right mum. . Taday, my mum staggered hame, plss drunk. When I tried tty walk her tty her raam, she shaved me away and cursed at me far being a "". She then slur
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right mum

Taday, my mum staggered hame, plss drunk. When I tried tty walk her tty her raam, she shaved me away and
cursed at me far being a "". She then slurred n ****** your mum", and informed me that my
mum Is a skank. That' s grand tty know, mum. PML
2095 8646 I agree. your life sucks (30727) - you deserved it {I EH 3)
...
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Views: 55983
Favorited: 73
Submitted: 11/17/2013
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Comments(68):

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User avatar #30 - jbgotswag (11/18/2013) [+] (7 replies)
stickied by sadisticplatypi
dude, that is such a repost, i saw it on fml
#68 - newdevyx (11/18/2013) [-]
**newdevyx rolled a random image posted in comment #17 at RIP C:/ ** i'm still wondering about that you deserved it thing. are those people retards if they think he deserves it?
User avatar #63 - kievaughnb (11/18/2013) [-]
I thumbed this in newest uploads. W00t
User avatar #64 to #63 - sadisticplatypi (11/18/2013) [-]
op here, thanks
User avatar #55 - vivapinatapro (11/18/2013) [-]
>mum
#53 - anonymous (11/18/2013) [-]
#52 - anonymous (11/18/2013) [-]
I know that my brother isn't the son of the man he calls dad, my step father. I also know that when my mother fell pregnant again last year, it wasn't his but my brother's actual father's. She aborted that child. My step father thought he was infertile until my brother came along; it destroyed him knowing he couldn't have kids, and my brother came along and all of a sudden he could be the dad he'd always wanted to be. He of course is infertile; he thinks that it's his ex that couldn't have kids, not him. My mum thinks that no one knows.
She recently threw out my step father for using a 'sexy chatroom'.

**** my life
User avatar #50 - hashtaghate **User deleted account** (11/18/2013) [-]
Lets be honest
your mother is a whore
User avatar #48 - cormy (11/18/2013) [-]
My mom talking in her sleep after she fell asleep watching TV:
... Stop yelling at me...
I DON'T HAVE ANY STICKS!
#46 - ncisagentgibbs **User deleted account** (11/18/2013) [-]
User avatar #45 - asmodeu (11/18/2013) [-]
Of course this drunk story is from Ireland..
#42 - Paczilla (11/18/2013) [-]
Of course she's drunk, its from ireland.
Of course she's drunk, its from ireland.
#69 to #42 - abomii (11/18/2013) [-]
thumbs because Price.
thumbs because Price.
#41 - pappathethird (11/18/2013) [-]
Related joke:   
   
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.   
   
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.   
   
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”   
   
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”   
   
“Well, you came home after three in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you threw-up in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”   
   
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”   
   
His son replies, “Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,’Leave me alone, I’m married!’”
Related joke:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”

He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after three in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you threw-up in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”

His son replies, “Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,’Leave me alone, I’m married!’”
User avatar #70 to #41 - abomii (11/18/2013) [-]
>Jack is drunk.
>i'm married.
>eggs.

tl;dr
#65 to #41 - professoridle (11/18/2013) [-]
Nawwwww

ᶰᵃʷʷʷʷʷ
#54 to #41 - runelh (11/18/2013) [-]
Totally worth the read.
User avatar #31 - stagger (11/18/2013) [-]
One reason why I love my username.

I get to read some stories. Some sick stories.

User avatar #34 to #31 - phosphate (11/18/2013) [-]
Lucky I get to read stories about chemistry
#44 to #34 - hairysmellyanus (11/18/2013) [-]
you dont want to know what i read.
User avatar #56 to #44 - stagger (11/18/2013) [-]
I can guess.
#29 - zastaville (11/18/2013) [-]
We have similar moms, feel bad for you
#25 - creamycheesebro ONLINE (11/18/2013) [-]
One time I was trying to help this old man who got his walker stuck, I went to go help him and he said "get the hell away from me you ******* fat **** ." This guy was at least 90 and had no hope of getting it out with his weak arms. So I just pulled the walker out without his permission and he tried to smack me across the head. Then he told me to go **** myself.
User avatar #27 to #25 - lasmamoe (11/18/2013) [-]
Did you get bit? You can't be too careful around a walker.
#24 - anonymous (11/18/2013) [-]
Handle your piss or dont drink at all.
User avatar #67 to #22 - ttennebkcajj ONLINE (11/18/2013) [-]
Just out of curiosity, why am I seeing loads of pictures like this?
#35 to #22 - sonofthedeepsouth (11/18/2013) [-]
Mussolini is receiving alot of love lately here.
#36 to #35 - soundofwinter (11/18/2013) [-]
Or I've singlehandedly posted over 600 pictures of him
#37 to #36 - sonofthedeepsouth (11/18/2013) [-]
Can't blame you. ll Duce was really fascinating wasn't he.
#38 to #37 - soundofwinter (11/18/2013) [-]
Yeah, though one thing I've noticed from doing this. I have people telling me to "keep up the good work and dedication" and others telling me to "stop spamming you ****** " and it's pretty funny in my eyes.

Funnyjunk civil war 2013
#39 to #38 - sonofthedeepsouth (11/18/2013) [-]
Just don't end up stripped and hanged upside down in Milan okay.
#40 to #39 - soundofwinter (11/18/2013) [-]
What's that you say?
Strippers wanna hang out in Milan?

and thus mussolini was never seen again
User avatar #32 to #22 - alphavsomega (11/18/2013) [-]
Why do you keep posting that same guy all around FJ? seriously?
#33 to #32 - soundofwinter (11/18/2013) [-]
Because it is the will of the people
User avatar #21 - picamix (11/18/2013) [-]
well my step mom just sort of use to get reallly agnry and argue at everyone all night and then burst into emotional tears and was really ******* anoying
User avatar #20 - greyshirt (11/18/2013) [-]
And of course this person's from Ireland.
#19 - jakols (11/18/2013) [-]
we're just collectively building up the courage to ask Angelica Merkel for more money so that we
can buy more tickets to England and take back the jobs from the polish.
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