being outside
5. A blonde woman walks into a bank In NYC
before going on vacation and asks for a , 000
loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there
anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says "Yes, of course. I' ll use my
Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks "A
000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is
completely positive. She hands over the keys,
as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.
They check her credentials; make sure she is
the title owner. Everything checks out. They
park It In their underground garage for two
weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the
000 loan as well as the . 41 interest. The
loan officer says "Miss, we are very
appreciative of your business with us, but I
have one question. We looked you up and
found out that you are a multimillionaire.
Why would you want to borrow , 000?" The
woman replies "Where else in New York City
can I park my car for two weeks for only . 41
and expect it to be there when I return?"
4. An infinite number of Mathematicians walk
Into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second
orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of
a beer and so on. After the tth order the
bartender pours 2 beers and says, "You fellas
ought to know your limits. "
5. What' s the difference between an
etymologist and an entomologist?
An etymologist knows the difference.
6. How can you tell the difference between a
chemist and a plumber? Ask them to
pronounce "unionized".
r, Oscar Wilde is at a public meeting where
the audience are quilting him on certain
topics. Mr Wilde is answering questions to and
fro when one audience member asks if he can
ask about any topic he wants. Wilde replies
that he can indeed, as being the master of
conversation which he is, he may talk about
any subject known to man.
Suggestions once again are being tossed at
Wilde, when the same man demands that he
speak for as long as he can about the queen.
Wilde takes a deep breath, pauses a moment,
shrugs and replies. "I' m terribly sorry my good
fellow, but the queen as you know is not a
subject"
8. A patient asks his doctor "What kind of work
do you do?" The doctor replies "Oh, I work
with kidneys." The patient responds "So do
you work in numerology or pediatric
orthopedics?"
9. The other day my friend was telling me that
I didn' t understand what irony meant. Which is
ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.
10. A banker, a politician and a teacher are
having lunch. The waiter brings over 100 after
dinner cookies. The banker immediately eats
one of the cookies, stuffing 98 more of them In
every available pocket of his clothing,
comically bulging and overflowing, and likely
inedible. The politician and the teacher eye
each other over the last cookie. The banker
pushes some crumbs over to the politician,
leans over, and says "If you can get me that
cookie, there' s more where that came from."
11. What do you get when you cross an
octopus with a cow?
A reprimand from the Scientific Integrity and
Professional Ethics Committee and immediate
withdrawal of your grant funding.
12. I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism
IS. who is this Rorschach guy and why does he
paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
14. I tried walking up a hill without a watch but
had neither the time nor the inclination.
15. An MIT linguistics professor was lecture
his class the other day. ''In English," he said a
double negative forms a positive. However, in
some languages, such as Russian, a double
negative remains a negative. But there isn' t a
sin language, not one, in whi h a double
pm can express a negate
A voice from the back of the room piped up,
Yeah, right."
16. Know why Polish a
airplane for each flight?
es only fill half of an
Poles on the right half of the plane are
unstable.
17. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most of the time, which produced an
impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail and,
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super mystic
hated by halitosis.
18. Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding
down the highway when a state cop pulls them
over. The cop walks up to the window and asks
Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were
going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but I knew where I
Thinking this answer is a little strange; the cop
decides to investigate the vehicle. He begins by
opening the trunk. Shocked by what he finds,
he shouts, 'You have a dead cat in here!"
Schrodinger answers, ''well I do now!"
19. There' s a fine line between numerator and
denominator.
20. Today, I saw a dwarf prisoner climbing
down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I
thought: 'that' s a little condescending‘.
...
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Submitted: 06/16/2014
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Comments(186):

