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good story?

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Submitted: 10/21/2013
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#3 - anonymous (10/22/2013) [+] (1 reply)
maybe you should not refer to the story as a story because your in the story
#2 - darrhouston (10/21/2013) [-]
This is impressive, nice idea, but there's a few things I found a bit off. Maybe it's personal opinion, I don't know.

1. Too much happening in the intro. In the first scene, keep the story in the building, and you getting chased.
2. It's not a great idea to introduce extra characters with that much importance in the first paragraph. Leave her for the second paragraph, and embelish on her later.

Can you post the whole story somewhere when it's done? I'm interested in it.

Once again, just my personal opinion here, not actual guidelines.
#1 - acidreign (10/21/2013) [-]
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