[ 186 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #47 - jokexplain ONLINE (06/17/2014) [+] (38 replies)
I'll be here all day working double shifts, everybody
#1 - wonderboyxd (06/16/2014) [-]
Good stuff
Good stuff
#66 - lolzordz (06/17/2014) [-]
jokexplain's fw
jokexplain's fw
#23 - halathehuntress (06/17/2014) [+] (13 replies)
**halathehuntress rolled image** MFW I understand everyone but the first one. Can someone explain this to me?
#44 - nargogh (06/17/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Those are not jokes for intelligent people. Those are ordinary jokes which ordinary people use to convince themselves that they are extraordinary.
User avatar #3 - thephoenix (06/17/2014) [+] (7 replies)
I understood all of these immediately, am I a smart now?
#67 - lolzordz (06/17/2014) [+] (1 reply)
mfw this whole comp
mfw this whole comp
#86 - anonomysmonkey (06/17/2014) [+] (7 replies)
The math in number 4 is off. I tried just about everything to make it work but to no avail.
The limit as x ---> infinity of 1/x is 0.
The harmonic series is divergent, meaning that the infinite sum from n=1 of 1/n reaches infinity and is not bounded by 2.
I even tried starting the harmonic series at n=7 and it's still not bounded by 2.

WHY WOULD THE BARTENDER GIVE THEM TWO BEERS?
PLEASE I'M A MATHEMATICAL SCIENCES MAJOR AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY THIS JOKE IS MATHEMATICALLY CORRECT!
#99 to #86 - wizi (06/17/2014) [-]
It's not a limit of 1/x, but 1/2^n, so 1/2^0, 1/2^1, 1/2^2... etc.

First few numbers as an example: 1 + 0.5 + 0.25 + 0.125 + 0.0625

It clearly has a limit of 2 that it will never reach.
#51 - anonymous (06/17/2014) [+] (2 replies)
The only one I don't understand is #8, help pls?
#55 to #51 - painatal (06/17/2014) [-]
It's a wordplay between Kidneys and Kid Knees

Hence, Nephrology and Pediatric Orthopedics.
#8 - cortieboy (06/17/2014) [+] (7 replies)
Ahh... what a wonderful read.. Ironic that it took me a while to understand #9.
User avatar #104 - lotengo ONLINE (06/17/2014) [+] (4 replies)
Jokexplain
sciencexplain
the first one.
User avatar #119 to #104 - lumberjackery (06/17/2014) [-]
The symbol for Sodium is "Na", so 16 sodium atoms is:

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na.

then followed by batman
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na, Batman!

it's his theme song
User avatar #4 - Stan Marsh (06/17/2014) [-]
Havent laughed this hard on funnyjunk in a long time good job op
#167 - huntergriff ONLINE (06/17/2014) [-]
schrodinger's cock. the cock can be flaccid or erect. you won't know until the cock box is open.
schrodinger's cock. the cock can be flaccid or erect. you won't know until the cock box is open.
#144 - gigglemaster (06/17/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #124 - hammerify (06/17/2014) [+] (8 replies)
The only one out of all of them that I didn't understand was #9
User avatar #139 to #124 - hashtronaut (06/17/2014) [-]
there isn't nothing to it, far as I can tell. they just said "which was ironic" and followed with something that has nothing to do with irony

that said.. I got most of these and it still wasn't funny to me.
I almost wish it was a tumblr screencap instead ffs and that's bad
#5 - anonymous (06/17/2014) [+] (7 replies)
The only people who won't get these jokes right away haven't graduated from high school yet...you can't really call those "intelligent jokes"
#20 to #19 - sudoku (06/17/2014) [-]
It is proving that the speaker does not understand irony. He is unintentionally proving his friend's point.
User avatar #138 - samnicole (06/17/2014) [+] (4 replies)
Can someone please explain number 9?
User avatar #150 to #138 - Brouwera (06/17/2014) [-]
It's not ironic at all, so the writer's friend is correct.
User avatar #107 - adzodeux (06/17/2014) [-]
18 is Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. You can either know the momentum of a particle, or the position, but not both. Heisenberg's Microscope - Sixty Symbols
User avatar #68 - thebellboy (06/17/2014) [-]
i understood most of them but they arent for intelligent people they are for people who want to tell jokes that noone knows to seem smart
User avatar #42 - MonkeyManz (06/17/2014) [-]
I signed in so i can ask someone to explain all of these jokes to me
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